≡ Menu
Why Do Guys…?

When Is It Safe To Assume A Guy Is Interested or Likes You And Why

When Is It Safe To Assume A Guy Is Interested or Likes You And Why post image

Hey Mr Pete,

i have been attending this camp during the summer (still have) and there is this guy i like an, we have each others numbers and we text and talk (in person ) and have convos the phone sometimes, he has asked me to hang out with him but i’ve been really busy … his personality is quiet but he will talk if you say something to him but i wonder do he likes me??

Or at least interested.?? please help.. i don’t know what to say to him because i don’t know how he feels …

please help thank you

Hey Miss Summer Camp Drama,

You sound young so here’s a piece of advice about men hopefully you will be able to use forever.

Girls are cool and all but most guys “hang out” with other dudes.

Sure we’ll have women friends and do things with them BUT Guys who text you, talk to you in person, talk on the phone, AND ask you to hang out are telling you one thing…

I LIKE YOU.

Let me turn around this to me and we’ll assume this girl I know is shy and friendly, texting me, talking to me, even asks me to hang out with her…

You know what I assume – or what I’ve been taught to do – or better yet what I trained myself to believe… SHE WANTS ME.

Think about what would happen if I were to always believe the opposite?

…No one is attracted to me.

What if I was always looking for more signals or signs?

… I’d spend most of my time looking and not acting or leading. I’d get stuck in my head waiting for something to happen instead of being in the moment or making something happen.

What if I were to assume she just wants to be friends?

… Guess I’ll just be “friendly” back and hope she changes her mind.

So yes. It’s true – if you can believe this, not every woman is going to want me. Sometimes I’ll get it wrong. Sometimes I’ll even be made a fool for it.

Yet thinking the opposite has proven to me, and lots of other guys and girls just like you…

It’s better to be positively wrong some of the time then it is to be negatively right most of the time when it comes to dating and attraction and lots of other things too.

Here’s something so profound and it’s going to blow your mind… please question it but never forget it because it’s very powerful.

If the signs a guy IS interested in you are NOT talking to you, texting you, seeing you in person, asking you to hang out, or even being just remotely friendly and all guys are NOT created equal…

Then precisely what signal would prove to you (without a doubt) a guy has some kind of feelings for you?

They’re not going to try to kiss you too early – with good reason of course.

They’re not going to tell you they’re in love with you early on – because they barely know you.

They’re not going to grab your hand and demand your attention – well okay because most guys don’t have the balls to do that.

They’re not going to mention quickly had badly they want to get in your pants because – whereas some guys do and they might be better off getting that out-of-the-way early, but most guys are nice and have a little more class or less crass than that.

You mentioned that you don’t know what to say to him because you’re not sure how he feels…

I would consider what I’ve written you today to help you decide how you want to handle this problem and any future problems you might have in figuring out what a guy is thinking.

Assume you ARE able to attract not just him but lots of guys – and as long as they’re being active with you and not treating you exactly like one of their guy friends – stop looking for the signs!

Be positively wrong some of the time because you’ll find by doing that – it may not work perfect – but it’s better than better negatively wrong most of the time.

As I tell my guys – Keep moving forward at a reasonable (not forced) pace until otherwise directed to stop.

Thanks for writing in and I do hope this solves some of you Summer Camp Drama, Miss 🙂

Pete

(You can read my email policies here. No spam ever! Your information is always private. )
About the author: Understanding men does not have to be complicated anymore and I can show yow how… There are only two types of guys and if you don’t know which one he is, you could misinterpret everything he says or does as it relates to you. Your new guy friend, Peter White – Understanding Men Made Simple.
27 comments… add one
  • Charu

    Hi,

    Both of us are married and in a highly respectable position in the society. He was once a boss to my husband. Both my husband and himself used to communicate through my phone for the past few years occasionally. But for the past few months he started sending me forward messages everyday. He used to share normal forwards but now some spicy ones too, but I don’t do. I am strongly attracted towards him and wants to open it up with him. But I am not really sure whether he is into me. But its highly disturbing. What does it mean when he sends spicy jokes often along with normal messages?

    • Peter White

      Hi Charu,

      Chances are he is flirting with you. He could be practicing or he could be attracted to you. This might be his way of testing the waters with you to see how you respond. Guys will slowly add flirting to see your reaction and if you don’t object to it, do it more.

      Pete

  • Serena

    Hey
    I was working with this guy and we started chatting and flirting. I hadnt seen him in a while so i messaged him and asked him if he resigned. he said yes and asked if i miss him. since we were always joking i dont know how to respond. I do miss him but i dont want to stoke his ego or sound sappy but i dont want to joke about it incase he thinks i dont care. HELP!!

    • Peter White

      Hey Serena,

      Since you were the one who messaged him and asked him if he resigned, he’s more than likely assuming you missed him a little AND that you DO care. Otherwise why would you both even asking, right?

      That means you’re open to joke about it. Keep it within the context of what you joked about before and you’ll be fine.

      Let me know how it goes,

      Pete

  • Faye

    I’ve met this guy through online dating. He came to visit the country where I work and we met over for dinner. Since that night until now (7 months) we continued talking even if he’s miles (he’s in another country for his phd) away, updating each other with our daily routines. We always talk after work and send random messages and photos during the day when we think of each other. We have this connection that we can just laugh at anything, talk about each other’s future.
    As months passed, he made a decission to go back to his country for 6 months. he planned to meet me first and continue his trip as he goes to different countries on his way back. So we planned for the trip and he booked almost all my flight tickets to spend two weeks with him exploring 2 countries. I must say that this was the first trip I’ve had with the guy. Everything went really well! We connected right away. I got to know him more; he got to know me more as well, he treated me as if we are in a relationship and he is always concerned how I was throughout the trip. We saw and learned how we both reacted to different situations, we’ve had small arguments during the trip as well- but we understood each other. He always makes me laugh and he laughs at me all the time! He loved the dishes I prepared during the trip (we did homestays). We compliment each other. I feel safe and comfortable when Im with him. I also assure him that I respect him and support his plans in the future. After two weeks of the trip, I had to go back to the country where im working at because my parents came. It was very hard for me because I thought i wouldnt see him anymore. He was also also sad and we looked inseparable. He told me that he doesnt know the future but we’ll continue talking through skype and he’ll try to stop somewhere after 6 months and see me. Then, when i got back to spend time with my family, he found out that I wasnt working yet, (after four days) he asked me to join him again and planned for the whole trip to another 2 countries . I was hesitant at first because it was painful when we parted ways and I didnt know how to deal with that again – but I still went; booking a one way flight thinking if I feel that I want to go back right away, i can just book my ticket going back. However, when I saw him again, he surprised me by booking the rest of my tickets for the whole trip. The second trip was even better and we both were very happy spending it with each other. We both like each other and we enjoy being together.

    Here’s the thing, before the 2nd trip, we talked about relationship, he told me that he isnt looking for a relationship right now because he is going back to his country to finish his phd. I dont know whether he doesnt want to promise me something that he wont be able to do or it’s too early to tell if this will lead to somewhere in the future. He told me that he wanted to be with me and spend time with me before he goes back to his country. However, he still has one country to visit (and he even asked me twice if I wanted to go with him) but he also mentioned (in a previous conversation) that he’s going to travel for 3 weeks with a girl whom he met while he was doing his phd. He also told me that nothing is happening to both of them.

    Im confused with all of what’s happening. I don’t know what he feels or think about me. Is he keeping his options open? Does he only wants to have someone accompanying him during his trip? Is it possible for a guy to travel with a girl (whome he considers as friend) for three weeks? I dont want to ask him a lot of questions because I dont want to make him feel that Im clingy or anything.

    Now that he’s on his last stop over, he still continues to update and message me. I miss him so much but i dont know how to tell it to him without sounding too dramatic.

    Thank you so much!

    Faye

  • Helen

    Hi Peter,
    So this may or may not be a question you can answer, but despite that I have to ask. I met a guy online, however despite all that implies it was not on a dating site. Actually it was more of a blog, and as such not somewhere where I intended to get to know him at all except to exchange view points. He however contacted me and gave me his phone number telling me to call or text when I was ready to discuss the topic of the blog more convienently. After a few months of emails I finally contacted him. Now we talk on a more personal basis and have exchanged pictures and stories but never met. I generally am the first one to text or call but our conversations last a while and we both seem to enjoy them. They often are flirtatious and only rarely do we discuss anything very serious although it has been known to happen. He has laughingly propositioned me, but I equally jokingly turn him down. I’m in my twenties and he’s in his forties, as such there is a substantial age difference. Close to a fortnight ago he stopped answering my texts and emails. It is possible I contacted him far too often recently, seldom a week would pass between discussions. Was he ever attracted to me? And if yes is it possible he still is and is just busy right now?
    Thank you so much, as you run a free site I don’t want to intrude upon your personal time but would thoroughly appreciate your consideration.
    Helen

    • Peter White

      Hi again Helen,

      First, this must be said…. really? Did you just use, “Close to a fortnight ago” Hahaha! I did not know we were in an old English novel but anyways… 😀

      There’s a good chance he has met someone or has been meeting people all along. There’s also a chance he’s been busy.

      However there’s a greater chance he has not been given a good enough reason to start the conversations of feel compelled to do so.

      Which means he knows you’re out there, perhaps finds you attractive, (I have no way of knowing that but since he has propositioned you he probably does), but since things are not moving along in the direction of being together or taking it to the next level, he’s not driven to do more. Yes, he’s probably waiting for YOU to either encourage him or make it clear you’re ready to move forward.

      Most guys don’t take the lead when they’re supposed to and are very hesitant to do so without a clear signal from you.

      You have already turned him down. You’re half his age. You probably don’t live close to each other. You were the first to contact him on a subject which is less than you being attracted to him.

      All those are clues which tell me he believes you’re only a friend and YOU only ever want to be one.

      Which also tells me he won’t randomly contact you and your interactions with him will slowly drift apart (if nothing changes) until all or very little contact is left.

      Free site or not, I’m always happy to give my opinion when I get a chance. I have so many of them to give.

      Now, do you do this all the time, that is personally contact handsome blog guys like me which are considerably older than you?

      If so, I’m more than flattered… 🙂

      Pete

      • Helen

        Hi Peter,
        So is there any way to just keep the light flirty relationship without movement forward or backward? I’m not ready to move forward but I don’t want to break it off either, what would it take to keep him semi interested without going all the way?
        All that being said yes I am old fashioned and no I don’t always contact older handsome men on blogs, only very rarely as such you should be very flattered! Do I have to move forward if I want to keep his interest? I know that’s a loaded question but I’m just not ready to offer more right now, will any guy consent to a just friends relationship on those terms? Would you?
        He’s sexually active with other woman and is definitely still meeting people, I’m not looking to be exclusive by any means. Nor does it bother me at all when it’s been a few hours or even days without an answer. Weeks worry me, if he won’t remain friends under those terms how would I find out without the slow agony of not knowing whether or not I’ll hear back? How do I contact him again now and get his attention?
        If just to see if it’s necessary to take things to the next level to keep some interest.
        Thank you for your help! Your opinion on this topic gives me a lot of insight I wouldn’t have otherwise had, the world through a man’s eyes. ?
        Helen

        • Peter White

          I don’t think YOU have to move forward but he has to feel like he could, if he tried. That can keep a guy’s interest for a very long time. Again, the more he feels rejected when he tries, THAT is when you will lose his interest entirely.

          We don’t want to feel like we’re failing all the time. I’m sure you know why.

          Now in my eyes, keeping up a fun flirty conversation is NOT moving forward at all and you can keep a guys attention too.

          Some guys will consent, some won’t. Depends on the guy and there’s nothing I can do about it. The better he is with women, the more options he has, the more real and genuine he is, the more likely he’s going to be fine with it.

          On the other side, a guy who has little choices, little options, always seems to be pushing forward or trying too hard, well then of course he’ll be less likely to settle with a friends only thing for while.

          Another type of guy is the “friends zone” guy. He will happily stick around and wait for you forever.

          Happy still flattered,

          Pete

  • Helen

    Hi Peter,
    You should be flattered. ? I sent him a text yesterday and another today. I’m hoping he’ll answer back but of course as they say in Latin, Futurus dictum esse a sententia populi re implicare est. This translates to the future is dependent upon the decisions of the people involved. As a side note and as hopefully a bonus question, when would he just ignore me because I was contacting him too much?
    Sorry to bother you with yet another question. Thank you so much for your time and patience, as well as for the invaluable insight this has given me into a man’s brain. Your probably sick of hearing from me by now but I have found your advice to be invaluable.
    Thanks for being my guy friend,
    Helen

  • Mel

    Hi, so I met a guy while traveling at first I thought nothing of it but started to like him as we hung out. One night we danced the whole night and ended up kissing and watching the stars until four in the morning. After that we had some really good meaningful conversations and I really grew attracted to him. I was going through some personal struggles and was worried to fall for him since I was leaving and felt weird about us because it was at his work and I didn’t want it to be awkward. So we became distant but he would always come up to talk to me and hang out. There would be random times we’d see each other in bars and I would just want to talk to him by other guys would approach me and I could see it bothered him. I didn’t like it either but he didn’t make a move or say anything. Two days before I left he just ignore me and we didn’t even say bye. It really hurt me. I felt I didn’t want to have regrets so I sent him a message saying how I felt and that I wanted to stay in touch. He said he wants to stay in touch too but it didn’t seem heartfelt. I asked him why things got strange toward the end and he never responded. I honestly thought he liked me too and felt the same attraction and now he is out of my life totally I feel and I don’t get it. Is it that easy for guys just to forget about someone?

    • Peter White

      Hi Mel,

      No it is NEVER easy for a guy to just forget about someone. Doesn’t mean they’ll follow through with it or do something about it though. Men don’t always act on their feelings. People don’t always act on their feelings. Action requires something else.

      However it does not ever mean a guy forgets.

      Pete

      • Mel

        Thanks Pete for answering to me it’s strange if you did care for someone why ignore them and not even say bye. People I barely know went out of their way to say bye but he didn’t. I guess it is what it is, but I still care about him unfortunately.

        • Peter White

          You’re welcome Mel. Just remember people don’t always act with their best interest or others. They do things which are beyond the scope of the person just doing the watching. Meaning, we’re all locked in our own mind and make decisions and action based on that mind and no one is privy to that information.

          • Mel

            That’s so true! I think the romantic in me hopes he would bypass all of that and we can be together regardless and that that stuff didn’t matter because the connection I felt was so strong. Of course, it’s not realistic and you’re right I don’t always act according to my own feelings either and to expect him to is unfair and it is a lot more complicated than I realize. Who knows why or what he’s thinking or feeling, but I feel some sadness that we are not in touch and wish it was different, but I have to respect that is his choice and for whatever reason that is how it is. Aj the drama of life!

Leave a Comment