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Why Do Guys…?

Will It Drive Him Crazy If You Ignore Him? The Problem of Ignoring Men

Guy Going Crazy Being Ignored

Man or woman, no one actually LIKES to be ignored however, in the case of “driving a man crazy” purposely or not – there’s a problem with playing this type of game:

The guy who is being ignored must actually care because withdrawing attention or pulling back from a guy who couldn’t care less, you’re actually doing him a favor.

You won’t be driving him crazy or into your arms, you’re only giving him an out or an easy way to stop communicating with you.

So why are you considering this tactic?

Is it a last-ditch attempt to bring him back?

Is it a revenge tactic to make him feel like you’re feeling?

Is it a way to validate how he feels about you?

Your thought process leading you to think, “If I ignore him and he gives me more attention, then I know he must really like me?”

Making it YOUR internal struggle to validate whether or not he gives a shit or not.

In another words it’s being used to illicit a response and you’re hoping it’s a positive statement that he DOES care or a negative affirmation that he doesn’t care about you at all.

Today’s article will give you the main reasons why men will ignore you and the many problems related to it IF you try to ignore him back.

You’ll get how certain men will respond to it, what it means, why it happens, and which ones it will drive CRAZY and the type of guy who you’ll drive away when your attempt to ignore him fails or is found out.

We’ve got a lot to cover so let’s get right to it start with…

Men ignore women for lots of reasons.

ALL of which are covered in my Ebook which you can pick up the first FREE edition at no charge by signing in below to my newsletter.

Knowing where his silence is coming from you can determine what the exact effect it will have on a guy by ignoring him.

If it’s a #1: breakdown in communication you’re only making the problem worse and I think you know it.

Sometimes when we feel helpless to and don’t know what to do we often revert to any tactic which can illicit q quick response.

This generally means you’re already in some form or relationship with him and fixing the issue requires anything BUT silence or taking the passive aggressive stance of ignoring someone.

When a pattern like this is set in place it’s very difficult to unwind and stop it after the damage is done.

In most circumstance it WILL drive your boyfriend or husband crazy but it’s unpredictable as to how he will respond. Most of the time he’ll bury the feelings, do it back to you, withdraw even more until a later time when it explodes at a most inconvenient and even more unpredictable moment.

If this IS the case I STRONGLY SUGGEST you get some help before the problem digs itself in too deep making it tough to get out from underneath.

For some quick results start using this immediately:

“Learn “The 10-Second Miracle” – a powerful, proven technique that will end pretense, silent treatments, and tension, and restore the flow of good feelings almost instantly.”

Click here for more info on the 10 Second Miracle – Relationships Flourish Or Wither In Ten-Second Windows Of Communication

To help you better connect with him and some more extensive work you two can dig deep and get to the root of ALL the problems:

“Rebuild, Reconnect & Rekindle The Intimacy To Bring Him Close.

You’ll learn how to tell if the relationship is disconnected and what to do about it PLUS how to avoid the two big mistakes that will only push him further away.”

Click here for more info and how to Reconnect Your Relationship

If it’s #2: being in a different dates mode – meaning you’re acting like you’re in a relationship with him and he only sees it as casual dating…

He’ll just assume you’re on the same page as him and it’s only a casual dating thing.

When a man is still in dating mode he’ll contact you less. When he enters relationship mode – you’ll generally hear more from him.

Ignoring a man in this case can “accidentally” have a positive effect on him or cause him to want you more because you’ll giving him something ALL men need… time and space.

Something you can read how and why it works from Rori Raye (Her free newsletter link) in this article:

“Men love to pursue you. Let him chase you. Create the right space so he can come to you. Men like to feel like they’re winning you over. Stop doing and start being. Allow him to progress naturally. He won’t think you’re not interested. If he’s attracted to you he will not stop because you’re not showering him with love.”

Are You Stopping Him From Falling For You? Let Him Chase You!

Unless of course it’s a purposeful game then eventually it will have the reverse effect and send the BETTER men away as soon as he figures it out.

Ignoring him in this case will have one or two outcomes: You’ll drive the less mature man crazy and he’s bound to react in some negative ways  (as you can read about here: What Type Of Guy Hates Being Ignored and Why?) OR you’ll drive the more mature man away – again if it’s found out it was being done on purpose.

If it’s accidental or circumstantial – then usually all can be forgiven or it’s noticed by the better man anyways. He just assumes you’re in dating mode living your life to the fullest.

(Which is by far one of the most attractive things you can do to attract a better guy.)

If it’s #3: projection or you’re misreading what is happening – like you decide to ignore him because you feel he’s ignoring you when he’s not…

Then, like above, he’ll most likely assume you’re playing one of “those” games men don’t like just you don’t either.

This will definitely piss most men off. It won’t drive the better man crazy, it will simply push him further away. He won’t be ignoring you – he could actually just not get in touch with you anymore.

WAIT: Before you get down on yourself (if this is a habit of yours) I can tell you from years of experience EVERYONE projects a little. It’s a human trait tied to fears and it does serve a greater purpose for survival even in our modern era.

Unfortunately we tend to connect those fears and projections a little too much causing some majors problems in our life.

If you do it a little – it’s not a big deal.

BUT if you find yourself doing it all too often and it’s pouring over into your dating/relationships with men then it WILL become a roadblock.

It can stop you from enjoying even the simplest moments with men and it will cause you to overthink and over-analyze everything a guy does (as it relates to you and him) which will unfortunately and inevitably STOP from connecting with men on a deeper level because you’ll get stuck inside your head.

When you’re there – you enjoy the present less. You live in the future too much. The past (good times and bad times) will control and dictate your actions.

The fastest most efficient way to break out of these “projections” is to learn how to live in the present as often as possible.

You must learn to quiet your mind and give up or in theory relinquish control over certain things.

Yes – that is easier said than done but it’s possible. Take it from a guy who lived so far inside his head I barely peaked my head out to enjoy some of the best times of my life AND they just passed me by along with the hope of ever finding my dream woman.

BUT I did it. Now I see the world. Now I enjoy the present. AND I do it WITH the woman of my dreams.

Here are some places you can find your present or more appropriately some great tips to open up this world for you. Pick one or all and see how you feel after reading them.

The Secret Trick To Great Dates – Get Out Of Your Head & Into His HeartThis will show you how and why the present matters so much and a little on how to get and stay there.

The Secret to Keeping a Man: Forget the Future, Enjoy the PresentThis one talks about what happens when you’re living in the future and what it means to a guy when you stay in the present.

6 Ways On How To Use The Magic Of Intuition & Get To Know The Real HimThis one talks about your fears, control, and your intuition. All of which is important to show you how to live in the present more effectively thereby eliminating your often subconscious need to project.

There is a ton more I’d love to share with you but this is a big one – too big to cover here. My aim is to push in the right direction.

My personal advice (based on my own experiences) is to:

  • Find and eliminate as many limited beliefs you have.
  • Learn what you do have control over and what you don’t and let the rest go because it will never be in your power to control them.
  • Find your fears. Learn where they come from and how they are controlling your life. We all have them – just don’t let them be the driving force in your daily life.
  • BE the best version of yourself at any given time. Day by day we fluctuate. We shrink and grow minute by minute. We have lots of ups and downs. Don’t let the downs seep into your mind too deep. Admit at any given time – you’ll TRY to do your best and don’t let anyone ever make you feel any less for it.
  • Understand the right knowledge mixed with a healthy self-esteem, a real belief in yourself, AND learning and what real self-confidence is and how to achieve will combine and ASSURE you’ll be living in the present… automatically.

Lastly – for this whole projection thing an trust I did not plan to go this far but since I’m already here – a man (Christian Carter – his free newsletter link) who I always speak of highly and one of his articles is listed above he made me realize something…

Projections and being Ready For Love are inherently connected to each other as they are also linked to living in the present.

I’ve certainly noticed with complete erasure of all our fears, insecurities, anxieties, and the hopelessness which is associated with suffering from “deeply rooted projections” – we become as he states… READY FOR LOVE making the rest so much easier and allows everything to fall in place as it should… naturally.

Interesting concept, isn’t it? – It is to me because it makes a lot of undeniable sense.

If you’re not convinced (consciously or subconsciously) that you’re ready or capable of love you’ll all too often sabotage yourself in many ways and you won’t even know it’s happening or why. Things like these including projections, tend to hide themselves from us and don’t make themselves aware until something bad happens as we try to figure out WHY it keeps happening.

My final note in all this: Get yourself Ready for Love and this and many other man problems or projections or difficulties related to not living in the present go away.

Luckily Christian has developed an actual program to get you there.

Click here for more info on how you can get yourself Ready For Love

(My disclaimer – the Rori and Christian link above along with the ready for love link are my affiliated links. I do earn a commission when you buy something using them and don’t return them. You will be supporting me and helping yourself so hopefully it’s all good. Most people don’t know this but NONE of my affiliates pay me anything to promote their products. I do  so on my own from my own research and handpick everything.)

Moving to number 4 reason why a guy might ignore you…

If he’s overly #4: self-centered or narcissistic then several things might happen – good and bad.

Good because by pushing him away you may help yourself to rid this type of man from your life entirely setting you up to eventually meet a better higher quality man with a genuine and positive character traits.

Bad because you could draw him back in causing him to chase you a little – which might be fun for a while – but as above – letting a man like this back in your life or inviting him by playing or teasing his Ego could land you in a relationship with him.

More bad because once he’s drawn back in and his Ego is fed – the challenge disappears and so will he until it all happens again or he finds another woman who won’t make him the center of attention.

Both of these man-types of classically known to ignore women and I would NEVER advice you playing by their rules or try to match them one for one.

It’s (they) are just not worth your time or “lack of energy”.

If you’re not sure if he’s this type or not, you can either put a search out there and you’ll get plenty of hits OR subscribe to my newsletter – read my book and you’ll find there’s enough in it to help you figure THIS guy out.

Let’s quickly move on to number five because I don’t care to talk about “those” types of guys all too often. I like to focus on the positive…

If by chance – you just happen to #5: push too many “good” men away AND your tactic is to ignore a guy because you think he’s doing it to you…

Whether he is or not makes no difference here there’s a lot going on here but the main one is…

Think about this for second. I KNOW you’re smart enough to figure this one our on your own but it must be said and stated rather bluntly:

You’re not ignoring him – you’re actually just PUSHING another guy away, right?

If you’re being forgotten or feel like his attention is diminishing  or is ignoring you when it’s just him being a guy or doing his own thing, then will it drive him crazy – or into your arms – or whatever your end-game is with him?

Tough one to answer making it a random thing depending on the type of guy you’re involved or not involved with so for some – yes it could work out. For others – nope – won’t do a thing.

Typically and you know this to be true – if he wasn’t doing it purposely and you’re setting yourself up to unfortunately push another good guy away then this “area” of ignoring men and driving him crazy or not IS not what you must be focused.

You “could’ be deflecting the issue because your mind won’t let you go there. You could be doing it for all the reasons listed in the “projections” area and assuring yourself you won’t find love because you’re not fully convinced you’re ready for it.

The truth sucks but lots of people everyday and everywhere get in their own way. This is not confined to dating and relationships. 

You will rarely (if ever) hear me tell anyone that it’s entirely “their” fault because I know that’s not the way this whole thing works.

AND I’m not fully going there on this one either.

All I will say is taking responsibility for your own actions and the effect they have on others is one of the pillars or foundations of someone who has high self-esteem.

I’m not going to say “blame yourself” because that’s not what it means. Just to objectify your situation, the patterns you’ve seen and lived through in your life, AND figure out where you fit into it all.

In my book below I list too many ways in which a woman will push a guy away. If you want to know if that’s you without a doubt so you can safely and strongly move on to bigger and better things – go ahead and download it and go right to that chapter.

Here’s something to think about before we move on…

You’re most likely a great woman with a lot to give as I believe most are and will never believe any less.

So will it piss a guy off or drive him crazy if you ignore him under those terms?

YES!

Nothing drives a man more crazy than finding a great woman and having to be stuck watching or living through her self-sabotaging herself and the relationship for any reason whatsoever.

THAT is what pisses off the better guys and it’s heightens his anger when he KNOWS how great you are but YOU can not see it for yourself or notice what you’re doing to yourself.

Lastly for this “chapter” … a hopefully uplifting moment for both of us and this comes straight from my heart to yours:

If you fall into this “pushing good men away” category STOP being so damn freaking hard on yourself when it happens.

Don’t berate yourself. Don’t make yourself feel worse for it.

Just DO something about it starting right now!

That’s what life is.

We either learn to NOT push others away as we live or we don’t.

We either learn to draw others closely or we don’t.

Mostly it’s some combination of both as we choose to allow others into our life or not.

AND It doesn’t make us better or worse than anyone else because of it.

You will NEVER meet anyone has hasn’t severely screwed something up in their life. THAT is a GUARANTEE.

Your choice is either to take the part of it that is solely yours and begin to make it better, blame others and make it worse and elongate it, or ignore the problem and hope it goes away on its own.

These are not theoretical statements – they are FACTS.

I honestly don’t care if it’s your fault because I won’t judge you for it so you shouldn’t judge yourself for it either.

I’ve made lots if mistakes. Some I’ve owned. Some I clearly have not. I don’t see you as any better or worse than me and I kindly ask the same of you.

Okay – enough said on all that, let’s pick up where we left off….

#6: The Evolutionary perspective, I’m sorry to say will won’t be covered today and it’s not because we’re out of time or word-space but because it’s not relevant enough to make a connection from driving a man crazy and ignoring.

I will consider it later and if it fits – I’ll update the post.

After all this I’m coming to a conclusion which is not too pleasing for some but seems to be the case…

There’s no definitive answer on ignoring a man and if it will drive him crazy or not or into your arms.

You might have already guessed that by now but we’re going on….

A guy can ignore a woman purposely or by accident or by being too busy and wrapped up in his own affairs to notice the things around them.

The same hold just as equally true for you too.

Above are the common reasons why men go silent and the effect ignoring him might have depending on the situation BUT there’s more which will ALWAYS come down to the TYPE of guy you’re contacting or choosing to ignore.

Let’s go a little deeper… and take a look at a few more examples and how these next guys will ignore you and how he might respond if you ignore him too.

A certain type of guy can and will ignore a woman because he’s trying not to appear needy or desperate.

“The more approval seeking the guy, the more attention he needs, the more he’ll absolutely hate being ignored while a man on the other end might not care as much or at all.”

Why Do (some) Guys Hate Being Ignored?

For him – it’s merely a way to keep his attraction in check.

He’s trying to NOT scare you away like he did with all the rest because he actually likes you THAT much.

Good or bad on your end remains to be seen but from a man’s perspective who teaches guys about women – sometimes it’s a necessary stage for him to go through in order to release his desperate need for attention.

You see some guys just don’t know how to give you space or how not to come off desperate and needy.

He could easily ignore you because he’s just trying not to overdo with you. He’s trying to give you space AND for guys likes this – sure it’s a tactic but the goal is to keep himself away and not to trick by any means at all.

He needs to find a balance between his life and giving all of it up for you.

This guy – it may go without saying BUT, if you ignore him back you’re more than likely going to amp up his attraction AND drive him crazy.

Two things which rarely go well together for the less than stable man.so you are fully warned.

If he’s a type two trying to move up to becoming a type one – ignoring him could set him back and sooner or later HE will be the one pushing you away because his neediness and desperate acts will drive YOU crazy.

I should know – I USED to be that type.

You could easily turn a guy who’s just “trying” to not push you away into a guy who WILL push you away.

Either way – probably NOT a good outcome.

A guy can ignore a woman purely by accident.

Yes, it does happen.

He might not feel, believe, or even consider the fact that he’s been ignoring you.

So… ignoring him might work unless there’s a reason you’re being forgotten which is not a good one – like because he’s seeing other women or chasing another woman. In that case – as above – you’re just giving him an easy out.

But if it’s not that reason AND he doesn’t realize or isn’t paying enough attention to know he’s doing this to you…

Several things can and WILL happen.

One – by ignoring him back you’re not sending the right message which will only hinder or completely stop any open lines of communication between you and him.

Two – he’ll become confused and feel like he doesn’t understand you which, if you know men like I do, only leads to him thinking YOU don’t understand HIM – which can easily push him further away than he was when he was unaware that he was ignoring you.

If you at all suspect that he’s unaware of what is happening then an honest open approach with productive communication skills will ALWAYS prove more positive.

In other words – bring it up delicately – don’t just ignore him back because it will irritate the problem.

A guy can also ignore a woman because he’s so self-involved to see what is going on around him.

This falls under the self-involved man and as explained above – ignoring him might be good but this TYPE of guy might not fall entirely into that category.

He’s always wrapped up in his own world, maybe a little selfish, maybe a little determined to find his way, or yes, it pains me to say it but not really socially inept enough to notice he “appears” to be ignoring the people around him.

No matter how it happens his focus NEVER seems to be in the right place at the right time.

It’s narrowed to one thing at one time and if you’re not in his cross-hairs it can feel very personal.

Like he’s doing it to you on purpose.

Ignoring a guy like this won’t drive him crazy because he won’t even notice it’s even happening.

It becomes a waste of your valuable time.

This man-type is unfortunately a little too unaware of his circumstance BUT he’s not so self-centered – just again – not socially adapted to normal interactions between men and women or people in general.

Ignoring him doesn’t help him and it certainly doesn’t help you.

Okay…

Now that you’ve seen the problems and sometimes possible solutions to ignoring a guy and the right questions to ask yourself about why you’re considering doing the same thing to him… or what it might do to him or how it might make him feel…

Are you still considering ignoring him?

Are you still wondering if it will drive him crazy or not?

Are you still curious to found out if it’ll drive a man back in your arms when you feel like you’ve lost him?

I want to hear about it below.

Take a moment to think about this problem, why it brought you here, the real solution you’re looking for – and hopefully through today’s post you’ll have a clearer picture of what is  going on and how you can now proceed with finding your own personal answer.

The ebook is still below waiting for you. I’m hoping I’ll see you there.

Lastly… if you’re looking to open up a guy or you feel he’s silent or ignoring you and you wish he’d communicate with you better – there’s always a way depending on the nature of your relationship BUT it ALWAYS starts with COMMUNICATION and is rarely ever solved through passive-aggressive behavior like by just ignoring him.

I believe THAT has been covered extensively today.

(You can read my email policies here. No spam ever! Your information is always private. )
About the author: Understanding men does not have to be complicated anymore and I can show yow how… There are only two types of guys and if you don’t know which one he is, you could misinterpret everything he says or does as it relates to you. Your new guy friend, Peter White – Understanding Men Made Simple.
23 comments… add one
  • Jessica Moreno

    Hi Peter,

    So my ex boyfriend and I started talking again after a few months since we broke up. I’ve noticed that whenever I text him first or call him he seems distant. Almost like he would rather prefer that I don’t talk to him at all. We’ve talked about our past relationship and what went wrong from both of our sides and I want to say that maybe we do want to try again. The problem is that I feel that I’m the one putting in the work this time and if I suggest that we meet up it makes me look desperate.

    I do want him back though. I’m just scared that if I put myself out there, then he won’t want to be with me anymore for various reasons.

    Referring to the ignoring him part, there are some days where I don’t talk to him at all and then a few days later he’ll send me a random snap chat pic or message. If I keep distancing myself on the communication part, is it possible that he might contact me more?

    Also, what do you suggest for a girl who wants to get her ex back? Without her looking like a crazy person?

  • MP

    Great article. Very much enjoyed. 😊

  • Kiwi

    Hi Peter,
    I am currently in a situation where I have literally fallen head over heals for a guy who might have friemdzoned me.
    He never texts me first, or whenever he does, its looks as if he doesn’t want to,but he still did.
    Soemtimes, he’ll act super cute and sweet, making me smile at my phone screen.
    We have met eqch other and are pretty good friends too.
    He gives me mized signals and I am really really scared that if I confess to him, he’s going to say No and I’m going to cry.
    what should I do ? He changing his place soon,then he’ll be in a different state.

    • Peter White

      Don’t confess. Don’t do anything. If he wants it (you) bad enough, it’s up to him to move forward or else it won’t mean as much to him.

      However – if you feel like he’s friends zoned you and he’s not making an effort AND he’s moving away – I’m sorry to say it doesn’t sound like you’ll ever be together.

      Learn from this experience and seek out new and exciting experiences which are more clear to you.

      Best of luck,
      Pete

  • Whitney

    Hello Pete,
    I been getting the ignore card from a guy I found a connection. He’s twenty four and I’m twenty seven. He’s my instructor for kickboxing.I known him for nine months. We talk about life and have deep conversations. I got so comfortable and trusting him I told him about a guy I met. Then, I ask him what’s his type/preference. He told me(I didn’t fit the category) he likes thick women. I’m slim. I liked the fact that we can talk to one another about that. We hugged a couple of times when we have our one on one talks.

    Then, next period of class, he was really short with me. He barely made eye contact with me. I’m assume he was moody. I didn’t stay back to talk with him. Next time of class, he ignored the whole class. He looks, but doesn’t say anything. I noticed there was a female in the classroom that I have my suspicion on being his girlfriend. I did get a chance to talk to her. She’s thirty three. I noticed when she was around he didn’t say nothing to me. I felt hurt by his action. I was so hurt i had to vent to a friend about him being shady.

    The other class times he just flat out ignore me. When I first arrive to class, I say hi. He had his back turn and say hello. I was getting exhausted on playing his games. Part of me wanted to talk to him but something told me to wait for him to talk. It never happened. I got to a point with is hi, thank you and take care.

    What gets me he looks at me like he wants to talk but doesn’t say or do anything.

    Was it something I say that made him give me the ignoring act? Do I have to just ask if something is wrong? What do you think Pete?

    Whitney

    • Peter White

      First Whitney, if he does have a girlfriend, why bother. Move on. So… this guy ignored you or whatever – it’s not a big deal. Worst things have happened and just because one guy isn’t responding the way you want, should not cause you to stop and go searching for an answer which will probably not mean anything in the end anyways.

      Secondly – it sounds like you both reached a point where he felt like you were propositioning him. Like you were hinting you wanted to be asked out and it kind of scared him away because he’s not interesting in that with you. Hey it happens – even the best fail once in a while. Point is, now it feels awkward to him and he’s avoiding you because of that and obviously if that’s the case AND he has a girlfriend there or anywhere – I would expect he’ll avoid you even more.

      I wouldn’t ask him what’s wrong. That won’t solve anything and if I’m right, will make the situation even worse.

      He, it happened. No need to spend too much time thinking about it or some guy.

      All the best,
      Pete

  • HI PETE
    2 THINGS FIRST HE LIED ABOUT TEXTING ANOTHER WOMAN. SHE WAS HIS GIRLFRIEND AT THE BEGIN OF SUMMER. IT ENDED. WE STARTING DATING HE WANT ME NOT TO DATE OTHER MEN AND HIM AS WELL NO WOMEN. FOCUS ON EACH OTHER SEE WHERE IT GOES. OK 1 WEEK THEN A TEXT COMES ACROSS HIS COMPUTER SCREEN I SEE IT AND HE THINKS IT DIDNT. NEXT MORNING I CHECKED YEP. SHE TEXT SHE WAS HORNEY AND WAS PULLING OUT HER VIBRATOR. HE TEXTED HEHEHE THEN SHE SAID I WANT TO FUCK YOU SO BAD. HE TEXTED THUMBS UP. I CLOSED THE PHONE HE WENT TO WORK I LEFT TOOK MY STUFF. TEXT HIM I WANTED HONESTY AND MONOGAMY. HE SAID HE WAS TO0. I TOLD HIM I SAY HIS PHONE MESSAGE HE DID BELIEVE ME. SCREEN SHOT THE MESSAGE BUT NOT REALIZING I HAD ALREADY SEEN IT. I NOTICED THE SEX TALK HAD BEEN DELETED. SHE HAD ENDED THE TEXT WITH: WHY DO YOU HATE ME SO MUCH? OH WELL IT DOES MATTER ANY HOW.

    I LET HIM CHILL FOR A FEW DAYS THEN ASKED IF HE WANTED TO WATCH THE GAME ON FRIDAY, OH GOING TO BE WITH MY BROTHER, THEN MY DAUGHTERS BIRTHDAY ON SAT, SO HOW ABOUT SUNDAY I DONT HAVE TO WORK AND YOUR OFF.? I DIDNT SEE THE TEXT. HE JUMPED ON WELL WHAT ABOUT SUNDAY???? ARE WE GOING TO HAVE A DATE?
    SUNDAY CAME AND HE FLAKED. OH YOU GOING TO BE PISSED AT. ME IM WITH MY BROTHER AND I’M WAITING FOR MY DAUGHTER TO SHOW UP SHE WANTS TO SHE HIM SINCE HIS SURGERY. HOW WAS WORK?
    I TEXT BACK: Work was fantastic, slammed but $$$ Cant talk jumping into the shower birthday stuff (my birthday last wk) I might be around later next week give me a call and let me know what you were thinking.
    TTYL.
    WELL HE HASNT STOPPED TEXTING ITS BEEN 24 HOURS AND HE’S TEXT STUFF LIKE;
    K, Whatever that means…. 5:50pm
    NT: And looks like you had plans anyway.5:59pm
    NT: Was actually on my way there.6:09pm
    NT: Happy happy 9:42pm
    NEXT DAY;
    NT: Hope you had a good day 4:13pm
    NT: I do get it but I also don’t get it 5:09pm
    NT: I’ll take on guess, Back with whomever took you to Flemmings 7:11pm
    NT: Make sure you check his phone 7:11pm
    NT: Thats cool 7:11pm

    I like him but I’ve lost trust, I know he as abandonment issues. because the first time we made love he had an issue and then asked if I was going to break up with him not being able to sex.

    so why the other women? Why flake on me, then repeatedly text when I haven’t text you back.

    we made a deal not to see others and he seams to be wondering if im cheating but….. he’s keeping some fat scank bitch waiting at bay if it doesn’t work out with us????

    how long do I make him wait. if he cared he would call or show up wouldn’t you think Pete?

    Patiently waiting
    Debra

    • Peter White

      Debra – I’m not going to get into all the other stuff with you because honestly none of it matters.

      Here is what does matter:

      He wanted to be exclusive with you. He didn’t want you to see other and he said he doesn’t want any other women in his life.

      He refused to remove those women from his life and tried to hide it from you – which is called CHEATING.

      He’s already lied, cheated, and couldn’t hold his end of actually committing to you.

      Do you need to know more?

      Listen, his abandonment issues have NOTHING to do with you. That’s his life and something he needs to work on especially if he can’t commit fully to a woman because of it or for whatever his reasons are.

      When he’s ready and capable of fixing himself first then and only then will he be fully ready for a relationship with another person.

      How long you should make him wait doesn’t really fit in here. Be done with him – entirely. Find a man who doesn’t act this way before you end up getting even more hurt.

      Sure it’s “easy” for me to say – I’m not going through it. BUT I’m also not going through it or anything like this because I refuse to accept people in my life who act this way. Not a relationship and probably not as a friend also.

      You should also not accept this type of behavior.

      It’s best to say your goodbyes and let him work on his own stuff.

      All the best,

      Pete

  • Jean

    i met a guy online and we hit it off….we have been chatting daily and even video calling. we started talking about feelings less than a month after connecting. we are in different countries over 4000 miles apart. he says he has strong feelings for me and after long time insisting about my feelings to him, i told him i have similar feelings which i really have.
    so of late, our chatting time has been going down, to one time in a day, we both have demanding jobs but only weekdays, and free weekends. we both have kids from previous relationships and stay with them.
    i felt that he has been ignoring me when i send text on whatsapp which he takes time to respond during the day….now sometime my text go to overnight before response. he still insists that his feelings are still intact. a week ago, we had a fight, i wrote him a long text on how i am annoyed for his behaviour and told him that am tired with whatever we have, he had stayed for a weekend without communicating, saturday to monday, and that to me was very long time. i later apologised the text and asked him to talk. so he told me that his son had been sick and had been crying too much(otitis). but during that week, we only texted each other to how how the day was, (no sweet emojis since then). i also wrote him a long email asking him to state if we should break up. he read the email after 2 days, i never told him on our communication on whatsapp, and again stated that he still has strong feelings for me. and we also talked on video call on saturday. we did not chat on sunday till monday.
    problem is i like this man too much, he would be coming to africa this April to see me, he is an african from another country, raised and living in Europe where is is also a citizen. i don’t know what to feel for him, our communication has gone to basic greetings and how the day has been with lengthy communication over the end week or saturdays. i feel like he is getting tired of me , and is just being nice so that i be able to transition from him. he probably got another girlfriend(he has been divorced for 2 years and has one son whom they coparent with xwife) maybe he is considering getting back with kids mother, but he just wont tell me. so am waiting to see if he will come over so that we talk it over whether to break or get into a relationship.
    so my query is, can you be so close, chatting every day, then move to limited chatting and still have feelings intact? should i back out? is he being nice, not to hurt me wishing that i left him alone? i have so many questions but i cant bring myself to ask him much. i just hope by end of this month, i will be clear on what this arrangement has for us. to quit or to stay.

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