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Is He Playing Hard To Get or Is He Hard To Get & What That Means To You

Man Climb Hard Get

I have proposed there are only two types of guys - the ones who get you and the ones who don't.... within them exist a sub-type or category:

The guys who PLAY hard to get and the ones who ARE hard to get.

You might think the guys who play hard to get are the bad ones and the ones who don't are good but they are not separated that way at all.

The men who are harder to get range from the commitment-phobes, womanizers, serial daters, men with lots of choices, men who might weigh their options a little too much, and yes, the guys - when they're completely honest with you and themselves, just don't want you "bad enough".

Their reasons for being hard to get are quite varied.

The ones who "play" hard to get are doing on purpose for a few reasons and they are separated in that way:

Some have been overly needy in their past with women and are trying not to look desperate and pathetic. They've been too heavy very quickly before and they're doing all they think they can to change that pattern from happening again. This is a VERY rare group.

The PLAYERS have several women lined up and will constantly (and consistently) attract you by any means, pull back, get closer, pull back further, avoid phone calls and texts most of the time... because they know you're attracted to them and feel like they have an advantage over you, that is IF you're left to always chasing them.

The rarest guys who play hard to get often do it because they have accidentally found women or accidentally attracted women and are not clear how and when it happens.

It's not that they don't have any specific problems finding a woman, it's just they don't know or care how it works.

They play "allusive" and "hard" probably as an attempt to feel more powerful and gain control over woman. Those types of guys are "rule" followers such as:

  • Don't call for three days.
  • Don't text her back quickly.
  • Never call her first.
  • Sex always on the third date. Etc..

They tend to follow any and all "rules of dating" and unfortunately by doing so, become clearly predictable.

His type is hard to get because he has internal issues which stop him from committing to any one woman for an extended period of time. He's not "playing" , it's who he is and although there are certain tactics you could use to change his mind, unless he comes to realize and correct the problem himself, his commitment will NEVER be real.

The guys who ARE hard to get work a little differently:

Some have a deep rooted fear of commitment and for him, it's quite obvious why he's hard to get.

Some are serial daters. Hard to get because they're dating several women and are having problems deciding which one is the best for them.

It's not necessarily a bad thing to be a serial dater but it's hard to tell the difference between a commitment-phobe and this type. I'd say to see the difference, imagine one guy is always on the edge of the relationship, and the serial dater tends to rarely ever mention a relationship or act like he wants on with you.

Serial daters tend to enjoy the "buffet" and the process a little too much.

They want it all. Perhaps they might even have too high expectations of the opposite sex and will often back off over the smallest things.

Men with lots of choices ARE hard to get and quite possibly offer you the greatest challenge because:

  1. They are extremely good with women.
  2. They have the highest confidence and strong self-esteem.
  3. They possess an internal strength, because of the choices they have, to not let sex get in the way.
  4. They value and respect ALL women for who they are and not what they can give them.
  5. They give more than they receive.
  6. Are typically very Alpha and are often modest about being one.

That list could go on and does in my book you can read at no charge: "Understanding Men Made Simple" when you join lots of other women at why do guys.

This type of guy does NOT ever need to PLAY women and therefore will NOT play hard to get.

Being hard to get is what separates him from so many other guys and will easily drive your attraction higher and higher. Whereas some women will run because of their lack of belief in themselves to get him, others will forever chase him causing him to pull away.

He can be the "bad boy" although we can argue on that type. He can be a seducer. An Artist. A successful man in his career.

His archetype is generally accepted world-wide as the most attractive man AND by being so offers women the greatest commitment challenge because again, he IS hard to get.

The last guy who IS hard to get is the most painful, hurtful, and toxic type to women. He also offers one more added bonus to women which makes him irresistible, GETTING HIM almost guarantees the woman he's with, HER greatest PROOF of just how SHE is. Which at that point makes it more about her than him. You'll want to be VERY careful that you don't fall into that trap.

He's this way because in all honestly, he just doesn't want you bad enough but keeps you around because:

  • For himself. You make him feel confident, secure, and boost his Ego.
  • For you. He's not the type to deny or reject women. He's terribly afraid of confrontation.
  • He's not being completely honest with himself and how he feels about you.
  • He's not actively dating or seeking out other women and his social life isn't all the extended. He has no other choices.
  • He wants to like you more and tries to believe it, some days he does, other days he doesn't and acts sporadically based on the current mood he's in.

This type of guy is dangerous!!!

He doesn't have the balls to call it off and doesn't have the strength to move on because he feels lost without you, or feels like he can find no other, and these conflicting thoughts in his head has him believing he's only ever going to hurt you.

He might also feel like he would be settling with you and that to him is unfair to you. You see, either way, he's absolutely believes he's no good for you and will only end up making things worse.

He's torn. Settling with you doesn't feel fair because you can do better. Settling with you means he could end up living a lie which will only blow up or come out in the end.

Rejecting you leaves him alone, unsatisfied, with little or no intimacy, and compounded everyday makes him feel helpless to change the current situation he has found himself.

I told you he is dangerous to you and for some types of women, more dangerous to himself because the longer it goes on, the more he feels helpless and stuck in your intimate hold because he JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED by someone who he can love back the same.

Since he feels helpless, he takes what he can get and if that's you... Well then the above explanation becomes the awful truth.

Relationship or not, he IS hard to get because even if he commits to you, in his mind, he has not convinced himself to actually commit.

You'll find him acting aloof, distant, unmoved, emotionally void, and everything you DO NOT want from ANY guy in a relationship.

Now if you're asking what does all this "categorizing" mean to you just trying to understand men or one guy who seems to be "hard" to figure out?

The simple answer is:

Understanding men and all their complexities with a simplistic perspective assures something a few things which should be VERY valuable to you...

Knowing MEN in this way (and a little more) practically guarantees you'll be spending LESS time and expend far less energy on giving your LOVE to the WRONG guy for you.

You'll be better equipped to fully see and realize the guy you're with IS the RIGHT one for you.

AND...

You decrease or eliminate the chances of you pushing the RIGHT one away from you.

I'd say (according to my experience and knowledge) you DO want a guy who is HARD to get but not in the bad way, right?

You were show above what he's like - you can be shown more in my book below too.

He doesn't need to play games with you - he doesn't need to play hard to get - and he will offer you the greatest proof and ease of mind that when you do end up together, not only is he fully invested in his commitment to you, he absolutely adores and love you...

Because he will NOT waste his time or expend lots of his energy on give HIS love to the wrong woman for him.

When you join Why Do Guys below I'll try to help you point him by teaching you about men.

Another way is to get this incredible series:

Meeting The One - An Easy Way To Build A Foundation For A Lifetime Of Love & Happiness.

It will show you how the EXACT steps to identify Mr. Right help you build an amazing connection with him.

Share It With The World!
(You can read my email policies here. No spam ever! Your information is always private. )

About the author: Understanding men does not have to be complicated anymore and I can show yow how… There are only two types of guys and if you don’t know which one he is, you could misinterpret everything he says or does as it relates to you. Your new guy friend, Peter White – Understanding Men Made Simple.

LIKE or SHARE my Facebook fan page: Why Do Guys…? OR JOIN other women discuss guys – Why Do Guys Facebook Group. Find and follow me on Twitter – Peter White.

This article was posted in Games Guys Play – Is He Playing You? Is He A Player? Don’t Get Fooled, The Many Types Of Guys – Understand His Type & You’ll Get The Why Too

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7 comments… add one
  • sara

    Hi Pete,
    First of all sorry for my bad english…And thank you for all which you mentioned…
    Wish I could read this topic a few days ago because we argued…I just thought he and I need a little time after argument…but after 2 days he just left me, without talking about why…he just went some hours ago and I can’t stop crying(i know kind of sensitive woman) when I read this topic I found out that he is somewhat both types and don’t problem with his character…But will he come back?

    Thank you,

  • sara

    Thank You Pete 🙂
    Those days I was sad and could not think properly…but now I’m almost fine 😉 it’s over and I decided to make no more effort anymore, instead of that I’m going to try various aspects of my life which should be considered as well…honestly he learned me some good things(I’m thankful) and whenever I think about them it makes me really very miss him though I’m trying to end this chapter by achieving new lovely experiences which he learned me…life book has next/other chapters…
    And Thank to you I read your articles, sometimes, some of them make me excited and some of them make me cry how a man can understand women’s heart/mind…

    • Peter White

      Thank you Sara 🙂 and you’re welcome too.

      Great to hear you’re starting a new chapter AND that you’re using this recent experience as something you can learn from too.

      Wishing you success in your new chapter,

      Pete

  • Carrie

    I have been into this guy for some time and it seems he’s interested. At the beginning we texted every night, talking until early morning. He said he’s my fan, said he wanted to be the one who’ll be there for me when I need. He asks me a lot of questions about myself and also shares with me everything he does in his life. I also told him that he’s someone very special to me, like a special friend. Recently we don’t text that much and I know he’s extremely busy. However, he never ignores my texts, he always replies as soon as he can. Although there are a lot of signs that say he’s into me but I still wonder if he just needs me there to boost his ego. I’m older, his senior, successful, confident, attractive. He’s a fresh graduate, a bit childish. He will spend a lot of time with me just to listen to my stories, even to console me when I’m sad but it seems we are not going anywhere. He never sets up a date with me. We’ve been hanging out together several times but usually with a group or with my kids (he is just so nice to them). I feel like he’s intimidated by me, when in a group he’d treat me very differently. He’d flirt with every other girl and become extremely quiet and shy to me, sometimes he’s just clumsy, spilling things over. He loves the gettogethers with me in it but never suggests doing things with me alone.
    I guess he’s in the last type you mention, the most dangerous one. What should I do to him now? I’ve tried to ignore him several times and he’s always the one who reaches out first. Confused!

    • Peter White

      Hello Carrie,

      He might be in your “friends zone”. This would describe why he’s always there for you, sharing things with you, AND guys who live in the friends zone NEVER make a move. They will wait forever for YOU to make the first move. They rarely take the lead. They will put you on a pedestal and worship you never actually believing they have a chance with you.

      As much as I’d like to “increase” his chances with you because I know first hand how lonely the friends zone can be, let’s be real here. He’s not moving forward. You said he a bit childish which I’m assuming means immature on too many levels. You’re his senior. Confident, Attractive BUT I didn’t hear you say anything about him you find attractive. You feel you intimidate him. He flirts with other girls but to you – he’s a bumbling mess. Now, is that the type of guy you really want to concern yourself with? Is this the type of guy you really want something more with. Remember, what you’re getting now is WHAT you’re going to get. Is this the type of guy you believe who can “sweep you off your feet” and make you FEEL a powerful emotional physical and mental attraction towards?

      Think about all that. Step back. Objectify it.

      Remember, he’s doing things which he thinks are right for you and (if he feels like he’s in your friends zone with no chance) he’s waiting for YOU to take a leadership and move things forward. He’s waiting for YOU to be more masculine than him.

      Ignoring might work. It might not. BUT I’ve found ignoring someone is NEVER a mature responsible way to change a situation and often leads to far worse results.

      At this stage, confront him. Be honest. Communicate to him what you communicated to me an you’ll have your answer. Just never forget, again, IF a guy is not taking the lead, or moving forward in some way, then he’s either not interested in something more OR is not capable of doing it with a woman he’s attracted to.

      All the best,
      Pete

      • Carrie

        Thank you so much for your reply, Pete. I did objectify it and decided it isn’t worth it to make him make a move whatsoever. I have moved on and found myself happier instead of confused, trying to decode his behavior. I understand that when a man wants to be with me, he’ll do everything just to be with me, not make me wonder at all. What this guy did was indeed stringing me along and I won’t tolerate it.
        Funny I forgot to mention how amazing he was when we first met. He was funny, energetic, enthousiastic, smart and masculine. However, he has become someone else as time goes by.
        Anyway, he’s not someone I should care about now anymore. I guess I’ll be happier without him.
        Thanks a million.

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