I once knew a guy who refused to even look at a woman who he believed – was into even the slightest amount of game playing.
Seriously. One wrong move or hint on your part and he was gone.
I also met a man who didn’t know he was playing a game with women. His agenda was hidden from even himself.
“Treat her with respect and dignity. Always be nicer to her than the guys she likes. Give her what ever she wants – Unconditionally. She’s not an abject!”
The sad part was this guys game is very common and I can only call it a “game” because the very concept of “Doing this to get that” is the attempt to win her heart from all the other guys who are “abusing” the system.
My time away also granted me the privilege to meet a real player. I mean this guy was ruthless. He had women fighting over him. He hid certain ones. He used them to make the tougher ones jealous. He talked about his success with other guys.
He would play you, lay you, and if you were deemed “un-usable” anymore you were tossed out quickly.
The surface goal was sex but I saw the truth. At least what I believed was the underlying fuel which had him playing women – to be in control and to gain the respect and admiration from the less fortunate men who “couldn’t get laid to save their life.” Yeah I’ll stop there with that…
Those three guys are the absolute extreme of the male world.
Although Mister Hidden Agenda with his denial of “being a man” is very common he doesn’t even know he’s playing it. He also doesn’t know he’s playing the wrong game. I know be cause I was the “leader” of that group for too long. Luckily I resigned. 🙂
I agree ignorance is not an excuse but since “we” were considered harmless to others you can rest assure “that” type of game playing is not some devious plan to play you.
On the top you have the PLAYER. In the middle are the NICE guys. On the bottom are the ANGRY.
Where does that leave the rest of the guys?
The rest of the guys, and majority I might add… Well most of them do NOT play mind games. With us, things are more black and white. There’s less meaning going on and we’re not always looking for the deeper meaning. ( Whether we care or not to look or we’re just too blind to notice is debatable. 🙂 )
Frankly, some of us are just not clever enough to devise a devious plan which would knowingly “fool” another human being.
This means we’re not ignoring you just to piss you off. We’re not doing it because we’re playing hard to get. In fact most of the time we don’t know we’re doing it and the rest, well, to ignore someone successfully they actually have to care you’re not talking to them.
All of our relationships come down to communication – right?
It’s how we get across our point… What we feel. How we’re feeling it. What we want. What we need… To be needed, understood, acknowledged, and respected is on the top of every man’s list.
When one guy is talking to another guy they are communicating one way.
When one woman is talking to another woman they are communicating in a different way.
When a guy is talking to a woman she is interpreting what he means.
And when a woman is talking to a guy he is hearing (or not listening) to what she is saying as factual or false. Nothing more.
I believe where you find this “communication gap” you’ll find the power of the game. The good, the bad, the fun, and the hurtful too.
So while you’re searching for the “deeper meaning” behind his words or actions you’re bound to find something. Social games are a part of life and everyone knowingly or unknowingly participates.
While he is trying to look through your exterior moves, his “black and white” mind can easily come to conclusions far from the real meaning. Because how you express yourself is taken so literally.
The “good game” with its cleverly hidden desires mixed with wit and charm and teasing is where the friction builds the heat necessary to fuel strong sexual connections.
The “bad game” where one uses the other one to get something, often hurtful and socially disruptive uses those “gaps in communication” to exploit.
With that said – it’s my opinion “communication” is all too often misunderstood causing one or the other to assume a game is being played. When in fact the intention is unrelated or meant to be taken differently.
From this guy to you – most men have no desire to play a game. And for the slim chance they’ll try one, it either backfires or is so blatantly obvious because let’s face it… To play you or anyone else is a well crafted skill which can take years to learn.
Strangely enough you’ll find more men believing women are the game players and us guys are usually the victim. Which I don’t agree with at all but I will only agree that within every group you’ll find the rare few who are not really nice at all and will harm others for their own benefit.
Believe that most men don’t even know what the game is let alone take part in it.
So many believe you’re the one making the rules and we’re left trying to figure them out. How you change them as you go along. How your actions are confusing as hell and we’re left to figure it all out. (By communicating the issue to another guy or withdrawing completely.)
When you or I fail to communicate the “good” game and the other side interprets the reasons why (based on their own experiences in the past) then of course both sides will argue they’re the one who is playing the game.