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Peter White - Why Do Guys...?

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  • Alankrita Singh

    Hello i go for walks with my dog everyday. There is a neighborhood guy whom i have seen here. We used to have random eye contacts like normal neighbors butno such conversations.
    During May my dad hospitalized himself due to CoVID. This guy approached me during the walks then. He expressed his concern for my dad as he was planning on talking to him regarding some work. He showed interest in my animal feeding routine and how he has never seen any girl around who indulges in feeding. I felt nice that he acknowledged my devotion for animals.

    Then i had to leave to see my dad but he passed away. On my return after a few weeks he approached me in my walka again expressing his condolences for dad and also telling me to not hesitate in asking for any help. He asked where I am from and all. Then he went. I couldnt see him for a week or something. In his third showup during my walk, he said he was feeling like seeing me again as he had to leave for Delhi in a few days. He introduced himself and said that he is going to delhi for coaching to prepare for IAS/PCS exam. I appreciated him for it. He said if in these two years we somehow meet again we will go for a coffee. I felt nice and agreed to it. He asked about my studies and all then he said bye and went.

    He didnt ask for number or anything. I have seen him thrice while i walk and he only says hi and good morning while smiling when he passes by. I have seen him gazing at me while showing himself busy on call. Even when he is on his balcony i have observed that he looks for me on my terrace. All of a sudden he went away.
    As he had informed me so I am assuming he is in delhi now. But I was expecting that he will tell me before leaving one last time. And now his absence is so painful for me. I feel sad without him. I have been thinking about him everyday and wishing and hoping that he comes home for few days and sees me again so that he can see my signals to be open for moving forward. I really like him. And this liking developed over a period of weeks after seeing him. What do I do. His family is here but I dont want to be desperate to talk directly to them about that guy and how he is.. I am missing him. I have tried to look for him on social media but he isnt there.

  • Amanda

    Help Me i i met my guy about eight years ago
    We started off just talking platonic nothing more overtime it became more when time define the relationship he said he didn’t want. that since we both had toxic relationships in the past both have kids with other people he felt it would Be to complicated to be serious and more.

    So I stayed in contact was casual over time he was very confusing with words and actions

    Balance of him riding the fence became alot to me of wanting to be casual and serious he will say things to show he wanted more but actions show distance

    As time passed he asked me serious questions if I was to have his child or be his girlfriend How would it be different from my past relationship I told him I don’t know I wouldn’t want that right now because he shows interest wants me close then back away

    He told me he had to make sure i wouldn’t do what he experienced in the past with his exes

    The past year he really show more signs he wants more but i don’t know
    It hurts because i really grown to love and see myself with him but i don’t want to put my energy into him if he not serious

    Recently he bought me gifts housewarming present electronics asking me get a tattoo im confused is he trying be serious with me is just testing me im confused please help me

    Recently more and more he tells me he loves me im confused

    • Amanda,

      You’ve known each other in some form for eight years – I’m not sure how “serious” you want him to be before you put your energy into it. Get me?

      With that said, here are my quick thoughts about your situation and him too.

      He was admitting that he was qualifying you as a girlfriend and more which shows lots interest, “he asked me serious questions if I was to have his child or be his girlfriend How would it be different from my past relationship… He told me he had to make sure i wouldn’t do what he experienced in the past with his exes.”

      He was clearly afraid of taking the lead and was trying to hint that he was willing if you’d match up – but then you told him this, “I told him I don’t know I wouldn’t want that right now because he shows interest wants me close then back away”.

      I understand you were confused because he was showing interest and pulling away – but ALL men do that – that have to – something I go in more detail in my book.

      But then he didn’t back off anyways and continued to show you more signs – hoping you’d get the hint and come to him, but you didn’t and appeared to act illusive and unresponsive to what he thought was moving forward.

      Then – after all this he, “bought you gifts, housewarming present, electronics, asking me get a tattoo… AND told you he loves you.”

      I don’t see any testing going on – he’s beyond that at this point.

      Your confusion appears to be unfounded and from my best guess is a problem you’re having to move forward based on your own insecurities and fears.

      Love, life, dating, relationships – ALL come with risks.

      Take them or you’ll regret it.

      NOW is the time.

      You’ll be fine.

      Your guy friend,

      • Elise

        Hi Pete you’re reply to Amanda is fantastic! It just explains the situation so clearly. It’s beautiful especially the part about everything coming with risks. “Now is the time, you’ll be fine.” That is lovely! Way to put a girl at ease! Ha… love it!!! So nice!

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