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Types Of Men Guide: Is He Playing Hard To Get Or Is He Hard To Get?

Types Of Men Guide: Is He Playing Hard To Get Or Is He Hard To Get? post image

There are two types of guys... as always... The guys who "play" hard to get and the guys who ARE hard to get.

The men who are harder to get are normally commitment-phobes, womanizers, serial daters, men with lots of choices, men who might weigh their options a little too much, and yes, guys who when they're completely honest with you and themselves, just don't want you "bad enough".

The ones who "play" hard to get are doing on purpose for a few reasons:

The needy types who are finally learning that smothering a woman (or women) early on gets them nowhere. You can't blame them for trying something different. Trying too hard has only led them to fail consistently and doing something "different" can only help their lack of relationships with women.

The needy ones who ARE playing early on might only be doing it because if they don't, they'll smother too early, too quickly, and you'll soon lose any respect or attraction towards them and they probably have realized that fact.

The "player" boys who have several women lined up and will constantly (and consistently) attract you by any means, pull back, get closer, pull back further, avoid phone calls and texts most of the time... because they know you're attracted to them and feel like they have an advantage over you, that is IF you're left to always chasing them.

"Players all too often “play” women by making you believe YOU did something wrong." This Guy A Player? The Game He Might Playing If He’s Just Wants Sex

They play "allusive" and "hard" probably as an attempt to feel more powerful and gain control over woman. They might even feel like a lack of control in their early lives over themselves or the situations they found themselves in leaves a hole. It is commonly filled by trying to control others. Yes, I'm sure it goes much deeper than that.

The rarest guys who play hard to get often do it because they have only accidentally found women or accidentally attracted women and are not clear how and when it happens. It's not that they don't have any specific problems finding a woman, it's just they don't know or care how it works.

Those types of guys are "rule" followers... Don't call for three days. Don't text her back quickly. Never call her first. Sex always on the third date. Etc.. They tend to follow any and all "rules of dating" and unfortunately by doing so, become clearly predictable.

"Players often reveal their hand through character flaws which might be all too easy to overlook if you don’t know where or how to look for them." The ONLY Way To Spot A Real Player and If He’s Using Your Body for Sex

The guys who ARE hard to get work a little differently:

He's hard to get because he has internal issues which stop him from committing to any one woman for an extended period of time. He's not "playing" , it's who he is and although there are certain tactics you could use to change his mind, unless he comes to realize and correct the problem himself, his commitment will NEVER be real.

Personally I believe when you are certain he has a fear of commitment, legitimate or not, no matter how much he makes you believe he's SOOO afraid of being hurt, it's best to stay far away from this type of "boy".

Serial daters are a little different. Obviously they ARE hard to get because they're dating several women and are having problems deciding which one is the best for them.

It's not necessarily a bad thing to be a serial dater but it's hard to tell the difference between a commitment-phobe and this type. I'd say to see the difference, imagine one guy is always on the edge of the relationship, and the serial dater tends to rarely ever mention a relationship or act like he wants on with you.

Serial daters tend to enjoy the "buffet" and the process a little too much. They want it all. Perhaps they might even have too high expectations of the opposite sex and will often back off over the smallest things.

Men with lots of choices ARE hard to get and quite possibly offer you the greatest challenge because:

  1. They are extremely good with women.
  2. They have the highest confidence and strong self-esteem.
  3. They possess an internal strength, because of the choices they have, to not let sex get in the way. They can hold out longer than you. 😉
  4. They value and respect ALL women for who they are and not what they can give them.
  5. They give more than they receive.
  6. Are typically very Alpha and modest about it.
  7. And the list goes on...

This type of guy does NOT ever need to PLAY women and therefore will not play hard to get. Being hard to get is what separates him from so many other guys and will easily drive your attraction higher and higher. Whereas some women will run because of their lack of belief in themselves to get him, others will forever chase him.

He can be the "bad boy" too although we can argue on that type. 🙂

He can be a seducer.

An Artist.

A successful man in his career.

His archetype is generally accepted world-wide as the most attractive man AND by being that person offers women the greatest commitment challenge because again, he IS hard to get.

"Most men don’t play games, especially when it comes to ignoring the one thing they need in their lives... women!" What To Do When You Think A Guy Is Ignoring You and If He’s Playing A Game

He also offers one more added bonus to women which makes him irresistible, GETTING HIM almost guarantees the woman he's with, HER greatest PROOF of just how GOOD she is.

The last type of guy who IS hard to get (although I'm sure I've missed a few 🙂 ) is the most painful type to women...

He's this way because in all honestly, he just doesn't want you bad enough but keeps you around because:

  • For himself. You make him feel confident, secure, and boost his Ego.
  • For you. He's not the type to deny or reject women. He's terribly afraid of confrontation.
  • He's not being completely honest with himself and how he feels about you.
  • He's not actively dating or seeking out other women and his social life isn't all the extended. He has no other choices.
  • He wants to like you more and tries to believe it, some days he does, other days he doesn't it and acts sporadic based on the current mood he's in.

This type of guy is dangerous!!!


He doesn't have the balls to call it off and doesn't have the strength to move on because he feels lost without you, or feels like he can find no other, and these conflicting thoughts in his head has him believing he's only ever going to hurt you.

He might also feel like he would be settling with you and that to him is unfair to you.

You see, either way, he's absolutely believes he's no good for you and will only end up making thing worse.

He's torn. Settling with you doesn't feel fair because you can do better. Settling with you means he could end up living a lie which will only blow up or come out in the end.

Rejecting you leaves him alone, unsatisfied, with little or no intimacy, and compounded everyday makes him feel helpless to change the current situation he has found himself.

I told you he is dangerous to you and for some types of women, more dangerous to himself because the longer it goes on, the more he feels helpless and stuck in your intimate hold because he JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED by someone who he can love back the same.

Since he feels helpless, he takes what he can get and if that's you... Well then the above explanation becomes the awful truth.

Relationship or not, he IS hard to get because even if he commits to you, in his mind, he has not convinced himself to actually commit. You'll find him acting aloof, distant, unmoved, emotionally void, and everything you DO NOT want from a guy in a relationship.

Now that you're well aware of these two types of guys, the ones who are actually "playing" you and the ones who ARE just plain hard to get, and all the different sub-types contained within them...

"You’ll find more men believing women are the game players and us guys are usually the victim." Three Types Of Guys Who Do Play Games – Does That Mean ALL Men Are Playing You?

I bet you're wondering, whether he's playing you or not, can any of this actually tell you without a doubt, he's into you, can be changed, can be made to see things "your" way, or even to stop all the madness and mind fucks and just BE a real cool guy who doesn't leave you guessing...

Well that's a subject for a later time "Bwahahaha" 😀 but you can have this:

Guys who play or are hard to get do it, knowingly or not, because, (let's be honest here) guys who ARE NOT HARD TO GET or are all too easy. They bend at your every whim and demand, are no fun at all and do very little to excite you in the way you deserve. They're just no challenge at all. 😉

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About the author: Understanding men does not have to be complicated anymore and I can show yow how… There are only two types of guys and if you don’t know which one he is, you could misinterpret everything he says or does as it relates to you. Your new guy friend, Peter White – Understanding Men Made Simple.

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This article was posted in Games Guys Play – Is He Playing You? Is He A Player? Don’t Get Fooled, The Many Types Of Guys – Understand His Type & You’ll Get The Why Too

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7 comments… add one
  • sara

    Hi Pete,
    First of all sorry for my bad english…And thank you for all which you mentioned…
    Wish I could read this topic a few days ago because we argued…I just thought he and I need a little time after argument…but after 2 days he just left me, without talking about why…he just went some hours ago and I can’t stop crying(i know kind of sensitive woman) when I read this topic I found out that he is somewhat both types and don’t problem with his character…But will he come back?

    Thank you,

  • sara

    Thank You Pete 🙂
    Those days I was sad and could not think properly…but now I’m almost fine 😉 it’s over and I decided to make no more effort anymore, instead of that I’m going to try various aspects of my life which should be considered as well…honestly he learned me some good things(I’m thankful) and whenever I think about them it makes me really very miss him though I’m trying to end this chapter by achieving new lovely experiences which he learned me…life book has next/other chapters…
    And Thank to you I read your articles, sometimes, some of them make me excited and some of them make me cry how a man can understand women’s heart/mind…

    • Peter White

      Thank you Sara 🙂 and you’re welcome too.

      Great to hear you’re starting a new chapter AND that you’re using this recent experience as something you can learn from too.

      Wishing you success in your new chapter,


  • Carrie

    I have been into this guy for some time and it seems he’s interested. At the beginning we texted every night, talking until early morning. He said he’s my fan, said he wanted to be the one who’ll be there for me when I need. He asks me a lot of questions about myself and also shares with me everything he does in his life. I also told him that he’s someone very special to me, like a special friend. Recently we don’t text that much and I know he’s extremely busy. However, he never ignores my texts, he always replies as soon as he can. Although there are a lot of signs that say he’s into me but I still wonder if he just needs me there to boost his ego. I’m older, his senior, successful, confident, attractive. He’s a fresh graduate, a bit childish. He will spend a lot of time with me just to listen to my stories, even to console me when I’m sad but it seems we are not going anywhere. He never sets up a date with me. We’ve been hanging out together several times but usually with a group or with my kids (he is just so nice to them). I feel like he’s intimidated by me, when in a group he’d treat me very differently. He’d flirt with every other girl and become extremely quiet and shy to me, sometimes he’s just clumsy, spilling things over. He loves the gettogethers with me in it but never suggests doing things with me alone.
    I guess he’s in the last type you mention, the most dangerous one. What should I do to him now? I’ve tried to ignore him several times and he’s always the one who reaches out first. Confused!

    • Peter White

      Hello Carrie,

      He might be in your “friends zone”. This would describe why he’s always there for you, sharing things with you, AND guys who live in the friends zone NEVER make a move. They will wait forever for YOU to make the first move. They rarely take the lead. They will put you on a pedestal and worship you never actually believing they have a chance with you.

      As much as I’d like to “increase” his chances with you because I know first hand how lonely the friends zone can be, let’s be real here. He’s not moving forward. You said he a bit childish which I’m assuming means immature on too many levels. You’re his senior. Confident, Attractive BUT I didn’t hear you say anything about him you find attractive. You feel you intimidate him. He flirts with other girls but to you – he’s a bumbling mess. Now, is that the type of guy you really want to concern yourself with? Is this the type of guy you really want something more with. Remember, what you’re getting now is WHAT you’re going to get. Is this the type of guy you believe who can “sweep you off your feet” and make you FEEL a powerful emotional physical and mental attraction towards?

      Think about all that. Step back. Objectify it.

      Remember, he’s doing things which he thinks are right for you and (if he feels like he’s in your friends zone with no chance) he’s waiting for YOU to take a leadership and move things forward. He’s waiting for YOU to be more masculine than him.

      Ignoring might work. It might not. BUT I’ve found ignoring someone is NEVER a mature responsible way to change a situation and often leads to far worse results.

      At this stage, confront him. Be honest. Communicate to him what you communicated to me an you’ll have your answer. Just never forget, again, IF a guy is not taking the lead, or moving forward in some way, then he’s either not interested in something more OR is not capable of doing it with a woman he’s attracted to.

      All the best,

      • Carrie

        Thank you so much for your reply, Pete. I did objectify it and decided it isn’t worth it to make him make a move whatsoever. I have moved on and found myself happier instead of confused, trying to decode his behavior. I understand that when a man wants to be with me, he’ll do everything just to be with me, not make me wonder at all. What this guy did was indeed stringing me along and I won’t tolerate it.
        Funny I forgot to mention how amazing he was when we first met. He was funny, energetic, enthousiastic, smart and masculine. However, he has become someone else as time goes by.
        Anyway, he’s not someone I should care about now anymore. I guess I’ll be happier without him.
        Thanks a million.

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