How To Save Your Relationship With These Six Essential Steps

Couple Saving Relationship

Written By Brian Robbens - Creator of Respark The Romance.

You’ve had good times, hard times, and everything in between. You’ve been through a lot together. And you don’t want to call it quits. Working on a relationship can be rewarding and even bring you closer together.

The first step is being willing to honestly look at issues and fix them while cultivating positive habits.

It’s easy to fall into ruts of miscommunication, hurt feelings, and bad relationship habits.

Those habits can ruin a relationship. John Gottman, author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work and the director of the “love lab” found indicators that a relationship wouldn’t work out.

It’s well worth it to learn what NOT to do, and what to do instead to keep your love alive.

1. Don’t turn away; turn toward your partner.

Let’s say your partner is sitting next to you and says, “There’s a new movie playing at the theater.”

Do you:

A. Make a noise and continue staring at your phone.

B. Say, “Oh.”

C. Say, “Oh, cool, what it is?”

D. Look at your partner and ask, “What is it? Do you want to go?”

Choice A is turning away. You’re ignoring your partner and showing that you don’t care.

Choice B is turn away too. It’s just not quite as rude.

Choice C is okay. You’re showing interest.

Choice D is turning toward your partner. You realized they were reaching out, acknowledged them, and reached back.

You can guess which response will make your partner feel closer.

Everyone makes small gestures like this, reaching out to connect. We start a conversation, try to engage the other, and show that we care.

If you pick up on these, you can show your partner that you notice them and appreciate them.

Turning toward your partner builds romance, trust, and communication, and avoids hurt feelings or anger.

If you reach out and your partner doesn’t notice or engage, don’t get angry. They might not see what you’re doing.

You can kindly explain that you’d like to connect more, and that was your way of reaching out to them.

Honestly goes a long ways, and so does sharing that you want to make things better.

2. Avoid the harsh start up for conversations.

Coming at someone with criticism or statements that start with “always” or “never” kill communication.

An example would be: “You never help with chores around here.”

A better way of starting the conversation would be: “It was so helpful when you took the trash out last week.”

If you’re hurt or annoyed, start with something soft such as,

“Something’s been bothering me, and I don’t think I can let it go without talking to you.”

You want a positive outcome for the conversation. You’re more likely to get there if you start with a team mindset instead of attacking.

3. Avoid the Toxic 4 Habits.

Four things kill relationships faster than anything:

  • Criticism
  • Defensiveness
  • Stonewalling
  • Contempt

No one likes to be criticized.

It’s better to say something about the action than put the person down. You could also try praise for a positive behavior because people usually respond to that better.

Defensiveness is defending yourself, or even just explaining, when your partner tries to talk to you. It feels like you’re telling them they’re wrong.

Stonewalling usually follows the first two.

This is one partner giving the other the cold shoulder, not talking, or avoiding. Sometimes the partner will be physically present but tunes the other out.

These first three lead to contempt, which is like the final nail in the coffin of a relationship.

Contempt is when someone really can’t stand the other. The person might mock them, roll their eyes, use sarcasm, sneer, gossip, and show outright hatred.

It’s like someone took all of their negative emotions and reactions and simmered them for a long time. You do not want your relationship to get to this point.

Hopefully you can catch things at an earlier stage.

If you see these behaviors in your relationship from you and/or your partner, ask to have a talk.

Look for better ways to communicate, such as the methods listed here.

4. Don’t focus on the negative; tip the scales to the positive side.

In any situation, if you have a negative atmosphere, you’re not going to be happy.

If everyone at work talks about what they don’t like about the boss, the office, the schedules, and the pay, then everyone is going to feel like it’s not a good place to work.

The same is true in your relationship. You can choose to focus on negative things and hang onto them.

Or you can choose to look for positive things.

People tend to assume the worst. What if you made it a habit to assume the best about your partner?

Tell yourself they have the best intentions, and if they said something that hurt your feelings, it was an accident.

If something happens that feels hurtful, give them the benefit of the doubt.

In any situation, step back and ask yourself how you can see things in a more positive light.

This takes practice, but after a while you’ll be amazed at how your life and relationship are changing for the better.

5. Avoid “growing apart” with curiosity.

Some couples get to the point that they don’t check in with each other. There are many milestones along the way to that point.

You might only ask them, “How was your day?” but not really know what’s going on in their life.

Think about if you really connect and know what’s stressing them, what they’re excited about, and what they’re trying to accomplish.

Think of a few unexpected questions to ask.

Sit down and explore different things like:

  • What’s changed in the last year?
  • Do you know any new people?
  • Is the atmosphere at work a good one, and why?
  • What are you hoping to see happen this year? In the next five years?
  • Do you have any concerns about life right now?

The point is to reconnect and really understand each other.

You might find they’ve been dealing with something that’s been affecting the relationship, and you didn’t know.

6. Replace “I understand” with “I see what you’re saying”.

Terminology can make such a huge difference when you think about your words.

If you tell someone, “I understand,” it often annoys them. They don’t think that you do truly understand.

But if you say, “I see what you’re saying,” it implies that you can see their point of view.

“I see what you’re saying” doesn’t mean the other person is right, but it opens the door to talk about it more.

Other things that you can say and change the tone of the conversation include:

  • I see your point
  • Can we take a breather?
  • Is there a way to compromise on this?
  • Maybe we should start the conversation over.
  • Okay, so are you saying _______________. (Paraphrase to make sure you understand them.)
  • Does it seem like I’m understanding you?
  • I want to understand this.
  • I’m confused, but I want to work together.

Implementing these 6 practices into your relationship will help communication, connection, and turn things around.

How To Make Your Partner Want To Be More Passionate and Romantic Towards You

Discover how to trigger a flood of emotions and desire in your man’s mind:

Watch How To ReSpark Your Romance -  Why Men Lose Interest, What Makes Him Stay In LOVE, and How To Dramatically Improve Your Love Life… Forever!

In the video you will learn:

  • The Truth About Unconditional Love: Getting a guy and keeping him forever isn’t about how you look or how old you are.
  • The Emotional Turbulence Formula: Once you make this subtle but powerful in your relationship, he’ll be like a man possessed and devote every bit of himself to you.
  • How To Stop Him From Walking Away: Learn how one woman went from the verge of losing her man forever to getting him to re-propose to her!
  • Give Your Relationship a Much-Needed Boost: Men DON’T have to lose interest or feel restless with their partner.

Learn how to make him excited to be around you and shower with all the love, attention and affection you want.

Click Here and Start Watching Right Now - Bring Back The Romance!

Make His Heart Surge With Addictive Love!

Not all men are game players. Not all men have hard hearts.

But if you want pure love from a man you need to know how to unlock his hidden, strong emotions.

You're about to discover a little known, yet powerful secret, that makes men desire you and want to romance you more!

No more feeling continually anxious and watching for small signs of his approval... all the while your heart is screaming out for love!

Discover the hidden loophole in a man's mind that will flood his brain with a surge of addictive emotions...

Including lust... passion... and irresistible desire.

This is going to turn your experience of love on it's head!

Just imagine how wonderful you will feel when you KNOW that any man you set your heart at fantasizes about you... and only you...

And even better when he acts upon his rediscovered urges and treats you with the romance your relationship is craving.

Say goodbye to feeling lonely and unloved.

Say goodbye to going to sleep wishing and craving he would wrap his arms around you and hold you close...

No more feeling ignored, embarrassed, or unattractive... wishing he would love you, effortlessly, like he used to at the very beginning!

The weird and powerful mind secret you're going to learn this short presentation is going to turn your man into the attentive, loving, thoughtful, heart-racing romance magnet you always craved that he could be!

Click Here To Find Out How To Make His Heart Surge With Addictive Love

How Respark Romance Cover

Opening image by Gustavo Fring.

Thank You For Sharing

Understanding Any Man Starts Here, Right Now!

Understanding Men Pdf Logo Attached Email Signup

There are 3 critical reasons why you NEED to read this book IMMEDIATELY:

♦ If you’re not sure what his type is, you could misread everything he says & does which leads to more confusion and making mistakes with him that will hurt.

♦ Learn the insight & ability to detect if he’s for real, using you for sex, a player, a good guy, or one of those rare REAL man you DO want.

♦ Get my personal secret to getting a guy devoted and obsessed over you. Let me show you the right way because if you do it wrong, there may be no turning back the clock.

Sign in below with your name and best email:

Subscribe With Confidence  -No Spam Email Policies

“I have enjoyed reading your words and found them very helpful in finding myself with guys. I credit you in part for finding love myself. I recommend you to everyone who I feel could use your advice. Thank you!”

Get A Closer Peek Into The Two Types of Guys