"Hi, great blog! Hope you can explain something. Why do married men hit on me? It's been happening a lot more in the last few years.
Mostly men I work with, but sometimes it even happens at parties when their wives are there! I don't flirt with married men so if you can give me an idea of why this is happening, I would appreciate it.
I find it so disrespectful & I don't want to lose faith in men!
Married men come in lots of "flavors". Some are happy. Some feel trapped. Some are always looking over their wives shoulders just looking.
Some don't feel appreciated. Some have been married for a while and like to practice a skill they may have not used for a while, for example: Flirting.
But they ALL have many things in common - EGO, a natural eye for women, and part of their true feelings of masculinity are inherently tied to pleasing and attracting women.
If lots of married men are flirting with you it's not a definitive sign you should lose faith in all men.
Most of the time, married men flirt because it's a skill they learned and like to use it. They also know it's a great way to show off their fun personality and be remembered.
Not only as a person, but as a guy.
Yes - it's true.
Some of the spark may have left their marriage and it could help them feel better about themselves. Again their "Ego" may need the boost because they feel like they'r missing something they used to have with their partner.
On the darker side, there are certainly men who may be testing the waters and checking to see if you're interested enough. They may never cheat but want to know they can still attract a woman.
I've found a man's Ego still wants him to believe he has options no matter how long he's been in a relationship.
So if you're willing to give him a little back, he may just try to get a little more.
There's also the few who might want to make their wives jealous and you're in the wrong place at his right time.
But all are not equally valid.
In any case - depending on your age group or location or career, you'll find the average married guy who hits on you are not one of those "bad guys" you want to avoid.
If men are flirting with you more and more it could be that your interactions are mainly with married guys.
As we get older that will happen.
But also, in your favor, maybe you've opened up over the last few years and appear more acceptable to flirting.
You would know that better than me.
Also - remember - married men have a lot less fears around single women than single guys would.
Their flirting is not goal oriented. There's no pressure to advance.
Single guys may worry you won't respond positively. There's more pressure to go to the next level. Like getting your phone number or securing a date.
Or, if a single guy flirts with you and you take offense to it or don't flirt back he may feel rejected. Whether or not it has anything to do with him at all.
You might find married men ARE better flirts because they have nothing on the line (so to speak.)
As far as literally being "hit on" by married guys to the point where it's pathetically obvious I can assure you most men don't even realize they're doing it.
To them it feel like they are actually flirting or they may believe women like them.
Maybe their wives are such confidence boosts they begin to believe they're better with women then before they were married.
Strange but it does happen.
Take a guy who is not well versed with women and give him a sweet wife - and suddenly his "Ego" begins running on overdrive.
They may also be inclined to believe that just because he's got a ring on finger automatically makes him more attractive.
Either way, I would not lose faith in men.
I personally would use it as proof that when it comes to men - some just can not help themselves as its built into their personality and their internal feelings of what it means to be a man.
As for the seedy side - the guys who are looking to cheat, gain an edge, or even make their wives jealous - they are definitely on the rare side.
Whereas not all men are happily married, flirting can be an innocent thing and is a skill most guys treasure for a lifetime.
Don't lose faith.
As I think about every guy I've known - the guys who hit on you the most, and pathetically I might add, are typically the least experienced men and can be considered harmless.
It's the few who were exceptional at it AND who possess major character flaws are the men to avoid.
(Unless you're just looking for a one night stand.)
Most men, as I see it, are only looking for respect, love, a sense of accomplishment, the ability to provide, and a strong sense of their masculine self as it relates to pleasing a woman.
They want to enjoy a few past times occasionally, and have a place they can always go - where they feel comfortable to be themselves.
Flirting, married or not, will fit in one or more of those categories so I would expect it.
Glad you love the blog and please tell your friends.
Spread the word.
I wouldn't leave faith in ALL men just because you find yourself always being hit on by married men.
If you find it's been happening more and more through the years, it's probably because you've learned to be more open to men (which is a good thing) and because as was get older, we're more inclined to interact with more married men and women, therefore raising the odds of being flirted with by one or more of them.
Married men flirt for many reasons and although not all of them are opening up a chance to cheat on their wives or make their partner jealous, most do it innocently - like it, agree with it, accept it, or not:
- Less pressure to flirt successfully without rejection when it's not going anywhere.
- Proof they still "got it" and are attractive to women, therefore securing their masculine connection to pleasing a woman.
- A chance to relive their younger single days and feel young again.
- Feel more confidence around women because they are married and managed to make that happen.
- Feel less appreciated at home and are looking for a masculine Ego boost which they mostly bring back to their wife.
I understand lots of you might find it disrespectful for a married guy to flirt and even downright disgusting so please - feel free to share your personal opinions below on the subject.
Related posts on flirting and more:
- Why Do Men Flirt and Does it Have Anything To Do With Love?
- Why He Is Staring At Other Women & How To Fix His Wandering Eye
- Why Men Cheat & What Causes Them To Stray Plus How To Spot A Cheater
- Why Men Cheat and How to Fix It
- How You Can Flirt With Men Using Compliments & Fun
Image by Andrea Piacquadio