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Why Do Guys…?

Why Do Guys Play Hard to Get When You Know They Like You

I‘ve chased many women in my life and it got me literally nowhere…

We’re in for long one but look under the surface because I believe there’s a ton of information, a different look into understanding men you may have never read or thought about…

It always seemed like when they figured out I was into them – or were being chased – or more appropriately, found out how easy it would be to get or have me, well that’s when she’d lose any interest at all.

Before then, the phone calls were eagerly answered. The response was quickly message after a text. The late night drunk calls were sent to me,

“Just because I wanted to hear your voice.”

And let me tell you lots of guys everywhere have experienced the same effect.

Now granted these lessons are learned early in life and may not hold completely true in adulthood but not because of what you might believe.

We watch and take it to be true when we see the guy who gets any woman he wants – kind of doesn’t want it. It’s no big deal to him.

Girls will always gather around and not always patiently wait until he’s single again and perhaps chooses her next.

Regardless of which guy it is… the ones you want or the ones you don’t want, the younger guy learns it’s probably just best to at least play hard to get because THAT guy has dated every attractive available girl and he seems to do it.

As we mature into our own and perhaps develop out attractive masculine side with age – most of us suddenly allow ourselves to become hard to get.

That’s a key difference in men.

Some play hard to get.

Some ARE hard to get.

You don’t normally want the guy who is playing hard to get but at least, if you’re feeling it a little, then you know it’s a good sign he’s interested in you, otherwise he wouldn’t be using,

“The oldest trick in the book”

Would he?

The guy who IS hard to get – the one you’re “just maybe” not at all convinced he’s into you because his interest is so confusing and often misleading, you’re not sure if he’s “playing” that game
or if he really is that way.

You tell yourself you know he likes you and you can’t understand if it’s a game he’s playing, then why is he bothering but you have not truly convinced yourself… The questions always remain.

The boldest statement you’ve ever heard…

The MALE SLUT technique works on OTHER women.

He sleeps with every women who gives it up – but for me, he’s “plays” hard to get.

He’s always flirting with other girls, it seems like he does it with me too, so why is he playing hard to get with me?

Sometimes, it’s because he IS hard to get.

He lets you believe he’s sleeping around or giving more to the “other” women but that’s just his charm.

In fact, some of us clever guys learn early that if we flirt with every woman regardless of who she is, how old she is, whether she’s married or not, it makes us look like we’re “true ladies men” and we’ve got ALL these women on a string.

Granted without the charm or skill or wit or ability to not reveal certain facts we come off as foolish try-hards willing to land any woman who’d open up her legs to us.

You assume we’re either bad or good players whose confidence is somewhere in our pants.

For the rest of us – we pass on the teachings of BEING hard to get. We say,

“ALLOW her to work for your attention or interest just enough because by doing so we’re creating a natural demand AND increasing our value to you.”

The absolute truth of this all is – men believe it because they see it happen – because they’ve experienced it firsthand – Once you feel like you or women generally could have us at a moments notice (early on) your interest tends to fade away.

Now normally the type of guy who lives by that completely AND he’s not playing hard to get, maybe he’s just dabbling it in a little. You know by not calling or texting for a few days or setting up another date too quickly…

Well most of the time he’s not hard to get and that’s the problem. That’s what destroys the attraction. The chemistry bubble bursts because he doesn’t create a natural mystery which invites you closer to him.

He TRIES to make something happen which you would think comes naturally to lots of guy, but it doesn’t.

The guy who IS hard to get does not have to play or follow stupid rules or wait to call or text suggested in some dating book somewhere.

If there was ever a moral of these statements or something to learn and understand about men it is this:

Whether a guy is playing hard to get or is in fact hard to get is a game NO man can keep up IF he wants something more.

Sooner or later he must allow himself to be “gotten” in one way or another.

The other point may just be to explain why a guy would play hard to get, when you’re sure he likes you…

Well that could simply be based on many of our experiences… when we chase, show too much too early, quite often it’s not done right and destroys the attraction almost immediately.

At least in those cases it’s not that he’s playing a game or wants to play you – he’s just in that group of guys who just doesn’t get you and is only doing what he saw might have worked which is unfortunately taken out of context and does little for his dating life with you.

This is not the end of this topic – there has to be more and when it all comes to me one fateful night, I promise I won’t make that information NOT hard to get…

Until then at least smile, as I mentioned slightly above – whether he’s playing or not – let’s be honest with ourselves here, you already knows he’s interested or wouldn’t bother trying, and I know for a fact…

Easy guys are well, not much fun at all. 😀

The best of us want a woman who challenges us on many levels and although we may never fully know how to challenge back without it getting mixed up with all the “playing hard” we’re assuming you want a challenge too,


Comments are moderated – I can NOT answer all of them – Your opinions are always appreciated – Thank you… Peter White – Don’t forget if you’ve found this page by accident you might not belong here 🙂 Go here -> Why Do Guys…?to receive the full email and all the rest too.

About the author: Honest & upfront but that’s for you to decide. My goal is to un-complicate men and steer you away from the guys who will only hurt you. My hope is that you learn something, anything, about men and it’s easy to understand. Thank you, Peter White

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84 comments… add one
  • Farieese

    Real men don’t play games. They initiate courtship and they always have a plan. A man who plays hard to get is NOT WORTH getting in the first place. A woman who likes his man more than he likes her, is opening herself to a long road of abuse. So save yourselves some heartbreak ladies, never chase a man.

    • Peter White

      As much as I agree with you and what a “real” man is – I have taught it’s better just to be “hard to get” rather than playing hard to get… yes I wonder, what are the odds of two people actually liking each other equally? It might be expecting way too much.

  • Sarah

    Hey Pete it’s Sarah here again. So I’ve been almost regularly talking to that guy (refer to my previous comment) but this one day he started replying late and I felt as if he’s not interested in the conversation. I can give him a benefit of doubt because he was sleep deprived but idk if that’s what it was. The next time we talked I was obviously quite and he asked me twice what was wrong and I didn’t tell him and ended the conversation with have a good day.
    Now I don’t know what I should do. Should I text him or wait for his message? And what do I say if you think I should message him

  • Michelle

    Hi Pete, I’ve read your blog and pretty much all your replies. You sound like a sensible person and you know what you are talking about so I thought I would ask you some questions and hopefully I would get a reply from you.

    I noticed this guy in the gym been glanced at me since February this year. He seems like a quiet person because I’ve never seen him initiate conversation with the people in the gym, I only see a couple of guys chat with him and that’s it.
    Last July, I striked a conversation with him, he was nervous but friendly. I thought we would say hi to each others the next day but instead he ignored me completely! He looked very nervous when I was looking at him. I felt really bad because I thought he tried to avoid me.
    The next day, I walk past him, first, he looked a bit nervous then he look at me and smile, I smile back . Later on, he came workout quite close to me but didn’t look at me. I went to say hi and compliment him that he is a good lifter and he has a nice strong legs. He was blushing and invited me to train with him if I want. I said that sounds good. After that, he only came to talk to me once but that time I was rushed back to training and didn’t say much since then he never came to talk to me. I talked to him a few times, he was always friendly with big a smile but he ignored me completely after conversation.
    A couple of months ago, When I mentioned I wanted to train with him he seem really happy and he gave me his number and wanted me to text him if I want to train with him.He’s friendly and talkactive when I’m talking to him but ignored me when the conversation end! It really confuses me so I wasn’t sure if I should train with him as I wasn’t sure if he was interested or not. I have a strong feeling that he likes me because he often pay attention to what I’m doing, copy my movements etc. another thing is when I tell him that I want to get tight abs and asked him how often he train his abs. After that he train his abs more than usual and pull his t-shirts up to check his six packs in front of me! When I tell him that he has nice white teeth he then posted a picture with a big grin on snapchat! He has a nice body but he often wears loose t-shirts. Two weeks ago he started wearing tank top and it was very obvious he tried to get my attention because he followed me around in the gym and workout right in front of me so I can see his muscles! He does all these strange things but he never came to talk to me! I texts him, he reply but didn’t say very much and always very short. He never text me first, it was me the one text him first! Also, He didn’t text me back a couple of times. I noticed every time when I whatsapp him ,he didn’t reply straight away even though he read it and was online many times after reading it. I asked him why he ignored me in the gym and didn’t reply my texts he said I was reading too much into it, he didn’t mean to ignored me but hes been saying that twice now but hes still ignoring me!
    Last week, he was purposely chatting with a girl on his phone and look at her pictures when he knew I was looking at him. I wasn’t sure his intention of doing that.
    I’m so confused with his behaviour! It seems like he could be interested in me but also he could be just want to get attention or he could be just playing me around.
    By the way, he’s fairly young, 23-25 years old I think. I’m quite a bit older than him and we both love weightlifting.
    Thank you!

  • nykeriah

    Ok somy bestfriend has a brother and hes kinda cute, i go over to her house every weekend. Me and him talk and were friends and all but hes always teasing me and making me mad on purpose. We always pllay fight but when i text him, he leaves me on red. After i told him i like him, now he always like my instagram posts. Im getting mixed signals. HELP

    • Peter White

      I don’t see any mixed signals at all. Just because a guy doesn’t go all out and making it obviously clear he’s into you, does not mean he isn’t. Just because he isn’t texting you back immediately or responding much at all, is not a definite sign he’s not into you. What are you texting him?

      In this case, you already told him you like him which means he believes he has some weird sort of power over you and can do anything he wants. He has nothing to work for. So… he’ll be less likely to put a ton of effort into this.

      However, since he’s teasing you, play fighting with you, edging you on by making you mad on puspose, liking your instagram posts which I’m assuming are pictures of you – then it’s clear he’s feeling something for you. Don’t mistake him not getting back to you for sending a mixed signal.

      I bet, like above, he’s just not driven too much and he feels like he’s completely in charge of what happens between you two. Which, for lots of guys, means they tend to sit back a little and wait.

      Be careful, once you’re in this position with a guy like this – he’s more capable of playing around with you and not committing to anything “real”. You might find him unattainable to a certain degree as it all plays out.

      • Leah

        So I think I’m in this position, how do I turn it around and make him work for me?

  • Kiara

    I have a man across the street from my apartment that I really liked him I told him how I felt. He talks to other girls in front of me and it makes me mad. And he stares at me when I’m not looking . I just don’t understand why he doesn’t talk to me he’ll only talk to me when another girl is around or his friends. I asked him if he LIKED me? yes or no and he was Quiet what does that mean ?

  • Michelle

    Upon reading this my mind has opened up to a better understanding of how some men work. I agree with you that some men play hard to get because of their past experiences therefore tend to hold back to giving themselves fully to the other person. I like how you mentioned, “ALLOW her to work for your attention or interest just enough because by doing so we’re creating a natural demand AND increasing our value to you.” This speaks volumes to me as a woman because if the man is really worth it to her or sees potential she will definitely work for the guys attention just enough and not too much. I myself am the ‘hard to get’ kind of gal and I will tell a guy straight off if I am not interested if he makes too many moves or confirms his feelings towards me. Also I think men shouldn’t be too hard too get but rather just straight up honest and not lead ladies on you know. Thanks for the interesting read, I really enjoyed it. 🙂

  • Mindy

    I have a guy friend who flirts with me a lot but when i asked him out he didnt answered anything ( i tex him ). Sometimes he replays my text sometimes not. He is sometimes jealous when i give someone else attention and he say to me that why i dont give him attention. Sometimes he shout at me someting in other side of class. I dont get it. What is that mean?

  • sham

    hi, Ive been talking to guy and things were going well, one day when we were hanging out before dropping me home he asked for a “kiss”. we kissed not knowing what it all meant then he few minutes later he had told me that hes had this huge crush on me for a very long time but never had the urge to tell me. things are getting pretty seriouse now but however I am very inscure and have no trust in him. hes on a vaction at the moment with his family and hes playing somewhat the “playing hard to get game”????? he replies to me really late and when I had confronted him about it he said the wifi there is really bad which is truet but why does it ignore me but talk to others? What do I do without having to beg for him to reply sometimes because Im not the type to message first or get him to chase after me??????

    • sham

      he seems like a really genuine guy who has great insterest in me, I crashed his car the other day and he was not mad or upset at all infact he was laughing because I crashed and that changed alot of things. he keeps telling me how much he wants to be with me but I am just confused why he is ignoring me so much? he is 3 years older than me however he is just as crazy as I am. we have so much in common and we get along REALLY well…. all of this is doing my head and I am a over thinker so Im just dying from anxiety. please suggest what I should do in order to keep him interested but also dont have to try too much and make him work for me.

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