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Don’t Tell Him You Like Him, Show Him Instead & This is How To Do It!

Woman Showing Man Like Him

Yes - it's partly true, certain men (more specifically type two guys) DO like to be told you like them but your words will not have the same impact as SHOWING your favorite guy in a way that he gets it and believes it too.

The problem with "telling" a guy is not all in the telling part  - I've found it's typically done by women who are unsure about how a guy feels about her.

As she grows more and more uncertain and nothing is happening between them (or he's not progressing as quickly as she'd like it to), her need to let it all out becomes so great until it comes out with a flood of emotions.

AND what happens after is not always what she expected...

He could only want to be your friend so he pulls away feeling a little strange and wondering if keeping the friendship is worth it anymore.

He could want more but to him it felt like you only did it to get it off of your chest. Sure it felt genuine but since men are more about action, the "lack-of-action" turned what was a fun affair or get-together into an odd moment with too much tension and drama.

He maybe wanted something more and was feeling it a little for you but as the plan progressed something much WORSE happened as described in the quote below:

"She TOLD HIM how she felt. She confessed her feelings and let him know that she wanted to be with him.

He responded by flirting with her and he spent some time alone with her, and they even kissed and held each other. But soon after, he quickly withdrew, didn’t call her and wasn’t really “available” to her.

This only confused the woman more. She didn’t know how to take it…

  • Did it mean that he really loved her too, but that he was afraid of something?
  • Did it mean that he wasn’t ready for a long-term relationship?
  • Did it mean that he didn’t love her, and that he was trying to give her a hint?
  • Did it mean that she hadn’t tried hard enough?
  • Did it mean that she needed to put everything on the line and REALLY let him know how she felt?

She finally decided that she couldn’t go on like this anymore… she had to be with him.

She had to make sure that he knew just how much she wanted to be with him… so she took a big step, bought him a symbolic gift and wrote him a letter… again confessing her feelings.

And then, something unthinkable happened.

Either he didn’t reply at all… (Ouch!) Or he replied and she connected with him on an emotional and physical level for a brief time, but then he backed away."

A Secret About Men Women Do Not Know – The Paradox Of Attraction

I completely GET how confusing it can be:

Seems logical - like a guy - TELL him, what could be the harm in that, right?

I UNDERSTAND you want to be open and honest. It's what you want from him so why wouldn't you do it yourself.

BUT, as Christian mentioned in his article which made me see how and why it's so wrong to just tell a guy you like him...

Telling a friend is one thing and although I'm more than certain it doesn't work, it doesn't change how he feels, but you'll get over it and at least you let it out so you can have some closure and hopefully move on. THAT makes sense.

However what most women don't get is how it feels so right to tell a guy you're just starting to date how much like you him and do all these nice things for him to let him know how you feel - what could be the harm in that?

Here's the harm you're doing...

"If you think about it from HIS perspective, you’ll realize that the moment you do something to “confess”, you’ve created a TURNING POINT in the relationship.

Up until that point, you were harmless. I mean, men know when they are getting some “special attention” from a woman. And they usually know it from the beginning.

But now that you’ve started pursuing him and talking about how you feel, you’ve created a NEGATIVE TENSION that can be VERY uncomfortable.

You’ve triggered an emotion that can actually repel a man and make him even more detached from his emotions."

Simply put:

You've gone from being a woman who is open to being pursued to pursuing him and chasing him and most real will only be open to that for a while - if that.

In most circumstances when you tell a guy you like him or do all those special things for him thinking that will PUSH the relationship along...

What you're really doing is CHASING him and you're taking away his much needed opportunity to pursue YOU.

A man NEEDS to pursue you - you have to let him.

A man feels pleasure and attraction by pleasing and attracting you - you have to let it happen organically.

Here's the solution to your problem - not the complete one but a good start heading you in the right direction. The rest is in Christian's brilliant book: Catch Him & Keep Him.

How do you SHOW a Guy You Like Him?

Some of the answer is above:

#1: You have to let him pursue you. 

"In order for a man to feel attracted to you and to pursue you, he has to feel “a pull” towards you. There needs to be some tension and the actual space for him to move forward into that space.

This is what we think of as “the chase.”

And men enjoy the chase."

Are You Stopping Him From Falling For You? Let Him Chase You!

#2: You must learn to focus on creating attraction FIRST and let it happen naturally because men DO feel pleasure pleasing you - they DO become more attracted to you in that way.

I'm not allowed to reveal all those secrets outside my own concepts and ideas so if you don't know how it's done and you want to learn - pick up his book: Catch Him & Keep Him  because learning how it's all done will relieve all the stress you might be feeling around ANY guy making you more OPEN to letting him chase you.

It's as simply as this... Which would you rather do?

Spend all your time chasing a man who only pulls away further leaving you confused and more likely to chase him even more - NEVER solving your problem  and ALWAYS feeling helpless and worse yet - coming across that way to him - in a way I know you're NOT!

OR...

Live your life free and easy doing what you love, when you want, on your own terms, strong and secure, and creating attraction as a simple side-effect to the already wonderful woman you are by LETTING him do what he needs to do - PURSUE you?

Less work... better RESULTS... peace of mind:

The Secret To Attracting And Keeping The Right Guy - Catch Him & Keep Him.

#3: Create an emotional CONNECTION with him that goes beyond the physical.

When you do that - he GETS it. No woman would ever get that close to a guy without him understanding fully how she feels about him.

And done the right way actually encourages him to want to move forward with you.

He'll feel less  "chased" and more challenged the right way because men are not looking for a woman who only offers an endless chase, they don't want to be challenged in ways which feels like a made-up game...

The REAL challenge they ALL want to live up to is:

Attract and please you.

As I think back to all the women in my life and what separated them from my wonderful wife (the one where we both agreed to spend the rest of our lives together) has become quite clear:

Our conversations and the way in which we interacted with each other went well beyond anything I've experienced before.

Sure I've had some fun with the other women before, we talked about all sorts of things and some of the topics were quite deep and revealing, we were ALL physically compatible... I could've all too easily "settled" with one of them but I didn't because...

Emotionally, there was always something MISSING. Something I couldn't put my finger on exactly for many of them but it just FELT that way to me.

I've come to realize as a man it's VERY hard to explain in words (when I figure it all out I'll pass it on to you one way or another) but what I CAN see is that we (us guys) know when it's not there and...

We can definitely FEEL when it IS there and with my wife - there's no doubt of our emotional connection and through that special connection is HOW we SHOW everyday how much we do CARE for each other.

Sure it's nice to hear since we are married and we do tell each other everyday as often as possible but the SHOWING part to me - is not just proof, because I don't need that (some men do more specifically the type twos guys, I do not) it tells me that we GET each other and it's the part I'm most emotionally connected to.

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About the author: Understanding men does not have to be complicated anymore and I can show yow how… There are only two types of guys and if you don’t know which one he is, you could misinterpret everything he says or does as it relates to you. Your new guy friend, Peter White – Understanding Men Made Simple.

LIKE or SHARE my Facebook fan page: Why Do Guys…? OR JOIN other women discuss guys – Why Do Guys Facebook Group. Find and follow me on Twitter – Peter White.

This article was posted in How To Get His Attention, Gain His Interest, & Attract The Right Guy, Why Men Disappear, Go Silent or Pull Away In Dating & Relationships

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6 comments… add one
  • Sarah

    Well, this summer, I met a guy and I thought he was super nice and super friendly. We would talk and we had fun, so I thought that I should ask him to hang out some time. When I asked him to hang out, he turned me down. I told him that I felt a little upset and that he didn’t give me a clear explanation as to why he said no.

    Later, I got a nasty text message from someone claiming to be his girlfriend, and she said, “He doesn’t like you because I’m his FREAKING GIRLFRIEND. You really think he would leave ME for YOU? HAHAHA”

    Well then…if he had a girlfriend, why didn’t he ever tell me??? I would have stayed FAR away from him if I knew that he had a girlfriend!

    • Peter White

      Hello Sarah,

      My guess is that he might have been leaving his options open BUT I’ve found what happens more often, or is more likely, he liked the attention and you made him feel good about himself.

      Rather than tell you he was, even just a little, ho could’ve have been considering cheating on his girlfriend but had a change of heart when he was confronted with it. As in when you asked him to hang out some time.

      Men love attention from women they’re attracted to even if they’re in a relationship. They also feel that if they tell you, you would treat them differently… like a “friend”.

      On the flip side to all this – something just to round it all out, you could’ve misread his signals and he wasn’t that interested in something more than a friendship BUT again, he didn’t tell you about his girlfriend because that’s just a strange moment men typically avoid.

      Also…

      What if he told you and YOU rejected HIM. What if he told you and you got offended. What if he told you and you automatically assumed he wanted to cheat on her. What if he told you and then it would sound like a rejection to you, he could’ve easily felt that would make you upset or depressed because of the time you were having together.

      I know, tons of reasons why. Hopefully one will click in your head and relate to what happened and will be the right one based on your situation.

      Thanks for sharing and all the best to you,

      Pete

      • Sarah

        Hi Pete,

        Thank you so much for responding! If it helps, I am 15 years old and he is 15-16 years old. You raised a few questions:

        1) How do you know he was attracted to me?

        2) Actually, I wasn’t ATTRACTED to him because of how he looked. It’s because of his personality, because he was the one who always started conversations first and he was super friendly and kind. Therefore, I never really flirted with him, I was just being myself and enjoying the time he and I had together. Does that make sense?

        3) He actually invited me to come to his music concert, since he discovered that he and I are both into music. Is that something to consider?

        Thank you so much,
        Sarah

    • haleigh

      sarah, i think maybe he just thought of you as a friend and didn’t like you like that so he felt no need to tell you about his girlfriend, don’t expect the worst !

  • Josie J Durfee

    I have a problem. So, a couple of weekends ago there was this guy that was showing so much interest in me. He wanted to be with me every single day. However, it was a little overwhelming because I wanted to be sure that I liked him. I said yes to most the times we were together, but there were a few times where I came up with an excuse to say no. Finally, after the weekend had come to an end I was starting to realize that I did like him. I went over to my girlfriend’s house and she asked me about him, I told her that I didn’t know. We ended up watching a movie she and I and then one of her roommates came home, and she invited him over for food. He came over. I had to leave a little while after, and he asked me if I would be seeing him the next day, and at the time I thought we would so I said yes. However, something happened. One of the girls that was there after me ended up texting me and telling me that he did not like me. He was just being nice throughout the whole weekend, which did not make any sense because he told me that he really liked spending time with me and really wanted to get to know me. When she texted me this, I could not resist I texted him and asked him if he did like me. He told me he thought I was great, but no he did not like me that way. I said that, that was okay, and that we both seemed to be confusing each other. A couple days had passed, and one of my friends had told me that the case was that he had said that, because he had heard a rumor that I would not date him because he was a little shorter than me. This was not true either. She told me that she was going to talk to him to tell him that I was okay with the idea of liking him and dating him in the future. A couple of more days passed and I ended up hearing another rumor that not only had he heard that I would not date shorter men, but his friend had read it on a text that I apparently had sent. I couldn’t handle hearing all this through the grape vine so I asked him if I could call him and talk to him, he said yes. We talked I told him the truth about everything. I admitted that I was starting to like him, and he told me that he “generally” liked me, but he wanted to go slow like we talked about before. He also told me that he really had no idea what had happened and that there was no reason to be sorry. Before I talked to him on the phone I asked him if I could talk to him on the coming Sunday and he said yes, so when we were talking to each other, he told me that he as still planning on it. Sunday came and I waited for him. I did not see at all that day. I texted him asking him where he was he told me he was with a friend. And me trying not be anymore clingy that I had been said okay and left it at that. So, I broke the rule in telling him that I began liking him. Is this what has slowed him down? How do I get him interested? What does this all mean, Pete? What happened?

    • haleigh

      no it just means he is a huge dick, from what you typed u did nothing wrong and you asking him where he is when he TOLD YOU HE WOULD COME does NOT mean you are being clingy at all and i honestly think you should stay away from him !

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