Why is my guy staring at other women? We cannot go anywhere without him looking and watching some girl! He claims he doesn’t realize he is doing it? He says he doesn’t even remember what they look like? I told him its disrespectful to me and I really have a difficult time seeing him react to other women the way he does. What can I do?
Men like to stare at women. I’m sure you already knew that.
Some guys just can not help themselves. It’s like they’re magically drawn to a pretty face or a sexy body.
Others become obsessed by it to the point where they don’t realize they’re doing it. Although it’s safe to assume that is rare.
If he’s conscious, aware, and you’ve pointed it out to him then there’s little chance he doesn’t know what’s going on. I also highly doubt he doesn’t remember what they look like. At least for a short time after.
First, take a moment to understand the guy you’re dealing with. Such as did he stare at you when you first met?
- Is he a very visual person? Does he watch movies just for the sexy lead star?
- Is he generally immature? Does he become addicted easily to some things?
If those or most are all true then it’s just who he is. And it’s the guy you decided to be with. Trying to change his behavior will only cause a grudge match and expect the best you’ll do – is cause him to learn how to hide it from you.
Secondly, take a moment to think about your relationship and how you feel about yourself. Such as do you believe he finds you attractive?
- What are your main reasons for finding it disrespectful?
- What do you see his reactions are? Like does he get horny? Do you think he’s saving it to imagine them while you’re having sex?
- Do you believe a man should limit his behavior when he’s in a relationship?
- Do you believe that when a man is with a woman, she must be the most physically attractive woman in his life?
- Do you think if he continues to stare he’s going to eventually leave you, for one of them – just because they may or may not be more physically attractive than you?
Once you get a handle on who you’re dealing with, a guy and ALL guys will check out other women, or he’s just being a pig, and the roots of your concerns or fears of not being attractive enough to him…
Then you may see a different picture.
The truth is men have been and always will be visually orientated and as long as the relationship is secure enough, you should not feel disrespected.
From another point of view, he may be looking at other women, but he’s with YOU. This is where the strength in your relationship comes into play.
A solid relationship built on honesty, trust, and open lines of communication means the staring is just that. A guy being a guy.
So you can take a look at where your relationship is and how strong it is. How much you trust him. How much he trusts you. And how you communicate your feelings back and forth.
Any major problems in those areas is a cause for concern beyond him checking out other girls.
Let me tell you something about MYSELF with regards to all this.
I used to be a very jealous man. When I believed women were only into looks or money or materialistic things then of course I always had a reason to be concerned when “she” even mentioned another man.
I would get upset when I heard of group of women talking about some “hot’ guy. I was in a constant state of “reaction” to anything which may have felt threatening. As in my girl seeing a man who was taller, better looking, and so on…
My reaction was always an instinct to protect my “investment.” This caused me to act needy, to become bossy, to feel, like you were, disrespected because if she wanted HIM then why the hell was she with me?
Obviously that only made things worse AND it made it harder to find a woman entirely because sooner or later she could sense my lack of esteem or confidence in myself.
Of course, when I started to believe in myself more, my skills, my abilities, and without a doubt had a few “hotties” under my belt (so to speak) I was able to maintain my composure easier.
I also learned to step back and come up with better ways to deal with the issues or the emotions I was feeling so as not to break out in a jealous rage.
This comes with time but here’s is what I learned to do.
1. I decided NO man is my competition. In your case, those women are not competing with you for his attention. When it comes down to it, you already have him. If he chooses to leave you or disrupt the relationship solely based on looks alone – well my question is – why would you want a guy like that anyways?
I have refused to compete with other men for HER attention, affection, and love because…
Functional relationships are not about beating your competition or being better than them, they are about security, trust, and communication between two people AND sometimes, the so-called competition marks another example of how the other people can never compare and often sends her running back to me.
2. When things happens I made light of it by suggesting (jokingly) how I agree with her or something along those lines: “Wow you’re right, he IS handsome. Does that make me gay? Haha!” – “Thinking threesome already? Shame on you! Haha!” – “Careful… I think he’s checking you out. Little does he know I saw you put on your granny panties this morning. Do you think he noticed? Haha!”
In your case, why bother setting up another fight because that may send him to those women. The more productive way to deal with it is to disarm the threat through humor, strength, and a solid belief in yourself to handle any and all presumed obstacles.
I have refused to let a wandering eye be more than a visual experience which more than often can be regarded as superficial and momentary. Sometimes nothing more than staring at a beautiful sunset or an intriguing painting both of which wouldn’t make the weakest self-image jealous.
To gain a more complete picture of your specific situation I urge you to consider my ramblings today, where your relationship stands, and how all this staring is either something I mentioned above or a deeper problem with an potential breakdown or grudge match to be won.
Again, it may go without saying, but ALL men stare and if they feel the need to hide it, or guard themselves against reprise for doing it, or choose to follow it through with action apart from you (beyond studying something they see as a pretty picture) – then you have reason for concern.