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Why Do Guys…?

How Can You Absolutely Know If He’s Interested In You?

Man Showing Interest.

Learn the absolute facts about men and their interest in you.

Are you sick and tired of looking for all the signals that a guy is interested or not?

Sometimes he is, other times he’s not. He’s hot. He’s cold. He’s all over the freaking map of so-called attraction.

Well I have good news for you today… yup. I’m a guy… Peter White. Maybe you have heard of me, maybe not. 🙂

You want to know if some GUY is interested in you? If he’s really into you or just playing a game or if he’s even the slightest attracted to you?

Pay close attention because you’re about to know everything because I love revealing “most” of our secret man code. Hey, a guy has to have some secrets.

Only three other men also reveal our “man secrets” who are better than most, including me but I’ll let you decide that 😉 and I will ALWAYS suggest you go to Evan Marc Katz, Christian Carter, and David Wygant to see the whole picture on men. (Those are redirected links because I affiliate myself with them. We are not close friends. I have exchanged very few personal emails with Evan and David but not with Christian.)


You’ll come to realize by being or becoming a valued member of the Why Do Guys…? newsletter that I break ALL guys into two absolute categories. There is no “wiggle” room here. There is a scale or percentage of where they might fall or be going into BUT there are still only TWO TYPES OF MEN:

1. The guys who get you.

They are good with women. They have experience. They have their ways of getting what they want from lots of women AND they are also very very rare. Some call them the top 10%.

And yes, they are mostly good or real so keep your eyes out for them.

2. The guys who don’t get you.

These guys are not good with women. They have little or no experience. They get lucky once in a while. They do date a little (mostly) but they go at it blindly and plod along sort of following YOUR lead IF they’re attracted to you in some way.

Based on my experience in being a man and teaching men and going from a total 2 to a 95% #1 with women I’ve seen both sides.

This is how I know you can really tell if a guy is into you and it’s also how I know you have to know what type of guy you’re dealing or else you could be easily fooled into thinking something is there or if it’s moving forward when it’s not.

Let’s not waste anymore time, okay?

#1 The guys who get you:

Their signs are very subtle but if they’re into you there are a few ways to tell.

First they break the touch barrier early. They cup your back while you pass by. Shake your hand and look right in your eyes when they meet you.

When I’m interested in a woman I treat her different from the other ones. I won’t hesitate to talk about sex and dating. That’s because I don’t want to lead on a woman I’m not into. I hate rejecting women more than I hate being rejected.

If I’m NOT into you the conversation is not as stimulating. I’ll appear less excited and I certainly avoid touching you in any shape or form.

I will look in her eyes but not deeply because she might assume I want more. I will also avoid staring at her lips and any other body part for that matter because I’m not physically attracted to her.

For example there are two women I can name right now who are both attracted to me BUT I’m only attracted to one of them. Okay she’s engaged so I’m not so obvious and honestly she’s isn’t that attractive BUT she does it for me.

Something about her. 🙂

The one I’m into too gets the “me” treatment although I do bust both of their asses to tease.

Looking on the outside it might not be clear which one I’m into and so I’ll reveal something you’ll want to hear.

My interactions with the one I’m attracted are actually shorter. I give her more space. I leave her hanging ALL the time. I downplay her “attractiveness” and playfully accuse her of probably being a pain in the ass to her fiance.

Yes. I check her out when I can. I absolute love her ass, it’s practically perfect. I will position myself skillfully to look but never while I’m talking to her or close enough to seem like a creep.

The glances are subtle and I have been caught at least once or twice. Which is good to know because I didn’t back away. I smiled and showed no shame. Just slowly looked away while my body language was sort of giving her a thumbs up.

I was clearly admiring her beauty in my eyes.

I lean in closer to her when we’re hanging out. I show her I’m not afraid of a pretty face. I am extremely comfortable being there with her and I feel she gets that.

Now as for the other one…

Well the interactions are longer. Sure I tease her and I’m myself but rarely ever will I walk away while teasing her. I’ll stick around and let her play back a little because she seems like she’s enjoying it and I like making her feel good.

BUT remember I’m NOT attracted to her and I’m NOT interested in her in any other way but as a friend.

She’s cool and fun and I respect her and who she is but that’s it.

I will NEVER check her out or stare at her. I will remain distant when I talk to her. I will happily give her a compliment if I feel it’s necessary and relative.

I don’t look in her eyes the same way I look into the other ones and quite honestly, SHE will get more smiles from me.

Yes, it’s true, I smile LESS to women when I am seriously attracted to her. Us guys act that way because we become a perceived greater challenge and as the saying goes “James Bond never smiles.”

Imagine all the stoic characters you have encountered and how many of them you felt attracted to and I hope that proves my point.


How does a guy who doesn’t get you act differently?

His signs are less subtle. He’ll kiss your ass a lot more. Do you favors and such. He’ll send out feelers to see if you’re into HIM first.

He won’t touch you unless it’s by accident and when he does he usually apologizes for it.

I know normally this is NOT the type of guy you’re wondering about because you’re probably not into him anyways.

That’s the problem with figuring all this out.

The guys you want or are secretly into, normally don’t make it abundantly clear because they want to dance a little first.

You know, flirting, teasing, busting your ass, playing fun games with you, talking about exciting things which might someday include you.

The second guy, well, never forget this:

IF a guy is giving you every reason to believe he’s “fishing” to figure out whether you like him, then he’s interested.

If you’re getting the feeling everything he says, does, or leads the conversation to things such as asking if you have a boyfriend or what you did last Friday night because that’s when people tend to go out, then he’s fishing to figure out if YOU like him.

Guys who are not really that good with women do that ALL the time so watch out for the signs.

The first (better) guy will be focused on creating and amplifying your attraction, whatever that involves, and normally he’s not concerned whether or not you like him back. He assumes if he is just himself, a guy who gets with women, you’ll show him one way or another how much you’re into him.

He doesn’t have to “fish” he merely needs to BE and then act.

Which bring up the next topic which I know you really want to know about.


This is where we talk about calling, texting, dating, and what happens when you’re apart.

This is where it feels like some guys ignore you one day and are into you the next.

There are many ways to get confused here so we need to be very clear:

Guys who are actively seeking you out want more but it doesn’t mean they want a relationship just yet.

They are taking the time to get to know you before they decide.

AND that decision is mostly based on where they are, how mature they are, whether or not they’re ready for a relationship and are actually capable of being in one.

Don’t take it as a sign he’s not interested in you just because he only contacts you once in a while, it means he’s not ready or willing to take that next step. He’s probably seeing other women and he’s making sure he finds the best mate for himself.

On the other side, most guys who don’t get you go into relationship mode very quickly. They act first, feel later, because they’re afraid of losing you. They act from a sense of urgency.

The Many Signs He’s Into You…


Body language is not always the best way to tell if a guy is interested in you or not but it can help. Just be sure you know the type of guy you’re dealing with first.

Decoding His Body Language… Should You Bother Trying?

Yeah I will admit this is often a dead give away BUT what if his body language is weak and not too confident to begin with. He’ll be too nervous to get close to you, or produce definite signs.

However like I mentioned early, look for subtle signs of touching, staring at your lips, overly confident stance, very open relaxed and inviting while at the same time maintaining a clear bubble of space between you and him to create friction and sexual chemistry.

For the guys who you feel don’t get you, you can probably throw away all those signs because he’s more interested in following your lead rather than creating it.

What I’m saying is to BE WARNED about reading a mans body language because it is completely dependent on his internal state, esteem, and confidence.

Let’s say a guy is on the weaker side or not very confident with women and suddenly he’s sticking out his chest around you, taking up more space, or basically doing things to “show off” well then that’s clear he’s attracted to you, right?

However, while being on the weaker side, most men won’t do that and you could easily believe he’s not feeling it for you.

My best advice with regards to body language is:

  • Make sure you’re first clear on his level of confidence around women.
  • Use it as an “extra” thing because body language alone is never enough to figure out whether he’s into you.

Is He Teasing You?

Yes we DO tease you more playfully. Give you secret names and such.

Single you out for exclusive sparring “moments”.

Just be warned about his character. Some guys do this with everyone and so you must decide for yourself if that’s him or not.

I know lots of guys who do this to everyone and some women mistake it for interest.

Just keep this in mind…

The guy who doesn’t get you will do everything but tease you “properly” because he’s too afraid to offend you.

If you’re into this guy watch out because this lack of interaction often has you believing the opposite when in fact, he’s not teasing you because he’s put you on a pedestal and is worried or afraid to upset you.

I told you there are always TWO different types of guys. 🙂

Teasing IS a clear sign (most of the time) and I would consider it ALWAYS first until at a later time when it proves to be wrong.

Incidentally the best tip I ever got on whether or not someone likes you still holds true and despite all of what you’re going to read, NEVER FORGET IT:

Stop looking around for signals from men that they’re “interested” in you.

Stop CARING whether or not a particular man is interested in you.

Instead, start TRIGGERING the interest, and watching to see if men ENGAGE. If they do,

then assume that IT’S ON!

As long as you use how he’s responding to what YOU do as your gauge, then you’ll have a MUCH easier time spotting the “he wants me” clues…


Is He Complimenting You?

I RARELY if ever compliment a woman I’m attracted to because I feel if I can’t be genuine or real or if it sounds to overdone, it comes off as creepy, weird, overdone, insincere or like I’m just trying to get in her pants.

“Mister I Don’t Get You” will compliment you every chance he gets because he thinks it will help his cause.

So compliments are a tough way to figure out our interest.

Of course if they’re unique, surprising, carefully placed from a guy who gets you, then expect and ASSUME he’s definitely attracted AND interested.


NEVER “fish” for a compliment from a guy to decide or help gauge his interest in you.

Most men do NOT know how to respond to it either way and it will only confuse the issue.

If you ask me, “How do I look?” or something like that hoping the answer will reveal my attraction you will NOT or can not use that information as a basis of attraction.

My best advice here is to:

Only consider genuine compliments which are not contrived by your doing and appear to come out of nowhere typically means there is an attraction.

Now I absolutely love this next one so I hope you do too.

Use His Family and Friends to YOUR Advantage:

Yes. If you want to figure out if a guy is truly interested in you, get in his social circle and pay close attention.

Use your social savvy to your advantage because most of the time women are far better at reading social situations than men are.

Okay, not ALL of us will give him away, including me, but I’d say most of his closest friends will give you more than just a clue he’s into you.

My best advice here is:

  • A man who is actively introducing you to his family and friends IS interested in you as more than just a friend. 9.9 times out of 10!
  • Watch his family and friends closely because often they will give him away secretly or blatantly and notice how he responds to their ribbing or gentle nudges.
  • On the other side, if he’s steering away from allowing you in his social world, he’s either still “on the fence” deciding OR he’s worried his social world will ruin his chances with you OR he’s concerned his social world will give you the impression he wants you more than he actually does.

Number three only proves the quote above once more.

As long as you use how he’s responding to what YOU do as your gauge, then you’ll have a MUCH easier time spotting the “he wants me” clues…

How He Acts Around Other Women.

The guys who don’t get you will almost ALWAYS (can I say that? 🙂 ) treat you as if you’re on a pedestal. They will put you above other women and you’ll get the feeling that he thinks you’re better than you might even believe.

With these guys it’s easy to see because you’ll notice that women they are not attracted to they’ll act “normal”. You won’t see any indecision. They won’t filter their words or act like they’re afraid to say something.

The guys who DO get you won’t be so obvious. As if you didn’t know that by now. 😀

I’m going to say when it comes to guys who are extremely good with women do NOT use how he acts around women as an indicator of interest.

Remember these guys are either trained or found at by accident that showing you too much interest is NOT a good thing. They won’t put you on a pedestal early on and they are NOT concerned with what they say, how they say it, and they are NOT ever afraid of being themselves.

Are You Casually Dating Each Other?

It’s no surprise that women come to me asking about a guy they’re dating and whether or not he’s interested.

Mostly you’re just asking if he’s interested in a relationship and I can not cover that today. Maybe later.

IF you’re actively dating him and he’s pursuing you, then it’s clear to me he’s interested in you and is actively getting to know you AND he’s trying to figure out compatibility.

It’s why we date.

However if weeks go by without hearing from him, or if the period between contacts are growing longer, then THAT is a clear signal he has lost interest UNLESS he’s dating lots of women.

Not all men, if that many at all, will be honest with you. They WILL slowly “forget” to contact you hoping you’ll get the hint because they don’t know how to reject you.

My assumption here is that IF you’re openly dating a guy and you’re still wondering whether or not he’s interested that you’re only confused on the issue of interested in something more like a relationship or commitment.

Dating or doing things together with any form of intimacy from kissing to sex equals INTEREST.

If you rarely or ever date or do things together and he only contacts you for sex or intimacy or only contacts you late at night, while he’s drunk, basically makes no clear effort in you beyond the sexual tension… he is NOT interested in something more. He is NOT looking or wants a “real” relationship with you.

Calling, Texting, and/or Contacting You On A Social Network.


Is he texting or calling you often? How much can you rely on the frequency to test for his interest?

There is absolute no doubt in my mind, being a guy, when I’m into a woman I WILL text her and call her enough to let her know I’m thinking about her enough to stay in relatively close contact.

This does not mean I will text her back quicker or call her just to talk unless that is how we already communicate.

If we tend to talk more on the phone than actually go on dates, then I will call her occasionally.

Guys who are NOT good with women will either never call or text you unless you do it first because they’re either too scared, don’t know what to say and don’t want to screw it up, and because they are not skillful socially. They might think there are “rules” to follow.

Now you must put all this in perspective and I’m going to help you by telling you how a man experiences an early attraction.

He can’t get enough of her. He might not show it but that’s when the feelings are strongest. To him, it’s like finding a new person to play with. Yes, it’s immature sounding but when attraction takes us over, we just can’t help it.

Over time though that initial spark will fade away a little. He might not call you so often or text you so much. It’s not because he’s losing interest (mostly) but because speaking is NOT always the primary source of communication with women for guys.

Once things get physical, we tend to gravitate more towards it and that could be anything from sex, cuddling, romance, going out, hanging out, being around you, playing games with you, etc..

Something that is actionable is where most guys live.

I understand how it’s tough to figure out. Earlier I told you if the time between contacts seems to be getting longer he’s probably losing interest and now I’m telling you most guys calling and texting will diminish over time.

The difference is again ACTION.

The phone calls might get shorter or the texting or online communication might get shorter BUT he’s now using that time to set up a meeting or date… it MEANS HE IS STILL INTERESTED IN YOU.

If he’s not setting up something, his contacts are growing shorter and longer in between, then that ‘s clear sign HE’S NOT INTERESTED anymore.

Hopefully you’ll see the difference there.

My best advice here is:

If he’s contacting you by any means listed above, then HE IS INTERESTED.

Please note how often he’s contacting you, what time he is contacting you, and what topics he is discussing with you, and the purpose behind his messages.

  • Guys who contact you more than once a week or practically everyday are generally looking for a relationship at some point.
  • Guys who spread their messages out more are NOT ready for a relationship. They are probably contacting or seeing other women too. They ARE interested but are not clear as to where they want to go with you just yet.
  • Guys who use messages or phone calls to ONLY set up meeting ARE DEFINITELY interested but you’ll find their contacts are more sporadic. If they result in ACTION consider it interest and consider if that action only leads to sex, that’s ALL he wants. If it varies, the he might be more willing to enter a relationship with you.
  • Guys who ONLY message you at night or when sex, sexting, sexual playing typically happen or most of the conversations you have center around trying to engage your sexual side are mostly only looking for that and nothing more.
  • Guys who only ever talk about themselves or rarely ask questions or dismiss your life and problems quickly to get back to him are NOT really that interested in you UNLESS their character is self-centered and egotistical.
  • Guys who go out of their way to find out about you, help you with your personal life, are willing to listen to you talk about yourself ARE INTERESTED. He’s asking questions because he wants to know the answer. He’s asking about you because he’s looking for similar life goals, passions and hobbies.

One more sign of interest…

Social Networking.


Men and women tend to use social media a little different and to figure his interest, you must know why guys use it.

Social sites are often used in many different ways.

Women tend to use them for fun, communication, keep in touch with old friends, advertise and connect with charities, keep up with current social trends, and to (in the very least) prove to themselves they have a life or as a validation of their social world.

Men mainly (because there are always exceptions) use them to pass the time, bust on their guy friends, pick up women, contact women they’re attracted to, use women or their girlfriends to get more girlfriends, profile building in the hopes women will come to them, and or marking up their image for, yep you guessed it… women.

SO…. He’s added you on Facebook, follows you on Twitter, checks out your pictures on Instagram, chat you on Snapchat, etc… for a reason.

To clearly label his interest:

  • Liking or commenting on your photos is a sign of attraction but not necessarily interest.
  • Liking or commenting on your photos can also be used to make other women jealous. Look out for that by simply seeing he else he’s complimenting or who contacts him after he leaves his thumbs up.
  • Using any form social media to find similar things to connect with you is a serious sign of interest.
  • If you’re getting both, connecting with you on similar interests and leaving notes or liking your photos then I would clearly mark that INTERESTED.

Now I contact many, many women online. Some I’m just attracted to and some I’m clearly interested in and it comes down to several factors to see what I’m up to. (I trust you will NOT reveal my secrets here. 🙂 )

I will leave a message on a photo I like but it might not be complimentary. Sometimes it’s just to bust her ass. It normally means I find her attractive and I’m looking to flirt with her and I want her to flirt back.

IF, since there are endless women to choose from online, I’m not clear as to her accepting me or is attracted to me OR is willing to overlook or not care about our apparent differences I will NOT show too much interest beyond photo messaging or liking UNTIL after she responds either positively or appropriately.

What all the means is like written above, I engage her because I’m attracted to you and if that leads to something more then I will decide my interest in something more or something more sexual and relationship like.

Now, typically a guy can lose interest based on your social profile alone because attraction has little to do with WHO you are.

Pay close attention to these next few sentences because it’s what most guys might never tell you up front –> Attraction does not mean we have to like who you are because it’s beyond our control BUT being interested in you as a person and staying interested and possibly wanting more has everything to do with WHO YOU ARE.

I’m not like most men 😀 BUT I can make a sound guess of who you are based on your public social media life alone and I’m quite good at being right. Not always but most of the time.

With that said I can and will disqualify or lower my interest based on that alone BUT in no way does that mean I am not attracted to you. Depending on your stability, with attraction alone, sex is an option BUT a relationship is NOT.

Low “real” interest plus high attraction generally means interest in a sexual manner.

Some other men will fake interest for the sex when it’s not there. I will NOT.

The only real way to “Get it right” and to not be hurt if you’re interested in something more is to NEVER EVER engage in any sexual activities UNTIL he proves to you without a doubt with REAL ACTION.

Never rely on words as proof. I don’t care what he tells you.

Attraction PLUS Interest PLUS Action beyond sexual activities is a clear sign he won’t knowingly or purposely use you or hurt you.

One more example from MY world.

There’s this woman. Really cute. Not my typical “go for girl” but I’m still attracted to her.

I’ve noticed certain things about her I don’t care for. Her attitude, her selfishness, her choices in men or how she vocalizes those choices.

So my interest in something more is not really there but my sexual attraction for her remains stable or growing.

Since we have not been sexually active by any means at all my interest is still there. I want to sleep with her and I’m not sure if casual sex would be possible with her and based on what I know about her, I’m not sure if she can handle it without getting too needy or dramatic or whether or not I’m actually an option for her anyways.

Again. That means my interest is still there and as time goes by without any sexual activity I’m beginning to consider something more. Something long-term. Something relationship like.

Keep ALL that in mind because I believe it reveals the true nature of guys and how we go from just wanting sex to wanting more and so please… IF you want something more, hold off on full-blown sex. It’s okay to fool around a little, very little I imagine if anything a sort of admittance to being attracted to him.

What I can’t tell you because for lots of men it’s different is whether or not, if we ended up going out or in a relationship, whether or not those feeling I just revealed to you means after a limited engagement I’ll realize what my first assumption or the things I didn’t like about her will cause an eminent breakup.


Now… (boy I do say that a lot , don’t I?)

Let’s get onto the real good stuff. Yep. We’re NOT done just yet.

I’ll explain something VERY important to you about men, what they want, and their genuine interest in you.

First, there’s attraction.

The formula is simple so NEVER read too much into it. Well at least try not to.

We see. We either feel attraction or not. It’s nothing we have control over.

It’s built into who we are and there’s absolutely nothing we can do about it.

No matter where we go, what we’re doing, who we’re with, when we see our “attraction” which tends to vary slightly from guy to guy… it’s ALWAYS there.

That never means we’re going to act on it though. We DO have restraint depending on our age and maturity.


We will or might want to sleep or have sex with our attraction but there does not need to be a whole lot of interest.

When we’re interested in a woman we will generally want to know more, see her more, court her, chase her, whatever it takes to find out who she really is.

We become interested AFTER the attraction is already there and we’re looking for more AND we’re capable of acting on that interest.

Let’s face it, some guys are just not good at following through with it and it may appear they are not interested when in reality, it simply means he doesn’t know how to show his interest.

Yes, because I know you’re all wondering…

We can become attracted to women based on interest alone IF and this is a big IF she triggers the right emotions inside us.

But Please keep in mind lots of men will fight it either way if they didn’t experience attraction at first. So some guys can never be “turned” if they didn’t experience attraction at first.

We NEED INTEREST to form a relationship which goes beyond attraction. We do NOT normally commit to a woman without it.


All real men NEED interest in you to form a longer lasting relationship.

It goes like this practically every time:

  1. We see. We feel attraction because of you.
  2. If we are attracted to you we WILL make some sort of contact with you. Sometimes it’s just staring. Sometimes it’s more like putting ourselves in a better position to meet you. This is when it seems like we’re always just around the corner.
  3. When we do meet you we will test our compatibility with you or gauge YOUR interest in us.
  4. If it’s mutual (most of the time because lots of guys will try to make you feel it back for us) we will tease, flirt, or attempt to create some form of sexual chemistry or tension. We do this because we ARE INTERESTED in you beyond the attraction. We WANT something more to happen.
  5. At this stage we will exchange information to form a deeper connection. This includes phones numbers, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchap, Twitter, etc…
  6. We use the exchange information to contact you. Do NOT put a time-table on it. It could be hours, days, or even weeks. It depends entirely on the guy here and very little to do with you or even his interest in you.
  7. If while contacting you we make a REAL CONNECTION, we will set up a meeting or a date or even just contact you again and again. At this point we ARE INTERESTED in learning more about you and possibly progress through to something more than just interest.
  8. The dating stage is where we consider our relationship compatibility. The dating stage is also where we might lose the interest but not necessarily the attraction. This stage in no way represents our ability to commit.
  9. After the dating stage comes the commitment stage. This is where most women get terribly confused. That happens because what might NOT feel like a lack of commitment to you feels like commitment to us guys. Just because we won’t come out and say it does not mean we are not faithful to you. A clear sign is he’s against you dating other guys and he doesn’t seem to be dating other women.
  10. During this “off shoot” stage of the last one we may remain open to dating others but if we keep coming back to you it means we’re attracted AND we’re interested in something more BUT we’re not clear as to if it’s worth giving up our freedom. More confusion because part of us wants to be with you and another part is still deciding something more long-term yet we still feel committed to you. The freedom at this point may only be in our heads.

We have explored many aspects of a guys interest and sure we may have left a few questions unanswered, or some things may not still be clear to you BUT…

As long as you FIRST understand YOU CAN CREATE the GREATEST INTEREST from A GUY by focusing on yourself. It’s NOT about doing this or that hoping it will work.

It’s about always striving to become the best possible version of yourself for yourself while maintaining a realistic attitude about rejection.

In other words you can NOT allow yourself to get trapped into one guys attraction, interest, and love. I have found this only leads to false concepts of rejection and way too many heart breaks.

*I understand if you’re truly struggling in this area than YOU NEED a solid plan of ACTION. Something to help you focus more and to bring you around at the right time to GIVE your entire WORLD the GIFT OF YOU. Internal focus is great but you must also learn to communicate it specifically to men to engage their greatest interest. I highly suggest you USE THIS for the greatest results –> Believe in Love – 7 Steps to Letting Go of the Past, Embracing the Present, and Dating with Confidence. “7 Steps to Letting Go of The Past, Embracing the Present, and Dating with Confidence – a powerful eBook/workbook/audio program that gives women the fuel they need to positively persevere in their pursuit of love.” I absolutely love his plan because it covers everything.

My world, my confidence, my ability, and my skills with women tells me I can have any woman I desire BUT in NO way does that make me focus all my energy and love on one woman alone when she’s not responding the way I would most desire.

I clearly understand rejection is NEVER an end to me.

Only a personal often emotional choice of another person and/or a clear lack of a gut level attraction for me which is never a choice by that person.

Both of which I understand I have no right to decide for that person. Just like you wouldn’t want another to control or attempt to manipulate your emotions, you must be aware it’s not right either for you to try.

This is why our focus remains first on becoming the best possible version of ourselves THAT DAY. Remember like-minded people attract each other without any interference.


How, what, when, and where you communicate that self is ALWAYS key to first developing a real deep emotional connection with every man you come in contact with. It is also how we find longer lasting happier and fulfilling relationships.

Never forget the quote above and to make it stick I’ll give again…

Stop looking around for signals from men that they’re “interested” in you.

Stop CARING whether or not a particular man is interested in you.

Instead, start TRIGGERING the interest, and watching to see if men ENGAGE. If they do, then assume that IT’S ON!

As long as you use how he’s responding to what YOU do as your gauge, then you’ll have a MUCH easier time spotting the “he wants me” clues…


I’ll say it, David DeAngelo IS my hero 🙂 and I would never quote someone so much if it didn’t mean so much to me. Of course I changed “women” to “men” for YOUR eyes only. It’s extremely unfortunate that he doesn’t have something for women.

He did however direct me towards my favorite coaches for women but we’ll get into more of them later. You’ll find them on my Recommendations Page. You will want to research each of them on your own time and hopefully one will truly connect with you and make a real difference in your dating/relationship life and goals.

THIRDLY… (is that a real word? 🙂 )


It never ceases to amaze me that the women who come to me sometimes get so focus on whether one particular guys is interested in them they not only drive their attraction up for that guy, the dismiss or forget something very important…


Qualifying a guy simply means deciding for YOURSELF whether a guy is right for you. If your focus remains too much on figuring HIM OUT you more likely to miss the point of dating.

It’s to find compatibility beyond the ordinary.

Learn to ask the right questions and expect more OR WALK. Things like:

  • Is he interesting and fun to be around?
  • Does he want to do things WITH you?
  • Is he actionable or full of shit?
  • Does he complement your life and not take away from your happiness?
  • Is he only interested in making your life better as if it’s not good enough right now?
  • Does he make you feel something more than just confused and troubled?
  • To expect him to commit, is he mature and capable with regards to the opposite sex? Family life and career is not enough.
  • Is his character worth sticking around or does he constantly prove to you he makes terrible decisions with little disregard to the people around him?
  • (etc… more to come…)

Now I understand you can’t just ask him those questions. that does not prove anything worth relying on.

You have to figure it out for yourself by paying attention to ALL the details of HOW he interacts with other people including yourself.


We have come to the end of my first REAL report for women and I can not thank you enough for not only making it this far but also trusting in me and “Why Do Guys…?” to help you understand men better. All the while putting up with my countless attempts to steer you inward. Something I have learned to do for myself and something which made drastic but healthy productive changes in my life… for the better.

I must ask you to make sure you at least open ALL YOUR EMAILS from me. This will help you decide whether or not that days advice or example is something you can relate to and help you decide whether or not to keep accepting my emails in your box. Trust me when I say I do not take it personal and it’s practically impossible to offend me.

I also must ask you to please NOT LEAVE ANY PERSONAL QUESTIONS ON THIS PAGE because I probably won’t approve them UNLESS they are short and generalized and very specific to the topics or areas we covered today.

If you must leave something here, I suggest it centers around helping me make this report better ( to work towards a version two or quite possible a sell-able Ebook). Feel free to point out any grammar mistakes or typos or confused issues too. Suggestions on how to make this site better than all the rest is also welcome.

Feel absolutely free to leave to leave any praises or massage my Ego 😀 and understand I might use them to help promote and build the “Why Do Guys…?” audience. It’s only fair. Haha!

I will also ask you to FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER. It’s where I give guys advice so you can see what I’m telling them BUT it’s also where I very occasionally give you a glimpse into my very private life and oh definitely throw in some secrets about men too. Any responses or such can be directed towards @peterwhite125 #whydoguys #niceguyapproach (…) Keep in mind I rarely if ever will follow you back.

Don’t forget I do have a “fan” page too which we can actually interact publicly. It’s here –> Why Do Guys On Facebook. You can also see it on practically every page here.


Thank you so much and I look forward to communicating with you and helping you understand men better.

Your new GUY friend,

Peter White

An honest, REAL look at men:


  • What we really think about.
  • What we actually DO want and what turns us off.
  • PLUS “50 Reasons Why He Might Ignore You – The Shocking Truth!”

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55 comments… add one
  • kim

    Confusing situation: I am friends with this guy, We are co leaders in our sons’ scout troop. We have a lot of fun together, he teases the daylights out of me and I give it back. Sometimes he confides in me. Our friends all say he treats me differently than others. He looks me in the eye all the time but rarely smiles directly, but always when he thinks I am not paying attention. He returns texts if I ask him a specific question but will rarely initiate one himself. He does not comment on FB or like my pics often so when he does I know it is meant. I like him and have for a long time. A few months ago we hung late at a party. One thing led to another and we ended up having sex. I had closed myself off from men for such a long time,
    I am not sorry it happened at all, and we are still friends, still talking, and both trying to juggle the demands of single parenthood Sometimes he acts like he would rather be ANYWHERE but near me, and he has bailed or checked out a few times when he was supposed to meet up. I have been told by more than one person he is interested in me but scared. We have never been on an actual date but we hang out, run in the same circle, and see each other at least once a week. We talk often and the conversations are deep. Sometimes I end him flirty texts which he never answers by texting but always acknowledges in person. So confusing to me, not even sure what I want out of it, but it is nice to have a ????? whatever we are. Should also mention neither one of us are dating anyone.

  • Sandra

    Hello Pete!
    I’m sorry this will be quite a long post but I really need an opinion from someone who knows what he’s talking about.

    So, I recently started working in a new place but it’s only for a month and I only have one week left. There is a slight chance that I might stay there but it’s not sure yet.

    There’s this cute guy there. I’ve been focused on work lately so, in my first few days of work I only said hi to him. I’m really good at acting cold. But lately we’ve started to talk more and more. He works as a lifeguard and one time I had to replace him to watch the swimming pools as there was a lady who was not feeling well. When he came back, he thanked me at least 5 times. And when I was leaving, he stopped me and asked me what my name was because he had to write it somewhere. Yesterday, I had to replace one of the lifeguards because she needed to go to the toilet and she didn’t ask me my name. And I’m sure she doesn’t know it because we barely talk. Was he using it as an excuse to know my name?
    Also, whenever he sees me he says hi with a big smile and asks me how I’m doing. The thing is, there’s another girl to who I talk a lot. She’s married and she doesn’t look like the type to cheat on her husband. But he talks a lot to her. The other day she asked him if he was gay in front of the other guys. I don’t know why she asked him that but yeah… The next day she asked him if he had a girlfriend and I was next to them and he said yes. I don’t know why but I knew he was lying. He talked about his passion for sports and how his goal is to go to the European championships. I could tell he was trying to impress one of the two. The other day, I finished my shift and when he saw me leaving he said “Have you seen the time?? You can’t leave, you haven’t finished yet. I’m the one who decides.” He obviously didn’t think I was going to stay but maybe he was indirectly saying he didn’t want me to leave? Also, one of these days when he came to work, he said hi to me with a big smile and was walking at the same time. Suddenly he was like “Oh that’s not where I want to go” It was like he was so focused on me that he forgot where he had to go. Yesterday, the other girl (they both did the night shift this week) told me that they had talked a little bit the day before. She told me he showed him photos of his brother and of him doing sport. He’s told her his age without her asking. She said he seems like a very family oriented person. And there’s a regular costumer who apperently is a slut and when he saw her he was like “she goes with every man… eeeeew”. He seems like a really good guy. Also, she told me that after all he doesn’t have a girlfriend. I swear to you, I knew he was lying. But why? Did he do it so that we wouldn’t think he’s gay? Or has he already seen that I’m interested and wanted me to think he’s taken? I’m scared he might be interested in her after all. The other day he was looking in our direction and I checked to see of he was looking at her. He was looking at me and I cut the eye contact for a few moments and then looked again and he was still looking at me. Or maybe he just enjoys talking to her.

    Yesterday I decided to tell the other girl I’m interested in him. That way I have someone to talk to about him there.

    And finally, today he said hi to me like usual and was really playful. He passed by me singing and was like “See? This guy knows how to sing” and there was a costumer who said a really lame joke and he came reeeeeally close to me and said “That was not funny at all”. But he might have come so close so nobody would hear it. But I didn’t notice if the costumer was already gone. Also, there was a time I was doing something and he saw me, stopped, looked at me as he was going to say something and then left. Lastly, when I went to the cafeteria to buy something for lunch, he was leaving and told me “I’m leaving… I start at 18h again” and I was like “ah really? Well… see you monday then”. But why would he tell me he was leaving and would come back at 18h? He could’ve just said goodbye.

    I’m quite overweight. But I know how to dress and flatter my body with good clothes, I wear make up all the time, high heels but at work I wear a really unflattering uniform and can’t wear make up and can barely keep my bangs in place. I know my value. I’m smart and I think of myself as an interesting person and I’m not usually nervous when it comes to guys because guys usually are pretty obvious when they’re interested in me (which I don’t think it’s necessarily a good thing). But with this one… I get really nervous around him. I don’t know why. He’s 26 years old, he’s quite handsome and has a bright personality in general. I can’t really tell if he has a lot of experience with women. Is he interested in me or just being nice? Am I misreading the whole thing? He has never really asked me questions about me. I’m desperate to know… Could you please help me? What can I do? I’m way to shy to ask him to hang out outside of work. Thank you for reading this and sorry for the long comment.

    • Peter White

      Hello Sandra,

      You’re doing what I used to do with women – I was so fixated on one woman I imagined everything she did, had something to do with me! I might have been right some of the time. I might have been wrong most of the time. That’s not important. What’s more important, as I began to realize, is that unless that person is obsessed with me AND showing it (or trying real hard to not send the wrong signals) – very little she did, said, or how she acted had anything to do with me at all. She was in her own world living her own life despite me.

      In your words you’re “desperate to know” what it all means and you’re relating everything he does or says might have something to do with sending a signal. Which, of course, is causing your attraction to this man up higher and higher. To the point where you become anxious, nervous, AND questioning how he sees you to the point where you’re beginning to defend who you are and how you look.

      All you can really do is encourage a man to step up. If he doesn’t – move on. Open many options or in other words, use what works on all men you might be interested because some of them will step up and make something happen.

      If a guy isn’t acting or moving forward, then trying to figure out “why” is not going to help you see the objective bigger picture.

      If a guy isn’t acting or moving forward after you “lure” him in the right direction and be who you are – at the point it’s him. There are a ton of maybes or reasons why guys don’t push it with some women and push it with others.

      If I interact with a woman long enough for something else to happen and it doesn’t – trying harder is not the answer. I must “chalk it up” and continue to do what works with other women. Fixating on her or relating everything she does to me, OR considering every reason why has NEVER helped the situation or made things right. All it did as get me utterly lost and lose all control over my dating life.

      Enjoy your moments together. Do your best to shut off the overthinking and how things he might be doing have something to do with you. Do EXACTLY what you do that has those “other” guys making it clear they want you with him and lead him in the direction you want him to go.

      If he does – cool. If he doesn’t – well that’s the answer then and whether it has something to do with you, him, how he sees you, and etc… shouldn’t matter because you can’t change yourself to match every man who may or may not want you hoping things will change.

      Hope that helps you a little,


  • Hannah

    Do guys ever want to just be friends? What are some signs that they don’t

  • Mona

    HI PETE!
    I read your posts and I feel I should share something, which may be important to many people. I also have a question to you 🙂
    You wrote a few times, that what a guy’s friends or family are a good source of information about him, so if you want to get some truth about him, you should seek in other “outside” sources. I’m not sure how and why this happened, but what happened to me in my past is a good example, that people should be VERY cautious with taking any person’s family/friends as a ‘litmus test” of honesty.
    When my former boyfriend, let’s call him Jim (not a real name), introduced me (in a rather ‘casual’ way) to his friends and some members of his family, these people were telling me very and ‘reassuring’ things about him. Mind you, all these people know him since early childhood (!) .
    Me and Jim had some problems from the beginning. At first I thought it’s because of culture differences (we’re from two different European countries). I believed we’re able to solve these problems. I moved to his country for some time. Unfortunately, things were worse and worse, because he was more and more egoistic, self-centred and (looking from the perspective) in the end I realized he’s the worst type of a player.
    BUT…. in the meantime I met some of his relatives and (male) friends. They seemed to be nice. All of them were telling me, that things between me and Jim are going to be perfect, because he talks a lot about me, because “he’s so in love” with me, they were telling me he’s getting serious about our future. Sounds good, right ?!?!?
    They were telling me to ignore his “harshness”, because “he’s a guy with a heart of gold, just with not much experience with dealing with women” and they are absolutely sure he’ll change his attitude for me.
    How not to believe people, who know a guy since ever????
    His brother was telling me how happy he is, that I’m with Jim.
    His friends were telling me how happy they are, that I’m with Jim.
    But I felt more and more unhappy. More with time I saw nothing but his ego and narcissism. His attention transformed into a manipulation, emotional bullying…stuff like that.
    When I finally broke up with him, I was in so bad shape that I was diagnosed with severe PTSD.
    When I dumped him, I realized a few things:
    – the same person, who told me about how good-hearted he is, told me later on, that he believed I & Jim never suit each other, besides he knew about Jim’s attitude towards women; soon after he told me how nasty pig Jim is in real, he …praised Jim on his FB;
    – Jim’s brother told me once, how he ridiculed and humiliated Jim’s former gf, because she was “too friendly and polite”;
    – the same brother knew that the main thing I hated in Jim’s attitude was his TOTAL devotion to his hobby (to the point there was NO time left for me, and he loved to see how I suffer trying to “compete” for a bit of attention), and even if so, he saw no problem in encouraging Jim to keep this attitude;
    – Jim’s mother, when treated badly by him didn’t even stand up for herself, like… she saw nothing wrong in being abused.
    My point is ….. in my situation I would NEVER,EVER, EVER ,EVER ,EVER continue this relationship, if these people told me who he really is!!! The ALL know the truth. No one even tried to warn me. Moreover, they put me into a danger by encouraging me to keep trying, keep fighting, keep loving him, encouraging me to hope for a happy outcome, for his change. They all knew the truth and even if so, they were pushing me into this relationship. What he did to me is terrible, but what they did is beyond any imagination. It was almost like a ‘conspiracy’ or something (from my point of view).
    So I want to warn all of you. Things like this happen.

    Pete, my question is : what do you think in such situation? Have you ever heard about something similar? I can’t imagine WHY all these people, who exactly know what kind of person he is, were telling me good things about him (which turned out to be lies). I can’t figure it out. It’s kind of surreal to me. It’s like convincing someone that a scorpion is a nice animal and you should give him a hug. WHY would one do such thing?! Moreover, why would guy’s family members and friend LIE in such way? Does it make any sense to you?
    Best regards!

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