How can a beautiful woman (fed up with players) pursue a good nice man without seeming desperate?
Can she pursue him several times if he doesn’t do it at all?
People tell me that I am too pretty and because of my career, nice men are scared. I am so polite and nice to all people, shall I give up my career or stay single?
I cannot wait for the nice guy to come, because I have a certain age.
This is a pattern, good men run away, players look for me just to dump me and brag.
Let’s say I meet a sweet man, I talked to him, then later I wrote him an email asking him out. He answered yes, we went out, he seemed shy and his face was red. He did not call since then, nor write me . I think, let’s say 70% that he liked me, but I feel shy to write him again. We have no friends in common, I only have that mail.
What do you suggest?
Thank you
The quick answer hard answers first, and then I'll give you all the details and more:
No - never chase or pursue a guy.
The secret to not doing it is to lure him into chasing YOU by using your best asset - your feminine and amazing self.
Something Rori Raye teaches in her series which can read about right here: The Modern Siren.
If players seem to be the only men that want you, while at the same time, it feels like you're scaring nice guys away...
This is because you're presenting, accidentally or not - a CHALLENGE in which entices the bad guys guys to want to overcome or beat, and forces the nice guy to also face when they, not being confident with women (type twos) don't feel good enough to overcome, so they run.
The rest with all the answers you need is covered below:
It's not a matter of looking desperate, but career or not - beautiful or not - you must NEVER pursue a man IF you're looking for a real long-term relationship.
AND you definitely do not have to make a choice of giving up your career, or staying single for the rest of your life.
Lots of men are scared when it comes to attracting a woman - nice or not - career or not.
You don't have to wait for a nice guy, but you do have to be very patient while at the same time, being proactive in meeting and dating men.
Now that we've got all that out of the way, let's look deeper at your problems, one step at a time:
"People tell me that I am too pretty and because of my career, nice men are scared. I am so polite and nice to all people (..)"
First lesson - STOP listening to people that only want to give you reasons for your supposed failures!
It's one thing to not have much faith in yourself, it's one thing to not believe in yourself, BUT when you start taking on other's "excuses" as if they were you're own - you'll run into a ton of self-esteem and confidence issues AND you're only adding to the list.
So... just don't do it.
Here's the truth and believing anything else is a LIMITED BELIEF which can and should be erased from the connection you make in your mind.
You can NEVER be TOO pretty!
Your career can easily get in the way of successfully meeting and finding a great guy, only IF you try to use what you used to succeed in your career - the same way in which you attract a man.
They're totally different and will only have you chasing or pursuing men which, as already covered, must NEVER be done.
Men primarily seek feminine traits in a woman, and often careers are built using masculine traits.
"One of the most powerful ways to do this is to let yourself be guided by your feminine energy rather than your masculine.
Feminine energy is about being instead of doing."
How To Show Him You’re A Great Catch, Who You Are & Put Yourself First
Next up, you wrote:
"I cannot wait for the nice guy to come, because I have a certain age."
You are right, in a way - NICE GUYS will rarely ever come to you. Here's something I cover in my understanding men made simple on the two types of guys:
Nice guys are emotional greedy, they don't understand women, they believe JUST because they're nice - women "should" like them, and they're highly manipulative in their thinking that, just because they DO nice things - they should be rewarded for it.
Rewarded for WHAT - being a decent human being?
My point is:
A GOOD guy is what you're after.
A GOOD guy who understands women.
A GOOD guy who NEVER has to prove he's good - because the ACTIONS he does and how he acts - is all he ever needs to let others know what type of guy he is on the inside and out too.
I have a ton of material on this nice guy stuff over at DiaLteG TM but this explains the nice guy mentality quite clearly and forcibly too:
"...a weak identity and so little self-esteem, that they base their own self-worth on what other people THINK OF THEM.
These guys are at the mercy of everyone else in their lives, so they try their best to please the people around them, hoping they’ll continue to think highly of them, so they can feel good about themselves."
Do You Suffer From the Nice Guy Syndrome? Damaging Your Self Respect
The same rule appropriately applies to you because you wrote this:
"I am so polite and nice to all people..."
That's great, but WHY do you do it?
Is it to make yourself feel good about yourself?
Is it because that's how you want others to see?
If so - that's an issue because "nice" is not a defined term - your definition of nice is in no way someone else's and honestly - you have absolutely NO right to push your ethical views on "niceness" on another.
AND by doing so - you WILL push good men away from you, leaving you to only CHASE them rather than be pursued.
I'm definitely NOT telling you to stop being so polite and nice - merely trying to get you to see where your niceness comes from, and why you're that way; because in the world of attraction and attracting men - one must KNOW ONE's SELF deeply in order to communicate THAT to another attractively.
Here's my page on communication mixed with meeting men - it will help you:
How To Meet & Attract The Best Man For You – He’s Waiting For You!
Moving on.... you wrote:
"...a pattern, good men run away, players look for me just to dump me and brag."
Men, good men, men you really are into - will ALWAYS run from women who pursue and chase them.
You're taking away something very primitive and important to men when you chase them - their need to be masculine , and the role they must play to feel like a man.
So that's a guarantee.
You have to...
Let them chase you!
"In order for a man to feel attracted to you and to pursue you, he has to feel “a pull” towards you. There needs to be some tension and the actual space for him to move forward into that space.
This is what we think of as “the chase.”
And men enjoy the chase.
It makes them feel as if they are consciously choosing you and winning something they worked for.
Unfortunately, what often ends up happening is that we like a man so much – and want to make sure he knows we’re interested – that we inadvertently push into him rather than create the space where he feels pulled toward us."
Are You Stopping Him From Falling For You? Let Him Chase You!
Players are something entirely different.
You can avoid being played by a guy.
Players are all about power, control and sex.
Don't give them the power, don't let them control you, AND you will NEVER allow yourself to be played by a general player ever again.
Yes - it's as simple as that.
Sure - some guys are great at fooling you, it's kind of what they do BUT if you don't give them what they want - power, control, and sex:
They'll have nothing on you.They will become bored and frustrated very quickly, and will quickly move on to a prey that's much easier for them.
Here's two GREAT articles to help you "avoid" being played:
How To Get 3 Types Of Guys To Be Themselves & Lose The Game Playing Attitude
The ONLY Way To Spot A Real Player and If He’s Just Using You For Sex
So...
Hold off on the sex while you're determining if he's a good guy or not.
Mind you not a "nice" guy, but a genuinely good guy.
Maintain control over yourself and your life.
Once you find yourself doing things "out" of that zone - then take a big step back and reassess why it's happening and the root cause of it.
Keep in mind there's a distinct difference between "trying" to control everything from giving up control to another, and knowing the real difference can have a major impact on your dating life.
Power is a tough word to describe in situations like this BUT...
If you find yourself in a power match - where someone else seems to be using all means to gain power over you - to get you to do things you wouldn't normally do - which in no way are good for you but better for them...
Then they are TRYING TO CONTROL your actions to better suit their needs...
Which means...
You are BEING PLAYED!
Walk away.
Remove that individual from your life immediately.
Okay... let's move on to the last part when you wrote:
"Let’s say I meet a sweet man, I talked to him, then later I wrote him an email asking him out. He answered yes, we went out, he seemed shy and his face was red. He did not call since then, nor write me . I think, let’s say 70% that he liked me, but I feel shy to write him again. We have no friends in common, I only have that mail. What do you suggest?"
First - if it's not obvious by now - do NOT ask a guy out - especially in an email.
Just don't do it ever anyways.
It's okay to start a conversation with a guy.
It's perfectly fine to say "hello" and give him some hints or signs you're interested in getting to know him more.
BUT it's NOT good to ask a guy out - that's for him to do and THAT is where he begins the "chase".
This guy - yeah he's shy - he's a type two.
AND there are certainly ways to bring out the confidence in him a little more.
There are plenty of ways to draw him closer to you.
Some of which I can explain in my book, "Understanding Men Made Simple" which you can pick up at Why Do Guys.
Most you'll find by looking in on the brilliant Rori Raye's:
That's where you'll learn how to keep your power, how to maintain the right control in your life, AND how to use your feminine ways to draw in those GOOD guys to you.
Think about a guy like this:
He's (knowingly or not) handing YOU all the responsibility of being the MAN and in the end, even if you do hook up - THAT will create serious problems and I only see a terrible break in the future.
IF you use all from Modern Siren and he's still not taking the lead...
There's NOTHING you can do about it aside from changing the man and turning him into a guy - who will probably only leave you once his NEW self comes out as he searches for a woman who will challenge him, connect with his masculine side, and allow him to chase her.
Which is something I know you do NOT want to happen.
Send him another email saying,
"Great meeting you - but I'm not interested. If you want a woman like me, because I only want the best for you - go here and memorize everything 'this' guy has to say: DiaLteG TM"
Lastly or in conclusion...
Desperation.
There are no ways to DO something without appearing desperate IF you feel like you are in that position.
So it's not that ACT, it's your mindset which is telling you or forcing you to feel desperate.
AND the only way to fix that problem once and for all is to change your mindset from one of scarcity to one of a abundance, and to STOP believing some guy, this guy, the next guy, that guy, or all the ones in between are you last hope in finding and entering the greatest relationship of your life.
Desperation comes from a loss of hope.
A lowered self-esteem.
A lack of confidence and belief in yourself.
Fix THOSE things and you will NEVER act or have to worry about appearing desperate EVER again!
There are a million plus things you can DO to try and not act desperate BUT that will only waste your time.
There is only ONE YOU - work on that and the desperation disappears like magic AND you won't ever have to worry about looking that way because you can do ANYTHING as long as it comes from you.
Mirabelle Summers can and will help you get all those things, and she will also SHOW you how to interact with men more positively, more confidently, and with complete assurance along with a real belief in yourself:
Click Here to Watch: Make Men Love You While Avoiding Time Wasting Jerks!
Credits:
Image by Daria Usanova at Pexels.
