You’re going to read a lot about signals men give you and how you can use them to figure out if a certain guy likes you or not.
You’re going to be given body language cues which, as a woman, you already know what they mean. I won’t say a guaranteed 100% but trust me on this – when it comes to reading body language you are already equipped with that skill.
You may also have been informed about his flirting techniques. As if every guy who flirts with you is madly in love with you. I’m sure you know that’s not the case. Flirting is a unique form of communication and not a fair assessment of “like.”
Maybe you believe because he always looks so good when he sees you, or he’s always smiling, or even that “when he’s watching you talk to other guys” he must be interested. Assuming when you’re not around he never smiles, he looks like shit, and he never checks out a woman talking to a guy.
Maybe because he always initiates the conversation. He’s always first to call or text you. How he goes out of his way to find you. Even the friendliest gesture can be reasoned and confused with real gut level attraction.
Let’s not forget about when he starts to ignore you. He is playing “man games” with you. He’s here one minute and gone the next. Then he must like you because no guy plays hard to get unless they want you to like them back.
But then how can you tell if he’s just busy. Or if you’re over-thinking it all. If he’s honestly hard-to-get. Maybe distant. Maybe emotionally unavailable with spurts of candidness which keeps you coming back for more.
Well – I’m going to assume you’ve heard it all before.
So it’s also safe to guess the answers you found – didn’t solve your problem. You got lots of things to “look out for” but no definite answer based on your personal case and not some majority ruled generalization about men.
Why is that? Why, despite all those answers, you still find yourself wondering if he is interested in you. If he’s truly attracted to you.
If you haven’t gathered it by now – I’m a guy. Yep. Just another dude and I have the parts to prove it. 😉
Rather than give you the same old tips. The so-called science fact about our wonderfully unique mating process. I want to share with you a guy’s world.
Many guys repeat your frustration,
“Does she like me? She’s flipping her hair. Exposing her wrist. She’s laughing at my lame jokes. She’s communicating 15 out of the 18 signals that she likes me so it must be true. Look!!! Even her feet are facing me. And I know I saw her lick her lips at least once – while we were eating dinner. Hmmmmm?”
Would you believe I’ve known lots of good-looking guys who I’ve caught several times talking to me about a “signal” she was giving and how it must mean she’s interested. And these were guys who needed absolute no help in the dating world.
While all that’s going on you’re looking for the man version and at the same time (I might add) trying to use your female ways to show him you do like him.
This ago old dance sometimes leads somewhere. Sometimes you get that second date. Sometimes you hook up later on. Sometimes you accidentally lead a guy on only to find out you don’t like him.
And sometimes your “maybe relationship” becomes so confused and buried in the mystery of it all you lose sight of what it was all about in the first place.
In a guy’s world – when his lips touches yours and he wants to do it again and again and again – he’s more than just interested. He likes you and is more than likely going to tell somebody about it.
Getting TO that point is what it’s all about.
We don’t date women to become non-sexual friends. We don’t get close to women without wanting to be intimate sooner or later. We don’t feel attracted without wanting more than just a casual conversation.
The instant you start looking for signals you’re taking yourself out of the most important place you can be. The present. And the present is the only way to get TO that first kiss.
In one guy’s world – a man who knows what he’s doing and has real experience with women understands how to take you there. His signals mean absolutely nothing because if he’s wants you there and you’re so inclined to join him – he WILL lead you there.
In another guy’s world – he doesn’t understand the steps. He’s busy looking for your “okays.” In a way HE wants to be lead. He’s unsure of his own esteem. His signals mean absolutely nothing because you’re not really dealing with his “present.” Which as I stated earlier – is the only way to get there.
For “it” to be completely real with a guy – there must be some physical connection. This means he will do everything and anything within his power, lifestyle, situation, skill-set, and probably more to secure an intimate moment.
Truth be told – what you’re experiencing when you’re trying to figure out if a certain guy or a group of men like you is doubt about yourself. Which has little or nothing to do with him or them.
Oddly enough – you know that. Don’t you?
Hell I even knew it myself even while I was sulking in the corners with a sad look in my face mumbling, “Why doesn’t she like me?” Took me a while to make myself actually believe, “Well maybe she doesn’t like me because this is who I am. The type of guy who cries in the background and whines. I don’t even like myself!!”
That’s one of the extreme cases for men.
But in the smaller cases which I’ll assume is yours…
- Maybe you don’t like one or two things about yourself.
- Maybe you suffer from mild flashes of doubt which always seems to come at the “perfect” time.
- Maybe you believe the guy you’re liking doesn’t seem to be into “your type”, or you’re too old, too young, too big, too small, too shy, too nice…
It’s absolutely perfectly reasonable to say you’re experiencing that doubt because you’re feeling attraction. If you didn’t care about “how he sees you” or “if he’s interested” then you wouldn’t even bother asking that question. Would you?
In the “all case” when you don’t feel attractive or likable at all you will actually try to stop yourself from “falling” for a guy because you know how deeply you’ll look inside yourself and how much it’s probably going to hurt.
What I’m saying, without getting too much into some blame game or who’s at fault, without telling you the same old stuff somebody else has already written is the ultimate answer to knowing if a man is interested in you:
In a guy’s world – the moment he feels attracted to you, he also experiences doubt. Some greater than others. Some handle it better than others. Some hide behind a mask. Some hide in the corner crippled by it all…
But the goal is always the same. To secure an intimate moment which is dependent on the intimacy he needs and how he defines a physical connection. Because that is when it becomes real for us.
I’m saying and I’m probably going to take a lot of flack for it but the ultimate test to see if a guy likes you – starts with the very first kiss.
Getting to that point is best left to enjoy and experience (and not question) because you know it then becomes all about you. It takes you out of the very thing you need to make that first kiss happen. The present.
Obviously we’ve avoided the social drama and the complexity of stepping from sight to relationship and how in our world there’s more to getting together than just feeling it for someone.
Let’s leave it at this and see where it takes us…
If everything a guy does seems to be leading up to that first kiss then you keep assuming he feels attracted to you.
If you’re impatient or are interested in time savers – the moment you’re close enough – make that kiss happen! Even if it’s just a small peck on the lips or neck. It doesn’t have to be a make-out session.
After that you’ll know exactly how much he likes you.
Stop looking for signals or body language clues or the deeper meaning behind it all…
The absolute truth of it all is…
We don’t date women to become non-sexual friends. We don’t get close to women without wanting to be intimate sooner or later. We don’t feel attracted without wanting more than just a casual conversation.
Love may be something else in determining how a man feel towards you. I would suggest you watch this informational/sales video because it will give you 7 questions designed to help you figure out if a certain man loves you or not… Does He Love You?
36 comments… add one
I need some advice on a guy’s signals..
I started talking to a guy seven weeks ago. After the first week of talking online we met up one night and saw each other 3 more times the next week. After that we consistently saw each other 2, sometimes 3, nights a week. We kissed at the end of our first date and he initiated a good bye kiss at the end of every hang out afterwards.
We slept with each other on the fourth night of seeing each other and the next day he wanted to meet up again (we didn’t have sex). Things were moving kind of fast for me because I had only been single for a month at the time. I told him in the third week of seeing each other I wasn’t looking for a relationship and he responded with a vague ‘let’s see what happens’.
For awhile things seemed to be OK. He would sleepover once in awhile, wanted to see me each weekend, and acted like he was interested in me. I started to develop feelings against my wanting of a casual relationship and that made me really awkward the last two weeks around him and I’m sure he picked up on the weird vibes. Two weekends ago I found that he was back on Tinder. I’m not a stalker, but I get on occasionally and was curious about him.
This week he’s been sending me mixed signals and I can’t tell if he’s interested anymore. We met up last Saturday and he stayed over that night and Monday. Tuesday morning was interrupted, so I asked him later if he wanted to come over that night, he said “Mmmm, I would, but [input school excuse here].” We flirted a bit and I gave him an open invite to text me later in the week to make plans. He snapchatted me once in the week about school and then I didn’t hear anymore from him. I figured if he was interested he would have asked to make plans with me Friday or Saturday like we had been every week before that, especially since I made the option available.
Maybe I shouldn’t have, but I texted him a ‘hey, what’s up?” on Saturday night. He told me he was tired and staying in for the night, but he asked what I was doing on Monday and we decided we would see each other then. He even sent me a flirty text about it and seemed excited for our plans. Well, I texted him Monday about getting together (yesterday) and he said “Maybe, [insert school reason].” He sent a consecutive one saying “I’d really like to, but [insert school reason]. We joked and he told me he ‘I’ll let you know :)’. He never texted me.
I can’t tell if he’s interested, really busy because it’s finals time, or just letting me down easy. We were hanging out so much and then in the last week there’s been a weirdness to it. Possibly because I was unsure about what I wanted I turned him off? I don’t know if I should just ask him what the deal is, or drop it completely, and if he’s interested he’ll come to me.
Advice and thoughts?
Thanks.
Halloo
Long story short, we had a great relationships (based on friendship first).. Open minded led to having this intimate relationship. We were great together, everything fitted perfectly.. new job come up for him demanding more time, late nights, travel etc… I too recently got a 2nd job and more responsibility leaving less time for myself or even him.. 2 weeks went by, we had a great phone relationship (knowing how busy we both were) but we never discussed getting together as those 2weeks passed. We both talked about missing each other, woke up everymorning to a good morning text hope you have a great day etc… then one night i woke up after falling asleep early (passing out more likely from sleep deprivation).. anyway I wrote a speech, saying that I am lonely too much of it now and I dont know what our relationship has become and that I want to end things now as I am tired of waiting for him to just pop around like he did… I wished him farewell and left it there. I got a reply the next morning.. he doesnt even know how to respond, he wished i did it face to face rather than in a text late at night and that he know i deserve better and hope i find what i looking for… i was satisfied with his answer… but a few days later my emotions got the better, I wanted him back I needed him back (1st time ever for me to do the crawling and being to needy) So i decided to ask him if we could meet… his reply wasnt what I expected. He said NO. After what I did to him, I will never know the paid that message caused him and that he had already had a hole in his heart but i just made that bigger and that with his ex he felt sad but with me only anger, he doesnt want to talk, be my friend or see me… how do i fix it? I have apologized for the pain I caused I have grown more to see my words and actions do affect people more than I imagined but what now? I have this intense feeling that this man is the most wonderful man I have met and I know what we had was real and deep the way he was with me.. I need to see him or speak to him without going all stalker on him? I feel so much hope.. but his anger for me is getting the best of him… and I have asked for forgiveness but he has said in his own time.. its been 6 weeks since the break up.. 1 week without contact? please help? could i just show up at his house? asking for forgiveness or just face to face conversation as he deserves?
Hi, I loved your article and I was hoping to get some advice. I’ve been talking to this guy for a few weeks now, and I like him a lot. We went on a few dates in the first week or so, then he started acting very distant. I asked him if everything was okay and that feelings haven’t changed. He said feelings have changed and he’s not so quick to fall in love again. I told him I wasn’t expecting love or a relationship after a week, I just knew I had fun with him. He responded with “good” which left me confused. A few days went by with no words coming from either of us until he invited me out. I accepting thinking we were just friends having an evening out until we were watching a movie and he wanted to cuddle, which was nothing new, but I don’t cuddle with my friends. We haven’t kissed yet but we’ve hugged and cuddled. He works quite a lot and doesn’t always have time to text during the day, but it seems I’m the one who always texts first. I’m not sure what to do now. Does he want a slow relationship or no relationship at all? I like him but don’t want to waste my time.
Hi and thank you Kate,
Men, unless they are playing you are very direct. It might not seem that way but trust me when I say we’re not that complicated. It’s your thoughts combined with other things which are complicating or hazing things up.
He merely told you,
“I like you enough that I might be falling for you too quickly SO I want to take my time.” Which you can assume may lead to a relationship BUT attraction is there.
He said “good” because he was happy you were not into making this an instant relationship. He was relieved you were okay with taking things (dating) slow. (If you ask me, haha I guess you are, the “slow” part is actually better anyways. He has probably moved too quickly before. Lots of men and women make that mistake. Instant relationship or acting like you’re in a relationship too early causes way too many avoidable problems and doesn’t allow people to see the bigger picture of what it going on.)
I can not guarantee whether he’s going to not want a relationship with you at all. That’s why you spend time slowly getting to know each other. To find out if it’s going to work towards one. I’d like to say you have to take that risk but it’s not a risk at all, it’s just a smart way to date.
Text him less. Give him space. Let him come to you once in a while.
Chances are if he can seriously keep away more than a week at a time then it doesn’t mean he’s lost the attraction, it just means he’s sticking to his word.
If you continue to contact him more than that he’ll assume you’re in relationship mode and will probably continually back away or not do anything. You’ll be chasing him for a while and not allowing him to go into pursue mode.
I love what this format does because it DOES work:
(stolen, well borrowed
from Real Men In )
1. Lure. 2. Lust. 3. love.
It works.
We need to be entranced by you. We definitely need to lust after you. And most certainly that’s when love comes. Once you’re there the relationship (if both are ready) naturally happen and are allowed to develop or build over time.
Figure out what your time table is for a relationship. Set it in advance and stick to it. Date other men too. That way you’re not wasting your time… you’re having fun and getting to know each other.
You have fun together, enjoy it.
All the best to you,
Pete
I have known this guy since high school, 13 years. Apparently I was oblivious to his intrest back in the day. Over the past 5 years we text regularly see each other on occasion. He has become a very close friend. But the only time I see him is if I invite. He always accepts the invites ( not excessive invites, generally dinner at my house. He even came iver when I invited him to help make cookies for a bake sale). He seems interested but is he? I don’t want to risk our friendship.
* he was with a girl 8-9 years ago. Engaged at some point. She had a child while they were together but it is know fact that it’s very possible it is not his child. When she left she did so with an old boyfriend.
Hi Pete
I met an older boy (6 years older) a few weeks ago when I was traveling in Europe. One day, he approached me and asked for my contact info. He and I had never talked before, so we were strangers. I knew right away that he was interested in me…I mean, why approach me in the first place? So, he would always text me and ask what’s up and what I’m up to. He asked me questions about me, my life, my family, etc. He also asked me to join him for breakfast the following morning, and I agreed. However, that morning, I also had to leave to return to my home in America. Basically, we only had time to spend ONE day together.
He knows that I am from America, yet it didn’t seem to bother him. When I got home, I saw that there were messages from him asking if I’m okay and if I got home. For the next week or so, he would text me every single day and we would have great conversations. He told me that I have a good body and a nice butt, lol. And he also told me I’m pretty.
HOWEVER. After that first week, his texting habits…changed. He wouldn’t text as often, but he still texted me. But it wasn’t every day like it used to be. Plus, I started initiating text conversations as well. Should I be worried?
One day, he dropped the question, “Do you like me?” And I said, “As a friend? Of course!” And he said, “No, not like that! I meant to ask if you have any romantic feelings for me.” So I thought about it for a day or two and then got back to him. I said, “I think you are a great guy with a good personality. And, you are good looking and I love talking to you. But I don’t know you well enough yet. We live so far from each other and there is an age gap. When will I see you in person? How would I see you in person? And I need more time. Is that okay with you?” He said, “Yes. Of course! We’ll take things slow. Rushing is never good.” So I thought everything was good, right? Well…
It has been 6 days since we had that conversation and that was our last conversation. We haven’t texted since then. I don’t know what went wrong. As I said before, his texting habits changed after that first week of daily texting. It slowed down and I had to initiate some conversations, but I have not initiated more than he has. And look at him and me now…we’re not texting at all. It’s been 6 days since either of us has said anything. I’m confused. What is going on? Is he done with me? Has he lost interest?
I would appreciate your help! Thanks
Hi Lily,
I doubt he lost interest BUT it doesn’t really sound like he’s into taking it slow UNLESS he can’t find someone closer to home to be with him.
He’ll probably continue to look around his area and come back to you from time to time especially if things are not working out for him over there.
You see, he wanted something instant and felt rejected when you gave him the “friend first” speech. To a guy like this it generally breaks their heart and they will start acting differently almost immediately. They may even change their tactics or start trying harder BUT again, the rejection stills stands.
By “a guy like this” I mean a man who feels the need to ask the worst question a guy could ask a woman, “Do You Like Me?” Bad enough for me to include it in my Nice Guy Tip #12…
http://www.dialteg.com/nice-guys-finish-first-when/20-nice-guy-tips/12-do-you-like-me/
So no he probably isn’t done, he IS still interested but I would expect things to change especially his behavior.
Thank you for writing in and I do hope my answer cleared it all up for you,
Pete
Hi Pete!
Fantastic answer. I have an update. He and I were talking about a week or so ago and I asked him, “Did you want to be in a relationship with me?” And he said, “Yes, I do. I really felt that you were the one. But I think now, we should just be friends.” I told him, “I completely agree. I want to be with you, but I know I can’t be with you because I can’t do LDR stuff and I won’t last very long. Plus, we haven’t known each other for very long and we have a considerable age gap.” He told me that he respects whatever I have to say.
Do you think his mind changed just because of what I said?
It hasn’t really been that long but me & this guy, our family are friends so we know each other by them & they’d often tease for us to get together. That was until three days ago when they’re was a party at his house & I went with the family & we slept over at this guys house. Well at the end of the first day of the sleep over day pretty much we ended up kissing & all that stuff. He even offered/lent me his sweater & shorts. Even offered for me to sleep with him, just sleep, either ways his little sister was in the same room too. When his family or mine would ask if we were dating he’d always say to ask me & freaking out I’d say just friends. Well next day we’re pretty much the same- or more I guess, a few kisses here & their hand holding etc. Even invited me to have something to eat which we did. What has me unsure is that it’s the second day since we left his house & he does have my number but hasn’t texted me & my irrational fear is that he was probably messing with me. He’s only had one girlfriend before he said & me honestly I haven’t had a boyfriend before so I’m so new at this &freaking out a bit with the whole affection thing & fear of being lied too, don’t want to look like an idiot if it was just for his own fun cause I really do think I might be crushing on him. Probably just irrational female thoughts I guess, but why hasn’t he texted me, is he not interested in me, just wants to hook up and that’s it & should I just text him myself if anything? I try to think he hasn’t texted cause he works& goes to college, I know college alone can be stressful since so could it be just that? My best friend on the other hand keeps on telling me he’d still make time to text me that school nor work is no excuse. Please help I’m so confused.
It seems to me that this article is about whether or not a guy wants to sleep with/get physical with you. Not whether he LIKES you. Big difference as far as I am concerned. Most guys would sleep with you, that’s a given, but reading whether or not you hold value to them as a person is much harder. And getting to that first kiss is not communication, it just confirmation that ‘he would’. Perhaps this article is aimed at people much younger than me, but there are all sort of other issues to consider such as risking friendship through misreading signs.
You might be assuming or predicting or stating that all guys are only into sex and that’s why you feel that way.
I know many men who go through their lives alone and touching themselves because they’re not into just sleeping with a woman and therefore won’t settle for anything less than love and attraction.
You wrote, ‘getting to that first kiss is not communication, it just confirmation that ‘he would’” but you failed to note the headline i wrote above,
“Getting TO that point is what it’s all about.”
How I hate to see women become so doubtful. I WANT them to enjoy the ride and to stop questioning if a guy likes them or not. To just enjoy the journey and experience and let all doubts fall by the side because once that first kiss comes… when then all doubts are gone. He DOES LIKE YOU.
Whether or not he’s interested after in something more is a totally different subject.
Let’s not muddy the subject with such things as risking friendships and misreading signals. That is why I wrote the first part.
My point was to merely implicitly state what I, as a guy, see and believe.
Thanks for sharing, I do love haring everyone’s views. I learn. Something I love ding. Hopefully you do too.
Pete
I was chosen by a guy on a dating site, We have been texting for months. We have tried numerous times to end this whatever we have relationship, but we keep coming back to each other. He is lonely and so am I. We care about each other and recently started to talk on phone a few times. He is married however claims to have a room-mate marriage. They come and go as they please, but do not have any intimacy. We do have fond feelings for each other, however have never met. A few times we were going to including today but he always bows out. He really is afraid to hurt his wife and me. The last phone call we had was phone sex which was pleasurable for both of us, but I spent the next day crying. The end of the phone sex lacked intimacy. The few times I have talked to him I found him not to conversational. I guess typing is different than the phone conversation or the meeting and the talking. We agreed to meet today and he also asked again on Tuesday when was the day we were meeting. This that day put him in a tail spin because he could not handle cheating. He wants me but he can’t commit so I say forget it.
My brain is constantly thinking about him, but I am reacting to him and his needs.
What should I do? I want to say good bye and he feels I should but no one can make the decision.
My gut says change my email address or block him.
Hello pete,
. I was really embarrassed still managed to laugh . Again he reacted to me in an animated tone in another similar situation. I dint wana go near him again.we are working in the same floor and its really pissing me off to see him across the room.i reallllly need ur help to understand the person and the situation. I am confused as y suddenly one fine morning he started acting weirdly yet until the previous evening things were so gud between us.PlZz HElp!!!!!
absolutely ur words are truee…
i met this guy at work who proposed on the 3rd day and would talk about how wonderful we will be together .i asked to wait for sometime since i dint know anything about him , i wanted him to be my friend..we were talking well , he teased me saying he loves to tease me and all….things were gud a week …Towards the end of the week he refused to attend or return my call nor my text. Previously he only asked me to call him for lunch through phone but when i called he neither picked nor returned my call.I jokingly asked as why he dint pick his call and all ..he rudely answered in a TONE that he was busy
Thank you Taurus,
Not quite sure exactly what’s going on here. My best guess is that he was flirting with you and realized it’s a work thing and/or he wasn’t serious about the phone call thing. Just like he wasn’t truly serious about the “proposal”.
He was play flirting with you. Something lots of guys do and if the woman responds positively he assumes she’s attracted to him.
Now, we must also consider it’s a game which goes like this:
Compliment her. Flirt with her. Tease her. Move rather quickly. Pull back entirely. Act like you don’t care or that she’s being annoying. Act like you’re “upset” with her.
All in a childish/player move to get you addicted to him and asking question about him and wondering what YOU did wrong.
Unfortunately I’ve seen it work many times. Show lots of interest and pull back rudely.
When you think about it even if it was just a friend who did that to you, you’d be curious as to what’s going on.
He’s getting you to overthink about him and if I were you…
Be very cautious and assume he’s either a moody son-of-a-bitch, which does happen, and/or is only interested in playing games with you until you start chasing him. Which would leave him in control of the situation.
When ever a guy, within a short period of time, uses your emotions to gain control or establish the upper hand, instead of just controlling himself, is often a sign of low self-esteem with, well control issues.
Best to you and your work situation.
Hope this helped you see what’s really going on,
Pete
Hello Pete
Thank you for your words of wisdom !! I am new to being around with guys and seriously do not know a thing on them.ya, i could guess a little on how this guy is not – so serious with his attitude and all. Anyways thank you soo much for helping me understand the situation:):). Looking forward to your posts ….