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Why He Might Be Attracted To You But Not Interested In A Relationship

in Differences, Reading A Man’s Mind
Why He Might Be Attracted To You But Not Interested In A Relationship post image

Hi Pete ,

Thank you very much for the advice. It means a lot to me and it really clear out my confusion . I never think that attraction and interest is a totally different subjects .

One more question , you said “Men can feel physically attracted to a woman but not be interested and there’s a ton of reasons as to why that could happen.” Do you mind to expand this explanation for me , or maybe list several reasons why a man would be physically attracted to a woman , but not interested to commit a romantic relationship with her?

One more question , if that guy is only physically attracted to me for now , is it possible that he will be interested in committing an romantic relationship with me ? If you think it is possible , is there anything I can try ?

Based on your advice, I know that I should move on and look for other guys instead , but I am wondering if I can still ” wait for that guy ” while looking for more options? Or do you think it will does more harm to me ?

Again thank you very much for taking time to give advice. I really appreciate it !


Hi Yogeda,

You’re very welcome.

Physical attraction is normally a sight thing. We find you attractive. We’re sexually aroused in one way or another because of YOU.

Interest goes beyond your looks. It could be your personality. The way you live your life. We might have a few things in common as in what we like to do with you that go beyond the normal everyday dating thing.

For example, I like to eat. I LOVE trying new foods and new restaurants BUT doing that on a date is NOT enough to have in common. It doesn’t allow more than what I do anyways.

However… exploring something new and adventurous and we figure out we both like doing them, increases our bond and connection because we now have something special to share.

These things go beyond our normal friendships and begin to create a life outside the life we’re already involved in.

Having interest leads to a connection BEYOND the obvious physical attraction. Perhaps we make you laugh, or you get our jokes, or your lifestyle matches with ours and you DEFINITELY ENHANCE our lives in one way or another.

For us to enter a committed relationship though, there are many variable which need to be in place such as timing, urgency, where we are, where we’ve been, how complete we feel, and all the internal stuff in our head.

Those are normally combined with HOW you make us feel, or more importantly HOW you make us feel about OURSELVES.

“Relationship material” women tend to be safer “investments” and tend to come with less baggage. Baggage is typically about how much drama you could add to our lives.

I told you there’s a lot going on. 🙂

For some men it’s about the purity ( or seemingly innocent nature of a woman ). Other guys don’t care.

For some men it’s about freedom. If they don’t feel they’ve enjoyed enough of it, you’ll never get them to commit until their freedom feels more lonely and he realizes it’s not fulfilling enough of his needs.

“…Of course men are scared shitless of commitment and they have every reason to be that way.”

Do Guys Have Every Reason To Be Afraid of Commitment?

Recently I met a woman who fits exactly into what I’ve glanced over above.

I am definitely physically attracted to her. She showed up in a short black skirt which is normally not enough but since she just got out of work, she had a slight tear in her stocking about two inches long and close to where her skirt left off.

While speaking to her I was becoming slightly aroused and I was enjoying it. I’m sure she FELT it or something too but since I did not show any interest I probably left her a little confused.

Perhaps she was even thinking I was only interested in her body and nothing else which is NOT entirely true. I enjoyed talking to her. It wasn’t work. Our conversation came and went easily AND we remembered them too.

After she left I thought for a little while about our past, who she was, where she was going, what kind of life we’d be living if we were to “hook up” or start to date. I even thought about her past boyfriends, her Father, her Mother, her overly emotional reactions to things I found trivial.

I quickly weighed ALL of that and felt… Sure. I can see myself having sex with her because I was physically attracted to her BUT I wasn’t “interested” enough to make something happen beyond that. I merely hinted exchanging numbers and left it there.

Knowing full well that she was NOT going to do anything more to see if anything would happen between us.

Which meant the physical temptation would be kept at length and would not “get me in trouble” or test my strength to resist a physical interaction leading to me eventually pull back.

But it doesn’t end there…

I know for a fact we DO share some common interests. I came name about three or four things we both LOVE to do which would make it easy for us to meet up.

She also appears to be a faithful woman. Sure she enjoys the guys liking her. She enjoys being flirted with and told by certain men how she’s beautiful AND fun AND down-to-earth.

I’m positive most men who find themselves in a relationship with her who wouldn’t be so insecure with themselves will never fault her for it and yet, for the “right” guy, she wouldn’t cheat or tear his world up.

Normally speaking though because, all factors in place, very young, pretty, in-demand, loves to party, there’s always the chance she’ll get in a relationship before she’s actually sure it’s the right time and guy.

She’s more likely to make a quick judgement based purely on a few emotional moments which lead to a long-term commitment BEFORE she’s actually ready, and therefore probably has a higher risk of finding someone else. Mind you, I didn’t see cheat, merely finding someone else.

But hey, that’s the risk we ALL take and I just feel younger men and women come with a higher risk of that happening.

It’s clear I have a lot of doubt surrounding her and any future which might ultimately leave me… NOT interested but physically attracted.

Granted most men don’t consider ALL that. They just feel that way and CHOOSE not to reason it all out.

It’s not as clear BUT sure, a physical attraction CAN lead to interest just the same as it does for you. If circumstances change and something deeper becomes of it all.

I’d say it’s MORE likely to build into interest IF there’s physical attraction first.

And “interest” can be lost based on lots of factors that men consider “relationship material.” Meaning the more time we spend with our interest the more we can easily realize, “It’s just not what we’re looking for.”

I would say “waiting” for a guy is NOT the best option. But that may be just the word “waiting” that I don’t like.

It implies leaving YOUR life on hold which is not something I would ever advise.

Change the word “wait” to “maybe, we’ll see… let’s leave the option open.” and that would satisfy the agreement to “wait”. 🙂

Putting your life “on hold” will do more harm than could so remember it’s a “Maybe. Let’s leave it all open and possible see what happens at a later time.”

Just as long as you can honestly pull that off. I see nothing wrong with it.

At this point I’m not really the guy to ask about the HOW’s of getting a guy. It’s just not the advice I feel entirely confident in giving to any one person. I may dabble in it and throw some stuff out there from time to time, but for now, I’m going leave it at that.

I WILL leave you with a quote from an article I wrote some time ago which might possibly help you out.

The title says it all. 😀

#1 – How she moves her body.
#2 – Her voice.
#3 – Slightly Reserved or shy.
#4 – Laid Back – Easy To Get Along With – “The “cool girl”
#5 – Quirky Habits.
#6 – An inviting smile and a great sense of humor.
#7 – Dynamic eyes.
#8 – Shapes and curves.
#9 – Self esteem – High Value – Confidence.
#10 – Her scent or how she smells.

The Top Ten Things That Guys Are Attracted To

All the best to you. Hope this has cleared up more issues than it created… and thank YOU for writing.

About the author: Honest, upfront, and an ability to see past the hidden layers is my intended style at why do guys. My goal is to un-complicate men and steer you away from the guys who will only hurt you. My hope is that you learn something, anything, and my writing style is at least a little easy to understand… Thank you, Peter White

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    9 comments… add one
    • Trying to figure it all out

      Hi Peter, this site is amazing and definitely one of my favorites now!
      I just wondered if a woman is missing a 2 or 3 things on the top 10 list, do you think that would somehow disqualify her? Specifically when it comes to 2, 5, 9 and 10? I’m thinking that confidence could be worked on, and overly quirky habits could probably be curbed. The voice and scent are interesting ones cause I know that sometimes when I’m nervous, my voice changes a bit, doesn’t sound as smooth or clear, (sometimes I even wonder if people may think I sound like I have a speech impediment at those times.) I’m curious about the scent thing too, especially early in dating, because even someone with normally excellent hygiene can occasionally be caught off guard if maybe they just happen to run into their object of interest after the gym (and probably not exactly at their freshest and most pristine, if you will.) Or if they ate something really strong that doesn’t have the best scent? I know this may sound like over thinking it a bit, but these things do happen. I just wondered if guys make concessions for occasional day to day situations that may interfere with constantly maintaining all the traits on the list, or do most men really expect that females are to always be “sugar and spice and all that’s nice?”

      • Hello,

        Nope. A woman does not need all 10 things to attract a guy.

        It is a very broad list. Some men will feel more attraction to certain ones but not others.

        #2, The voice can certainly be “made more effective” I wouldn’t worry about it changing and sounding strange at times. It’s the over all tone that attracts guys.

        #5 Quirky habits, happens all by itself. If a guy is feeling it, the habits are more attractive. If he’s not, they tend to go unnoticed. This one tends to amplify attraction more than anything so it’s a part of moving from the first stage of attraction to the second one.

        #9 Self esteem – High Value – Confidence IS very important especially when moving from a first stage attraction to the second stage BUT all is needed is as much as the guy you’re dealing with and nothing more.

        In fact too much #9 scares some men away because they can feel intimidated BUT that’s a good thing I suppose.

        I think you confused #10 Her scent or how she smells, a little.

        Your scent triggers an instant attraction for some guys and it can re-trigger it years later because smell is so closely linked to memory.

        Your scent is loosely based on your perfume, shampoo, etc…

        I wouldn’t worry about being caught off guard, it happens, AND it happens to us guys too. It’s just a part of day to day living.

        So expect that yes, concessions are made as long as good hygiene is maintained.

        Nope we do NOT expect you to be “sugar and spice all the time”.

        Some of us would like to believe it’s true but do can keeps things in perspective.

        The obvious rules apply… don’t show up for a date smelling like you just ate a garlic sandwich. 🙂

        I don’t think you’re over thinking it all… I believe you’re just getting caught up in thinking guys will disqualify you because of that list.

        It’s the other way around.

        Just because you might not have an amazing sexual voice does not mean we will not feel attraction.

        We don’t decide to feel things, they just happen.

        The items on the list engage or “trigger” or our attraction which are beyond our control.

        Again we don’t decide it one way or another.

        Hope that helps you figure a little more out and thanks for writing in. I appreciate your question,


    • Angeline

      I really need your help because i have problems and dont know how to find answers for my questions.. thanks

    • Amy

      So let’s say you have all the top 10. In my experience those things become less attractive or enticing after you decide to be in the committed relationship. I seem to then become boring because my relationships still would rather keep me in the bedroom than take me out. This has happened 3 dang times. Guys seem to fall for me fast, want to marry me, and then lose all interest. Safe to assume I have some really offensive quality that only shows after a period of time?

      • Peter White

        You don’t necessarily have really offensive qualities which only show up after you’re in a relationship with a guy.

        Chances are you get involved too quickly with men. They lead you quickly and you go along with it.

        On the other side, if you have all ten then chances are guys put you on an unfair pedestal and “getting laid” seems to be a priority to them. Once they realize you’re a real woman and not just a bed partner – things change – and they begin to search for more. Unfortunately THAT should happen BEFORE sex because once a man gets the challenge, the relationship becomes only about that and not something more.

        That unfair pedestal is creating a remarkable challenge to guys and you might want to use that to your advantage. Make them work even harder for it. 🙂

        • Amy

          Good advice and it definitely seems to fit the relationships I have encountered.

          Thank you

    • Barbara

      Hi Pete,

      I find your website very interesting! Well done!
      I looked at your list and I definitely have very strong #9 and week #3.
      I go out, I m always with people.
      I dropped office work, and have my own business that makes me happy cos its my passion.
      I m getting closer to 40..but I always meet ( or they are interested ) much younger guys , like 20 th or 30th. I m ready 2 have family and get married , but I have a feeling that all these guy I meet want me 4 fun. Im a fun person but that does not mean life is only fun. So Id like to be with someone for good and bad, but I do not feel importance to ONLY start from fun part…Its been said guys have feelings 2…and they can f.e. feel hungry…and thats what I feel what they feel about me, but not enough2 me…
      If you have any comment 2 leave looking forward.

      • Peter White

        Hi Basia, thank you. I appreciate it.

        I’m going to say if you’re looking for a real relationship with a guy, you must look at men closer to your age. Not exactly, but just closer. Younger men, just like younger women may not be ready and might want something different than you.

        All those things listed in number 9, which you say you’re strong in WILL help you find that man. And since you’re aware of it, makes it even easier. But again, I’d look into places where you can meet someone closer to your own age who is looking for the same things and has the same mindset about life that you have.

        All the best and thank you again,

        • Hi Pete,

          Thank you for reply. Partially I d agree with you but ( hehehe there is always but)I won’t, I have 2 older sisters married 1 20 the other 10 yrs with 8 and 4 yrs younger guys….they are happy families with children…so I would not put that Youngers off as some young guys are mature, and some my age, or older are not often being desperate just to get with someone not to be alone ( I don’t want that!!). Im everywhere ( apart maybe night clubs that where fun up till 20’s). so….simple honest good luck and fingers crossed would do :-). Cheers.

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