Years ago, I never realized how many women get stuck in the friends zone with a guy.
Maybe it's a guy thing.
Maybe we just think it's easier on you (or for you) than it is for us.
Luckily I've been proved wrong many times in my life and this is one for the record books.
You see, a few years back, when I started helping guys "escape the friends zone" literally thousands of women each month were showing up at DiaLteG TM. They searching for help through google.
Well anyways, after becoming an expert in being put in the friends zone, and very good at eliminating it from my potential dates, I felt it might be useful to let some women know my thoughts on...
Why guys put women in their friends zone.
The answer is not all that easy to say.
The biggest reason I do or have done it, is because I felt absolutely no physical attraction from the moment I met her.
That sounds awful, doesn't it?
But it's true.
Now that doesn't mean we can not become physically attracted later AND it doesn't mean any guy walking around is attracted to the very same thing the next guy is.
The fact is...
Physical attraction for guys tends change based on his age, his experiences, his state of mind, and just like "beer goggles" tends to fuzzy things up...
HOW AND WHAT WE FEEL PHYSICAL ATTRACTION FOR CAN BE AMPLIFIED OR DECREASED BY PERSONALITY ALONE AND/OR A LOT OF OTHER FACTORS.
Some guys will even refuse to admit an attraction for a woman based on who she sleeps with.
Some guys will refuse to admit attraction to a woman based on his own failures with women.
With that said...
#1 Reason why guys put women in the friends zone is no initial physical attraction within the first few seconds of sight.
The #2 Reason is because we put ourselves in YOUR friends zone.
We align ourselves with you to get close to you.
We're not always good at the whole dating and attraction thing and we can spend so much time wondering what, how, or when to do something about it, we (sometime later) find ourselves just your friend.
SO it would APPEAR ON THE SURFACE we put YOU in the friends zone, when we actually became friends because of the opposite of number one.
We WERE attracted to you at first.
Strange shit, that I know.
The third reason is a bit more difficult to figure out because it tends to be a very muddy area. It also happens after we're dating for a while.
#3 Reason we put you in the friends zone is because we figure out quickly we're not interested in dating anymore BUT we get along enough to hang out AND we're still physically attracted to you.
See I told you it's a bit cloudy.
It's also a rare event.
Most of the time when we start dating a girl we're just not interested in merely a friendship so after the dating plays out, we either back away gracefully or not.
We figure out we're not sexually good for each other. Maybe there's little chemistry. Maybe there's too much going on in your life.
Chances are there are hundreds of reasons why we decide we're not "compatible" but only a few of why would be still want to stay friends. Good and bad.
A bad reason, if you want to call it that, would be you have many cool nice often attractive girlfriends.
A good reason would be that we just click. We share many common interests we might not have with our guy friends and it's nice to find someone to do that shit with.
Unfortunately this third reason often means there's a little physical attraction at first just not something beyond wanting occasional sex with you. To be totally honest with you, you might only be thought of when we want it so we'll stay sort-of friends.
You might call that friends with benefits.
There is a big problem with this friends zone thing and guys which must be called out.
First the actual definition of a real friendship and how they might differ from a guy's perspective and a woman view.
Friends to us just might be talking, texting, calling, and nothing more.
We might not have to actually do anything to consider you our friend BUT that's just what we call it.
To consider you a REAL FRIEND like our guy buddies, we MUST DO THINGS TOGETHER.
Now of course other people can be involved.
Otherwise we might consider you a sexual option, keep you as a "friend" and often you'll get nothing more.
How you women define a friendship will not be guessed on my part. You're more than welcome to leave your opinion below...
How would you define a REAL FRIENDSHIP with a guy as opposed to a sexual or dating option?
One more thing about this friendship definition is what we share.
When we would share more with you specific information or feelings than we would with a guy friend that changes the entire nature of the friendship.
The key would be we're opening up to you in a way which we refuse to do with guys.
In that case you might presume there's a slim chance an actual real relationship might happen which includes some form of intimacy.
A friendship that turns into more based solely on the fact you're considered MORE THAN A FRIEND because we treat you different than our guy friends... just because you're a woman.
Social life sure is complicated when we throw the sexes together, isn't it? 🙂
I hope I'm not missing something here but we'll have to see what else might come out.
For now, the 3 main reasons a guy will put you in the friends zone are:
- We felt or feel no physical attraction keeping in mind that tends to vary from guy to guy AND changes based on the experiences we encounter in our lives.
- We put ourselves in YOUR friends zone to stay close. Normally when we are attracted to you but for many reasons not actually do anything about it.
- After a casual dating period, maybe just a few or even just one, realize there just isn't enough sexual energy to pursue something more.
I suppose now we have to talk about the chances of "getting out of it" and what the REAL chances are of that happening. 🙂