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Why Do Guys…?

Why Do Men Continue to Do Something When They Know it Bothers You

Guy Bothering Annoying Woman

If a guy has ever bothered you, annoyed you, continued to do something even though you asked him not to... then the answer to your question, "WHY?!!!" is finally here.

I'm going to first describe how and why it happens in dating or in your everyday interactions with men and then only lightly cover it when it's coming from a guy you're in a relationship with.

Let's begin with...

The dating or normal everyday interactions with guys.

Long ago I reached out to a guy because I needed help with women. His name was David DeAngelo.

(If you know a guy who needs him send them there - for you - I've included his links and his REAL name below in the credits section.)

In one of his first lessons he shockingly said this,

"When she is getting annoyed by something you are doing... don't stop  doing it - do it more and turn it up!"

Of course it's taken out of context and seems a little mean but I noticed very quickly that guys who were good with women - type one guys - they were ALL doing it.

Some were good about it and using it the right way. Others were just plain rude.

However, in either case (depending on circumstance and the woman they used it on) it worked amazingly well. PUA's picked it up and gave the lame version of it a name. They called it "The bratty little sister routine."

Which is actually meant to be literal, treat a woman like your bratty little sister and you WILL create attraction. (in context of course.)

The idea behind it is brilliant because it creates friction, sexual chemistry, displays confidence,  a little indifference, and when blended appropriately with humor, tact, and a strong yet gentle touch does trigger attraction in a woman.

In fact - give it a little tweak it also works for women on men too. Perhaps we'll call that one the "Pain in the ass big brother routine." Treat a guy like he's your older and bigger huge pain in the ass brother with respect and humor and it's guaranteed to work. (If you try it let me know how it works for you.)

This "routine" was meant to be used for the little things like: Playing music you don't like and when asked to turn it off - the guy turns it up and/or never giving you a direct answer and teasing you about it. Etc...

I'm not going to get into all the details of how and why it works so well but I will say it has a wonderful side effect. It can get a woman to prove who she is really is indirectly making it a valuable "testing" tool a guy can use on you.

YES - certain men DO test women too. It's not just a female art form.

Remember all this the next time a guy continues to do something which annoys you because he's either learned how to do it, ingrained it's skill into his personality, or grew into it accidentally and found how well it worked on girls and so continued to do it later in life.

If it's being used on you, chances are it's because he wants to create attraction and therefore is attracted to you AND is interested in you.

Keep in mind though that some guys don't use it the right way and are just plain mean or totally idiots when it comes to interacting with women.

IF you want to know the difference or separate the REAL man from the pathetic boy who uses it like some lame-ass toy what you want to look for is the humor behind it.

Here are some clues to look for so you can tell the difference:

  • When it's done with a half smile and meant to poke fun in a good way - then that's a good sign.
  • When it's not mean just for the sake of pissing you off - then that's also a good sign.
  • When it's done as a prelude to flirting and teasing you - then that's also a good sign he's interested to you and feeling attracted to you.
  • When it's used appropriately and most important SPARINGLY and it builds chemistry then it's a practical guarantee that he's a type one guy who is most certainly interested in learning more about you.

Moving on to...

The relationship side of it all.

Men rarely change unless there's a profound and sometimes good reason to do so.

This means if you meet a guy who does these things to you - good or bad - EXPECT it will NEVER stop just because you find yourself in a relationship with him.

Sure, some type ones get a little lazy or stop doing it so much once you're together for a while, that's to be expected and also advised in any long-term relationship.

However you might find yourself in a commitment with a guy when it starts to happen more often AND there's very little humor behind it - if any at all.

That's a BAD sign.

An unfortunate breakdown in communication that predicts there are current or future problems in your relationship which needs to be addressed and handled IMMEDIATELY.

But wait - before you get all scared and freaking out that your relationship is falling apart you must consider your part in it:

IF he's had bad habits you knew abut when you first started dating or developed them over the years and they're now getting annoying or on your nerves AND you've done little to know how to communicate your feelings to him in a way he can understand plus empathize with you - then you'll want to go there first.

Bad or annoying habits can grate on you over time and it's understandable that in every relationship they can become troublesome BUT it's not always a bad thing which also means they're fixable.

For the more simple communication problems this program will help you out a lot:

Ten Second Miracle - Transform your Relationship Ten Seconds At A time.

Basically you BOTH must learn how to express your feelings in a way which your partner gets it, brings you both closer, and opens up a better more productive line of communication.

Moving on deeper to these things representing a much deeper problem:

He might be doing it in setting up a grudge match. Perhaps something is or was bothering him and he doesn't know how to express it or tell you  without causing a huge fight and so it comes out in these weird strange ways.

It could be the beginnings or current battle of superiority. A bad attempt to gain control in a relationship by putting the partner down rather than building you both up.

For example: You've asked him a hundred times to empty the dishwasher and he won't and now he's NOT doing it just to piss you off. Obviously something deeper is going on and he probably felt like you're always TELLING him what to do which in turn create a POWER STRUGGLE.

And once again - a lack of effective communication over the years and little things like this pile up and become huge problems.

The more controlling he feels you're being the more he'll attempt to gain control in non-effective often annoying bothersome ways.

Overall - in a relationship where this is a consistently happening thing which is only getting worse it's likely one or all of the following:

  • A control problem.
  • A power struggle,
  • Needs are not being met.
  • Passive aggressive behavior.
  • Months or years of miscommunication.
  • Personal problems where he doesn't feel safe to tell you.

In those cases - the deeper they go, the longer they've been building, the harder or more frustrating they're becoming - it's probably time to set things on a better path as soon as possible because they WILL NOT SOLVE THEM SELVES:

IF you're not sure if it's just him being a bad guy, or making lots of mistakes, or is just troubled inside and doesn't know how to share those feelings with him then this is designed to help you through it all from start to finish:

Toxic Man - If Your Man Breaking Your Heart? Find Out How To Transform Him Into The Loving And Caring Partner You Deserve.

If things have really taken a turn for the worse and you're considering counseling then this would be a great place to start:

Relationship CPR - Stop the Pain, Repair the Damage and Bring Back Love, Devotion & Trust to Your Relationship.

Honestly - most cases like this are fixable IF they're not ignored for too long so you probably don't need to see a therapist.

Just some good old fashioned learning, reading, and working a little on how to communicate in a relationship will work for you.

In conclusion...

Why Do Men Continue to Do Something When They Know it Bothers You.

When it comes to dating and everyday interactions there's a strong possibility he's just out to tease you, create some chemistry, practice his "bratty little sister" routine on you.

It generally means he's trying to create or build attraction. He's interested in you and is certainly feeling attracted to you.

It's a well-known (thing) that most type one guys do.

Don't be afraid to give it right back IF there's a clear humor behind it and it's all seemingly in good fun.

Let me know how my "Pain in the ass big brother routine." works for you.

Other times (less common) he's just being as ass and for whatever his reasons are - putting down others, especially women is all he has going for him.

Unfortunately not everyone is a kind decent human being AND certainly not every GUY knows how to do these sort of things with women the right way and therefore will screw it up and only end up pissing you off.

I wont apologize for them bit I will say I'm sorry to you for having to up with good information in the wrong hands or being used by a guy who just doesn't get it.

On the relationship end.

Bad habits can become or get  more annoying over time. It's not necessarily a sign of bad things to come.

Mostly with a few tweaks in how you two communicate to each it can be solved and quickly taken care of.

If it represents a bigger problem it's usually been building up over some time.  This can be anything from control to issues to a major power struggle to a guy who has felt his feelings were being ignored or he doesn't know how to convey them and has been hiding them for way too long.

Generally even the toughest ones can be fixed and helped with a little time, patience, understanding on both sides, and a little work.

It doesn't have to signal an end to the relationship.

Lastly...

If it's truly bothering you and you're not involved with the guy, you're not dating him, and he's just a rude prick that likes to bother women and happens to be focused on you right now - he's a BULLY.

Unfortunately dealing with a bully is not something I would dare to five advice on. PLEASE go to your search engine and use that word exclusively because you're more likely to find the help you need.

Credits:

David DeAngelo - Creator of Double Your Dating and the BEST book on attraction I've ever read - Attraction Isn't A Choice is a pen name for Eben Pagan.

He has all but moved on from creating programs for men but they still sell like crazy because yes - they're real, timeless, and focus on creating better men and not just teaching guys how to play mind games or tricks with women.

If you're interested in things like creating an online digital product, increasing your productivity (wake up productive) , becoming a coach and/or making lots of money with the same system he used, follow those links for more information.

(You can read my email policies here. No spam ever! Your information is always private. )
About the author: Understanding men does not have to be complicated anymore and I can show yow how… There are only two types of guys and if you don’t know which one he is, you could misinterpret everything he says or does as it relates to you. Your new guy friend, Peter White – Understanding Men Made Simple.
15 comments… add one
  • Bella Avalon

    I loved your article! The things mentioned are being done to me so speak, but I have a better understanding of the reasons. Now I can try communicating differently instead of just getting mad and shutting down. Thanks!!!

    • Peter White

      Thanks Bella. Always great to hear and I appreciate you taking the time to let me know.

      Pete

  • Avalon

    I have a question, What Does It Mean if a guy annoys You On Purpose And He Keeps Doing It While Knowing You Hate It In Seventh Grade?

  • Julie Trombley

    Hi Pete!
    So happy I came across this website. I have been having relationship trouble with my man over this one issue and it’s making me crazy not knowing what to do about it. Basically, I am one of those girls who gets extremely hurt and upset when my guy watches porn or looks at dirty/slutty pics online. Please note, me and my guy are in a long distance relationship so having sex with each other is non existent. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been told it’s a guy thing, it’s completely normal, it doesn’t mean anything, it doesn’t change how he feels about you, etc. But as many time as I’ve tried shrugging it off, it bothers me to no end. Especially when I’ve made it known to him how I feel about it and that it hurts me…particularly when he follows these porn accounts on twitter right in my face! In my eyes (and alot of other women’s) it’s like saying we aren’t good enough. That he isn’t attractive to me. Now I ask you, how is that supposed to turn us girls on? To me, when he does that, it’s the biggest turn off and pushes me away more. Personally, I don’t look at porn myself because in my eyes, I have all the man I could ever want. Am I reading too much into it? It’s so difficult for me to let go of this. It’s pretty much my only issue with my man. I could really use a man’s advice/perspective. Thank you!

    • Peter White

      Hi Julie,

      I agree with you about how he follows those accounts publicly on Twitter. But that’s just my opinion because although I will look at some pretty hot women on Twitter occasionally, I would never follow an account built solely for porno. To me, that’s a very private thing. 🙂

      However, I’m sorry if it makes you (and other women) feel like you’re not good enough because believe me when I say – most men will take a real woman and all the imperfections she may feel about her body over a picture. We watch for lots of reasons but mainly it’s because our attraction is visually/orally based. It’s something we are born with. It trigger similar feelings to watch and helps us get to the point of ejaculation easier and makes it much more enjoyable.

      It may not be the best comparison – but imagine the television shows watched mainly by women and how watching them makes you feel so you continue to watch them. The same goes for porno for guys.

      Now – it’s not supposed to turn women on and if any guy believes it does, they’re probably living in a dream world. I can’t imagine many men believe that following those accounts helps their cause or will attract more women.

      One more thing – it may be normal for guys to watch BUT it always means something. Especially if he is unable to enjoy sex with the woman he’s in a relationship with.

      I don’t think I have advice on what you can do about it – I’m not really someone to give relationship advice.

      But, I will say IF you are absolutely against it and you can’t move on from it AND he won’t do anything about it or at least hide it from you THEN you might want to think about finding a guy who will at least respect your feelings enough to “pretend” it’s not happening.

      Your guy friend,

      Pete

    • Susan

      It’s not you!! Trust me! It’s how they are wired, they want a woman to tell them those things to make them feel more masculine. They want to know they turn you on so much you can barely control yourself around them. Men are also very visual and the girls in porn bare all and say all. Instead of shaming it, try it. I have many imperfections and was actually very self conscious of my body but wanted to be able to give my man what he was looking for. I started out with little dirty texts then started saying things in person. One article of clothing then more, now I walk around in front of him with nothing on and am not shy about it!! And guess what??!! He hardly watches porn and I am even happier and feel sexier. Our sex life is amazing because we are honest and open with each other and explore new things which keeps it interesting. He didn’t want those girls in the porno he wanted to feel wanted and know that he turned me on!!

      • Peter White

        Great points Susan. Love it!

        Pete

  • Jess

    I don’t think this is how my guy is wired. We’ve been married for over 7 years and he still does things that irritate me to no end from 11 years ago. I read your article mentioned before and it didn’t match what’s going on. Really thinking that he’s just stubborn/doesn’t care. I’ve even asked him if he does these things because he did them as a kid but nope, they only started when we moved in together and here we are. I can understand all your points IF we were still dating or if he was showing some humor about what he does but he doesn’t.

    • Thanks for sharing Jess. I just rewrote the article to include situations like this. Hope you find it much more useful and helpful now in explaining what is going on in your relationship.

  • ran

    This is what one of my guy friends does to me! (I’m a girl).
    At first it bgan as friendly teasing. I tease him he teases me. Friendly banter. But I think I did hurt his ego one too many times, especially around our mutual friend who is my crush. But since I’m not attracted to him I just wen’t on teasing and we both started to get a bit harsher to each other. He also will nit pick on such small stuff, its like he just wan’t to argue with me and pu me down even though he is a nice guy actually!

    Like he will say my water bottle is crappy. Or like, he will ask my opinion on something and when I reply he will say its dumb.
    Or he will be concerned about my health and nagg me to see a doctor. And when I finally do and tell him, he will be like “you don’t need a doctor, thats so dumb there is nothing wrong with you!”.

    Like, he will us anything I say against me. Its like he sets up traps!

    Or this classic thing, he will ask me if I feel ok, and when I answer good or bad, he will clarify “Ok good, I just think about our group project not you, you are not my cocerne”. Like auch! And I will reply very indignated “Ok I know you don’t care about me, you don’t have to state it so clearly”, and he will just smile.

    I guess he really likes me, but he knows I’m not attracted at all to him, I like our mutual friend. I tried to talk to him that he is acting weird to me but normal to our guy friend, and he acknowled that with “I dunno, its just how it is”. Like he does not know why is so mean to me.

    But last month he really got overboard. And he was so unbalanced. Concerned and kind one minute, and super harsh the next. I telled him off once. And then I telled him off a second time that day with “I’m not gonna talk to you anymore”. I was so hurt and upset, I did not even say good bye when we parted that day.

    And, 1 hour later, he texted and apologized if he had hurt me and that he saw that I seemed very sad.
    I replyed yes you went too far and I was hurt. But, it seems I’m triggering you in some ways? Can we talk about what it is so I can improve myself? bc I know I do contribute to how things is between us”. He did not wanna talk about that but he said he would be more careful.

    And, he was indee. The day after he was balanced, very polite, communicative but he did his best to not tease me and he was a delight haha! After that our dynamics have now improved immensely!
    I have teased him only to add ” I’m just teasing, I do care about you”.

    And he seemed so happy about it, he started to show me more care and stopped picking at me. I guess he just wanted me to state I like him and care for him.

    But all this made my crush upset it seemed! Haha! He then started to be a jerk to me, like he was jelous of my improving friendship with our friend?! Like what the?! Oh well thats an other story entirely..

    • I hear you Ran.

      He’s in your friends zone though – and staying friends with him knowing you both want two different things will ALWAYS be a problem and will always cause undue drama, pain, and suffering too.

      I understand you want to keep him as a friend BUT you’re doing more harm to him than good. My suggestion is to do whatever is possible to break all ties with him. He’ll fight you on it but it’s best for him and you too.

      This “relationship” is in all likelihood stopping him from moving on which he definitely needs to and if it continues will likely follow him around for possibly the rest of his life – not his feelings for you but how he interacts with woman and his ability to find a love perfect for him.

      Keep all that in mind and please – break it off with him.

      Thanks,
      Pete

  • Anastasia

    How about a situation where you tell your significant other that it really bothers you and you don’t want him to do it again ? But he just keep doing it and instead of understanding that it really bothers you . He cares more about his opinion that is not a big deal instead of understanding and caring about your feeling .

    There is a different about flirting , teasing and respecting someone boundaries .

    • Anatasia, that is a communication problem which probably started long ago. Please re-read the post above because I just rewrote it to address the relationship side of things.

      Thanks,
      Pete

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