How can a beautiful woman (fed up with player hunters) pursue a good nice man without seeming desperate ? Can she pursue him several times if he doesn’t do it at all? People tell me that I am too pretty and because of my career nice men are scared. I am so polite and nice to all people, shall I give up my career or stay single? I cannot wait for the nice guy to come, because I have a certain age.
This is a pattern, good men run away, players look for me just to dump me and brag.
Let’s say I meet a sweet man, I talked to him, then later I wrote him an email asking him out. He answered yes, we went out, he seemed shy and his face was red. He did not call since then, nor write me . I think, let’s say 70% that he liked me, but I feel shy to write him again. We have no friends in common, I only have that mail. What do you suggest? Thank you
Let’s get this one out of the way immediately…
You Do NOT have to make the tough choice of giving up your career or to just stay single.
Your experience has brought you this… “good men run away, players look for me just to dump me and brag” then there’s probably something more going on here. Some of which is in YOUR control and some of which are BEYOND YOUR CONTROL.
If we could separate those two (and this goes for everyone) by considering your situation and writing them down we would have a better chance at solving this dilemma.
We would have to look at what is happening on those dates. Specifically what you’re talking about and how you’re talking about your career.
“Now it’s Tuesday and she has not heard back from him.” First Date Confusion – He doesn’t Call You Back! Is He Interested?
This would be something you DO have a part of controlling.
We can also look at what types of men you’re dating. Some men are scared little boys. There’s nothing you can do about them. You are NOT expected to try nor should you accept anything more than moving far away from them.
You’re not here (and it is not recommended) to fix a man’s confidence or esteem.
Some men will just have to get over it and if they refuse or won’t, you’re better off not bothering with them anyways.
THEY are beyond your direct control within reason. Some do teach clever communication skills which might help you ease some of his concerns or have him thinking otherwise. You’ll find some of the written in my last post.
Yes, I completely understand you’re worried about not finding a “real” guy because of your looks or career BUT remember, you can always use what you have to broaden or expand your search.
Don’t see your position in life as a negative in relationships and start using those same strengths to inject some positive new ideas about dating and relationships.
It sounds like you have a good intuition when it comes to spotting a player and I don’t have to tell you to avoid them at all costs.
As for your, “Let’s say I meet a sweet man, I talked to him, then later I wrote him an email asking him out. He answered yes, we went out, he seemed shy and his face was red. He did not call since then, nor write me . I think, let’s say 70% that he liked me, but I feel shy to write him again. We have no friends in common, I only have that mail. What do you suggest?”
As above, what happened during that date can more specifically clue us in on what went wrong.
We could also look into what you did together and avoid doing those things guys who you would consider a “nice guy”.
For example: Dinner dates and nice guys is (normally) waste of time because he’s so far from his comfort zone he’ll rarely ever feel relaxed. You won’t get the real him. You’ll get what he thinks you want to see AND he’ll be on his best behavior.
Like I tell everyone, avoid at all costs, things that appear to be “standard dates” and do something different. Something which brings out the best in both of you naturally. Yes, it’s tough but it’s worth thinking about because it generally leads to more second dates.
Take notes on what you talked about, how you talked with him, what he talked about and HOW he was speaking with you. Did either of you discuss these topics at length? 14 Topics To Avoid Talking About While On A First Date With A Guy – (located at the approach)
In the future I would suggest you set up a second date while on the first one and to definitely get more contact info than just an email.
This will help avoid something like this happening again.
WITH ONE EXCEPTION – If you’re an over-thinker. If once you begin to feel it with a guy your mind won’t let you rest. IF you have hung up on or confused on when to contact a guy or how many times you should contact him.
If that’s you DEFINITELY and ALWAYS set up a second date (far in the future – about two weeks) while on the first date BUT avoid exchanging too much contact information. No Facebook. Twitter. Instagram. Just a reliable phone number and nothing else.
In your case you could also send him a quick email and tell him you had fun and “I believe we should “probably” :p do something again soon. Here’s the first 5 digits of my number. Write me back yours and I’ll give you the rest. ;)”
One more thing…
Players play women. Some dump them just to brag about their conquests. Some are just looking for sex. Some have serious female issues. My point is it’s what they do and it has NOTHING to do with you personally.
Sure it feels like they’re singling you out because of your status or looks, possibly for the Ego boost or those bragging rights, BUT unless they have a personal vendetta against you, it’s NOT you.
They are not looking beyond the surface. To them you’re typically a body and a face.
Back to the beginning Georgiana.
Examine your situation as best you can and ALWAYS reassess or do these exercises often:
- Write down what you DO have control over.
- Write down what you do NOT have control of.
- Accept them both as YOUR truths.
- Examine what you believe is stopping you or holding you back like… success, looks, confidence… the things you believe scare good men away and find a way to USE those very same positive strengths to create more successful dating experiences.
- Rinse and repeat. 🙂
For example: Looks may give you more options, so start being more selective BUT use clever communication skills to help you choose.
I’ve found people who are successful in their career did so by developing channels (call it networking) and tend to have a multitude of social branches which can be effectively used to their advantage in dating.
Again, learn to cleverly use YOUR best assets in a positive way and avoid the limiting belief that they are hindering your success. They can help you.
I understand you don’t want to come across as needy or desperate so make sure you read this too: How To Avoid Looking Desperate In His Eyes By Not Doing These 3 Things
That’s all for today.
Your guy friend,