You meet this guy who was great... at first. Everything was moving along just as you would expect and you found yourself either in a relationship with him or dating him.
He was attentive to your needs. He was always excited to see you. He wanted to do things with just you two and everywhere you went, you were inseparable. Kissing, holding hands, laughing, playing, all in your own little world and it was AMAZING!
BUT then something all too quickly happened. You don't know the exact moment but eventually it did...
He turned into a complete LOSER!
So what really happened?
Why does a guy turn into "loser" after he commits to you?
What is something you did? Are you just unlucky?
What causes a guy to do a complete turn-around just when you think everything is going great?
Today I'm going to help you understand WHY and HOW this happens by exploring three different types of guys and then will show you how to avoid ever dating and committing to a guy like this again.
So let's begin with the first type of guy.
The Comfortably Complacent "Stand-By" Guy.
This guy will easily turn into a loser because he feels he already has you and his "job" is done.
He'll go from dressing up and doing things with you to hanging around the house in sweatpants. The longer you're with him, the less he feels like he has to look good for you or anyone else.
He believes he's worked his ass off getting you and now it's HIS time to relax.
Lots of men go through a period like this especially if you were a challenge for him.
In fact - I've taught and shown many guys on how to attract a great woman like you and do you want to know the first questions they ask when they finally get you to become their girlfriend?
"How long do I have to keep it up with her? When can I finally sit back and relax? Is it always going to be this much work?"
And of course they NEVER like the answer:
Never stop doing what you did to attract her... ever!
But this guy - the "Comfortably Complacent Stand-By Guy"...
He won't settle for that answer.
He gets lazy.
To him, you were a lot of work and wore him out.
He wants to relax and enjoy the rewards of all the hard work he felt he put in to get you.
He sees attraction as a lot of work. A job. A chore.
Which is in no way your fault, that's for sure.
This guy is typically a "closet sweatpants dude" and his goal is to do whatever he can to attract you so he can quickly get back to just hanging about and being "sort of" a little lazy.
He's waiting for his time to feel comfortable, then he becomes complacent, and he's on stand-by until it happens.
Stand-by to him generally means dressing up, doing things for you, acting attentive, etc...
This guy is not to be confused or compared to a guy you would expect to want to relax a little. So if you have a few kids, work your asses off, and then he starts to forget or miss some things, it's to be expected and THAT guy is far from a loser. That kind of life is tiring from anyone.
But I'm sure you already knew that.
Moving on to the next type of guy who will turn into a loser after you start dating him...
The Rare "Easy Way Out" guy.
This is when a guy knows he can get you to break up with him by slacking off. It's his way of not taking responsibility for ending the relationship.
This is not too common because most men are just not into scheming. Especially the ones you would call a loser because...
Losers are generally lazy people. Lazy people rarely finish the scheme therefore I doubt they would attract you in the first place.
But if you do find your guy is just trying to get out of the relationship the easy way I can guarantee:
- He was not ready for the relationship so make sure you have a real commitment from him.
- He'll typically only offers immature communication when you first start to date so qualify his maturity early and learn to notice the signs.
- He may be strong on the outside be when it comes to relationships, he scares easily. Mostly because he's not sure how to make one work.
The "You're Too Much Work For Me" guy.
This is the guy who most likely fell into a relationship with you because he sincerely liked you but quickly realized you had little in common.
Another reason might very well be you're high maintenance, at least to him that's how it feels - whether it's true or not.
When you push a guy too hard (or harder than he wants) and fail to communicate with him effectively you could easily see the most charming gentlemen turn into what some women call a "spiteful loser."
You keep pushing to do more things but each time he just pulls back more.
He's afraid to tell you the truth and in this uncertainty decides to hold his true feelings in.
This will appear "spiteful" to you.
He will also grow numb except for the sad feeling he gets from not understanding you AND he fails to see why nothing seems fun with you anymore.
I've found the best way to avoid this is to be sure:
- You have reasonable expectations AND you are clear and effective with your expectations from him.
- Know your needs and what they are and communicate them to him in a way which brings him closer.
- You are happy and able to completely function as a single women first before fully committing to any man.
You can quickly learn to spot this guy by making sure HE is leading and not you. Not overbearing or demanding but leading you step by step up to the relationship and beyond.
How to avoid dating a guy who will turn into a loser.
There's no guarantee that a guy will change on you but there are ways to lessen its likeliness to happen.
First things first of course...
Asking yourself HOW it keeps happening by looking at your dating history objectively and honestly:
Where did you meet?
How are you meeting men?
Are your expectations with men a little too high at first?
Do you put the men you're most attracted to on a pedestal they don't rightly deserve?
Are you chasing men too much or do you feel YOU are always the one doing all the work in dating?
Are you fully qualifying a guy and learning about his future in a way which is attractive too?
Do you have realistic dating standards and are you sticking to them OR do you let too many things go at first? (Remember the small things will pile up.)
Are you lowering your sights or dating criteria because you don't feel good enough to do better?
Are you happy being single, why or why not?
Do you find yourself getting into relationships way too early?
Do you allow enough time for yourself between relationships or do you just jump from to the next?
Do you feel pressured to get into a relationship just because you feel lonely?
Are you afraid of being alone?
Does it scare you when you think the loneliness will never end unless you commit to you someone quickly? Like your "clock" is ticking and if you don't find someone soon, you'll never be with someone?
Do you often trust your instincts or intuitions about someone or do you ignore or look past it hoping you got it wrong? Just maybe you're thinking it's you and not them?
Do you feel you get into relationships with guys who will only prove to you they're wrong for you or in other words self-sabotaging yourself continually?
If your answers are leading you to that last one read this article I wrote: Shouldn't Getting Into A Relationship Be Harder Than Getting Out?
I knew this woman who only dates guys (consciously or subconsciously,) who will eventually let her down.
She is attracted to men who have so many great qualities but have a few "deal breakers" which most women notice quickly.
Her fear of long-term commitment (whatever they are) has her choosing those guys because she can back out easily and will always have a guaranteed excuse.
She lessens her feelings of guilt by making it easy to place the blame on them.
And so every guy she dates eventually has her ranting,
"All guys are losers. I can not find just ONE GOOD GUY!!!"
The truth of it all made me realize something very important...
If you find yourself making many generalized "limiting belief" statements about men, I can practically guarantee your dating qualification or who you're choosing to date is not functioning the best it can.
It may not be an easy fix but once you know where the problem arises you're halfway there already.
Listen... the signs are usually there that a guy will become your loser someday and unless he goes through a major transformation - chances are he will be no different tomorrow.
Make sure you're not self-sabotaging yourself and choosing men that are sort-of designed to hurt you or break up with you.
"Before you commit to another loser, know the reasons why you're attracting them and how to stop yourself from getting in another failed relationship. Know what you have control of and don't. Understand your attraction to a bad guy.
Time to focus on you, build your self-esteem, stop settling...
You're not a loser."
I knew a different women who has this down like no other and I feel with a few words from her you can learn her secrets of qualifying men.
I only wish she were still around to tell you herself.
She was extremely good at getting men to show their true colors immediately and she didn't do it using tricks or mind games or even playful little flirts.
Her way was much more effective and I suggest you do the same and you'll spot a loser a mile away.
She never over analyzed men or attempted in any way to scrutinize their every move.
She took every man at face value and demanded only the best from herself.
She held this empowering belief the choices she makes are hers and no one else.
She took full and complete responsibility for her every action or move.
If the men in your life keep turning into losers I don't feel you are doing what she was so good at.
You might be over analyzing them and stepping out of the present.
I can tell you from experience the longer you spend outside your present the more likely you are to miss those signs. They'll end up in the blind spots and can easily self-sabotage lots of your relationships.
But when you demand only the best in your life and take men at face value.
When you empower yourself the present can become the most real thing in your life and you'll quickly eliminate those blind spots and learn to spot those "so-called" losers early and you'll never have to ask why men turn into losers after you begin to date them.
Where do you go now? What are your options?
Everything you read today will help you eliminate losers from your dating and/or relationship life.
It's not an all exclusive guide but it will get you headed in the right direction... promise.
The REAL thing about men, as I'm sure most of you know - they RARELY if ever change - which is good and bad - The bad part being you'll find lots of men stuck in their lives unwilling to change themselves for the better.
The GOOD part is... that guy you met today - is the same guy you'll see tomorrow and the next day.
All his "loser" signs might be cleverly (or not) masked because he's not into showing his bad side early BUT learn to spot it early and believe it - then you can avoid or stop yourself from investing too much into him.
Here's a few solutions for you:
Learn to use your INTUITION correctly and stand by it. Here's a primer article to get you started:
You’re probably already familiar with the word. But stop right there…
When you hear the term “intuition”, it’s easy to attach all of your previous feelings and beliefs about it and dismiss it as some kind of new age “flaky” stuff. I hear you, but indulge me here by keeping an open mind for a few minutes- I’ll make it worth your while.
Well, to put it simply, you’d be cheating yourself by not spending the couple of minutes or so that it takes to open your mind to the natural power of your intuition and how to tune into it."
Learn why women often choose the wrong guy - if you're ending up with bad boys all the time and nice guys don't do it for you - read this:
"Why don’t women pick the right guys?
Or even more to the point – why do women pick all the wrong guys?
If you’ve had your heart broken, been cheated on, or find yourself giving everything you’ve got inside, to get little or nothing in return, then you know what I’m talking about.
Women don't develop a connection to the nice guy and the “connection” is the MAGIC ingredient for attraction with most women.
Which leads us to the “bad boy”!
You might not agree with me, but women DO feel that magical emotion called ATTRACTION for “bad boys”. Of course, I don't believe that men have to be jerks, or abuse women in order to make them feel attracted to them.
But women have a deep attraction mechanism that's triggered by men who behave indifferent, superior, cocky, the list goes of “bad” behavior."
Five Minutes to Improving Your Love Life – Nice Guys Versus Bad Boys by Christian Carter
This next one is really cool!!!
It's called FINDING KEEPERS.
The idea is simple.
It breaks down men (and you) into 12 core personality characteristics which you can use to match up to your perfect man.
This helps you rely on something besides chemistry to start a relationship.
You'll be able to read a man (any man) quickly PLUS you'll get a survey for yourself so you can assure you're both in the same place and COMPATIBLE too.
"If you know what these characteristics are, how to spot them in a partner and how to cultivate them in yourself, you would have the secret formula for finding and keeping the kind of transformative love that can stand the test of time and bring you great joy."
AND one page I just finished writing:
What if you're still dating a guy who turned into someone else?
Let's not call him a loser - we'll use another term for him.
Ever hear of a group of men commonly called TOXIC.
I'm sure you have and you probably want to avoid a guy like that... BUT...
What if you've already invested in him and you can't help but to make it work. The last thing you want to do is to call it quits with him.
Rori Raye built this just for you:
You'll be shown if your man is actually toxic or just making mistakes. It's good to know the difference.
You'll then learn how to stop treating the symptoms and fix the CAUSE of the issues.
Then... you can finally transform your man into the loving guy you always knew was inside of him.
It's certainly designed specifically for you.
Her idea is BRILLIANT.
Rather than change him - change the nature of the relationship and he will change after AND become more loving too because he'll enjoy being in that special place with you.
That's all for today. I do hope I've shown you some things about men (losers or not) you can use immediately in your life.
Don't forget to OBJECTIFY your dating/relationship life so you can quickly learn where all this annoying madness on dating guys that turn into losers is coming from.
(Write down those questions above and start filling them in. They WILL help you see things more clearly.)
I sincerely hope you're now on a better path to never date another loser ever again.