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Will It Drive Him Crazy If You Ignore Him? The Problem of Ignoring Men

in Game Playing, The Disappearing Man
Silence Man Ignore Woman Why Drive Crazy

Man or woman, no one actually LIKES to be ignored however, in the case of “driving a man crazy” purposely or not – there’s a problem…

The guy who is being ignored must actually care because withdrawing attention or pulling back from a guy who couldn’t care less, you’re actually doing him a favor.

You won’t be driving him crazy or into your arms, you’re only giving him an out or an easy way to stop communicating with you.

So why are you considering this tactic?

Is it a last-ditch attempt to bring him back?

Is it a revenge tactic to make him feel like you’re feeling?

Is it a way to validate how he feels about you?

Your thought process leading you to think, “If I ignore him and he gives me more attention, then I know he must really like me?”

Making it YOUR internal struggle to validate whether or not he gives a shit or not.

In another words it’s being used to illicit a response and you’re hoping it’s a positive statement that he DOES care or a negative affirmation that he doesn’t care about you at all.

Men ignore women for lots of reasons.

ALL of which are covered in my free online Ebook, “Silent Guys – Why Men Go Quiet, Won’t Share Feelings, or Ignore Women”

They are:

  1. A breakdown in communication.
  2. Being in different modes – dating or relationship.
  3. Projections in dating or misreading what is happening.
  4. He’s self-centered or narcissistic.
  5. You’re pushing him or men away.
  6. Evolutionary reasons. Silence equals safety.

“Silent Guys – Why Men Go Quiet, Won’t Share Feelings, or Ignore Women”

Knowing the six main reasons this happens – you can easily see that in each case – you ignoring him back will have a slightly different effect on him.

If it’s a breakdown in communication you’re only making the problem worse.

This assumes you’re already is some form or relationship with him and fixing the issue requires anything BUT silence.

If it’s being in a different mode – meaning you’re acting like you’re in a relationships with him and he only sees it as casual dating, which implies he’ll pull away for longer periods of time with no contact at all; it won’t piss him off because he’ll assume you’re on the same page as him.

In can have a positive effect though because by you giving him the right amount of space – you’re giving him all the opportunity and time to fully decide where he wants to go with you and how far WHEN he feels he’s ready or not.

If it’s a projection or you’re misreading what is happening then if he feels like you’re ignoring him on purpose (and he’s not doing it to you) then he may believe you’re playing a game with him.

Only pushing him further away because just like you – most real men don’t like it or prefer a woman who is into playing games.

If he’s overly self-centered or narcissistic then several things might happen – good and bad.

Good because by pushing him away you may help yourself to rid this type of man fro your life entirely setting you up to meet a better man.

Bad because you could draw him back in causing him to chase you a little – which might be fun for a while – but as above – letting a man like this back in your life or inviting him by playing or teasing his Ego could have you in a relationship with him.

More bad because once he’s drawn back in and his Ego is fed – the challenge disappears and so will he until it all happens again or he finds another woman who won’t make him the center of attention.

If by chance – you just happen to push too many “good” men away AND your tactic is to ignore a guy because you think he’s doing it to you (whether he is or not makes no difference for arguments sake) lots of are happening BUT the main one is… think about it…

You’re not ignoring him – you’re actually PUSHING another guy away, right?

If you’re being forgotten or feel like his attention is diminishing  or is ignoring you when it’s just him being a guy (evolutionary speaking) then will it drive him crazy – or into your arms – or whatever your end-game is with him?

Tough one to answer making it a random thing solely depending on the type of guy you’re involved or not involved with. For some – yes it could work out. For others – nope – won’t do a thing.

There’s no definitive answer there which will guarantee you’ll get out of him what you’re looking to achieve.

Making it a futile attempt which will only waste your time and energy.

The strange part is – a guy can ignore a woman purposely or by accident or by being too busy and wrapped up in his own affairs to notice the things around them.

Above are the common reasons why men go silent and the effect ignoring him might have depending on the situation BUT there’s more which will ALWAYS come down to the TYPE of guy you’re contacting or choosing to ignore.

A certain type of guy can and will ignore a woman because he’s trying not to appear needy or desperate.

“The more approval seeking the guy, the more attention he needs, the more he’ll absolutely hate being ignored while a man on the other end might not care as much or at all.”

Why Do (some) Guys Hate Being Ignored?

For him – it’s merely a way to keep his attraction in check.

He’s trying to NOT scare you away like he did with all the rest because he actually likes you THAT much.

Good or bad for your end remains to be seen but from a man’s perspective who teaches guy about women – sometimes it’s a necessary stage for him to go through in order to release his desperate need for attention.

Either way – you must admit giving you more attention that you want will eventually push YOU away. So some balance here is very important for both of you.

This guy – it may go without saying BUT, if you ignore him back you more than likely going to amp up his attraction AND drive him crazy.

Two things which rarely go well together for the less than stable man.

You could easily turn a guy who’s just “trying” to not push you away into a guy who WILL push you away.

Either way – probably NOT a good outcome.

“Early on, the women I wanted to most I ignored. Not because I was playing a game but…”

What To Do When You Think A Guy Is Ignoring You and If He’s Playing A Game

A guy can ignore a woman by accident.

Yes, it does happen.

He might not feel, believe, or even consider the fact that he’s been ignoring you.

So… ignoring him might work unless there’s a reason you’re being forgotten which is not a good one – like because he’s seeing other women or chasing another woman. In that case – as above – you’re just giving him an easy out.

But if it’s not that reason AND he doesn’t realize or isn’t paying enough attention to know he’s doing this to you…

Several things can and WILL happen.

One – by ignoring him back you’re not sending the right message which will only hinder or completely stop any open lines of communication between you and him.

Two – he’ll become confused and feel like he doesn’t understand you which, if you know men like I do, only leads to him thinking YOU don’t understand HIM – which can easily push him further away than he was when he was unaware that he was ignoring you.

If you at all suspect that he’s unaware of what is happening then an honest open approach with productive communication skills will ALWAYS prove more positive.

A guy can also ignore a woman because he’s so self-involved to see what is going on around him.

This falls under the self-involved man and as explained above – ignoring him might be good but this TYPE of guy might not fall entirely into that category.

He’s always wrapped up in his own world, maybe a little selfish, maybe a little determined to find his way, or yes, it pains me to say it but not really socially inept enough to notice he “appears” to be ignoring the people around him.

No matter how it happens his focus never seems to be in the right place at the right time.

It’s narrowed to one thing at one time and if you’re not in his cross-hairs it can feel very personal.

Like he’s doing it to you on purpose.

Ignoring a guy like this won’t drive him crazy because he won’t even notice it’s even happening.

It becomes a waste of your valuable time.

This man-type is unfortunately a little too unaware of his circumstance BUT he’s not so self-centered – just again – not socially adapted to normal interactions between men and women or people in general.

Ignoring him doesn’t help him and it certainly doesn’t help you.

Okay…

Now that you’ve seen the problems and sometimes possible solutions to ignoring a guy and the right questions to ask yourself about why you’re considering doing the same thing to him… or what it might do to him or how it might make him feel…

Are you still considering ignoring him?

Are you still wondering if it will drive him crazy or not?

Are you still curious to found out if it’ll drive a man back in your arms when you feel like you’ve lost him?

Consider this:

Ignoring a person, whether you feel they deserve or not is a passive-aggressive stance.

And in doing so rarely ever, if that, leads to a positive definite conclusion to the person doing it or the person receiving it.

It’s not a valid form of communication.

Sure, once in a while it could reveal some information depending on how the person responds BUT it will only ever get a response from being passive-aggressive.

My advice today is to please make sure you read the Ebook above. It’s free and will definitely help you understand men as it relates to being ignored and lots of other god stuff too.

Take a moment to think about this problem, why it brought you here, the real solution you’re looking for – and hopefully through today’s post you’ll have a clearer picture of what is  going on and how you can now proceed with finding your own personal answer.

Please make sure you sign up below – the newsletter is ALL about understanding men whether you’re single, in a relationship, or currently dating a guy.

Lastly… if you’re looking to open up a guy or you feel he’s silent or ignoring you and you wish he’d communicate better to you – there’s always a way depending on the nature of your relationship BUT it ALWAYS starts with COMMUNICATION and is rarely ever solved through passive-aggressive behavior.

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About the author: Peter White… Showing men and women ways to attract each other naturally by helping you to understand each other. Over ten years experience which has shown me how to see things clearly and get to the root cause of most dating and relationships problems. Hope you learn and enjoy your why do guys experience.

Sign up for your free copy of my 80 page book.

“The Silent Man – Why men go silent, ignore you, or fail to share their feelings.”

  • The 6 main reasons men will go silent and ignore you. Once you know these you’ll never have to ask why is he not talking to you ever again.
  • 49 personal situations that reveal a guy’s point of view about why he has stopped contacting you.
  • You’ll found out if it’s HIM or YOU so you’ll know exactly what to do next to open him up.
  • Change how you see men, how they see you, & how your communication differences might be stopping you from connecting to men.

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24 comments… add one
  • Missy

    Hi Peter:
    There is a man at work who useto talk to me a lot. We became good friends. As time went on, I think we both began to develop feelings. Hes separated. I would say in February, he became distant. He wouldn’t talk to me. As time went on, I began to step back and figured he wasn’t interested. In April, he began to come around again. Now, he has stepped back. I think hes trying to work it out with her. He seems angry. I know its not me. Can it be cause shes making him work on their relationship and he doesn’t want to?

    • Peter White

      Hi Missy,

      That sounds like a question you should be asking him, not me.

      You “think” he developed feelings for you but he did nothing to show it through action, words, or both.

      If a guy only comes to you “as a friend”, then it’s highly likely that’s all he wants which gives him every reason to back away and come back and back away. Men who are fully interested in a woman don’t normally act that way. They take action. They DO something about it.

      Since he only comes to you as a friend, then asking him the personal question you asked me (about him) is where you will find your answer.

      By focusing on all his actions you’re only avoiding yourself and the the things you have control of… you.

      Pete

      • Patricia

        If those actions of ignoring someone is intended to stop someone in their tracks then I would say proceed on until they have the courage to speak their mind. So text, call, or visit however all of this is done in moderation however never give up on your desires is what I say!

  • Star

    Hi Peter,

    I am currently using the No Contact Rule on my ex boyfriend. I told him that I did not want to be friends, that we should go our separate ways so I could move on. Less than a week now from last Friday. He called and messaged me last Sunday. To which I didn’t respond or contact him back, but read the message.

    He called me and messaged again yesterday afternoon, Wednesday the 25th. I read the message late.

    This morning, he messages again and says, “I see you read the message and guess you don’t want to reply. Guess its really over then. Goodbye and take good care of yourself. ”

    I’m assuming he didn’t know that I read his first message.

    What should I do now?

    I want him back and to make it work. Should I wait to see what he does, or contact him?

    Making him sweat or fear losing me and wanting to get back together is the goal, but what if it does the opposite?

    Any insights?

    Thanks,

    Star.

    • Peter White

      Hi Star,

      I’m assuming you broke up with him but either way it’s obvious to me he wants to get back together with you. Otherwise he would not have replied with this, “guess you don’t want to reply. Guess its really over then. Goodbye and take good care of yourself.”

      My insight is that you’re going about this the wrong way. Doing this “Making him sweat or fear losing me and wanting to get back together is the goal” is not how you communicate in a relationship. It’s a game. A bad game which might not do the opposite now but sooner or later, because of these broken lines of communication, will eventually cause more problems.

      Sure fear is a great motivator but it’s no way to start or rekindle a relationship. A man who acts solely out of fear of reprisal hasn’t really learned anything.

      Sure, giving space is necessary for couples to realize they want to be together BUT only when it’s agreed upon and happens naturally does it have a positive impact.

      Forcing these things only opens up more negativity, doubt, mistrust, and anything else you can think of.

      Of course I have no idea what caused the break up but that doesn’t change the fact that HOW you communicate with your partner is one of the most important skills any couple can learn. Feeling attracted is easy. Getting together is relatively easy and happens a lot. Staying together, growing together, being capable of getting through the fights or “low points” or the moments where your relationship is tested requires communication skills.

      Unfortunately those skills are rarely taught and it’s up to each one of us to seek out someone to show us how.

      While this is still up and relevant please read this and then watch the video because I believe it will pertain to your situation a lot more than it might seem at first.

      http://archive.aweber.com/whydoesaguy/5rf.a/h/The_Steps_To_Creating_Intense.htm

      Hope it all works out for you,

      Pete

  • Angela

    Hi Peter,

    I am really going through a painful situation. My bf and i are expats, we have live for 6 yrs together, its not a smooth relationship but somehow a worthy one.

    We recently seperated mutually because we both encountering a huge financial problems. I went back home for temporary and he is still stayed in that country. He went back to his well to do Ex whom he has a long time relationship to before me. He said he is needs to do this for temporary because he really needs to depend into someone financially. I have seen how hard hits our lives where we came to the point that all his friends couldnt really help him also because of their own issues which is understandable.

    At some point i really pity & understand him coz i know that no one can really help him on his situation right now but this girl. This girl loves him so much that despite of the 20 yrs– she knows him even if he has cheated and fooled her so many times, she still cares and accepts him with open arms.

    He told me once he will find a better job or cracked a business deal- he will take me back and help me again which i know it’s genuine coz we have gone through a minor problems before similar to this but different reasons, he has really took me back and live together again.

    But the thing is– with the current situation it is more painful and no matter how hard i try, it really breaks my heart so much. I am trying to understand the situation but still it hurts so bad. It breaks my sleep because of nightmares abt him and that girl. It completely makes me wana loose myself. ?

    Now because he is staying with this girl. Our communication is limited. Its actually ok for me to send chat messages to him as often as i want. But only when he is free he can answer. And as much as i am dying to send him messages and wanting to hear his recorded voice or request pictures from him, i am also trying to limit myself because at some point im also considering and wanted to give a little respect to the other girl.

    Please if you have any good advise or insights about my situation,,, i really badly needed it from a guys perspective… I dont know if its okay to show neediness. I want him to be afraid of loosing me… ??? although he is doing a little to effort to ensure sending me a message in a day whenever i dont seems to communicate. This situation is really breaking my heart, coz no matter how hard i try i am still holding on…. Coz everyday he is telling me to understand our situation and hold on coz he will take me back. Im tired of the pain. ???
    I hope u can really help me and will appreciate so much for any advice.

    Thanks,
    Mi Amor

  • Alina

    Hi,
    There’s a guy in my class. Initially I had no affection for him. Gradually , he showed interest in me and used to give mixed signals .. Later I fell for him. We used to share great understanding , similar interests etc. , used to spend much time from gym to class. He told me I was best and perfect and he also used to share about his family and future goals.
    Then I expressed my feelings for him.He became for caring for me but said that he doesn’t want to get into a relationship. I also made sure that my gestures shouldn’t choke him that I like him desperately.
    But 1 month back he started ignoring me out of no reason. Stopped attending my calls n kept some distance. When I asked him he again said he doesn’t want to do the obligations of a relationship.
    I was hurt because I never forced him neither I showed desperation.
    We stopped talking , later after a week I made an effort to end the friendship with a good note. But he reacted in a kiddish manner n didn’t listen to anything. It’s been a month we are not talking to each other. Now , I avoid making any eye contact , Ignore him at gym , class’es.
    I just need to know why he’s doing this n whether he had feelings for me or not.

    • Caramel

      Alina, don’t worry much about this guy. Just thank God that you didn’t get really close to him and then he bailed. I know you are hurt, but believe me when I say this, the pain will subside. Just keep being the beautiful woman that you are. And, most importantly keep acting like he doesn’t exist. You’ll find a man who values you and who would never treat you like that. And, yes he did care. But, perhaps he’s trying to focus on other things in his life, like school. He may be afraid that he was falling for you and he backed away before things got too deep for him. I do believe at some level he did care. Of course, unless he’s a robot. But it seems he clearly have other priorities. And, unfortunately right now he’s not interested in making you one. So live your life beautiful woman! And find out what the world has to offer….God bless;-)

  • Mickey

    Hi Peter,

    My boyfriend of 2 months left 5 days ago for a business trip and I haven’t heard from him since (I was the last one to text him, asking about his flight, and he never responded). Obviously, I am upset that he hasn’t responded and also hasn’t texted me since then. He regularly texts me every day. Should I ignore his texts when he returns? Or promptly respond?

    • Caramel

      Mickey, I wouldn’t jump to conclusions. Maybe something truly happened to him. I wouldn’t initiate any type of communication thus far. Wait for him. It may seem really hard not to contact at first, but it’ll get easier as time progress. When he does contact you, I would hear him out. He may have a rational excuse. But, if it sounds like bull, then it’ll be left up to you to evaluate the relationship. Either way remember your worth. You’re worth more than rubies. And, he has to see that.

  • Aniah Holston

    Hi Peter,
    I’m a teenage girl and this boy and I have a good connection, we know like everything about each other basically best friends. He and I don’t really have a label but like we kinda have a thing. But the thing is that he has a on/off girlfriend. Now I thought they broke up again so I started talking to him but he told someone else that him and her were together, but she said that they’re not dating. I’m just upset because he kinda lied to me and I really just am kinda in love with him but he is stuck on her. And when I ignored him trying to see if he would come and talk to me, he didn’t but I know he was thinking about because he was staring at me the other day. So like what should I do, go talk to him or……

    • Peter White

      Hi Aniah,

      Take it from my very personal experiences… if you’re into someone who is into someone else and won’t give that up to pursue you – FIND each and every way to find someone else and let it go. A simple answer which is hard to accomplish but it IS possible.

      You do not EVER want to be some guys second choice… ever.

      Your guy friend,

      Pete

  • ghost

    I have a girl friend, we have been dating for 3years, communication seems great , we do have ups and down, but lately she has been complaining over irrelevant issues , due to some distance we have, she suddenly drops the communication to not calling me more frequently like she does and i kept calling because i cant do without talking to her, i asked severally to know if i did something she kept saying nothing and keep getting at me in a rude manner even in the midst of her friends. I guess she found a new guy right? or should i just try my best to stop caring about her. I want to know. Kindly help with an answer on what to do .

    • Peter White

      What makes you thing she found a new guy? The way you’re acting towards her may not push her into some other guy but it will certainly cause her to not want to talk with you as much as the past.

      Now… is she complaining about irrelevant issues with you or just generally complaining? I can tell you lots of people need to vent. Let it happen. Let them get it out. Don’t offer unnecessary advice or down-play their complaints. Just offer an ear to listen and let it be.

      If she’s complaining about you (consistently) and more than usual then it’s often a sign something else is wrong.

      I can tell you asking women in these situations if “you” did something wrong will not give you the result you’re looking for. She will say you “should” already know what you did wrong or not even bother answering your question. You’ve already experienced that.

      First, don’t assume her complaints have anything to do with you unless she’s using specific examples. When a woman vents, again, let it happen.

      Second, this is long distance right? So when she stops calling or texting so much, do NOT double your effort to get a response from her. Give her space. Don’t become so needy and desperate because again, you’ll only make things worse.

      Who knows, maybe you two are done, maybe you’re not. Anything is possible and since I don’t know your whole story I have no idea what started all this.

      BUT I can say is that HOW you’re handling things and the attitude of ” I guess she found someone else” AND “I should stop caring about her” AND Begging for answer when she keeps saying nothing is wrong is not going to work. Getting women to speak their mind is simply a matter of listening better and hearing what their saying and letting them work it all out in their words – first- BEFORE you jump to any conclusions.

  • Jessica Moreno

    Hi Peter,

    So my ex boyfriend and I started talking again after a few months since we broke up. I’ve noticed that whenever I text him first or call him he seems distant. Almost like he would rather prefer that I don’t talk to him at all. We’ve talked about our past relationship and what went wrong from both of our sides and I want to say that maybe we do want to try again. The problem is that I feel that I’m the one putting in the work this time and if I suggest that we meet up it makes me look desperate.

    I do want him back though. I’m just scared that if I put myself out there, then he won’t want to be with me anymore for various reasons.

    Referring to the ignoring him part, there are some days where I don’t talk to him at all and then a few days later he’ll send me a random snap chat pic or message. If I keep distancing myself on the communication part, is it possible that he might contact me more?

    Also, what do you suggest for a girl who wants to get her ex back? Without her looking like a crazy person?

  • MP

    Great article. Very much enjoyed. 😊

  • Ellie

    Hey Peter,

    I’m a teenage girl and I have this guy friend who I really like. We’ve been good friends since fourth grade, and he’s always teased me. For a couple years in middle school we didn’t have any classes together, but now we both take drama and we are in a five-person acapella group together. He’s dated like five or six of my friends and I’ve dated like two of his friends.
    We always tease each other. He’s really popular, but he’s also smart. I’m I guess midway between popular and average. Also he has a type. And I’m not it. And he has a few other friends who are girls, and he flirts with all of us. It’s super confusing. I know he can be such a sweetheart sometimes, but he can also be like super mean sometimes.
    When he teases me, he’s always touching and hugging me, but today he was relentless in his teasing, and he’s been so confusing lately that I told him I didn’t want to talk to him anymore. And I ignored him for the rest of the day. In between classes and stuff, he was sudeenly always looking for me, and he would hug me and block my way to get a reaction. It didn’t work. Unfortunately, I really think he’s probably just leading me on for fun because his other girl friends can tell that I like him and they tease me about it.

    WHAT is he doing?!

    Please help me, from a guy’s pov.

    -Ellie

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