You have to read this question because the answer can teach you a ton about men.
Hey Peter long time no see.. lol 🙂
Ive been taking your advice and enjoying life a bit more lol… but obviously like you said habits are hard to break.. I had a question that has been really bugging me.. Okay? So I would like to know why is it easier for guys to talk to everyone around you but you. Because I notice that a guy I know is able to talk to all the guys and girls that im talking to with no problem but says very few words to me.. im not sure if he just doesnt like me or what and if so wouldnt he stay away from me.?
I know. I haven’t “seen” you in ages. 🙂
Some men either (or) just don’t get women and how it all works AND they’re deathly afraid of succeeding.
Failure is one thing because we know or learn how to handle it. Some better than others of course.
The truth is (and I hear it from lots of men) we can become afraid of our own success and what that very success means….
Like the new responsibilities which comes with it like accepting a promotion at work, success has a price.
And this price brings new fears to the hearts, mind, and capabilities of lots of me.
Here are just a few examples:
We’re afraid of…
- Being terrible kissers.
- Being bad in bed.
- Coming way too quick before you.
- Not knowing how to please a woman.
- Not knowing how to make a first move and what comes after that.
And the list goes on and on and on…
Sure we’re afraid of screwing it up by opening our mouths, like if we say the wrong thing we’ll get rejected.
So rather than risk it with a girl we’re attracted to, we avoid the situation and don’t put ourselves out there.
But I’m sure you’ve seen that happen.
You know what THAT looks like and you’ve probably already experienced at least one overly nervous and anxious guy.
You see, I failed with so many women NOT because I was afraid of being rejected – but because I was deathly scared of not knowing what to do and being called out for it.
It started when I was just a young man who fell in “like” with a girl. We agreed to “see” each other. We sat next to each other on the bus. We may have even held hands.
I know, how cute… right? 🙂
We were the classic girlfriend and boyfriend you did in school. You know where we agree to see each other before anything physically happened.
But since I didn’t experience my first kiss yet I could not make (that) move. I could not bring myself to kiss her or even hug her.
So one day she told a friend to tell me we were through and yes it hurt.
But the reason she broke it off blew my mind more.
She called me “stiff!” Back in my day this meant I didn’t have the balls to kiss her.
Now I understand how kids are kids and how it’s a childish game anyways but for years that stuck with me as it does for lots of guys.
Their first experiences with women can have a major impact on their relationships for years to come.
Not only was I afraid of kissing her (badly) but now I came to see my fear of “success” would stick with me for a very long time.
All those fears I mentioned above caused me to avoid getting close to women or opening up to girls I really liked because,
“What if she liked me back!!!!”
Success may mean becoming intimate.
Success may mean having to hold my own in bed.
This may not seem like a big deal to women (haha! yeah right but it’s what guys believe) but we put so much value of being a man on our ability to bring a woman to an orgasm we would rather
not try at all.
That way, at least in our minds, we’re cool.
You’re going to run into men like I was. I would just hook up with women who would always make the first move therefore never actually being with the women I really wanted unless I was lucky enough for that to happen.
I just learned to love the ones who wanted me.
Now of course I learned my abilities in the sexual area could be practiced. I learned how to please a woman. I learned sometimes I can go for hours and sometimes she blew me away so quickly I would have to go again. 😉
I learned to not entirely base my manhood on those things which were in my control.
However some men don’t have that luxury and you’re going to run into men who are afraid of succeeding more than they’re afraid of being rejected.
And for some of you it’s going to be hard to tell the difference.
You’ll just have to consider, either way, whether he’s avoiding talking to you and no one else because he doesn’t want to blow it, or whether he’s afraid that if you like him he won’t know what to do to keep you around (because yes lots of men believe if he’s bad in bed you’ll eventually leave him or cheat on him) …
In both circumstances if he wasn’t attracted to you in some way, he wouldn’t experience any feelings of fear at all. (For those type of men at least.)
The fear of success runs deep for many men.
It can cause him to never commit to you because he’s afraid you won’t like his version of intimacy.
It can cause him to blow it just when things seem to be going perfect because he’s trying to spare you his terrible (inter personal) relationship skills.
It can mean some guys won’t bother talking to you because they are so attracted to you, they’re afraid you’ll accept them, only to figure out later he’s terrible at intimacy.
This fear is very real because it touches men in a place that can threaten their masculinity.
So some men wait and wait and wait for YOU to make the first move.
Since some women never will – it only deepens their fears and confusion.
Combine that with a few rejections and an avoidance to practice the real art of seduction (and learning how to please a woman sexually or emotionally) you can easily find a man who is almost impossible to get close to.
And that’s just the tip of a men’s fears.
So stay tuned… we have a lot to cover. 🙂
What you have to understand at this point is – fear has many faces and although the fear of approach or the anxiety associated with rejection are classic never forget….
A man’s greatest fear may not be about failure itself but is wrapped up in not knowing exactly what to do, how to do it, how to please you and knowing that when he first succeeds is when the real fear begins.
Just something to think about. 😀
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