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Why Do Guys…?

Why Do Guys Play Hard to Get When You Know They Like You

Guy He Alone Playing Hard Get Like You

I‘ve chased many women in my life and it got me nowhere… It always seemed like when they figured out I was into them – or that they were being chased – or figured out how easy it would be to get or have me, that’s when they’d lose any interest (or attraction) in me.

Before the “chasing” began the phone calls were eagerly answered. The text messages sent had a quick and eager reply. Even got the classic late night drunk calls hearing the words when asked why,

“Because I wanted to hear your voice.”

And let me tell you lots of guys everywhere have experienced the same effect.

The more they show a woman they’re into her, the less she seems interested in them back.

It’s a lesson lots of guys learn early in life and may not work the same in adulthood or for the more mature woman – but that’s not for the reasons you might believe to be true.

Guys pay attention to WHO gets the girl and it’s always the few guys who don’t seem to want it or her. To them – they’re like, “Yeah… Whatever.”

They even notice how they all seem to gather around the few guys EVERY other girl wants and if he’s taken, will impatiently wait until he’s single again hoping he’ll “choose” her next.

Regardless of which guy it is… the ones you want or the ones you don’t want…

The younger guys learn it’s probably in his best interest to at least try to PLAY hard to get.

Some mature into men and develop themselves into a real guy and throw away the game-playing and allow themselves to BECOME hard to get.

That’s a key difference in men and it’s a difference you must take into account IF you’re to understand men.

Some play hard to get.

Some ARE hard to get.

You can read more about that here: Types Of Men Guide: Is He Playing Hard To Get Or Is He Hard To Get? AND a shorter definition with the “playing” part here: Two Groups Of Men – One Understands You Or Gets You, The Other Doesn’t.

You don’t normally want the guy who is playing hard to get but at least, if you’re feeling it a little for him, then you know it’s a good sign he’s interested in you, otherwise he wouldn’t be using, “The oldest trick in the book” Would he?

The guy who IS hard to get – the one you’re “just maybe” not at all convinced he’s into you because his interest is so confusing and often misleading, you’re not sure if he’s “playing” that game or if he really is that way.

You tell yourself he likes you but you can’t understand if it’s a game he’s playing, and if it is WHY is he bothering when he likes you and he knows you like him too…

Still, since you’re not fully convinced as to HOW he is feeling….  your questions still feel unanswered. You’re left wondering why?

Here’s a concept you’ve probably never heard before.

It’s a very bold yet confusing statement but stay with me – because it will blow your mind.

The MALE SLUT technique works on OTHER women.

He acts like a male slut with other women. It seems like he sleeps with every or any woman who is willing to give it up so easily but for you… for you he PLAYS hard to get?

Kind of pisses you off, doesn’t it? That is IF you really like the guy and you’re convinced he likes you too.

Of course this is based on presumption that he is in fact sleeping with them.

Some guys will all too happily let you believe he’s hooking up when most of the time… it’s far from what it really happening.

Again – if it’s not a game – if you’re truly convinced he’s into you, if you know he’s into you too then leaves you with one REAL answer…

He just IS hard to get.

He lets you believe he’s sleeping around or giving more to the “other” women but that’s just his odd sense of what I call “smart charm”.

Flirt with lots of women publicly and others will actually believe you’re sleeping with some of them or for the lesser thinking one – ALL of them.

You want to appear like a ladies man – ACT like one.

ANY guy can do it and make you believe something is not true by just not talking about it either.

If he tells you he’s not seeing someone else – you might not believe it BUT if he sees other women, talks with them, flirts with them, acts “differently” around them – the you’re more likely to come to the conclusion that he IS sleeping with them OR…

Worse yet – giving THEM what they want and PLAYING hard to get with you.

Granted without the charm, skill, wit or ability to not reveal certain facts they will come off as foolish try-hards willing to land any woman who’d open up her legs to them.

So it IS a learned communication skill and without it you’d probably just guess he’s either a bad player who is all too obvious, or a good player whose confidence comes from his pants or how many women he can sleep with in his life.

Okay – let’s get go back to the beginning…

Why Do Guys Play Hard to Get When You Know They Like You?

Some guys play hard to get, some ARE hard to get.

Some guys do it by accident and are not as in tune with the dating process as you might be.

Some guys will try it a little but are not trying to play you – they’re just trying not to scare you away.

The male experience teaches them early on that showing too much interest, too quickly, whether you like him or not – normally leads to a loss of attraction.

Guys either understand or see that women don’t go for the EASY guys. They want a real challenge.

Just because you like him at some point in time doesn’t guarantee you’ll still be interested when you’re fully convinced he feels the same way.

He has seen or been through it before – as soon as she knows he’s into her – she pulls back and if he chases – she loses the interest and/or attraction.

Call it a game or mating ritual, it’s how things work in dating and since it’s worked so far – we’re still here on this planet despite our destructive ways – it will continue on.

This type of ritual is NOT just reserved for guys.

The pattern is the same.

  • You step back and he comes – YOU step back further.
  • He steps back and you follow – HE steps back further.

Leading to the standardized dating advice:

  • When she takes a step back – HE must take TWO steps back.
  • When he takes a step back – SHE must take TWO steps back.

Right or wrong – it’s HOW things work.

Men AND women want and need a real challenge. No challenge generally equals little or no interest or attraction.

Here comes the real difficult questions to answer…

WHEN does it all stop?

HOW are men and women supposed to get together if they’re all stepping back or playing hard to get?

When is enough, enough?


Not today. That and more answers like that will have to wait until another time.

Sign up below so when it comes you’ll get that and much more about understanding men, the games you think they’re playing, what attracts them, and some of the BEST dating advice you’ll find anywhere!

Thanks for stopping by today. I do hope you found the answer you were looking for about all this playing hard to get stuff.


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About the author: Peter White… Showing men and women ways to attract each other naturally by helping you to understand each other. Over ten years experience which has shown me how to see things clearly and get to the root cause of most dating and relationships problems. Hope you learn and enjoy your why do guys experience.

85 comments… add one
  • Farieese

    Real men don’t play games. They initiate courtship and they always have a plan. A man who plays hard to get is NOT WORTH getting in the first place. A woman who likes his man more than he likes her, is opening herself to a long road of abuse. So save yourselves some heartbreak ladies, never chase a man.

    • Peter White

      As much as I agree with you and what a “real” man is – I have taught it’s better just to be “hard to get” rather than playing hard to get… yes I wonder, what are the odds of two people actually liking each other equally? It might be expecting way too much.

  • Sarah

    Hey Pete it’s Sarah here again. So I’ve been almost regularly talking to that guy (refer to my previous comment) but this one day he started replying late and I felt as if he’s not interested in the conversation. I can give him a benefit of doubt because he was sleep deprived but idk if that’s what it was. The next time we talked I was obviously quite and he asked me twice what was wrong and I didn’t tell him and ended the conversation with have a good day.
    Now I don’t know what I should do. Should I text him or wait for his message? And what do I say if you think I should message him

  • Michelle

    Hi Pete, I’ve read your blog and pretty much all your replies. You sound like a sensible person and you know what you are talking about so I thought I would ask you some questions and hopefully I would get a reply from you.

    I noticed this guy in the gym been glanced at me since February this year. He seems like a quiet person because I’ve never seen him initiate conversation with the people in the gym, I only see a couple of guys chat with him and that’s it.
    Last July, I striked a conversation with him, he was nervous but friendly. I thought we would say hi to each others the next day but instead he ignored me completely! He looked very nervous when I was looking at him. I felt really bad because I thought he tried to avoid me.
    The next day, I walk past him, first, he looked a bit nervous then he look at me and smile, I smile back . Later on, he came workout quite close to me but didn’t look at me. I went to say hi and compliment him that he is a good lifter and he has a nice strong legs. He was blushing and invited me to train with him if I want. I said that sounds good. After that, he only came to talk to me once but that time I was rushed back to training and didn’t say much since then he never came to talk to me. I talked to him a few times, he was always friendly with big a smile but he ignored me completely after conversation.
    A couple of months ago, When I mentioned I wanted to train with him he seem really happy and he gave me his number and wanted me to text him if I want to train with him.He’s friendly and talkactive when I’m talking to him but ignored me when the conversation end! It really confuses me so I wasn’t sure if I should train with him as I wasn’t sure if he was interested or not. I have a strong feeling that he likes me because he often pay attention to what I’m doing, copy my movements etc. another thing is when I tell him that I want to get tight abs and asked him how often he train his abs. After that he train his abs more than usual and pull his t-shirts up to check his six packs in front of me! When I tell him that he has nice white teeth he then posted a picture with a big grin on snapchat! He has a nice body but he often wears loose t-shirts. Two weeks ago he started wearing tank top and it was very obvious he tried to get my attention because he followed me around in the gym and workout right in front of me so I can see his muscles! He does all these strange things but he never came to talk to me! I texts him, he reply but didn’t say very much and always very short. He never text me first, it was me the one text him first! Also, He didn’t text me back a couple of times. I noticed every time when I whatsapp him ,he didn’t reply straight away even though he read it and was online many times after reading it. I asked him why he ignored me in the gym and didn’t reply my texts he said I was reading too much into it, he didn’t mean to ignored me but hes been saying that twice now but hes still ignoring me!
    Last week, he was purposely chatting with a girl on his phone and look at her pictures when he knew I was looking at him. I wasn’t sure his intention of doing that.
    I’m so confused with his behaviour! It seems like he could be interested in me but also he could be just want to get attention or he could be just playing me around.
    By the way, he’s fairly young, 23-25 years old I think. I’m quite a bit older than him and we both love weightlifting.
    Thank you!

    • Tiff

      I would love an answer to this as well as I am sort of going through the same thing… including age (hes 24 and I am 9 years older) I have never not been able to read a guy or had to chase them and play this game and I feel like I might be losing my mind.

  • nykeriah

    Ok somy bestfriend has a brother and hes kinda cute, i go over to her house every weekend. Me and him talk and were friends and all but hes always teasing me and making me mad on purpose. We always pllay fight but when i text him, he leaves me on red. After i told him i like him, now he always like my instagram posts. Im getting mixed signals. HELP

    • Peter White

      I don’t see any mixed signals at all. Just because a guy doesn’t go all out and making it obviously clear he’s into you, does not mean he isn’t. Just because he isn’t texting you back immediately or responding much at all, is not a definite sign he’s not into you. What are you texting him?

      In this case, you already told him you like him which means he believes he has some weird sort of power over you and can do anything he wants. He has nothing to work for. So… he’ll be less likely to put a ton of effort into this.

      However, since he’s teasing you, play fighting with you, edging you on by making you mad on puspose, liking your instagram posts which I’m assuming are pictures of you – then it’s clear he’s feeling something for you. Don’t mistake him not getting back to you for sending a mixed signal.

      I bet, like above, he’s just not driven too much and he feels like he’s completely in charge of what happens between you two. Which, for lots of guys, means they tend to sit back a little and wait.

      Be careful, once you’re in this position with a guy like this – he’s more capable of playing around with you and not committing to anything “real”. You might find him unattainable to a certain degree as it all plays out.

      • Leah

        So I think I’m in this position, how do I turn it around and make him work for me?

  • Kiara

    I have a man across the street from my apartment that I really liked him I told him how I felt. He talks to other girls in front of me and it makes me mad. And he stares at me when I’m not looking . I just don’t understand why he doesn’t talk to me he’ll only talk to me when another girl is around or his friends. I asked him if he LIKED me? yes or no and he was Quiet what does that mean ?

  • Michelle

    Upon reading this my mind has opened up to a better understanding of how some men work. I agree with you that some men play hard to get because of their past experiences therefore tend to hold back to giving themselves fully to the other person. I like how you mentioned, “ALLOW her to work for your attention or interest just enough because by doing so we’re creating a natural demand AND increasing our value to you.” This speaks volumes to me as a woman because if the man is really worth it to her or sees potential she will definitely work for the guys attention just enough and not too much. I myself am the ‘hard to get’ kind of gal and I will tell a guy straight off if I am not interested if he makes too many moves or confirms his feelings towards me. Also I think men shouldn’t be too hard too get but rather just straight up honest and not lead ladies on you know. Thanks for the interesting read, I really enjoyed it. 🙂

  • Mindy

    I have a guy friend who flirts with me a lot but when i asked him out he didnt answered anything ( i tex him ). Sometimes he replays my text sometimes not. He is sometimes jealous when i give someone else attention and he say to me that why i dont give him attention. Sometimes he shout at me someting in other side of class. I dont get it. What is that mean?

  • sham

    hi, Ive been talking to guy and things were going well, one day when we were hanging out before dropping me home he asked for a “kiss”. we kissed not knowing what it all meant then he few minutes later he had told me that hes had this huge crush on me for a very long time but never had the urge to tell me. things are getting pretty seriouse now but however I am very inscure and have no trust in him. hes on a vaction at the moment with his family and hes playing somewhat the “playing hard to get game”????? he replies to me really late and when I had confronted him about it he said the wifi there is really bad which is truet but why does it ignore me but talk to others? What do I do without having to beg for him to reply sometimes because Im not the type to message first or get him to chase after me??????

    • sham

      he seems like a really genuine guy who has great insterest in me, I crashed his car the other day and he was not mad or upset at all infact he was laughing because I crashed and that changed alot of things. he keeps telling me how much he wants to be with me but I am just confused why he is ignoring me so much? he is 3 years older than me however he is just as crazy as I am. we have so much in common and we get along REALLY well…. all of this is doing my head and I am a over thinker so Im just dying from anxiety. please suggest what I should do in order to keep him interested but also dont have to try too much and make him work for me.

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