Today's post will take you inside the mind of a man and what I experienced after two different breakups. The purpose is to help you decide and determine if your ex wants you back, PLUS give you a better chance of knowing if it is possible or advised to get back together with him.
When it comes to break ups I might not be the best possible guy you want to come to because before I met my amazing wife, I was single most of my life - always dating one woman to the next without ever committing to ANY of them.
But then I thought about it... and the few relationships I did enter.
Since I haven't had too many ex's or painful break ups, I could easily look at them and figure out what happened while exploring the possibility of getting the love back.
When Mirabelle Summers (sort of) asked me to take a look at her 2nd Chances - How to Win Back The Love of Your Life I thought WHY - why would I buy something to help me get a love back when it's not something I wanted to do anyways...
However, it did occur to me that OTHERS might be looking for something just like this. I LOVE the team at Meet Your Sweet. I think their advice is wonderful.
But the getting my ex back part is not something for me until I had a great idea:
Her video asks three questions and being a guy who has been through a few breakups, I can answer them for you so you can learn about your own situation with a guy you've been broken up with.
First break up...
It was clearly HER choice.
She got scared and ran away.
Her self-esteem issues was not mine to solve anyways so I let her go, and since she was the one who broke it off it is was all-too-easy to just say goodbye.
The only thing left was the occasional left-over sexual feelings I had for her which was eventually replaced by someone new, more exciting, more stable, and close to my level in the confidence and esteem area.
Yes - truth be known, she was definitely a little on the edge of sanity.
Second break up...
This one was sort of mutual.
Well at least I thought it was.
She started distancing herself from me, probably because of a huge age gap between us and her own issues of love.
Once I realized and admitted that it was best to let her go, she agreed.
We talked it all out and ended it.
The strange part was, considering who I was and what I've been through with regards to women, I actually believed it was going to be easy.
But it wasn't at all. It hit me pretty hard!
You see - With the first "woman" it was relatively simple. I wasn't really that angry with her at all. I just didn't care much because I had already moved on before it even happened anyways.
But with the second woman something entirely different happened...
I began to miss the "partnership" we had. We never once fought so my anger had to go to a different place - by getting angry at myself and acting like some stupid ass.
It's something a lot of men and women do after breaking up - act a little dumb and do stupid stuff.
In all honesty, I became a complete mess. I did the whole "drink her off," date lots of other women, and did my best to forget about her by burying myself deep in my work.
Lastly, I tried to erase her from my mind, life, and heart by losing all contact with her.
These two break ups were extremely opposite which is why I've used them today to help you see things from a male's point of view.
The first - nothing was left. I just didn't care.
The second was extremely tough as I had considered many times on how great it would be to have her back in my life.
Now that you know the redacted story, let's jump ahead to the questions and video...
I watched Mirabelle's video titled, "3 Ways to Tell if He Secretly Wants You Back" and put myself in my ex's shoes minus the fact she wore woman's shoes of course.
Her questions revealed exactly which woman I wanted back without any doubt.
The information contained within the presentation also confirmed why the second breakup was so much harder, and why I acted the way I did after it occurred...
Down to the every last detail of my anger, my hurt feelings, and my "manly" attempt to hide my pain.
Here's where it get really interesting:
You're about to step into the mind of a guy after real BREAKUP and by answering her 3 questions you'll soon see for yourself...
IF your ex actually DOES want you back!
Which can be helpful if you want him back, and you don't want to waste your time chasing an ex that was like me in the first break up, the one I didn't care about at all who had NO chance of getting me back... ever.
First question she asks in the video is:
#1. Do you feel like your ex might be angry with you?
As the saying goes:
"Love is NOT the opposite of hatred. The opposite of love is APATHY."
It's unfortunate but when an ex appears or acts angry with you, it's normally a sign that he still cares about you because there are many left over or residual feelings towards you.
In my first breakup I wasn't angry. I didn't act out. I didn't do stupid things after, which tells me right away if SHE wanted me back - it wasn't going to happen.
The next question:
#2. Is he double-bluffing you?
In the video these things are mentioned:
Is he doing stuff to make you jealous?
This is a CLEAR sign he still cares and there's a possibility you can get him back.
With the right strategy of course.
Does it feel like he's merely putting on a show that he's okay with the breakup?
That's him trying to hide his still-strong feelings for you. It may appear he's doing wonderful without you, but in reality he's not - another sign you can get him back.
Is he acting like a strong man who is not affected by the break up?
Men will often act all tough on the outside but inside, they're just as fragile and hurt as you are after a breakup.
If it feels like he's acting like TOO much of a man - then it's also a signal that you can get him back because he's only doing that for YOU.
In my first break up above I simply walked away. I didn't feel any pressure to move on - my life simply picked up where it left off before the relationship.
I wasn't doing things to make her jealous. I wasn't putting on an act. I wasn't trying to act strong and unaffected - I WAS (somewhat) unaffected by the breakup.
However - during the second break up - as mentioned above, not only did I begin to act out of character, I was trying to show her how full of strength and resolve I was over the breakup.
My purpose was to show her a side of me which was stronger than it really was, even when we were together.
Which of course was all an act AND the actions of a man who wanted his ex-girlfriend back!
On to the third question in the video:
#3. Does he appear to be partying a lot, dating other girls, sleeping with other women? Distracting himself.
If he "appears" to have moved on so quickly or is replacing you all too quickly, it is a definite sign he hasn't moved on and that there is still a chance.
This is a difficult to determine because as you can tell from my two breakups - the first one I HAD moved on quickly and in the second one - I was ACTING like I had moved on.
The trick or difference was - in the first one I wasn't displaying it to my ex. I actually broke off all contact quickly.
However in the second one I was way too determined to PROVE to her I was moving on - when in fact I clearly wanted her back.
It took me a much longer grieving process before I went to the last resort of erasing her contact information entirely from my life.
I went out partying almost immediately and made sure I contacted her when while there to show her I was moving on, and was perfectly fine with us parting ways.
I buried my head deep into my work, my social life, and my hobbies to distract myself from her and the feelings I had left inside.
AND, I once again made many efforts to SHOW her what I was doing, but in the first break up, she got NOTHING!
Mirabelle suggests this as it relates to my actions in the second break up:
"It does not mean he is over you.
It means the opposite.
It means he's hurting, he's angry, and he's trying to get on with his life the only way he knows how.
He's desperate for the one thing he thinks will take all the pain away...
Even for just a few moments."
I believe her quote explains it all because when your ex is acting the way I did, it's definitely a sign he's hurting, and that you have EVERY chance at getting back together with him.
Apparently - I was wrong! I did want her back. It happens.
It turned out that even though I haven't been through many breakups - my few REAL experiences can be used to help by getting inside the mind of a guy right after a relationship ends.
Now... what about you and your recent breakup?
Do you want him back?
Ask yourself those simple three questions above because they can reveal to you the chance of it happening AND help you determine if it's possible to get back together.
Whether you're in the "just trying to get over it" mode, or if you've been apart for some time, they will clear up any confusion you might me be still feeling.
When you're ready to dive deep in a man's heart, whether he's like me or not, and BEFORE you get into another relationship, I strongly suggest you give yourself the few minutes it takes to watch her presentation.
With your answers, and her intuitive advice, you'll also know if the relationship was or is worth saving.
If you decide you DO want him back, you'll get more than you'll ever need to make it happen below:
My two break ups not only gives you an insightful peak into the mind of a guy AFTER the split up, it reveals through Mirabelle's questions if there was ever a chance of either one of them getting back with me.
Through a man's anger, him trying to bluff or make it appear he's moved on, to exaggerating his life by partying and dating other women quickly - it's easy to see how IF he's making those things clear to you - there's a great chance he's not over you or yet willing to move on.
Ending a relationship and losing someone you love from your life can be one of the most frustrating and defining moments in your lifetime, and it's hard to know what the right thing to do is when you are trying desperately to turn things around.
The problem with getting your ex back is that often your first instincts are the ones that are likely to do the most damage.
Begging, crying, pleading, threatening, getting another partner to make them jealous, doing anything to get the attention you are craving, are all things that are going to reinforce the fact that the breakup was the right thing to do.
Summers and her stable of writers at Meet Your Sweet have come up with a 6-step program that is going to take you from getting through the immediate grief, to thinking about what happened, all before initiating contact, knowing what to talk about, and steps for putting love into practice.
If you are serious about rescuing your relationship and winning back the love of your ex, this 6-step plan is going to deliver something pretty substantial.
This is guaranteed to assist even the most desperate relationship situation!