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What Does a Guy Mean When He Says He Is Thinking About You?

in What Does He Mean
When a guy can not get a girl out of his mind, it means he’s more than just considering some kind of future with her.

Let’s take a look at this from the opposite perspective because it makes the answer that much clearer.

As a guy, I never ever, ever call up a guy friend of mine or text him, or for that fact even dare mention to him,

“I was thinking about you and just decided to tell you.”

With that said – When he says he is thinking about you – it means he wants to see you again…  among other things.

Like how something reminded me of you and I thought if I tell you, it’ll be a romantic gesture. It will show you I’m definitely interested.

For some guys they’re “fishing” for a certain response which would reveal how you feel.

If you answer “Awww that’s sweet.” we probably see it (unless we’re already intimate)  as being just a friend.

If you answer back with a clever flirt we assume you’re interested in being more than just a friend.

No matter how you look at this question when a guy says he is thinking about you it means he’s interested in something deeper. Of course how deep depends almost entirely on the situation.

It’s our little way of testing you, or getting you to reveal how much you miss us or would like to see again.

As a guy, under normal “dating” circumstances I don’t think about women I don’t want in some way. Maybe it’s a relationship. Maybe it’s to see you again. Maybe it’s just to pleasure myself although I probably won’t be telling you about that until there’s a deeper connection.

Men are typically action-orientated but we do think about what we’re going to do. It doesn’t mean we’ll act on it but it does mean we’re considering more. And if that includes you our thoughts can lead us  to imagine a plan for the future.

All things aside…

  • When a guy wakes up thinking about you he’s feeling more than just attraction.
  • When a guy texts you in the middle of the night to tell you what’s on his mind and it’s you, he’s looking for you to confirm the attraction.
  • When a guy can not get you out of his mind he WANTS to be with you. He may be considering a greater commitment.

Bottom Line…

When a guy feels the need to tell you he is thinking about you, it means he’s more than just “interested” in you, he also wants to know or find out if you’ve been thinking about him too.

Peter White. Revealing the secret world of men because we’re not all that obvious. 😉 Stay in touchnewsletter, Why Do Guys Facebook – Twitter @peterwhite125Thank you for everything.

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94 comments… add one
  • Becky


    Wondering if you could help me. Been texting a guy for a few years on and off, always making plans to meet then he would cancel last minute or just not get in touch. After 6months of this we finally met. We had an ace night and he was texting me after saying he had an ace time, and now we had finally met I wouldn’t be able to get away from him.. Jokingly flirting. We met again two days later and we kissed but nothing more. Texting me saying he couldn’t stop thinking about me and things and It was all fine. A week after that we planned to meet but he cancelled on me a couple hours before we were meant to meet. Asked my later that night to meet the next day. I had plans with my family, so I told him this. He hasn’t messaged me back since. This was two weeks ago.. It’s all a bit confusing and I don’t know what his game is. Any advice would be grateful!


    • Mandy

      Im sure He is a Typical Gemini

      • Farhin

        Lol… ? ?

      • Hanzy

        Or a typical Pisces… ?

        • Peter White

          I don’t believe in the signs of the Zodiac myself or how they determine our actions as people. I would say, he’s a flake, unreliable, and probably has other things going on up to and probably including other women.

          With that said, I would always expect more of the same. Most people (including men) just don’t and suddenly become attentive especially after doing the same thing for years.

          Just my opinion 🙂



    I was seeing a guy on and off for a year and a half for s** which he texted
    me one day he had decided to make me his lover.. then about two months ago
    he texted me not called.. to tell me he found GOD and that he loves me as a
    friend ..but we could no longer have s**. I was very hurt and confused ..still
    am .. because he send me a text today which I initiated by saying good morning.
    He responded he was thinking of me..also he has a son with the baby momma
    which he told me that she was not giving him any and they were always fighting.
    I really like him ALOT ..always did ..but was wondering do you think he is just
    going through some funk and needs time to figure it out ..and may try to come back to me maybe not for s** but for company ?

  • Thewriter

    A happily married man i am collaborating on a project with once sent me an email after i said happy holidays. “Ive been thinking about you.” Nothing has happened but i am always wondering what he meant. I am married too. he has two adult children. I am attracted to him but will never let anything happen.

  • lol

    Hey! Would a guy say “you’re on my mind” or “you’re driving me crazy” if he actually doesn’t mean it…? These have come with no fishing from me whatsoever…

    • Peter White

      Hey to you too! Let’s take it down a notch though. 🙂

      I don’t see many circumstances where a guy would say those things without meaning them unless it was part of a larger scheme to game you into having sex. Which by the way, would be rare.

      “you’re on my mind” can mean anything from “he likes you” to “he’s imagining you naked” to “Something just reminded me of you and I felt you should know how it made me feel… good.”

      “you’re driving me crazy” taken out of context is tough but unless you were in the middle of pissing him off or confusing him because he wasn’t sure you liked him or kept cancelling on him, I’d say it means… “You’re driving me crazy… wink wink…” or in direct man’s terms. “You get me hard. You excite me. I want you… now!”


      • Lol

        Hi Peter,

        Thanks for replying <3 very much appreciated.

        The whole "making me crazy" comment was definitely taken in a positive way…. but I suppose I wondered if guys say things like that randomly (without fishing) when it's not genuine.

        Personally, I would only say that stuff if I meant it but some people may say it so they don't run the risk of closing a door completely…

        Thanks again 😀

  • Bri


    I need some insight into a guys mind. I dated this guy and we were serious for a while, but then we broke up. About 2 months after we broke up we talked off and on for 2 solid years, mostly bc I was too immature at the time to want to be married (he wanted) but I loved him dearly and just wanted to be with him and think about that later. So he felt rejected and dated different girls for the 2 year period. We also fought a lot in between there. He broke my heart and I broke his, he swore he would love me no matter who he was with and there would never be another, and he cried for an hour, we cried together.
    The last girl he began dating (2012/13), and we were still “talking”, so I told him I cared about him and missed us and wanted another chance. He said “she is my everything.”
    So I told him if she was his everything, he shouldn’t be talking to us both and I asked him not to contact me ever again while he was with her. He said “fine, I was just trying to be friendly”. I saw on his Facebook status “it’s not that I don’t care but I’m not continuing with the same crow I was fed” (we had a very intense argument about her and his stupid choices – he admitted to these).
    Anyway, I found out 3 months later that she was a month or 2 pregnant so he married her.

    We haven’t spoken in 3 years now. I thought of him the other day and scouted his Facebook and found a photo he posted that I had taken of him with the caption “the craziest trip I will never forget” – it was from when we went on vacation together. Then he took his “wife” to Nash(city), where I live(d). He always visited me there, we explored there, he doesn’t know I don’t still live there. He took her to all the places I took him, for his birthday. Then he posted a photo of I-24 (CITY) and said “God I love this sign”. Is he still thinking about me or is he replacing our memories with memories of them? Why would he bring her to where I live, if he had never been there till he met me, that was ours. And why would he post that he will never forget our vacation together?
    Has he really forgotten me or is this a signal he is unhappy in his marriage? They just had their 2 year anniversary in March of this year, and he posted in April the photo I took of him. I just don’t want him to forget me, or us. I would never message him unless he divorced or messaged me….I just want to know if he’s happy and if I mattered. And I desperately want to apologize for being so mean. Help?! If he’s happy with her then I want to let it go, ya know? But if he isn’t, will he ever message me? Am I being crazy even thinking about him 3 years later? I miss him so much.

    • Peter White

      Hi Bri,

      Based on my observations of men and my own feelings towards my past women he still does have feelings for you. Maybe not enough to do something about them though. Just lingering feelings of the one that got away. A place he my go (from time to time) when he’s having problems in his current relationship.

      I can’t answer whether he’s visiting those places because of you. I have no grounds or experience to relate it too. There are too many variables or circumstances which would have me just assuming something I’m not sure about. So I won’t go there.

      Now go back to your last real big fight and the things you said to him. You told him you wanted another chance, NOW that he’s with someone else. Something most guys take offense to. They think, “Sure you want me now that you can’t have me.” This creates bitterness and harsh feelings towards the woman doing it. When he wrote that thing about the “crows” he was telling you that he felt you were playing with his head because NOW you want him, when before you didn’t.

      You also judged him negatively when you criticized HIS choice in a woman and the probably accidental pregnancy. Keep in mind when you judge a past love on their choice in women, it hurts because remember, he once chose YOU.

      However even with all the bad stuff, hate or not, it doesn’t usually diminish the feeling of love because hate is NOT the opposite of love. Apathy is. If he didn’t care, he wouldn’t get angry, hurt, upset, or anything like that.

      If you want to apologize to him, then do it. I’m not suggesting you break up his marriage. Children are involved. Let it run its own course. You’re not crazy for thinking about him years later, I’m sure he thinks about you two.

      BUT that does not change the situation or circumstance. Obviously you mattered to him or he wouldn’t have wanted to marry you, right?

      Your guy friend,


  • Desiree

    I’m a little confused. I don’t know if your article applies to me. I’ve been getting to know this guy for a little more than a month now. He had made it clear he was still working on himself and wasn’t looking to get involved with anyone so we agreed we’d work on friendship. Things were going really great, until the friendship line started to become a little blurred for the past couple of weeks. We had been really flirty, initiated by him at times and we had even went as far as sexting. I know he likes me and I know he is physically attracted to me and thinks I’m “an amazing woman”, but then he took a step back and told me that he didn’t think we should talk anymore. I had gave him space for about a week and reapproached him because, I didn’t want to lose him as a friend or otherwise. He is a great man and an honest one at that. When I had reached out to him to me he told me he was going to be really honest with me and told me he had been thinking about how I was doing for the past couple of days. I’m not sure what this means. He seems genuine in not being ready for anything more and at this point in my life I’m not either. Not to say I wouldn’t if the timing was right. Do you think his was just a friendly “I was thinking of you?”

    • Peter White


      (Most) Guys do this kind of stuff because they want to casually date a woman (or women) and don’t think or believe women are okay with it. You must admit lots of women are not okay with the serial dating thing.

      The guy will bring up the excuses as soon as the woman (or he starts to feel) starts to go in “relationship” mode. He’ll say things like, “I’m not looking for anything serious right now.” – “I’m broken.” – “I’m working on myself.” – “You’d make a great friend, let’s see where that takes us.”, etc…

      I will tell you this – IF he’s flirty, If you’re sexting even a little, IF you know he’s attracted to you, IF he’s pulling back after all that up to and including, “We shouldn’t talk anymore because we’re getting too close.” – that’s his way of saying what I said in the beginning AND/OR he’s hoping or gaming you to sleep with him with no strings attached. Possibly one of those friends with benefits angles.

      Trust me when I say these tactics are all too often specifically with guys who are above average with women. It’s not exclusive to them but you must admit a guy who has no luck with women rarely ever have the opportunity to do this kind of thing, right?

      So, I’m going to say his “I was thinking of you” was purely sexual.

      Your guy friend,


  • Martha

    I obviously liked some of your answers maybe I’ll tell u my situation when I have time….

  • Kyle Vignali

    This may be awkward, but I’ve read this article to the sense of trying to understand what the girls might think if they ever were to read this article, if you know what I mean. Say there’s a girl, that’s never read this article, but is quite fair at picking up about 70% of the signs, which is in fact true. I am just driven to madness thinking about his girl. I certainly can see myself under the third bullet point in your list, but anyway, I’m trying to get this girl to pickup the sign, “I’m interested.” I’ve told I was two years ago, but now she’s now longer dating the guy she was. Will she remember? That’s up for a 50-50, but will she pick up the sign, if I ever told her, “I was thinking of you, while playing this thing.” And hold up a flute case, slickly asking her to teach me, and of course spend time with her? Or would this be a friend zone thing? I am looking for a one on one situation where she can teach me something that SHE excels in, but also reminds ME of her. Also, I would to be in a state to mention, “I think of you when I hear the flute.” Which is a massive given to the situation. Pardon the… Novel I just wrote, but please, get back to me. I would like to know if she were to pick up, “I’m interested” even by the first line.

    • Peter White


      First thing I needed to understand about writing here is how most women come to read it. They’re (mostly) looking for a specific answer and this pops up on their search results. So I have to assume there’s no real direct correlation between this post and how many women actually don’t know what a guy means when he says he is thinking about her. For that answer we need a lot more information.

      I believe she does remember IF you made some sort of impression on her BUT it’s been a few years. What matters more is what happens NOW that she’s single. What matters more is what you do to create the attraction and go with it from there.

      It does not seem like you’re in the right position to do the “I was just thinking about you” kind of thing. It just does not feel like the right moment.

      Sure, having her teach you how to play the flute (hopefully you’re not using a metaphor for something else here Kyle 😉 ) could lead to something more but that’s not the way I would go. It would take too long and you’d have to have perfect movie moments together and all that, AND it could take a long time AND you’d probably have to say so something things right (mixed with emotional stuff) for it to happen. Won’t rule it out, it does happen, just not the best odds.

      You must focus on doing things together which will lead or imply a date. Do things together where something else is more likely to happen naturally. Avoid putting yourself in the friends zone and trying to get out from there. You want her. Why downplay that angle? Women want men who take the lead and DO something. They rarely go for guys who beat around the bush and use “ulterior” motives to make something happen.

      Avoid falling into the trap way too many nice guys do and risk the rest.

      I’m going to give you the best articles I first read which changed the game for me. I suggest you study them all.


      My points are:

      Forget about the past.
      Start something new.
      Focus on creating attraction the right way.
      Don’t be afraid to go beyond the friends zone early or as quick as possible. Better to fail going for the kiss or something more when it’s what you want than to not try at all.
      Women want men who go after what they want despite the obstacles.
      Attraction for women can take time. Don’t get frustrated if it’s not instant. Build it slowly.
      Don’t EVER ask a woman to teach you how to play YOUR flute!! Hahahha!!!

      Let me know how it all plays out for you,


  • Surfer girl

    So I met a guy about a year and a half ago. We talked for months then finally met, the attraction was insane, we had sex a few months later and repeated this for a year. We text every morning, noon and night. He would say things like “you are all I think about” “you are the most beautiful woman I have ever met” “you drive me crazy”. We continued this for another 6 mo until I found out he was married, I have not confronted him, but I fell in love with him and he did to. Now he’s in a tough spot. I know he’s married but he doesn’t know that I know. He still text and calls me daily and talks about retiring worth me and where we would go and details our life together. He still tells me “your all I think about and “I can’t get you out of my mind”. He told me that he cheated on his wife years ago and left her then went back only because of the kids. I know he was separated when I met him but didn’t know he went back. I guess my question is, do you think everything he is saying is true or he just wants to keep me around for sex? I can totally feel it’s more than that and he has told me he loves me. I’m so hurt by this news and I don’t know what to do. He lied to me, but i am truly in love and need a mans perspective. I don’t understand why he would tell me all this if he wasn’t thinking of leaving her?

    Broken Hearted beyond imagination! :((

  • Tracer

    Broke up with my bf a little over a month ago and he texted me last week saying he’s been thinking about me and was wondering if I’m doing ok. He then made small talk and then wanted to know if I wanted him to send me my things I left at my house.

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