Hello again, today's post is an answer for a long-time reader and obviously a "fan" of mine. Let's see if I can help her out while at the same time show you some tips on how to quiet your mind so you're not overthinking about anything and everything a guy might be doing or saying to you.
She agreed to let me share her story and I can not thank her enough. I do honestly hope you can relate to her answer and get something useful out of it too.
Here's her question,
I’m not sure if you remember me, we talked a few years ago. You called me, and I spent a lot of time giggling because I said it felt like I was talking to a celebrity lol.
Here’s my question,
I’m an attractive woman, but I’m also a warm and down to earth kind of woman. I’m newly single. I’ve also put on a lot of weight in the last few years 🙁
Lately, in the last couple weeks, I’ve been getting hit on by men who work in public places, and I hate to put it this way....but low income jobs. First a mechanic, then a weird waiter (who went overboard and made me feel awkward), then a guy working at a concession stand at the movie theater. Why am I attracting these “types” of guys?
To be fair, I don’t care what a man does for a living or how much money he makes. But I care a little. I gave the mechanic my phone number. He said that I was confident and he likes that.
My guesses are, perhaps in the past few weeks I seem happier and a warmer person overall? And these just happen to be the places I’ve gone....to a movie, to lunch, and to drop off my car for an oil change. So this just happens to be where I’m running into men? I’ve also been dressing very casually, leggings and stuff.
Also, maybe these guys are just braver?
What’s going on? I would like to attract a wide variety of guys lol.
Me? A celebrity... Very nice and of course I remember you.
What she's experiencing is nothing unusual... it's actually a great thing:
Being warmer and happier will always make you appear more open to others.
This also leads to a wonderful side effect of lots of men feeling more at ease to talk you and even ask for your number too.
Men AND women tend to act differently around those they are the most attracted to.
#1 - You're more likely to act "different" around those you feel the most attracted to.
You get lost in the moment and instead on focusing on what works - as in creating attraction from within yourself and communicating attraction... you become someone a little different.
Too many people tend to live in a "future" state of mind.
They are filled with doubt and often start their thought process with something similar to "What if?"
Even if they're not questioning every outcome critically - their subconscious mind is causing them to act in a way which is unfortunately not felt as attractive or inviting to others.
While they are consciously thinking and projecting future events - the problem often gets much worse as it builds momentum making it very difficult for others to connect with them and feel attraction too.
This is NOT inherently a woman problem, it's a "people" problem or part of what is known as a human condition based on the differences between how men and women communicate to themselves and those around them.
However, truth be told:
Women are more susceptible to overthink, over analyze, over predict, and over compensate in negative, unproductive ways about any man when attraction is being felt.
"Even though you like your new guy as much as anyone in recent memory, even though things have been nothing short of perfect for these first two weeks, you feel a pit of dread in your stomach.
“What’s going to go wrong here?”
“When is the other shoe going to drop?”
“I hope he’s serious about a long-term relationship.”
Case in point:
I've been there myself with all the over-thinking. I've known lots of guys who do it too and they are obvious type two men with all the problems associated with it, and consequently rarely, if ever, have or get dates because of it.
What I've been shown goes beyond what I'm going to say, I'm simplifying it BUT during those "dark" days I (and the men who suffer from the same thing) ARE oddly enough ACTING like women - which would in part explain why you're not attracted to them.
One of the very first lessons I learned in attracting women was through a clever communication technique. All I really had to do was to get ANY woman I wanted to...
OVER think, OVER analyze, OVER predict anything about me which was interesting, unique, and a little different than some other guy she's used to experiencing everyday.
This made it more possible to turn her simple thoughts into more thoughts, which turned into feelings, then back into more thoughts, and as the cycle progressed she couldn't help herself becoming more and more deeply attracted to me - and she didn't even know WHY it as happening.
Especially if I was not her type.
NOT unlike the reader who left the question, once she had it in her mind that I was some (minor) celebrity she found herself acting differently.
Perhaps a little unsure about herself.
Perhaps a little less confident.
Perhaps a little less secure making MY job to ease her thoughts and make her feel comfortable enough to open up without fear of reprisal or unattractive thoughts.
You WILL act differently around those you find yourself attracted to!
There's absolutely NO way around it.
Attraction does not care about you. It has no regard for your personal health. It's ONLY concern is to release the feelings to open up the possibility of procreation.
However, nowhere does it state you have to act in an unattractive way.
It does not mean you have to feel insecure. It does not imply you are less confident.
And it certainly does not mean you are incapable of attracting the guy who instantly does it for you or grows on you over time.
ALL OF THAT is within YOUR control as a real, live, decision-making person who is perfectly capable and equipped to shape your DESTINY.
It's not all that difficult to do because I'm living proof of it and I'm by far some strong-minded guru with unimaginative control over my thoughts.
I am JUST LIKE YOU! (Well okay, not the outside.)
The only difference is HOW we live our lives.
Meaning you "probably" haven't spent years in the businesses I've been in - which have taught me a few things about this stuff.
HOW it's done is by changing your MINDSET.
Your mindset (thought process, beliefs, and automatic thinking) can be altered to re-frame yourself into ANYONE you want to be.
AND it can be done a thousand different ways - just pick one and put it in use everyday (for even a minute or two) and the change will happen automatically over an unknown period of time.
(Granted for some it takes longer, for others it's practically overnight.)
I have something special for you today and it's about all this limited belief stuff which directly affects how you ACT differently around those you're attracted to - it's something that can DRASTICALLY change your mindset.
Ask yourself the biggest cliché being used:
"Is my glass half-empty or half-full?"
Go ahead and send me your GUT response to me.
Don't think about it - Don't OVER think it - just say what ever pops in your head and send it to me.
Make sure you send it before you read the rest of the post too. It works better that way...
I'll wait - I'm extremely patient.
Notice the question gave you a CHOICE:
Half-empty OR half-full?
Normally your answer is "supposed" prove if you're an optimist or pessimist. I'm assuming you're heard of this thing before but if you haven't - if you answered with half-empty, "supposedly" you're a pessimist. IF you answered with half-full, "supposedly" you're an optimist.
AND your current MINDSET told you - pick one or the other.
Well I'm sure we ALL can agree the test is rigged and practically useless.
No one is one or the other ALL the time.
A true pessimist wouldn't even answer. A true optimist would ONLY answer with half-full so those who were listening in would believe they're so happy-go-lucky soul who has it "going on".
BUT inside - they're probably thinking something else.
The FACT of the matter is that sometimes you're optimistic and sometimes you're not.
When it comes to certain parts of your life you're truly confident and strong and you quite literally BLOW other people away by how good you are at it.
AND in other parts of your life, eeeks!!!! It's like you suck at it so badly - it's a wonder how you even get by.
But what if - you think outside the proverbial box and you do so diligently everyday until it became sort-of an instinctual habit.
Do you actually believe you'd become a true optimist?
OR you'd be miserable and pessimistic about everything in your life?
Nope. Not going happen. It's NOT how humans work.
We're up, we're down, we're in between, we're here, we're there, we're everywhere, and sometimes, we feel like we are NOWHERE!
Which tells me when it comes to changing our mindset in this area - it's a mind game and whichever side wins that day, is HOW we feel that day.
My thought or point today...
IF you want to start acting more positively around those you are most attracted to you, then it's time to STOP thinking it's one or the other.
Without the choice of being half-empty, life seems to FEEL better AND you'll act more confidently around those who may have made you feel inferior to in the past.
YOUR mindset changes starting with this concept, I ( who will happily pat myself on the back with it but have yet to amass a cult following based on the premise is - which is probably a good thing)....
I'm not going to ask you to eliminate the feeling of one or the other.
I'm saying it's OKAY to feel good and bad.
I'm telling you bluntly - you WILL act differently because there are forces beyond your control at work here.
What I WILL tell you is profound yet exceedingly strange and will feel ultimately weird and foreign.
STOP giving yourself a choice to choose between good and bad!
As if you have one.
You're going to feel both at certain times in your life.
START giving yourself ONE option and when it comes to men, dating, relationships, and life too - this is your ONLY choice:
MY GLASS IS THREE QUARTERS FULL AND IF, yes... IF! YOU ARE LUCKY ENOUGH TO GET TO KNOW ME because our paths may cross randomly....
I'd be more than happy to share some of it with you...
AND if you want to share your with me....
VERY COOL - Maybe we'll see how it goes.
This all leads us to:
SHARING your happiness.
SHARING your glass.
SHARING what makes you... YOU.
SHARING some positive thoughts with EVERYONE around you in a (of course) non-condescending or arrogant way is ALL the mindset you'll EVER need to act more attractively around those who your attraction instincts seems to tie you up inside.
Now I understand some of you might feel like it's always half-empty, that there's no way around that...
BUT I'm not asking you to "look on the bright side".
I'm not asking you to think positively ALL the time.
I'm not asking you to suck it up because all of us suffer... a lot!
ALL I'm asking is that you find SOMETHING positive about who you are, something you're really good at, something which ALWAYS makes you feel happy and good and gets you smiling from ear to ear and think:
And THAT is something ANYONE on this planet might want, need, or desire from you.
Then you happily and selflessly share that glass with that person because yours is overflowing.
Seriously... if you could see me now - a tear literally popped out of my eye writing those last few paragraphs and the words are getting a little blurry and since I'm not much into proof-reading, there's bound to be a few mistakes.
Why does all this do to me:
Because I have a sneaky suspicion it happened to a few of you.
No personalized name.
No one on one "insert your name" here.
I just know that a few a you thought for a VERY long second....
Thanks for making me SMILE and FEEL GOOD.
And that's just something that makes me feel good and smile.
That's my cup overflowing and doing anything less than sharing it with you - with the risk of making me look like some wuss ass girly type - would be WRONG and would make ME start acting differently around the people that need it the most.
That guy you see....
Who does it for you....
THIS connection is what WILL increase the chances of you connecting with him.
Don't go the route of TRYING to be someone you're not in hopes he'll like you more.
Don't TRY to hide yourself because you're afraid.
You don't have to feel less confident.
You don't have to feel insecure... anymore.
YOU DO HAVE something amazing to share with EVERYONE.
That I know for a FACT!
For the woman who wrote me personally...
I do sincerely hope this was the answer you're looking for exactly, I know it won't solve everything for you, BUT if you think of this letter the next time you interact with one of those guys you REALLY REALLY REALLY want...
You'll smile. That's a guarantee.
AND you WILL ACT the same way you act with EVERYONE.
Wishing you all the best.
Do you need some more positive help in your life?
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