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Why Do Guys…?

Why The Guys You Like Don’t Want You But You Don’t Want The Ones Who Do

in Does He Like You, What Guys Want
Why The Guys You Like Don’t Want You But You Don’t Want The Ones Who Do post image

There’s this really cool guy you’ve had your eyes on… he’s kind of stuck in your head.

All deeper stuff aside – you like him.

No matter how you found out – maybe he told you – maybe you eventually got the hint – maybe you went out on a date a few times…

He just doesn’t like you back. At least in the way you want him too.

The disappointment is upsetting but you learn to deal with the “rejection”.

Yet during all this pre-excitement, ( and this is the part the really sucks…)

Where all the frustration you feel about guys drives you crazy and has you screaming to yourself, your friends, and in your worst possible moment – at some unsuspecting innocent guy.

Some OTHER guy is chasing you – well, because HE likes you.

And for whatever reason why you’re not feeling it for him – you just don’t “like” him back.

This experience is common for both men and women…

The old you can’t get want you want and you don’t want what you can get.

Or as Jeanie stated…

“Why Is It when I like A Guy They Don’t Like Me and When They Like Me I Don’t Like Them?”

Well Jeanie and yes everyone else too… πŸ˜€

This never-ending topic has been discussed for years and years and rather than go ( and on ) on about it, I’ll do my best to keep the answer it simple.

There are several reasons and I’m betting I’ve missed one or two, but let’s keep the for another time…

#1 – We’re inclined to act “different” around those we feel the most attracted to.

He’ll do anything to get close to you… accidental bumps, making sure he’s always in your way… Reading His Mind, Why Do Some Guys Try Way Too Hard to Get You?

Perhaps we’re people pleasing them. We’re on our best to show them what a great person we are.

In essence – we get lost in the moment and instead on focusing on what works – create attraction from within ourselves…

We TRY to make the other person like us.

#2 – We’re afraid of succeeding because we’re not confident or sure what to do, once we get them.

The fear of success is so common it’s frightening.

Some get worried once they “get” someone they won’t be able to keep them.

This fear of the unknown ( stemming either from a lack of confidence or experience or both ) often causes us to do things to assure we’re never put in a position to be hurt.

We’ll stick to our complacent lives rather than risk the unknown because it’s comfortable.

We can become afraid of our own success and what that very success means…. Why Some Men Are Afraid of Succeeding With You – His Fear Of Success

We know what failure feels like.

We know how to deal with it.

We tend to have more experience with failure than success.

#3 – We aim “high” in our minds causing us to place our attraction on a pedestal.

Mind you I didn’t state our standards are too high or we only go for people who are out of our league.

But that we actually believe they are “out of our league” which normally negates attraction.

Pedestal placing is a very common problem and it’s almost like attraction make us do it. Unless we’re careful enough to recognize it and stop it from happening but that’s not always that easy.

What IS easier is to make sure we’re all about ourselves – a little selfish – a realization we’re only in control of ourselves and no one else.

It’s not a matter of thinking no one is better than us – it’s more of a “to each its own” AND accepting certain truths about our own need to survive, pro-create, feel good, be healthy, will always be about US first.

#4 – We act “different” around those who are attracted to us.

Take number one above and reverse it.

The person who is attracted to us and we’re not feeling are acting “different” around us because they’re trying to make us like them instead of focusing on creating attraction.

And having the courage/strength to walk away when it’s just not happening.

Sometime that courage and strength all by itself is enough to spark the attraction and if they’re not willing to do it – they’ll remain unattractive to us.

#5 – The people who are attracted to us who we don’t feel it for – by being afraid of their own success – destroy or not create the attraction.

Yup. Just like #2 above but in reverse again.

The pattern is obvious.

They’re focus on fear. They have little experience. Show very little confidence because if they do – they must then learn to deal with the consequences.

So instead of focusing on creating an attractive connection – take the well-known path of failure because it’s safe.

It’s hard to feel attracted to someone who is playing it safe with us all the time.

Kind of feels like,

“What? So I’m not good enough or worth the risk??? Thanks!!!”

#6 – They are putting US on a pedestal.

It’s practically impossible to feel a real attractive connection to someone who’s kissing our ass.

Someone who is begging for our approval. Someone who “needs” us to like them back.

It feels desperate, clingy, and it only makes us either take unfortunately advantage of it, or feel empathy towards them.

And both of those feelings are as far away from attraction as you can get.

The pattern above is becoming very clear and you’ve noticed – they center around creating attraction, confidence, experiences, and one perhaps hidden thing.

But couples picture above is very revealing – back to back – you can feel the tension.

Turn it sexually and you’ve got the makings of attraction and another important element – a challenge.

It’s ingrained in all of us – to feel deserving of something, to know without a doubt it’s real, to fully appreciate the man or women we love, to know they truly love us back, and to assure a better survival of two strong people…

We don’t want the easy way in.

We want to work for our partners.

So when you’re liking someone and you succumb to reason 1,2, and 3 – the challenge either become false or not great enough.

And when someone likes you and find themselves following reasons 4,5, and 6 – the same this happens in reverse.

You don’t like him, but he likes you – you like some other guy who doesn’t like you back.

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Peter White. Just some guy every woman should get to know because, well I “think” like a guy. πŸ™‚ Stay in touchnewsletter, Why Do Guys Facebook – Twitter @peterwhite125Thanks for stopping by and be good, be bad, just BE something.

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6 comments… add one
  • kelly

    Hello
    Peter…..why do guys smile with u when they dont even know u.Like a complete stranger guy n i was passing by him…..he was smiling and looking at me.Then he wud make eye contact when he wud c me.
    I wud like to kno y do guys do tht when they dont kno the girl.
    And also help me with this…..there ws a guy he wud look at me, when i looked at him he ws smiling to himself.Why do guys do tht?
    Thanks πŸ™‚

  • Claudia

    It’s not like that. It’s not his interest in me that matters, it’s my idea of the ideal man and this is in my head and has nothing to do with their behaviour.
    If I like a guy or not it’s for his looks and mind and not for his interest or lack of interest for me. If he will put me on a pedestal and he’s also my type, I’d be like in heaven. And if he’s not my type and plays hard to get too, I’ll feel disgusted and don’t even consider him a friend .
    Also looks and mind is not what people consider to be great, it’s what my mind thinks it’s great. Most women like viril looking males, I like effeminate men, it’s my type and I can’t fight against it. Again, it has nothing to do with his interest in me.

  • Claudia

    My problem is that only macho men like me and the delicate effeminate men don’t like me πŸ™‚ What can I do ? I must pursue them and I hate that.

    • Peter White

      Why do you believe you only attract macho men?

      And I don’t think you have to necessarily pursue any man, you just have to put yourself in positions or circumstances where something is more likely to natural happen AND of course it helps to know how to lure a guy closer.

      Luring a man or chasing him do feel like two different things to guys.

      Chasing is following him around, always calling, constantly going to him asking way too many questions, etc…

      Luring is giving a little and then stepping back a few times while at the same time saying, “Come and get me you fool or you lose. :p”

      Again most men understand the difference.

  • Hannah

    This hit home. And I can’t stop being nice to the guy who doesn’t want me. We dated, he faded and can’t even say hi now. But I still greet him with a smile, still try, then feel stupid.

    What’s the best way to create attraction? I used to be shy so was aloof, now I’m friendly – neither works with guys I want. It’s like there’s some secret I don’t know.

    • Peter White

      Hey Hannah,

      The best way to create attraction is to just “be” an attractive person. Since every man varies on what they find attractive you’ll find it difficult to attract a specific guy. In the beginning, he’ll either find you attractive, a little, a lot, or not at all. You have very little control over that part. Trying to change “that” after the first one or two meeting won’t do much at all. It’s either there or it isn’t.

      If you focus on just one guy too much you’ll find it often fails and leaves you not only wondering what you did wrong but even more attracted to the guy you who isn’t that into you.

      You can be shy, aloof, friendly, and some of that will draw certain men in and push others out or have them not meeting you. You’ll find trying one or the other won’t give you the results you want.

      Which is why making yourself into an attractive person who attracts lots of different men will give you options and choices and leave you on the end of luring the men you really want in.

      The key here is to avoid focusing on one man alone. Avoid putting emphasis on the outcome of your interactions with men you find attractive.

      The other important part is what happens AFTER the first few meetings. That’s where you have the greatest control over your interactions with guys. That’s where you’ll either push men away or lure them in closer to you so they can begin to feel a deeper less physical attraction.

      So, don’t go changing for one guy thinking it’s going to work on him – because it rarely does.

      Research what “real” attractive people DO (and more than the physical attributes) and build yourself into someone who naturally attracts people into your life.

      Doing so will inevitably and consistently give you more options, more choices, and a good reason to stop yourself from falling too quickly for just one guy.

      All the best to you Hannah.

      Your guy friend,

      Pete

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