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First Date Confusion – He Doesn’t Call You Back! Is He Interested?

Woman Staring At Phone Confused

I was reading through a dating forum and found this very interesting story about a first date a woman had with a guy she met through an online dating site.

If you have ever gone out with guy but he didn't call back or get back to you for a second date then this story will show you HIS side of dating, his real interest in you, AND what you should NEVER do if you don't want him to disappear so quickly.

They started chatting online and he quickly mentions how he doesn't get on there much (the dating site) so they should exchange numbers.

She agreed and they both texted each other a few time before he proposed, "We should go out sometime very soon." She thought it was a great idea and they set up a typical Friday night date.

I'm not sure what happened on the date because she didn't mention it but at the end of the night they kissed in the Taxi in front of his place and he gave her a choice, "Call it a night or come up to his place to watch a movie".

She chose to go up to his place and very quickly they were making out in his apartment. She's not into having sex on the first date, calls it an evening, and heads home.

He texts her on the way home telling her to be safe. She texts him back. Then he mentions to stop texting because he doesn't want her to get hurt but he'll contact her soon.

A few days pass and since she hasn't heard anything from him decides to text him, "thanking him for a good night out."  He gets back to her after a few hours with something like you're welcome and how he can not wait to do it again.

A few more days pass and she has not heard back from him and so she checks out his profile and notices he's been on the dating site as she casually and angrily mentions that he told her "he doesn't get on there that much".

She wrote that she expects him to be seeing other women... "He's a good-looking guy." but she didn't understand why he would say he isn't on there a lot when to her, he so obviously did frequent his profile.

Based on that and her experience with men she concludes:

He hasn't called her for a second date because he thought he was going to get lucky that night and she didn't let it happen AND how he had probably moved on to an easier girl.

BUT she's still not convinced so she reasons it all out in her head:

WHY would he want to make sure she got home okay AND why would he mention he'd like to see her again?

Her last post was one of anger, disgust, and frustration as she gives up on him entirely claiming she was played and he was only looking for sex - keeping in mind all this happened within a WEEK:

"I definitely agree that I screwed things up by going up to his place. I was naive and didn't want the night to end and didn't bother thinking what my actions were saying. Dannnnng. I know in my gut that since he hasn't called, he's just not that into me.

But sometimes a girl just needs to hear it said out loud by someone else. No worries! I won't be contacting him in any form.

Sucks that I'll never know what would've happened had I gone home that night immediately after our date instead. Guess this guy was just meant to be a lesson. Lesson learned! Thanks for the honesty."

No call 48 hours after first date...not interested?!

(Forum link has since been deleted and is not accessible any more.)

Now that you know the whole story... here are my thoughts and I have a lot of them so be patient because you're going to learn a valuable lesson about men and much more.

I'll start with him...

He was a VERY smart "online" dater - based on what I read it's a safe assumption that he's a type one guy which means he's good with women and probably dating too.

He played the online interaction perfectly. He quickly got her phone number quickly AND he didn't waste any time sending her a few messages and setting up the first date.

(Type twos don't work this way at all - they typically take forever, let her lead, talk online for way too long, and make the dating process much more difficult than it needs to be.)

In my free book "Understanding Men Made Simple - There Are Only Two Types Of Guys" I do cover how just because he's a type one doesn't mean he's a bad guy or a player - just that being good with women gives him the option AND the opportunity to do so...

Which means (based on what we know from the story) it's impossible to for us to conclude IF she was being played or used as a one-night-stand or a quick lay BUT I will say this:

He moved from one step to the next AND got her to go back to his place which DOES tell me that sex was clearly on his mind. As if you need me to tell you that because you're certainly smart enough to see that coming a mile away.

BUT just because a guy wants to get laid on the first date does NOT make him a player. It's not good, that's for sure, especially if you're looking for something long-term with a guy,  however... here's a lesson in dating men:

Assuming you're being played because a guy doesn't contact you back after a few days past the first date is typically a WRONG assumption that will cause you to push a way a lot of good men.

Moving on to her side of the date, what really went wrong, and the mistakes she made so you can avoid making them yourself:

IF you don't want sex to be a part of the early dating process - do NOT go back to his place after the first date no matter how much of a good time you're having with him.

Hey... it happens, that I truly understand BUT that's actually NOT the real issue here as you'll soon see for yourself through her.

She IMMEDIATELY went back to that moment, HER decision, as to why he didn't contact her back quickly... because he didn't get it from her. She believed he wasn't that into her and was only looking for sex AND by going up to his place and not putting out - she pushed him away and made him lose interest.

In reality he didn't lose any interest at all. Obviously he was totally into her on one way or another.

Whether it was for sex or not remains to be seen AND she'll never know because she made a few more classic dating mistakes.

ONE: Instead of being patient and waiting for her to contact him in a reasonable time - she jumped ahead and came up with an excuse to message him first. 

She didn't message him because she wanted to, she texted him to test for his response and although that's fine with a type two guy - most type ones will see right through it and assume you're needy, a little desperate, or that you're playing a game in the hopes of revealing his hand quicker than it needs to be.

She texted, "Oh yeah I forgot to thank you for the date..." which leads to...

Number TWO: NEVER thank a man for a date and NEVER use it as an excuse to contact a guy so quickly after a first date just to see if he likes you or is interested or not.

IF a man is truly interested in you - he WILL call or contact you again. THAT is his sign of interest. When you poke or prod him hoping you'll learn the truth - he'll only think you're being overbearing, nosy, and that your dating life is suddenly revolving around a guy you just met.

And please - don't thank him for the date - if you must say anything at all - "You had a good time and you'd be happy to do it again when you're BOTH free for the second date."

Number THREE: Less than a week had passed before she became impatient with him and immediately went online to "check his profile" to literally spy on him because she wanted "closure?" already.

When you meet a guy online you must EXPECT he's there for a reason - to date women and he's not there just to date you exclusively.

YOU must do the same - dating one man at a time only causes this problem to happen. You put all your time and energy and feelings into one guy at a time and if it doesn't work out (in her case) within a week you make yourself a total wreck AND you start doing things which will push ANY guy away OR have him stick around just long enough to sleep with you.

Circular Dating Works!  TRY IT - and ALL problems like this go away instantly.

(See credits below for more information below on circular dating.)

If you want a guy who will date you exclusively (non-committal in the beginning of course) - then that is your choice and it's okay - BUT you must make that clear from the beginning AND you must also do it in a way which is not demanding.

Number FOUR: She went looking for closure - a definitive answer to whether he was interested in her or not AND if he was just looking for sex.

Hey - I understand what it feels like to leave something hanging and having a bunch of loose ends without any real answers BUT...

When it comes to dating - there will be a lot of loose-ends if you're putting yourself out there.

Many things will go left unsaid. Some men will never call. MOST men will NEVER tell you what they don't like about you. To be honest - it's not their responsibility to prepare you for next date with another guy.

If you so choose to let the men you see know why you don't want to date them anymore - that's your choice - but you can not expect others to work that same way or play by YOUR rules.

When you find yourself always searching for the why or what happened you will ACT differently around each and every next date trying to avoid what went wrong last time and if you don't know what went wrong - you will take yourself out of an attractive frame and guys will sense it AND you'll find it very difficult to just be yourself and have fun.

As one great advice man wrote:

1… Men Don’t Make Sense.

All those frustrating things that men do that don’t make any sense to you as a woman will NEVER MAKE SENSE.

Stop trying to make sense of them for yourself.

Trying to make sense of a man in your own terms is entirely counterproductive and gets little or no results other than you becoming increasingly frustrated.

There’s a better way.

2… You Can’t Figure Everything Out.

Have you ever REALLY hit it off with a guy but after a few weeks or months, even though things seemed great, the man pulled away and starting acting distant and cold?

Most men, at one time or another, do things like this that are ridiculous and impossible to figure out.

So EXPECT to NOT UNDERSTAND everything a man does.

If you can become more comfortable with the idea of not knowing everything about WHY a man does what he does, then you’ll feel a strange sense of calm relaxation – along with an increase in your own self-confidence.

6 Ways On How To Use The Magic Of Intuition & Get To Know The Real Him

With all that said and "behind" us...

Was He Interested In Her or Not?

It's not 100% that just because a man does not contact you as quickly as you'd like is not a guarantee he's not interested.

Quality men (and I use that term loosely) are NOT going to come out and say it early on but the signs are always there and in her case they were:

  • He kissed her.
  • He invited her back to his place.
  • He texted her after she left.
  • He said he wanted to do it again.

All signs pointing to his INTEREST and ATTRACTION towards her.

Just because a man doesn't act all needy and overbearing right after the first date is NOT a sign of no interest - it's typically a sign of who he is and not how he feels about you.

If he doesn't contact you after a reasonable amount of time then yes, it could mean that he decided he wasn't interested in pursuing things further with you and the exact reason will probably never be shared with you.

The absolute best way to tell if a man is truly interested in you:

Tease him a little, have fun with him, offer a little and have him "work" if he wants more... in a fun flirty and attractive way of course.

Be a REAL challenge.

Be HIS challenge.

And those high quality men will show their interest by paying very close attention to you in every sense of the word.

Do things a certain way (attractive communication) and let them work for you AND if a guy is responding because of that - it's practically a guarantee that he's interested in you.

Do things the wrong way (which I point out in my free book below) and the only challenge or interest you'll engage him in will keep him around just long enough until the challenge is met.

In the case above - she did NOT give up the challenge by going up to his place at the end of the night - if she has slept with him that night - THEN YES - challenge gone because as I wrote above - IF you want to date a man long-term and you're looking for a possible and eventual real commitment, do NOT sleep with him too early.

You can read more about that here:

Will He Stick Around After You Get Intimate? Not If You Make These Common Mistakes

The inevitable Confused Dating Is He Interested conclusion...

I feel for this woman - I really DO.

I understand from years of experience and through all the advice I've given along the way how HARD it is to stop overthinking and where it often leads a man or woman when it happens.

Sure - this guy "could've" been only out for a quick lay BUT that does not mean he's going to settle with one... for you or her.

She didn't "put out" and that's a GOOD thing when you're looking for something more.

BUT she still made a lot of mistakes which will stop her from ever revealing the truth about this guy and you never know - all things considered (maybe) he was looking for something more too and in his mind - he might believe sex is the way to a woman's heart too.

Aside from all that - the FACTS remain:

He was clearly attracted to her.

He was clearly interested in her one way or another.

His intentions are unknown but that's to be expected unless you learn them from the first interactions you have with a guy.

NOTICE she didn't mention what they talked about on the date even though THAT information was the most beneficial and crucial information to learn what was on his mind.

So - if you can relate to any and all of this:

GIVE a guy some time before you contact him.

This all happened in less than a week and that's way too quick to decide one way or another compatibility, interest, intention, emotional attraction and connection.

Do NOT jump the gun. Don't leap into the abyss hoping or prodding for information.

ENJOY the moments.

REVEL in the unknown for just a while and everything will unwind in its own way.

ASSUME if a guy is WORTH giving a chance and an opportunity to date YOU - that means he's probably dating other women too (especially if you meet from an online dating site). YOU saw something in him, other women will too.

AND he saw something in you worth dating too - which means you have an equal or even BETTER chance.

The LAST thing you want in your life is taking ANY of your valuable "you" time out of your busy, fun, happy schedule to check out his profile to see if he's still online looking because I GUARANTEE he is. Don't question it - it WILL happen just the same as you will look around too.

THAT is the point of dating...

To search...

To seek..

To explore...

To Enjoy...

UNTIL that perfect MATCH comes your way.

I'm going to leave you with a few of the best advice articles I've found to help you get through the dating process in a way which keeps men INTERESTED in you, STOPS you from overthinking about it all, AND assures you ARE his greatest challenge.

They were written by Evan Marc Katz and I posted them up over my other site... Please enjoy and learn something from them:

Credits:

Share It With The World!
(You can read my email policies here. No spam ever! Your information is always private. )

About the author: Understanding men does not have to be complicated anymore and I can show yow how… There are only two types of guys and if you don’t know which one he is, you could misinterpret everything he says or does as it relates to you. Your new guy friend, Peter White – Understanding Men Made Simple.

LIKE or SHARE my Facebook fan page: Why Do Guys…? OR JOIN other women discuss guys – Why Do Guys Facebook Group. Find and follow me on Twitter – Peter White.

This article was posted in Dating – Interpretations Of What Went Wrong & How To Make It Right, Games Guys Play – Is He Playing You? Is He A Player? Don’t Get Fooled, Is He Interested In You? Does He Like You? Signs & Signals Of Attraction

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34 comments… add one
  • Mona Gh

    Great post

    • Peter White

      Thank you Mona. Every now and then I come up with a good one. 🙂

  • Trish

    Meet a man on dating site, text alittle , then talked on phone. He asked to take me to dinner, i agreed! So before we went in restaurant he hugged me like he just show his bestfriend after 20yrs. We had dinner , walked out of restaurant and he said he really liked me, then kissed me so passionate. We ended the night he went to his home i went to mine. He called me the next day and said he’d been thinking about me all day. Next day we talk, then it has been couple of days nothing!! What did i do wrong? Chemistry was there on both parts.

  • Tam

    Hi Peter, I need your help:)

    I have met a gay trough a dating app and after some chatting he invited me for a tea or drink (he wanted to meet me even he had a hard time at work, he asked for my number and gave mi his to be easier to meet)

    At first I thought he is cute, but wasn’t attracted to him. I decided to accept the invitation because we discovered some mutual intrests while chatting (used to work for the same company, liked the same things..) and he seemed like a normal man.

    It was the first time for me to meet a guy trough dating site so I didn’t want anything to happen at first date.We talked for a while, laughed and I had a very nice time. It seemd he was excited to meet me.He asked me about my job, interests, last relationship, family, even he asked if I would like to have children(I don’t think he wanted to marry me or start a serious relationship on a first date(it’s stupid),but I assume he wanted to know what kind of girl am I ,or sth like that) He is very intelligent and he knew how to gain my attention(he is 35 and almost 8 yrs older than me).We laughed a lot, he also told me that I’m more attractive in person than on photos. He asked if I wanted to meet him again for a dinner. At first I didn’t give a clear answer but when we had left the bar I agreed. He tried to kiss me but we kissed only in a cheek. I wasn’t shy while we were talking but I at the moment wasn’t ready for a kiss. Than he left saying :see you.

    After meeting him in person I have became so attracted to him. I think of him every day, dying to meet him again.
    Few days later I sent him a friend request on our professional network and he accepted me immediately..But he didn’t call..and we met 8days ago:(

    What to do now?

    • Tam

      I meant GUY not gay!:)

    • Peter White

      Hi Tam… Do nothing with your gay guy, I mean straight guy. 🙂

      Seriously, the worse thing you can do is push the situation. Be patient. Remain calm.

      Chances are he’s dating other women and living his life. Give him the opportunity to first prove to you he wasn’t just looking for a hook up and that he’s really interested.

      You have my “permission” to send him a quick text in a few days but nothing more. Send him something like a cute face picture of you with a sly smile and say, “Just working on my photo taking skills. :p”

      That’s all. Nothing more.

      You’ll know soon enough if he’s really interested and if you don’t hear back from him legitimately (a call, a few back and forth real texts, or invitation for a date) within a week, then go ahead and delete his contacts entirely.

      This will give him a little over two weeks to show his real interest in you which is plenty of time.

      Your guy friend,

      Pete

      • Tam

        Thank you my gey gay friend:)!
        Have a nice day

      • Tam

        Hi Pete,

        It’s me again:) Your advice was very helpful! I have texted him as you told me and he replied immediately. He was a bit surprised by my message and asked me several times when we can meet. I said that we could meet and he replied that he was abroad, busy with work and that he was traveling again, but proposed to meet one day between two business trips. He stayed in the city for 2 days. I didn’t give a clear answer because I didn’t believe he was serious. He texted me late at night to tell me he was back and that he would like to meet me before next business trip, but he was not sure if he would have time. I said that I understand and that we could meet next time, but he said he would try to finish his work because he wanted to see me. He texted me during the day to apologize because he was in the rush with work and not able to meet when we planned, and that he would text me when he came back. But later that night, he messaged me that he had just finished with work and wanted to have a drink with me. I also wanted to see him but refused him several times and in the end, he finally agreed saying he would text me when he was back. And he did it, the same day he arrived he send me a very late night message that he was finally here (I know he didn’t lie about his business trip because I have seen pics. on social media). I shortly replied welcome back and haven’t heard from him for two days. I just said hello today and he just replied hi, how r u?
        The problem is that he is glued to his phone all the time but never replies immediately. We exchange a few messages, but I don’t mind because I hate staring at the phone and prefer to have a phone call or live chat .He usually does it late at night, but never asks naughty questions. I can understand he is busy with work ( we used to work for the same company – so I know how hard it is…) and he’s just come back from a long trip but it was weekend….

        Long story, I hate this but I need help. Meanwhile, I have met several guys but this one has some magic wand which uses to make me think of him again and again.

        How to reply to maintain his attention and make him ask me out again?

        Many regards to my guy friend Pete:)

        • Peter White

          There’s no real trick to keeping a guy’s attention. In fact, the harder you try the more you’ll push him away.

          Focus on your life and not his. The mere fact you realize that he’s always online or checking his phone or reads your response tells me your focus is more on him and not on yourself.

          I like these short articles which should keep you busy and redirect your focus a little.

          http://www.dialteg.org/rori-raye-rules-love-attracting-men/are-you-stopping-him-from-falling-for-you/

          http://www.dialteg.org/rori-raye-rules-love-attracting-men/chasing-him-showing-interest/

          http://www.dialteg.org/rori-raye-rules-love-attracting-men/how-show-him-great-who-you-are/

          Give them all a good read and I’m sure you’ll understand what maintaining a guys attention really should be all about.

          In my world – the man’s world I will tell you this:

          Women who capture my attention and keep it always begin with attraction. I’m feeling it. After, if she’s a little illusive, a great challenge, and our talks or meetings or text chats are short – those are the ones I’m always looking for a little more with – because she makes me work for it just enough.

          Not because it’s on purpose, just because she’s living her life fully AND I haven’t found a way or made my way deeper into her life.

          Stay patient. Keep up your challenge.

          All the best,

          Pete

          • Tam

            Hi Pete,
            We chatted again,but he CHANGED after a business trip. As I told you, he sent me a very late night message that he came back. I don’t like late night texting so I just welcomed him back, but the next day I send him a message hello owl and he replied after few days. Since then he doesn’t ask to meet me and doesn’t send me late night messages.

            We texted again ( I initiated texting), and when I asked him what he was doing he always gives simple answer good or working.Usually, I was trying to be funny (not my style to chase men and be persuasive) and make texting longer, but somehow he just gave me a short reply about himself, so I tried to switch a conversation to another topic, and I succeed. We talked about the economy, and he was more talkative, but still reserved-not asking me out!
            But why is he replying to my messages?? He is not a child, he is in his late 30 and is not bored.

            Probably he only wanted quick entertainment and that’s why he was so persuasive at the beginning (begging and asknig when we can meet for a dinner, proposing only late night meetings because of work).

            I don’t get it!

            I will be in the city 2 months and I leave, but that he knew from the very first day.
            Think I’m cooling down a bit, but was wondering what is in men head.Do you differ so much from us:)

            Thank you my dear friend Pete

  • Amy

    Hey, so I met this guy on a dating site, after texting a couple of times, he asked me out. Last night we went on our first date, we had a nice time, great conversation, then he asked if he can add me on facebook I said sure. When we said goodbye he never said anything about seeing each other again oranything he just kissed my cheek and said drive safe. So today I haven’t received any texts from him, I’m not sure if I should send him a text saying I had a great time last night or just wait for him to text or call. BTW, today when I checked my online dating page to see if he was online, I got a notification that he checked out my page again… I need help, he seems like a nice guy and I’d like to know him better.

    • Peter White

      Be patient Amy. If he’s truly a nice guy then he’s probably not convinced you like him at all. It’s a common problem with way too many guys.

      If you don’t hear from him after four or five days, send him a text and include something from the conversation you had on your date. Keep it light and funny if you can.

      After that, you’ll have a clearer picture of where he’s at.

      He’s probably feeling you out and is worried some other guy will “snatch” you up and is worried about coming on too strong.

      Let me know how it goes.

      Your guy friend,

      Pete

  • Erin Rostkowski

    Hello! I went on a date with a guy via Bumble dating app. He drove 30 min from his house to get me and then another 35 to reach our new destination for lunch date. He showed interest and complimented me. He told me he would tell me if he wasnt interested and im trying very hard to believe him. I waited 3 days to text him hey how is your day going? & no answer all day. Hes very good with his phone and answers within minutes. We did not hug or kiss the first time but we did talk about future plans. should I wait another week or two to see if he hits me up? I keep thinking he doesnt want to talk because before the dat he would ask me how my day was going and what else I was doing and now since after the date really nothing.

    • Peter White

      Hello Erin,

      I’m going to have to assume his “phone” skills were different before the date. He was attentive and responsive and then after the date… nothing. In that case – don’t wait at all. His silence, all be it immature, is telling you everything you need to know. Which might have something to do with you or not. I have no way of knowing his side or what he might be doing in the meantime.

      I can however see some things which might be relevant here.

      1. He told you he would tell you if he wasn’t interested. Does that mean you asked him that question? If so, I would avoid asking a question like that on a date because as a guy, we might assume the wrong thing. I would also avoid bringing up any topic like that because it does feel like it’s coming from a lack of security in yourself.

      2. The “dating” rule of waiting three days after in contacting someone is a rule only to be used by very few specific people. People who tend to get or become too needy and desperate early on and are in need of distancing themselves to stop it from happening. It’s NOT a cure, merely a temporary thing. AND it’s used by guys who think that dating it’s a game and women who think they have to play hard to get… and so on.

      In other words that dating rule holds no place for two self-aware and confident people who already have a life or feel somewhat complete as themselves.

      3. I understand you two might have been on the “How was your day?” or “What are you doing?” frame of mind which again, has its place BUT if it’s happening too early, after a date, just before a date, and you two don’t really know each other, it is not the best option if you ever want someone to reply back to you quicker.

      Now that we’ve covered all that stuff… men who don’t contact you quickly after a date AFTER you’ve already made contact or sent a message to, are most likely not interested so why wait at all.

      Hope all that helps you out,

      Pete

  • Lisa

    Right I am in a real pickle here and I’m not usually the kind of girl to get into such a head space, so here we go

    I’m not really a dater, I’m on all the apps but I rarely meet guys as normally after a few message exchanges I can tell whether or not they ‘get’ my humour (I am unfortunately super sarcastic and dry and however much I try to reign it in I simply can’t so if a guy seems he will be offended I tend to wish him well and not waste his time!) so this particular chap right off the bat kept up with my humour, I went away and got sick so dropped off the radar yet he got in touch despite my silence and we picked the convo back up. Moved to phone, had texts and a call over 2 weeks until we could find a date when we were both free – ideal. Great balance of showing absolute interest without being over bearing which for me is exactly what I need. Not texting every day but when We did text the questions were open and the dialog flowed.

    Date night Saturday. Instant attraction (from my side at least and he looked relatively happy) and the exact same chemistry which we’d had on message, i jumped on the back of his bike and had a quick tour of the city and onto a pub outside of town.

    We discussed everything (including ex’s which I know isn’t ideal but my story I think explains a lot as to why I am so independent and maybe closed off so I feel it’s important to skim he surface if I like a guy to explain but you may tell me I Screwed up on that) he admitted that he felt so relaxed and it was rare that he could just be his total self around a date, and I literally couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. He didn’t react badly when a guy at the bar came over and asked for my number which I liked, and a random girl came over and said to him your girlfriend is so hot my friends and I have a girl crush on her… which is so odd and has never happened before, but as a incredibly good looking man I was happy that he didn’t seem to mind at all and he even encouraged her on which was funny. He suggested we go to drive back into the city and find another bar, so we did and stayed until it closed, eye contact was amazing, his body turned totally to me and not at one point in the evening did he so much as look at another girl, he dropped me back to the station. Here it gets awkward. Well I get awkward as I got nervous.
    As he gets off the bike removes his helmet to say good night I leant in kissed his cheek and quipped ‘this was fun let’s never do it again…’ and then walked out in front of an oncoming bus. (Micdrop) now this is just my humour and I think he ‘gets it’ but I was annoyed at myself for how I left it as it wasn’t the impression I wanted to leave it on and the chemistry had been electric. So I followed up next morning with a message to say thanks for the best bumble date ever 😉 as he knows I’ve not dated anyone from bumble and he replied…. a pleasure. I’m glad to have set the benchmark. I enjoyed your company and had a lot of fun….

    What! Where is the hilarious chatty man I met?! It didn’t even occur to me on that date that there wouldn’t be a date number two. Now either he is just super polite and I read the whole date wrong here, or He thinks I have friend zoned him… please help a girl who is loosing her mind as I have no idea how to ‘play’ this situation now. As my girlfriends have kindly said ‘he is just not into you, take it as a good date and move on’ and I think they may be right!

    Thanks in advance worlds most awkward dater

    • Lisa

      Sorry I should add that I didn’t like the other guy asking for my number.. I liked the way he dealt with it.

      And I did reply to his ‘had fun text’ and have not gotten a reply

    • Interesting story Lisa. Thanks for sharing.

      My way of looking at things like this is not typical so don’t expect it. You’ll see what I mean in a second.

      You were nervous, felt lots of chemistry, AND you seem a too overly concerned about what you might say is scaring men away because of your humor and the other stuff you mentioned.

      HE said it was great that he could be himself on a date or, “he admitted that he felt so relaxed and it was rare that he could just be his total self around a date”.

      The strange thing you might not be aware about men and dating in the early stages – sure they eventually want to feel at ease and all that good stuff – but in the beginning they want to feel exactly what you felt. Nervous energy and lots of chemistry. They want the heated banter. They want to believe, see, and feel that they have to work for you. They desire a CHALLENGE.

      When he sensed you are more attracted to him than he might be to you – the challenge is not completely gone, but it’s missing some important components.

      When you ended the date with “this was fun let’s never do it again” THAT was a real challenge.

      BUT you texted him the next day… just to say what – “Thanks?” You kind of defeated your own challenge and deflated what you built up the night before. Combine that with him being (too much) at ease with you during the date (or more than you) and if he’s a guy who is good with women (type one) you’ll find him a little less interested than he was BEFORE.

      Somewhere in the short frame of time – he went from chasing you to you chasing HIM.

      And that’s just not a good thing.

      I think he IS still interested in you. I don’t believe your girlfriends are right in saying he’s just not into you. He obviously was before. It’s just things got turned around that night.

      Okay…

      You don’t PLAY this situation now. I guarantee when he senses a play – you’ll have him just looking for sex or not even bothering with you at all.

      Just ALLOW him to take some kind of lead and when he does CHALLENGE him a little more the right way AND by just being yourself – a woman who appears to blow off men a little too easily if you know what I mean.

      You can’t let your strong feelings for a man change how you interact with him early on. Just because you’re into that much doesn’t mean you change your whole game plan just for him. In fact it means the exact opposite.

      And if he comes back – which in all likelihood he will – restrain yourself.

      I hate rules in dating but a woman probably should NEVER text a guy the next day after a date just to say thank you. No thanks are needed. He didn’t GIVE you anything to be thankful for that YOU didn’t give to him yourself, right? You BOTH had a good time. You BOTH made the evening. Dating is for TWO people to share and not one to give to another or “show” them a good time. You either have a great time TOGETHER or you don’t OR one is into it and the other is not.

      You can certainly text him at a later point but the “thank you” part has got to go.

      Wishing all the best in all your future pickle situations you find yourself in,

      Pete

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