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When Is It Safe To Assume A Guy Is Interested or Likes You And Why

Summer Camp Hanging Out

Hey Mr Pete,

i have been attending this camp during the summer (still have) and there is this guy i like an, we have each others numbers and we text and talk (in person ) and have convos the phone sometimes, he has asked me to hang out with him but i've been really busy … his personality is quiet but he will talk if you say something to him but i do wonder if he likes me??

Or at least interested.?? please help.. i don't know what to say to him because i don't know how he feels

please help thank you

Hey Miss Summer Camp Drama, You sound young so here's a piece of advice about men hopefully you will be able to use forever.

Girls are cool and all but most guys "hang out" with other dudes.

Sure we'll have women friends and do things with them BUT Guys who text you, talk to you in person, talk on the phone, AND ask you to hang out are telling you one thing...

I LIKE YOU.

Let me turn around this to me and we'll assume this girl I know is shy and friendly, texting me, talking to me, even asks me to hang out with her...

You know what I assume - or what I've been taught to do - or better yet what I trained myself to believe... SHE WANTS ME.

Think about what would happen if I were to always believe the opposite?

No one is attracted to me.

What if I was always looking for more signals or signs?

I'd spend most of my time looking and not acting or leading. I'd get stuck in my head waiting for something to happen instead of being in the moment or making something happen.

What if I were to assume she just wants to be friends?

Guess I'll just be "friendly" back and hope she changes her mind.

So yes. It's true - if you can believe this, not every woman is going to want me. Sometimes I'll get it wrong. Sometimes I'll even be made a fool for it.

Yet thinking the opposite has proven to me, and lots of other guys and girls just like you...

It's better to be positively wrong some of the time then it is to be negatively right most of the time when it comes to dating and attraction and lots of other things too.

Here's something so profound and it's going to blow your mind...  never forget it because it's very powerful.

If the signs a guy IS interested in you are NOT talking to you, texting you, seeing you in person, asking you to hang out, or even being just remotely friendly and all guys are NOT created equal...

Then precisely what signal would prove to you (without a doubt) a guy has some kind of feelings for you?

They're not going to try to kiss you too early - with good reason of course.

They're not going to tell you they're in love with you early on - because they barely know you.

They're not going to grab your hand and demand your attention - well okay because most guys don't have the balls to do that.

They're not going to mention quickly had badly they want to get in your pants because - whereas some guys do and they might be better off getting that out of the way early, but most guys are nice and have a little more class than that.

You mentioned that you don't know what to say to him because you're not sure how he feels...

I would consider what I've written you today to help you decide how you want to handle this problem and any future problems you might have in figuring out what a guy is thinking.

Assume you ARE able to attract not just him but lots of guys - and as long as they're being active with you and not treating you exactly like one of their guy friends - STOP looking for the signs!

Be positively wrong some of the time because you'll find by doing that - it may not work perfect - but it's better than being negatively wrong most of the time.

Yeah that's kind of a confusing statement so I'll say it again:

Being POSITIVELY wrong some of the time is ALWAYS better than being negatively wrong most of the time.

Now... with all that in mind...

When IS it safe to assume a guy is interested or likes you?

The simple answer is... ALWAYS!

Trust if it's not true, it's going to be alright.

Believe you are more than capable of getting any man you desire to like you or to be interested in you.

In ALL the world but specifically for today, in dating, attraction, interest, like, and whatever...

You're not selling or trying to convince someone to like you back or be interested because that feels like a scheme to others. It's misleading and often is taken as all you're interested in is getting something from them.

You don't sell attraction or interest...

You're, in a way, selling YOURSELF.

If YOU believe it, many others are more likely to BUT if you don't believe it - how you would expect anyone else to believe it?

Learn to love yourself and what you have to offer and people WILL (buy) or love you too.

The reality of it all is:

Sure... Not everyone - not every guy is going to fall madly in love with you just because you believe and love yourself but you do NOT want every  man in the world anyways, and dealing with billions of guys looking for a date from you because they "like" you is not something ANYONE could handle successfully. It would drive you mad.

So it really is better that way.

Sometimes you'll be wrong. Sometimes you'll be right.

BUT believing in yourself, knowing yourself, loving yourself unconditionally, not being obsessed with waiting for signals or hoping the signs a guy likes you, means one thing...

You WILL not only succeed BUT you will recover quickly when things don't go as planned or some dude isn't into you as you thought.

Because you'll believe there's another. Because you'll know what you're capable of. Because you'll trust in your ability as confident woman to stay the course.

Because you won't be distracted by mixed signals or false signs.

And lastly...

You're NEVER too young or too old to start believing in yourself and to learn to love yourself.

Hearts in Harmony - written by Guy Hendricks Ph.D designed this to very specifically show you how:

Learning To Love Yourself - The Steps to Self-Acceptance, The Path to Creative Fulfillment.

Give it your serious attention.

Stop looking for signs and signals from men to help you figure out if they like you or not.

Start ASSUMING you're good enough.

You must admit that learning to love yourself is much easier and more positively productive than "trying" to get someone else to feel something especially when they need to feel it all on their own anyway.

For more information on the program go here:

Learning to Love Yourself and you can also hop on Katie & Guy Hendrick's Hearts In Harmony - Secrets to Making Love last free newsletter.

Thanks for your wonderful question. I do hope it has helped you and lots of other women too.

Share It With The World!
(You can read my email policies here. No spam ever! Your information is always private. )

About the author: Understanding men does not have to be complicated anymore and I can show yow how… There are only two types of guys and if you don’t know which one he is, you could misinterpret everything he says or does as it relates to you. Your new guy friend, Peter White – Understanding Men Made Simple.

LIKE or SHARE my Facebook fan page: Why Do Guys…? OR JOIN other women discuss guys – Why Do Guys Facebook Group. Find and follow me on Twitter – Peter White.

This article was posted in Is He Interested In You? Does He Like You? Signs & Signals Of Attraction

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26 comments… add one
  • Charu

    Hi,

    Both of us are married and in a highly respectable position in the society. He was once a boss to my husband. Both my husband and himself used to communicate through my phone for the past few years occasionally. But for the past few months he started sending me forward messages everyday. He used to share normal forwards but now some spicy ones too, but I don’t do. I am strongly attracted towards him and wants to open it up with him. But I am not really sure whether he is into me. But its highly disturbing. What does it mean when he sends spicy jokes often along with normal messages?

    • Peter White

      Hi Charu,

      Chances are he is flirting with you. He could be practicing or he could be attracted to you. This might be his way of testing the waters with you to see how you respond. Guys will slowly add flirting to see your reaction and if you don’t object to it, do it more.

      Pete

  • Serena

    Hey
    I was working with this guy and we started chatting and flirting. I hadnt seen him in a while so i messaged him and asked him if he resigned. he said yes and asked if i miss him. since we were always joking i dont know how to respond. I do miss him but i dont want to stoke his ego or sound sappy but i dont want to joke about it incase he thinks i dont care. HELP!!

    • Peter White

      Hey Serena,

      Since you were the one who messaged him and asked him if he resigned, he’s more than likely assuming you missed him a little AND that you DO care. Otherwise why would you both even asking, right?

      That means you’re open to joke about it. Keep it within the context of what you joked about before and you’ll be fine.

      Let me know how it goes,

      Pete

  • Helen

    Hi Peter,
    So this may or may not be a question you can answer, but despite that I have to ask. I met a guy online, however despite all that implies it was not on a dating site. Actually it was more of a blog, and as such not somewhere where I intended to get to know him at all except to exchange view points. He however contacted me and gave me his phone number telling me to call or text when I was ready to discuss the topic of the blog more convienently. After a few months of emails I finally contacted him. Now we talk on a more personal basis and have exchanged pictures and stories but never met. I generally am the first one to text or call but our conversations last a while and we both seem to enjoy them. They often are flirtatious and only rarely do we discuss anything very serious although it has been known to happen. He has laughingly propositioned me, but I equally jokingly turn him down. I’m in my twenties and he’s in his forties, as such there is a substantial age difference. Close to a fortnight ago he stopped answering my texts and emails. It is possible I contacted him far too often recently, seldom a week would pass between discussions. Was he ever attracted to me? And if yes is it possible he still is and is just busy right now?
    Thank you so much, as you run a free site I don’t want to intrude upon your personal time but would thoroughly appreciate your consideration.
    Helen

    • Peter White

      Hi again Helen,

      First, this must be said…. really? Did you just use, “Close to a fortnight ago” Hahaha! I did not know we were in an old English novel but anyways… 😀

      There’s a good chance he has met someone or has been meeting people all along. There’s also a chance he’s been busy.

      However there’s a greater chance he has not been given a good enough reason to start the conversations of feel compelled to do so.

      Which means he knows you’re out there, perhaps finds you attractive, (I have no way of knowing that but since he has propositioned you he probably does), but since things are not moving along in the direction of being together or taking it to the next level, he’s not driven to do more. Yes, he’s probably waiting for YOU to either encourage him or make it clear you’re ready to move forward.

      Most guys don’t take the lead when they’re supposed to and are very hesitant to do so without a clear signal from you.

      You have already turned him down. You’re half his age. You probably don’t live close to each other. You were the first to contact him on a subject which is less than you being attracted to him.

      All those are clues which tell me he believes you’re only a friend and YOU only ever want to be one.

      Which also tells me he won’t randomly contact you and your interactions with him will slowly drift apart (if nothing changes) until all or very little contact is left.

      Free site or not, I’m always happy to give my opinion when I get a chance. I have so many of them to give.

      Now, do you do this all the time, that is personally contact handsome blog guys like me which are considerably older than you?

      If so, I’m more than flattered… 🙂

      Pete

      • Helen

        Hi Peter,
        So is there any way to just keep the light flirty relationship without movement forward or backward? I’m not ready to move forward but I don’t want to break it off either, what would it take to keep him semi interested without going all the way?
        All that being said yes I am old fashioned and no I don’t always contact older handsome men on blogs, only very rarely as such you should be very flattered! Do I have to move forward if I want to keep his interest? I know that’s a loaded question but I’m just not ready to offer more right now, will any guy consent to a just friends relationship on those terms? Would you?
        He’s sexually active with other woman and is definitely still meeting people, I’m not looking to be exclusive by any means. Nor does it bother me at all when it’s been a few hours or even days without an answer. Weeks worry me, if he won’t remain friends under those terms how would I find out without the slow agony of not knowing whether or not I’ll hear back? How do I contact him again now and get his attention?
        If just to see if it’s necessary to take things to the next level to keep some interest.
        Thank you for your help! Your opinion on this topic gives me a lot of insight I wouldn’t have otherwise had, the world through a man’s eyes. ?
        Helen

        • Peter White

          I don’t think YOU have to move forward but he has to feel like he could, if he tried. That can keep a guy’s interest for a very long time. Again, the more he feels rejected when he tries, THAT is when you will lose his interest entirely.

          We don’t want to feel like we’re failing all the time. I’m sure you know why.

          Now in my eyes, keeping up a fun flirty conversation is NOT moving forward at all and you can keep a guys attention too.

          Some guys will consent, some won’t. Depends on the guy and there’s nothing I can do about it. The better he is with women, the more options he has, the more real and genuine he is, the more likely he’s going to be fine with it.

          On the other side, a guy who has little choices, little options, always seems to be pushing forward or trying too hard, well then of course he’ll be less likely to settle with a friends only thing for while.

          Another type of guy is the “friends zone” guy. He will happily stick around and wait for you forever.

          Happy still flattered,

          Pete

  • Mel

    Hi, so I met a guy while traveling at first I thought nothing of it but started to like him as we hung out. One night we danced the whole night and ended up kissing and watching the stars until four in the morning. After that we had some really good meaningful conversations and I really grew attracted to him. I was going through some personal struggles and was worried to fall for him since I was leaving and felt weird about us because it was at his work and I didn’t want it to be awkward. So we became distant but he would always come up to talk to me and hang out. There would be random times we’d see each other in bars and I would just want to talk to him by other guys would approach me and I could see it bothered him. I didn’t like it either but he didn’t make a move or say anything. Two days before I left he just ignore me and we didn’t even say bye. It really hurt me. I felt I didn’t want to have regrets so I sent him a message saying how I felt and that I wanted to stay in touch. He said he wants to stay in touch too but it didn’t seem heartfelt. I asked him why things got strange toward the end and he never responded. I honestly thought he liked me too and felt the same attraction and now he is out of my life totally I feel and I don’t get it. Is it that easy for guys just to forget about someone?

    • Peter White

      Hi Mel,

      No it is NEVER easy for a guy to just forget about someone. Doesn’t mean they’ll follow through with it or do something about it though. Men don’t always act on their feelings. People don’t always act on their feelings. Action requires something else.

      However it does not ever mean a guy forgets.

      Pete

      • Mel

        Thanks Pete for answering to me it’s strange if you did care for someone why ignore them and not even say bye. People I barely know went out of their way to say bye but he didn’t. I guess it is what it is, but I still care about him unfortunately.

        • Peter White

          You’re welcome Mel. Just remember people don’t always act with their best interest or others. They do things which are beyond the scope of the person just doing the watching. Meaning, we’re all locked in our own mind and make decisions and action based on that mind and no one is privy to that information.

          • Mel

            That’s so true! I think the romantic in me hopes he would bypass all of that and we can be together regardless and that that stuff didn’t matter because the connection I felt was so strong. Of course, it’s not realistic and you’re right I don’t always act according to my own feelings either and to expect him to is unfair and it is a lot more complicated than I realize. Who knows why or what he’s thinking or feeling, but I feel some sadness that we are not in touch and wish it was different, but I have to respect that is his choice and for whatever reason that is how it is. Aj the drama of life!

  • Aehren

    Hi Pete,

    I just need this someone to talk about this as I cant tell to any of my friends about this since they know the guy.

    I have met a him, my friend’s friend, and we became closer than others. He teases me a lot and he loves annoying me. We even run anywhere in the mall just to annoy or tease each other.

    Sometimes I avoid him by going near to my other friend and when I am left alone, he will come near me and walk with me. He is touchy sometimes, touch my shoulder, touches my hand, etc.

    Sometimes I feel like he likes me but I avoid myself from thinking about it but as time goes by, I can’t. Especially when he teases me and i would utter “hate you”, he would reply “love you”. At the back of my mind I wish he meant it. haha.. Our friends even teases us that there’s a chemistry between us and we look good together, etc.

    Although we had a talk that he will find me a guy and I will find her a girl. And I will help him know the girl more. I was a bit hurt but I pretended to be fine about it.

    I don’t want to be the first one to say that I like him as I might be assuming things that he likes me even if he doesn’t.

    Part of me says just be cool and act like nothing has changed but deep within me, I am falling for him. I don’t know what to do.
    I always think about that movie “He’s not just into you” and one of the advice there is “if a guy likes you, he will make it happen”. So if he is not making a move, he is not really into me.

    I wanted to clear my head and forget about this feeling and act like normal as always as I might end up hurting myself, and worst ruin our friendship, much more if I found out he’s got someone already, for sure i will get hurt. I just hope you could give me an advice how to control how i feel about him and stop assuming things that there could be more between us. Thanks in advance.

    Aehren

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