“Plz telll when a guy plays such ignore games, how should we girls react or behave. Its so confusing. plzzz guide.
There seems to be a problem or question that keeps popping up here… Women feeling ignored and they don’t know what to do about it.
So much so it prompted me to write an entire series on the subject which you can read here: Silent Guys – Why Men Go Quiet, Won’t Share Feelings, or Ignore Women.
Let’s start with the game playing.
Honestly, the truth is…
MOST men do NOT (knowingly) PLAY GAMES.
They don’t have a greater scheme in mind.
They’re not thinking that far ahead.
They just know how to play you that way and if they could – you’d normally spot it happening a mile away… mostly.
If you think you’re being played these three articles will help you figure it out quite easily:
- Defining A Player, The Games He Uses, & Why Most Men Are Not Players
- The ONLY Way To Spot A Real Player and If He’s Using Your Body for Sex
- He Finally Asked Her Out – Signs You Have Met A Player and The Games He Uses On You
Okay, sure it happens but it’s not the norm nor is it an average guy’s goal to put so much time and energy and effort into it because when you think about…
Game playing is a lot of work.
What is really happening is something similar, at least it will FEEL that way but it’s normally a different problem altogether.
So what DO you do if you know (without a doubt) he’s playing an “ignore” game with you?
Maybe he’s doing it because he thinks by ignoring you, you’ll come running to him.
He could possibly believe the myth that “women only want what they can’t have” and so by ignoring you… he’s trying to get you to come to him or gain some “hand” in the dating process.
This is simple… IGNORE HIM BACK!
Don’t give in because you’re only playing right into what he wants and expects to happen which will mean giving up your power and setting a future example that when he acts this way – he’ll win and always get his way.
Think about your future with him – is this really the type of guy you want to date? Is this really the type of guy you’d like to marry one day?
Whenever you feel like you’re not sure about dating a guy long-term… transform yourself into the future with him and imagine what he’s doing now will only get worse.
THAT will stop you from playing along with him AND keep you from investing your valuable time on a guy who LIKES to treat others like children OR needs to play games just to get what he wants.
Walk away and don’t look back!
What to do if you’re being ignored because he doesn’t feel good enough or capable of dating you.
Early on, the women I wanted to most… I ignored.
Not because I was playing a game but because I didn’t want to be like every other guy kissing her ass and trying to get in her pants.
(Of course little did I know I was ruining my chances entirely but that’s a story for another time. Point is – as mentioned in another article – ignoring someone that doesn’t care is only doing them a favor. Will It Drive Him Crazy If You Ignore Him? The Problem of Ignoring Men)
Guys WILL ignore women they want the most because they do not feel capable (or worthy or good enough) and will either sabotage themselves or avoid her because of it.
They pre-reject themselves to lessen the pain.
Even if you manage to start talking to this guy you’ll find he is always a little distant or not responsive and it’s easy to see how you might be confused by what he’s doing to you.
But the fact remains…
He’s doing it for his own reasons which usually center around him not believing you like him or would ever want to be with him.
Unfortunately this type of guy is EVERYWHERE.
HE can even be a guy you think is good with women just because he has a natural ability to attract women.
Deep down inside this guy he is sabotaging himself constantly because he can never admit or is not willing boost his esteem high enough to get through it all AND in the meantime his ignorance or silent towards you, only has you (probably) wanting him more.
Dealing with or solving it, or knowing what to do is not easy for many reasons all starting with… You can NOT make or force someone to change themselves from within. They have to WANT to change.
Here’s what you can do…
First, do NOT treat him like a child. You do not want to over nurture him or act like a Mother to him at all. This will only make him see his efforts are working on you and he will continue doing them.
Second, do not restrict yourself to dating just him. Date other men at the same time.
“Only again proving to me, dating multiple guys or exploring our options or securing our present FIRST proves to establish better more happier marriages.”
Third, he must understand through your actions as a woman that your happiness does NOT depend on him or his mental state.
He must realize his place in the world is not only as valid as yours, but he’s also not the determining factor of YOU.
He must also feel your respect for him is unwavering UNLESS he does something to ruin that through his not-so-nice means or games. You don’t ever have to put up with his bullshit if it’s affecting you negatively.
Never forget this type of man may NEVER be turned or made to stop ignoring you or made to suddenly become someone different.
He is who he is and until he opts to change, you may never get to this guy.
You can try anything and everything on him if you’d like but I won’t guarantee the results will be satisfying to you.
My absolute gut feeling about this reason or “type of guy” , which I will warn you lacks a certain empathy, is to sleep with him if you want sex and expect nothing more than that, push him back on your schedule until he proves he is capable and willing to act differently, or erase your connection to him entirely.
In other words, seek out “better” more confident men immediately.
If you want some “instant” advice you can use here or as you wrote – how to DEAL with him ignoring you…
The pattern repeats itself:
If he’s ignoring you because he doesn’t FEEL good enough or thinks you couldn’t possibly ever feel the same way about him…
Walk away and don’t look back!
You do NOT want to get stuck with a guy with such low self-esteem that he can not even manage to do anything BUT ignore you because as stated far above… you’ll only continue to get more of the same which will eventually have you constantly trying to build him up.
Tiring you out and destroying the relationship in the end.
He will either find his way or not and that’s NOT your responsibility.
You must NEVER commit to man, give in to his games, lower yourself, or let yourself believe that he’ll get better UNLESS he’s actually taking an active role in making himself better.
Now… as noted in my free online book on men going silent let’s look at another example and see how you can handle it.
I’m hoping one of these will fir your situation perfectly.
You’re in two different modes – he might see it as casually dating and you might think it’s more of a relationship.
The key here is you’re NOT in a relationship but you might be acting like you’re in one.
This case can be a little more complicated but it comes down to something very important… something which may not have ever crossed your mind.
You’re NOT being ignored.
He’s just living his life, probably dating others, and you’re contacting him more than he cares to answer.
Perhaps he feels smothered or believes if he answers you every time you’ll believe it’s a relationship or misread that he’s ready to commit when he’s not.
This is not to say you’re pushing him away – although you could be – which is more than well covered here: #5: It’s Not Him, It’s You: All The Reasons Why You Push Men Away & Cause Their Silence. Maybe you’ll find your answer on that page.
This leaves you with these sub-reasons:
A. You’re not being ignored and you contact him more than he cares to answer.
You’re not giving him a good reason to answer.
He doesn’t feel compelled to answer and is most likely receiving several messages or calls daily from many different women.
B. He’s not (that) interested, ready, or willing to enter a meaningful relationship with you at this time and feels answering you too much will only lead you to believe he is ready.
He’s not ready to give up more of his time to you.
He’s not ready to “be” there for you under most circumstances.
Both A and B tend to be true when the woman is too needy, acts too desperate to have a relationship, is too self-centered, or possibly is living an overly dramatic lifestyle causing him to avoid most contacts.
BUT it can also happen to you IF he has only given you signals that he feels like he’s in a relationship but then again – he wouldn’t be ignoring you if that was the case.
How you can deal with this problem first starts with figuring out if it’s A or B.
If it’s A then you need to take a closer look into what, when, and how many times you’re contacting him and other guys too.
This could be a circling pattern meaning…
When you meet a guy you go into another mode or state of mind which has you acting automatically and it’s failing you. If you go right into “relationship mode” quickly after meeting a guy – this could happen a lot to you.
My advice will always be this:
When you first meet a guy – sending messages or contacting him less is always better than too much.
Too much will have these things happen to you and make it difficult to get out of where as less contact makes it easier to progress forward.
Sure you’re going to scare some guys away but those guys may not be the one you’re looking for anyways.
They tend to be in relationship mode too early on anyways and bluntly put, tend to take a feminine role leaving you all the masculine work.
A man needs to learn to miss you and think about you or what you’re doing or WHO you’re doing it with in order to begin to feel something deeper with you AFTER a connection is already made.
He needs a good reason to want to see you again.
Your interactions must be fun, powerful, and SHORT.
If this seems to be a problem for you – read this: How To Make Him Miss You Badly.
Men also need to be generally teased. I’m not saying to go quickly into giving him a case of “blue balls” but create a sexual connection early on and don’t go all the way with him.
Remember that – NEVER sleep with a man early on IF you want a relationship with him: Before You Sleep With Him, Read This!
This connection does not have to be physical but it helps and then Use THAT connection to send random messages you don’t plan on responding too.
If it’s B (he’s just not that interested) then you need to find a way to objectively look into your life, how you live it, how much you truly love yourself, where you think you are, and where you want to be.
B sucks. I know it does. Been there and done that way too many times in my past sad dating life too before I got married.
All I can say is that it IS worth doing the work.
It pays off in many areas of your life AND it has a strange side effect on your life…
Even if it doesn’t center around dating and guys and relationships, those things tend to naturally take care of themselves IF you keep putting yourself in the right positions to meet the type of guys you’re looking for.
My point is…
Do NOT make your existence, happiness, or whatever based on whether a guy is interested in you or not and you’re going to be okay.
This free ebook will help you here: Desire Principles: 6 Tricks Women That Women Use To Make Men Crazy About Them.
Beyond that ask below – tell me where you need the most help in and I’ll point you in the right direction.
This last reason is fully covered in the ebook but I’ll lightly touch upon it here.
You’re in a relationship where the communication has broken down or was never fully in place.
Going right to it… not holding back.
He might be sick of listening to you.
He might not feel heard.
He might not feel like he has a say anyways.
He might even feel like whatever he says will only cause another fight anyways so he opts to keep his mouth shut.
He chooses to ignore or be silent either out of frustration or play the passive aggressive role because it’s what he always did anyways or he doesn’t know what else to do.
There’s no simple answer for this because it falls on both of you to learn how to communicate with each other and to both be ready and accept that your relationship, if it’s going to be saved, needs some real work.
Now I’m not saying it’s your fault or his.
ALL it means is that somewhere, at some point in time – which could’ve even start before you started dating – the lines of communication between you and him have broken down.
Below I’ve included some articles a few programs to get you started. Remember they are for those of you who are already in a relationship.
From Katie and Gay Hendricks:
“These aren’t skills we “know how to do” on our own. Most of us just imitate whatever we witnessed in our childhoods.”
“Ignoring Your Loved One’s Feelings Will ALWAYS Have A Negative Effect On Your Relationship.”
Reverse Decades Of Pain And Misunderstanding And Improve Your Relationships In Ten Seconds Or Less
Learn “The 10-Second Miracle” – a powerful, proven technique that will end pretense, silent treatments, and tension, and restore the flow of good feelings almost instantly.
Relationships Flourish Or Wither In Ten-Second Windows Of Communication.
Reconnect Your Relationship – Bring Back The Loving, Supportive Partnership You Deserve.
If Your Relationship Has Stopped Moving Forward – You CAN Turn It Around.
Rebuild, Reconnect & Rekindle The Intimacy To Bring Him Close
How To Tell If Your Relationship Is “Disconnected”… And What To Do About It
1. The “Romance” Is Dead
2. He’s Less Available And Less Interested
3. You Feel Anxious, Miserable And Even Depressed All The Time
Avoid Making The Two Big Mistakes That Push Him Further Away
Written by Rori Raye. A darling woman who KNOWS RELATIONSHIPS. You can sign up for her free newsletter there.
From Help Guide. A trusted non-profit guide to mental health and well-being:
These tips can help keep a healthy relationship strong, or repair trust and love in a relationship on the rocks.
Thanks for stopping by today. I do hope you found the answer you were searching for and have learned not only the many reasons why a man might ignore you, but also what to do now to get past it all.
Most men are not players. Trust they have no clue how to play you and if they could – think about what kind of game would ignoring you really accomplish with you anyways.
It’s not really a productive game especially if you follow the advice above and just… walk away. Kind of takes away his power to use that type of game anyways.
If it’s a relationship problem – I sincerely wish you the best of luck – TRUST if you do the right thing, and take the necessary steps, AND he’s willing or open to fixing it – you can start something new and get your relationship back on track.
It IS possible.
Please go ahead and sign up below so you can really learn about men – it’s what the newsletter gives you – lots of lots of great information on men to help you understand problems like this and so much more.