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Why Do Guys…?

About Peter White

Peter White Why Do Guys

For those of you who don’t know me personally or who haven’t had the pleasure of getting to know me…

I’m Pete.

The name was given to me as a tribute to my uncle. A man who made the ultimate sacrifice and someone who honestly, I could never live up to.

Don’t get me wrong, it has definitely NOT stopped me from trying.

He may have died saving many lives and I can pick up where he left off.

Only in my own way.

Day one of my existence nothing was left untouched. My imagination has let me create but my logic driven math and science curiosity had me pick apart anything and everything which crossed my path.

It’s not surprising when women came into my life sexually I clung to attraction and all that (it) appears to make us do.

Addictive personalities BE warned…

Attraction can feel like the most wonderful drug in the world.

It’s free, abundant, and you can find it practically anywhere you choose to look.

BUT just like any other drug, the side effects can be lethal.

In the world of attraction, the destruction of our lives starts with letting it lead us blindly.

Stuck in the future begging for the past to change.

Like it did to me when I first started doing my typical scientific “research” across the border to the feminine side.

The “probably” important but most definitely “pain in the ass” thing about instant love or attraction, call it whatever you want, is when it is left to its own.

When it’s not given something back, when it’s not nurtured from the outside…

Well it becomes an annoying little prick bent on causing acts of desperation, deprivation, and the occasional constipation only set free to discover “other” things to keep us busy and sane.

I’m sorry… I get carried away sometimes. You’ll enjoy my passion though, it can be a lot of fun.

Where was I?

Oh, yeah so women, well they were all I could think about it.

I loved music but I practiced and wrote hoping she would notice. She, meaning any girl I was, yep you guessed it, attracted to but was sort of predetermined to never have.

How very sad, isn’t it?

Everything I did was clearly had “women” behind it whether it was negative OR positive.

How did I walk? Well like I was sexually deprived.

How did I run? Like I was chasing her.

How did I play? First to “draw them in” to play with me, then to avoid the pain and hurt. To decapitate my heart and focus merely on my soul.

One fateful day it kind of all blew up in my face.

As much as it could since being one of the “good guys” and staying out of any real trouble was one of the skills I thought were specific to me, so I mastered at getting by with.

Realizing my fate was set out on a lonely road, not knowing what it felt like to sleep with lots of different women, not knowing what it felt like to be loved as more than just some crazy smart friend, not knowing the touch, kiss, or caress upon me from a deeply moved and my attractive woman…

Can you see it now?

Being the curious type, stubborn, too smart and aware of way too much shit, whereas attraction led me I had decided to start leading it.

I took all my skills, my passion, embarked on new risks, brought myself up and out to discover what is beneath it all. What makes it tick. How it works.

And better yet – to finally use the things which made me, me, and finally venture to the other side.

For real.

No more dreaming of the future. No more playing in the past.

Not leaving all other addictions aside, strange as it seems, what caused me to focus so much of my life on, the pretty females adorned or not, I’m also convinced was what caused the root of my many failures to enjoy more than just their presence.

Put another way so I can understand what the hell I’m talking about,

I grabbed my greatest weaknesses, the life which revolved around women, and turned it inward.

Sure my life would still be with men and women and relationships and attraction but instead of being stuck on the wheel going round and round – I got off the ride and learned how to run it myself.

It’s actually easier than most people will let them selves believe because…

I’m no genius.

I’m not a prolific prophet or some super analyst which in a hundred years will still be looked upon.

I’m just an ordinary man who chooses to stay aware and present. To see things from a most magnificent view.

It’s all easy because I will never let myself forget the one “thing” I was lucky to be born with, which was that I was born a man.

Whatever faith you choose to believe, whatever causes the beginning or end for you, whichever side you’re born on and look for in another, man or woman, man and man, woman and woman, back to woman and man…

Men are born with an instinct to survive and procreate.

They are also given the capacity to learn and grow and feel, and develop from a sometimes hidden instinctual language.

Women are also born with an instinct to survive and procreate.

Slightly different from men but the goal is the same.

They are also given the capacity to learn, grow, feel, and develop on their own set of instinctual blueprints.

It doesn’t go without saying.

Whether you are born as a man or woman – your counterpart, in all its unique outwardly differences, was so eloquently constructed for YOU to better achieve some form of survival and procreation.

Enjoying the ride, living a healthy balanced lifestyle, being lucky enough at the right time… just finding your own path of happiness with as little suffering as possible – well that’s the hard part.

That’s the real “catch” of it all.

Back to me – where the focus should be on this page. 🙂

Well I’ve created this all.

Not from scratch.

I’m as real as I think I am. I live a quiet life although some would argue with me on that one.

I get to look at things from over here – I get to see things from both sides – With my best ability, mostly….

I get to reveal to you some things about men you either didn’t know or want to know or use intelligently to help you understand the actions of guys.

On the other side, the men who read my words, who may follow my advice or ignore it, or use it sparingly and questionably which is what I ask from everyone…

I get to tell them about you.


Again, for those of you who don’t know… I’m Pete.

I’ll let you have every reason to hate me but you’ll find every reason to love me too.

Yet, perhaps we should keep our little affair a business arrangement. 😉

I’m determined, and just stubborn and opinionated enough to tell you HOW I see it… from a male’s point of view.

No matter what the cost.

I’ll be candid – I’m not sure if I have any control over getting you a certain man, having them fall madly in love with you, or promising you 8 secret ways to have men begging for you… for now I suggest you look elsewhere.

Preferably the people I turn to and have used successfully because that is what helps me the most to keep the ride moving.


Your stories WILL be used to help guys communicate themselves better to you. But within reason. We can get into that more on the other side.

Here’s to a great relationship – you be honest with me and I’ll do the same for you.

Thanks for all your support and as always, the best of luck to you…


(You can read my email policies here. No spam ever! Your information is always private. )
About the author: Understanding men does not have to be complicated anymore and I can show yow how… There are only two types of guys and if you don’t know which one he is, you could misinterpret everything he says or does as it relates to you. Your new guy friend, Peter White – Understanding Men Made Simple.
38 comments… add one
  • Lola

    Hi Peter,
    Thank you for all your posts. They have been very useful.
    I have a question for you about a guy I have been flirting with at the gym for a while now. After a couple of months, I made a move and spoke to him for the first time before Christmas. We spoke briefly but he seemed very receptive and encouraged me to join his class in January. I have introduced myself and he did the same. However, this week I tried to say hello and he ignored me a couple of times although being around me during his class breaks. After he finished his class, I decided to talk to him and apologise for not joining him on his class that day. As a typical Brazilian girl, I touched his arm to call his attention at the water cooler which made him very nervous and awkward. He cut the conversation abruptly and went off to do his exercises. I felt like an idiot and now I am not really sure if I have crossed some sort of line and make him extremely umconfortable (for being a shy guy) or if he is just not interested in me anymore. I am decided to back off for a while and see what happens but I really want to ask him out eventually. What do you think?

    • Peter White

      Hi Lola,

      Don’t worry if you think you crossed the line after only touching his arm. That’s HIS problem and not yours to worry about. From what I can see you’re doing everything right and just because he’s not responding the way you want him to is again, his thing and not yours to worry about.

      Remember it’s NOT your job to open up a shy guy. You can only do so much and if the guy doesn’t get the hint or get over himself in a reasonable amount of time, all you can do is look elsewhere and remain friendly. If he’s attracted to you, he’s still interested. BUT there might be more going on that you can’t possibly know about like a girlfriend, won’t date “clients”, feels sweaty and out of place at the gym, intimidated by other men, afraid to be himself in a public place with you, etc…

      You just never know exactly and most men will NEVER make it easy on you and once again, that’s their loss and not yours.

      The only thing you haven’t tried is to quickly steer a short conversation into exchanging numbers to give him the opportunity to contact you outside the gym. Try that and see what happens.

      Good luck Lola,


  • Freedom

    Hello & thank you for your feedback. I have known this gentleman for about 6 years now by just small talk here & there & running into each other every once in a while. 5 years ago, I was walking home one day from the ministry we were both previously apart of. He was in front of me about 100 feet…he stopped & started walking backwards toward me and I soon caught up with him. On our walk he talked about his family, where he is from…etc. His house came up first, so we stopped & continued to have our conversation in front of his house, for about 45 min. At this point I really have only seen him around and maybe said hi to each other, so we still were considered strangers. Did he stop & walk with me in the broad day light just to be respectful? Or was there a possible interest in me? Through out the 6 years that I have known him, he would stop and talk to me, small talk, and I would talk to him, but never long conversations, usually short. (I have always been shy around him & sometimes I would lose all my thoughts). We are both real attractive, I am 36 (but don’t look it, so they tell me) and he is 7 years younger than me. 1 year later, it turns out that the next house I moved into was on the same street he lives on. (I didn’t do it intentionally, but a friend of mine bought a house on that street & she was looking for a renter, and I was looking, so it worked out perfect. One day, I happened to be outside with my cat on the front porch, as he was walking by …he stopped & said hello & he mentioned he would like to meet my cat, so he walked up to the porch. We talked for about 20 min and as he was leaving he said he would like to see more of my cat. I was always confused about that comment, because why would a guy wan to see my cat again? About a year later, I ran into him at Trader Joe’s where he started to work. We talked for about 25 min. My friend that was with me suggested he & I meet for coffee some time. He said yes, lets meet. Since it was his work place, I felt it wouldn’t be professional to hand him my ph# so I told him to get my phone number from his roommate (who I was friends with). The biggest mistake I ever made, even after he asked me if I was sure his roommate had my current number! To this day he hasn’t called or asked for my # as we still run into each other. (In between I did date someone for 3 months, so no, I am not waiting on this guy but I am extremely attracted to him, and still open to get to know him more). He had no knowledge that I dated someone else. What are your thoughts about all this?

  • Vanessa

    Hi Peter,
    My sister is seventeen and has been best friends with this guy since third grade. She now wants more from the relationship but also has another guy she has been talking to for a while. How can she let the first guy know she cares without hurting the second?
    Thank you Peter, for everything.

  • Michelle

    Hi Peter,

    It’s me again!! Ugh. I’m just having a hard time with my boyfriend lately . We’ve been dating for 7 months now and his job is still his main focus. I get it, your career should be very important. He is in the restaurant business. So he works as a manager of a nice steak restaurant and is next in line to become the GM. He works about 50 hours a week either 9am-8pm or 2-1am. It is definitely hard for me as I work at 9-5 M-F job. Lately it seems like I have to initiate the conversations to even hear from him during the day. The problems we are having are mostly due to the way I’m feeling. For instance, he isn’t a very affectionate person, nor does he give me a lot of attention or seem “excited” to be dating. Sometimes he’ll come over and just want to chill out. Again I get it, he’s so tired from work. But I have been waiting on him all day and am always excited and “in lust” to do something romantic or whatever. Sometimes I get to teh point where I tell him that i’m sad and that i feel like he doesn’t give me enough. Instead of him being mature and admitting I am right, he goes off on a defensive tangent saying stuff like “maybe we just aren’t right for each other; I never do anything good enough for you; I’m a terrible bf” etc etc. Knowing its all a pity fest, I can’t stand it. I never say any of those things, I just tell him I have anxiety a lot because I feel like he isn’t showing that I am a priority. After the fact, then he apologizes and says he can do better and that in time it will change. But Peter, we have had this argument at least once a month since we got serious. I don’t know what to do because I don’t really want to end things with him, I just wish eh could take a step back and see it through my point of view. Everyone around me is having normal hour relationships, romantic gestures, etc. Any advice?

  • Johana

    Hi pete,
    So for about a month now I’ve been talking to this guy i met at a party, he seemed really interested in me because he would ask me when we were going to hang out and stuff. We finally went on a date and after that I’ve seen 2 other times . Since he’s a tattoo artist i understand he’s always busy and he likes to be on top of his work . But lately he takes a long time to text back and we don’t talk to as much as we used to . We also already had sex and i was wondering if that had anything to do with him being a little too distant? I try not to text him or bother him a lot because i know he’s busy and i don’t want to be to clingy either.

  • debbie

    Hello Pete.
    I have a question, that’s kind of about dating. Your view on this would greatly appreciated.
    I am 51 years old and out there in the dating pool. My question is.. Why do I only get younger men that ask me out? They are usually 10-15 years my junior. Ya its,flattering and fun sometimes. Men in my age group like me and find me attractive. But, when it comes to dating, it seems they want the 35 ers. I have accepted dates with the younger men, and it always goes very well. But I would love to find someone to love and have a forever relationship with. I can’t do this with a younger man. I feel like women in my age group are seriously f***** in finding anything real. What advice do you have on this topic.
    Thanks, debbie

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