Nice men who are intimidated by beautiful women is a little too common.
Maybe it’s how we experience our youth or our first interactions with girls we’re highly attracted to OR maybe it’s something which slowly (and regrettably) seeps its way into our subconscious causing us to act a certain way around her or them.
However it happens, it’s definitely there.
The intimidation factor a guy feels while in close proximity is a real thing and it’s worth discussing AND being at least in some point in my life one of those nice guys 😉 I can pull from direct experiences.
She tugs on our self-esteem… makes us question who or what we are.
“Are we good enough? What would she see in me? Why would she bother with me when she can have any guy she wants? She probably wouldn’t want to be seen with me anyways.”
She tests our confidence… makes us question our experience, strength, or fortitude.
“Would we even be able to keep her? Would she eventually leave us for some hotter guy? Would we be able to please her? Could we satisfy her?”
She makes us think way too much…
“How would we even start a conversation with her? Every guy is trying to get in her pants, how are we any different? How could we be any different from them? How could we show her we’re different and want more than just a lay?”
She can also have us turning our internal negativity outwards…
“We bet she only dates jerks. Probably into money. Something tells me she’s too much work anyways. She’s only being nice because she wants to just “be friends” or wants something from us and is of course used to getting her way.”
She can also have the opposite affect by turning our outward negativity inwards…
“She’s not talking to us, she must not be interested or even notice we exist. What would we have to do to get her to notice us. I bet she’s not attracted to us, must be too ugly for her.”
So you can see there are so many reasons a nice guy (or any guy) might be easily intimidated by a beautiful woman.
It’s a long-standing belief that nice guys will put her on a pedestal so high that even if he could reach her, he’s push her higher demanding too much from himself.
He’ll actually begin to believe that he needs to treat her “differently” than other woman and by doing so, manages to make her feel less and possibly objectified.
It’s our problem as we “teach guys” that yes, they might want to treat a hot sexy model or a well guarded 10 a little differently or using the same “tactics” on her won’t work the same BUT that has little to do with attraction or more about how many times she’s being hit on daily by every guy she comes in contact.
Although most of those guys rarely ever believe it because…
We SEE who she dates.
We feel like we’re being rejected before we say a word.
We SEE every guy hit on her.
We feel like if we’re not amazingly special in 30 seconds or less, we’re not going to get anywhere.
This intimidation has the “nice guy” acting far from himself. The pressure mounts up and he either finds himself under in one of these types or all as his thoughts progress:
- Folds and cowers away sometimes in disgust with himself or beautiful women in general.
- Over-compensates with false confidence in front of her or his friends to either make her believe he can handle her beauty or in the very least, make his guy friends believe if she’s not into him, it’s because she’s a bitch anyways.
- The last “nice guy” is blinded, too determined, and a little diluted into thinking (if they’re friends) he can eventually wear her down or lead her to feel something through favors, coddling, or blind trust. Almost like he desperately tries to prove to her he’s better just because he’s nice and how she SHOULD feel something because he is a nice guy.
From all that (and more) it’s completely understandable how hard it can be to not only find a nice guy whose not so hung up on your looks, but to actually meet a nice man who you will feel attracted towards or is slightly indifferent and knows how to look deeper inside first before all the man-chatter leads him astray.
How about you? 🙂