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Why Do Guys…?

A Man’s World Exposed – How To Tell If A Guy Likes You – Is He Really Interested?

in Does He Like You
Is the first kiss the only way to tell if a guy likes you? Maybe…

You’re going to read a lot about signals men give you and how you can use them to figure out if a certain guy likes you or not.

You’re going to be given body language cues which, as a woman, you already know what they mean. I won’t say a guaranteed 100% but trust me on this – when it comes to reading body language you are already equipped with that skill.

You may also have been informed about his flirting techniques. As if every guy who flirts with you is madly in love with you. I’m sure you know that’s not the case. Flirting is a unique form of communication and not a fair assessment of “like.”

Maybe you believe because he always looks so good when he sees you, or he’s always smiling, or even that “when he’s watching you talk to other guys” he must be interested. Assuming when you’re not around he never smiles, he looks like shit, and he never checks out a woman talking to a guy.

Maybe because he always initiates the conversation. He’s always first to call or text you. How he goes out of his way to find you. Even the friendliest gesture can be reasoned and confused with real gut level attraction.

Let’s not forget about when he starts to ignore you. He is playing “man games” with you. He’s here one minute and gone the next. Then he must like you because no guy plays hard to get unless they want you to like them back.

But then how can you tell if he’s just busy. Or if you’re over-thinking it all. If he’s honestly hard-to-get. Maybe distant. Maybe emotionally unavailable with spurts of candidness which keeps you coming back for more.

Well – I’m going to assume you’ve heard it all before.

So it’s also safe to guess the answers you found – didn’t solve your problem. You got lots of things to “look out for” but no definite answer based on your personal case and not some majority ruled generalization about men.

Why is that? Why, despite all those answers, you still find yourself wondering if he is interested in you. If he’s truly attracted to you.

If you haven’t gathered it by now – I’m a guy. Yep. Just another dude and I have the parts to prove it. πŸ˜‰

Rather than give you the same old tips. The so-called science fact about our wonderfully unique mating process. I want to share with you a guy’s world.

Many guys repeat your frustration,

“Does she like me? She’s flipping her hair. Exposing her wrist. She’s laughing at my lame jokes. She’s communicating 15 out of the 18 signals that she likes me so it must be true. Look!!! Even her feet are facing me. And I know I saw her lick her lips at least once – while we were eating dinner. Hmmmmm?”

Would you believe I’ve known lots of good-looking guys who I’ve caught several times talking to me about a “signal” she was giving and how it must mean she’s interested. And these were guys who needed absolute no help in the dating world.

While all that’s going on you’re looking for the man version and at the same time (I might add) trying to use your female ways to show him you do like him.

This ago old dance sometimes leads somewhere. Sometimes you get that second date. Sometimes you hook up later on. Sometimes you accidentally lead a guy on only to find out you don’t like him.

And sometimes your “maybe relationship” becomes so confused and buried in the mystery of it all you lose sight of what it was all about in the first place.

In a guy’s world – when his lips touches yours and he wants to do it again and again and again – he’s more than just interested. He likes you and is more than likely going to tell somebody about it.

Getting TO that point is what it’s all about.

We don’t date women to become non-sexual friends. We don’t get close to women without wanting to be intimate sooner or later. We don’t feel attracted without wanting more than just a casual conversation.

The instant you start looking for signals you’re taking yourself out of the most important place you can be. The present. And the present is the only way to get TO that first kiss.

In one guy’s world – a man who knows what he’s doing and has real experience with women understands how to take you there. His signals mean absolutely nothing because if he’s wants you there and you’re so inclined to join him – he WILL lead you there.

In another guy’s world – he doesn’t understand the steps. He’s busy looking for your “okays.” In a way HE wants to be lead. He’s unsure of his own esteem. His signals mean absolutely nothing because you’re not really dealing with his “present.” Which as I stated earlier – is the only way to get there.

For “it” to be completely real with a guy – there must be some physical connection. This means he will do everything and anything within his power, lifestyle, situation, skill-set, and probably more to secure an intimate moment.

Truth be told – what you’re experiencing when you’re trying to figure out if a certain guy or a group of men like you is doubt about yourself. Which has little or nothing to do with him or them.

Oddly enough – you know that. Don’t you?

Hell I even knew it myself even while I was sulking in the corners with a sad look in my face mumbling, “Why doesn’t she like me?” Took me a while to make myself actually believe, “Well maybe she doesn’t like me because this is who I am. The type of guy who cries in the background and whines. I don’t even like myself!!”

That’s one of the extreme cases for men.

But in the smaller cases which I’ll assume is yours…

  • Maybe you don’t like one or two things about yourself.
  • Maybe you suffer from mild flashes of doubt which always seems to come at the “perfect” time.
  • Maybe you believe the guy you’re liking doesn’t seem to be into “your type”, or you’re too old, too young, too big, too small, too shy, too nice…

It’s absolutely perfectly reasonable to say you’re experiencing that doubt because you’re feeling attraction. If you didn’t care about “how he sees you” or “if he’s interested” then you wouldn’t even bother asking that question. Would you?

In the “all case” when you don’t feel attractive or likable at all you will actually try to stop yourself from “falling” for a guy because you know how deeply you’ll look inside yourself and how much it’s probably going to hurt.

What I’m saying, without getting too much into some blame game or who’s at fault, without telling you the same old stuff somebody else has already written is the ultimate answer to knowing if a man is interested in you:

In a guy’s world – the moment he feels attracted to you, he also experiences doubt. Some greater than others. Some handle it better than others. Some hide behind a mask. Some hide in the corner crippled by it all…

But the goal is always the same. To secure an intimate moment which is dependent on the intimacy he needs and how he defines a physical connection. Because that is when it becomes real for us.

I’m saying and I’m probably going to take a lot of flack for it but the ultimate test to see if a guy likes you – starts with the very first kiss.

Getting to that point is best left to enjoy and experience (and not question) because you know it then becomes all about you. It takes you out of the very thing you need to make that first kiss happen. The present.

Obviously we’ve avoided the social drama and the complexity of stepping from sight to relationship and how in our world there’s more to getting together than just feeling it for someone.

Let’s leave it at this and see where it takes us…

If everything a guy does seems to be leading up to that first kiss then you keep assuming he feels attracted to you.

If you’re impatient or are interested in time savers – the moment you’re close enough – make that kiss happen! Even if it’s just a small peck on the lips or neck. It doesn’t have to be a make-out session.

After that you’ll know exactly how much he likes you.

Stop looking for signals or body language clues or the deeper meaning behind it all…

The absolute truth of it all is…

We don’t date women to become non-sexual friends. We don’t get close to women without wanting to be intimate sooner or later. We don’t feel attracted without wanting more than just a casual conversation.

Love may be something else in determining how a man feel towards you. I would suggest you watch this informational/sales video because it will give you 7 questions designed to help you figure out if a certain man loves you or not… Does He Love You?

Guy Woman Having Fun Understanding Men

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110 comments… add one
  • Elaine

    Men who play games aren’t worth your time . Carry on and forget them like they don’t exist. No one deserves to be played with!!! SHY OR NOT!

  • Anie

    So there’s this guy I’m really into. I’m sure he was into in the beginning too as he used to msg me every single day. It was great for like a month but out of no where he stopped everything. So u gave him some space and after a month this all repeated again 2x so far. I asked him what’s bothering him and to tell me if he wants me to stick around as I’m pretty confused not knowing what he wants. So he suggested we have a chat but that never happened. So I left it again. He messaged me again for my birthday but doesn’t want to meet up. Why is he not telling me what he wants? I told him if he needs space that’s fine but ignoring is not. I don’t get it?! Every time I think it’s over he gets in touch again.

    • Peter White

      Anie,

      Sometimes men ARE telling you what they want. Just because there are no words or actual conversation about it, doesn’t mean it’s not happening.

      His silence is telling you everything you need to know. Either he’s not really that interested or he’s pulling back because things were moving faster than he wanted.

      When you bring up the, “what’s bothering you?” and then you ask him if he wants you to stick around AND he still says nothing – it’s normally a sign he is avoiding saying what I just said. When you then tell him, “If you need space…” you’re only triggering him to pull back further. It’s just not an effective way to get your point across.

      I’m not excusing him. I’m also not privy to what caused the “silent treatment” exactly because it’s always something. Meaning something happened to cause this which I can’t see or know about. All I can assume is that he’s not ready and figured it out after a month AND is probably seeing someone else too.

      BUT I will say – when the messages stop coming – after they were consistent – and then he randomly contacts you just to keep in touch – I would assume it is over. Just because he contacts you again doesn’t mean it’s on again. It’s probably his way of telling you he’s not ready, willing, capable, not on the same time frame as you, or whatever.

      You have all the power to stop this cycle. STOP replying to his messages and START looking elsewhere.

      The next time you meet a guy who (early on) messages you everyday, and even though you might be enjoying it or liking it, maintain your space and don’t allow yourself to answer him.

      It’s normally NOT a good sign when a guy is too into you too quickly AND it tends to either lead you to needy guys whose life revolves around thier current (temporary) attraction, OR leaves you confused and asking the wrong questions to them, when the messages stop coming.

      Your guy friend πŸ™‚

      Pete

  • kat

    This guy work with seems interested but never approach me. I usually start the conversation 1st. ..he’s kinda nervous, blushes, fidgeting, look at me, joke with me a bit, odd thing is I ask him to hang out for the heck as friends. ..he just smile & say nothing. .

  • kat

    I don’t know if he’s not interested as being friends getting to know one another. ..????? but now he’s pretty much where I am at. just don’t talk to me unless I start talking. .urghhhh

  • kat

    I mean now, he’s same place am at but still not talking unless I do or other ppl ..seems he’s ok w/others but with me he’s just shy or not interested? ?? seems hard to talk w/me but not others girls…

    • Susie

      Hi Kat,

      If you read my post earlier, I had a similar situation as you. I was friends with a shy guy at work. Having read lots about shy guys online, it sounds like if they like us they completely overwhelmed by their feelings. They don’t want to make an idiot of themselves by saying the wrong thing. So they say nothing and leave it to us to approach them. They don’t have trouble talking to girls they aren’t interested in, so it sounds hopeful with your guy.

      What I did with David was to just to start by saying Hello and saying a few words to start with. Take it slowly and let him become comfortable talking to you. Suggesting hanging out as friends might push him out of his comfort zone, as he doesn’t know you very well yet. I think that is where I went wrong with David. He was comfortable talking to me in a work situation, but the thought of meeting up away from the Library was a bit too much.

      Good luck with it. Shy guys can be very frustrating!

  • Elizabeth

    Hi Pete,

    I’m 16 years old. I KNOW for sure that this guy in my grade likes me (or at least I think he does, because he flirts with me every day). I promise you that he is one of the most direct and obvious guys I have ever encountered. Not sure if that’s a good or bad thing, because usually, the guys who are very obvious are the ones who are players and/or are full of themselves. What do you think?

    On top of that, it’s very flattering for him to flirt with me so much and with such consistency. I’m amazed at the fact that he can keep it up for that long (he’s been flirting with me ever since the school year started). But my question is: Why has he never actually made a move and asked me out? Why has he never taken it further than just flirting with me all the time? I get that he’s attracted to me. I know that he thinks I’m physically attractive because he outright told me. But I don’t understand what he’s doing.

    I am really looking forward to your response!!

    Thanks a bunch,
    Elizabeth

    • Peter White

      Hi Elizabeth,

      Some guys do it because it’s a skill they like to show off and keep up. It also helps their esteem. Makes them feel more confident.

      Some guys do it because they are (for lack of a better term) spreading the seed. Do it with lots of women and you might have an endless supply of dates or encourage other women to come to him because just by flirting with you, other women might assume you are or were a thing at one point…. making him look like a real ladies man. It’s sometimes called proofing themselves.

      For some guys, especially the younger ones, it’s ALL they know how to do. They have found some women will make the first move and they’ll wait patiently for it to happen. Other times they just don’t know how to make another move so they endlessly flirt until an accident or by chance, you end up in a place where something else could happen. Normally started by you.

      Sure some guys who are this obvious are players and/or full of themselves BUT they’re still going to fall into one of those categories above.

      You’re welcome a bigger bunch.

      Your guy friend,

      Pete

  • Sienna

    If a man takes you out on numerous dates to dinner and such, then spends hours and hours into the early morning just kissing you intimately would this mean he likes you? I thought so, but then he just disappeared so that’s where the confusion lies when it seems so obvious that he’s into you and for some reason they disappear and it leaves you dumbfounded and confused.

    • Susie

      I’m coming to the conclusion that men are just wierd and should be avoided if women don’t want to get their hearts broken!

      • Peter White

        Who you calling weird? πŸ™‚ Alright we can be a bit strange, some are definitely weird – not me of course. I’m perfectly normal :p with the exception of the weird things I do and like of course.

        BUT avoiding us is not the answer. You could always try other women if that’s the case.

        Avoiding most “weird” men, I fear, would only have them trying even harder. Right? πŸ˜€

        As for the broken hearted… who among us has not been broken at some point in our lives, both men and women. Just not a good excuse to give up BUT a very good reason to try something different.

        Your “weird” guy friend,

        Pete

    • Peter White

      Hello Sienna,

      http://www.whydoguys.com/how-like-love-interest-explain-his-commitment-disappearance/

      Hope it doesn’t leave you more confused. πŸ™‚

      • Sienna

        Hi Pete,
        First off I just want to compliment you on your way of explaining men’s thought processes because I find it so insightful and it will definitely be helpful in my future relationships. (With men of course as I’m sticking with them heartbreak and all because I truly adore men and all their crazy quirks as I know they adore ours, at least I hope).. I have for the most part always found men to be pretty easy to read and way less complicated than woman of course. It’s just that this was the first time in my many years of dating where I had someone seemingly so into me (who also totally pursued me), just disappear and for the first time ever made me question my ability to read a man’s feelings for me.. This man was just coming out of a marriage and I always figured it had more to do with him just not wanting to get into a relationship, but it still makes you question yourself a bit when the connection you felt seemed so real from both sides. I never contacted this man after he disappeared and he eventually did come back asking me if he could call me again for a date, which I agreed and then this added to my confusion when he never followed through or called.. Which leads me to my new question as to “Why do guys” go through the motions of asking a girl out and if they can call her but not follow through which drives us crazy by the way (LOL). In any case, I appreciate your advice and I find reading all of your columns to be very informative whether they pertain my love life or not.. Keep up the amazing work, your awesome and love reading your stuff ..

        Take Care,
        Sienna..

  • Sooyun

    I can’t figure out if he likes me or not. Help?
    First meeting was during Christmas at church when Bishop complimented the new uniform they had and at the same time his eyes and mine were connected. Later around March, when I noticed he didn’t seem to avoid eye contacts with me.
    From afar when we have Mass, I feel there is a connection that he looks at me and I also look at him. One time when I smiled at him, he looked away and then hid away from my sight when walking down. He seems to walk with his head up.
    Sometimes I was confused whether or not he looked and smiled at me, so I just had my normal face and then he had a normal face as well. When we have Mass at the gym that I sit on the left side instead of my usual right side, I can’t go to his line unless he changes to the left. I notice that if he serves the line in the back, behind my seat, he would walk up with heavy steps, seemed like he’s angry. If he serves the line in front, opposite from my line, I can still go up, his steps are more relax, doesn’t seem in a mad mood. On Mother’s day weekend, I was out of town and when I got back last Sunday, he walked up at the beginning of Mass totally like mad, but still would hurry to get the seat that faced directly where I sat as if someone would take it from him. Yet, the whole Mass time, I just can’t tell that he looked at me, more of like avoiding, siting with legs opened. Yet he would serve on the opposite line in front and again his steps were more relax. After Mass when walking right by him, facing opposite direction, I said hi in a soft voice, but totally he would have his head up and looked on the side…

  • There’s this guy that comes in to get coffee where I work and he’s SUPER attractive to me and I get all giddy. He has a huge grin on his face when he speaks to me and we always end up chatting about something random. He said he was looking for me one day when I wasn’t working because he said he wanted to take me riding on a bulldozer (I guess he works in construction) and he always says “it was good seeing you again”. He asked where I was from originally, if I lived alone and we started talking about pets and he pulls out his phone and starts showing me pictures of his dog, at one point he even tapped my arm and leaned in and once he was leaving and I was taking out trash and he made sure to speak to me and used my name… I know this is silly but I’m wondering why he didn’t ask for my number or if I’m reading too much into it…

  • Miranda

    Hi Pete,

    I’m a junior in high school. I’ve been kind of getting closer to a certain guy in my grade. One day, he asked me, “Are you and this other guy a thing?” I don’t have feelings for this “other guy” at all, so I said, “No. We’re not a thing. What makes you ask that?” He said, “Nothing, never mind.” I kept pushing, so he said, “I don’t know, it just seems like you two are a thing.” I told him firmly that he and I are not a thing.

    Why did he ask me that? Maybe it’s because he’s just curious, end of story. I’ve definitely had moments where I was curious about whether a guy had a thing with a girl. But I had no feelings whatsoever for the guy, I was only curious.

    What do you think? Thank you so much for reading!

    From,
    Miranda πŸ™‚

    • Peter White

      Hi Miranda,

      I’d say some of the time a guy is curious. Maybe he’s looking to see what women like or are interested in what you might see in another guy. You know to educate themselves.

      BUT most of the time, especially a younger guy, he’s revealing his attraction for you.

      Next time you run into something like this – or a guy acting this way – the best way to respond is to simply play along sarcastically and notice how he responds. You’ll get more that way then just by asking why he wants to know. Something like, “Oh of course I do. :p ”

      From,

      Pete

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