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Help Me i i met my guy about eight years ago
We started off just talking platonic nothing more overtime it became more when time define the relationship he said he didn’t want. that since we both had toxic relationships in the past both have kids with other people he felt it would Be to complicated to be serious and more.
So I stayed in contact was casual over time he was very confusing with words and actions
Balance of him riding the fence became alot to me of wanting to be casual and serious he will say things to show he wanted more but actions show distance
As time passed he asked me serious questions if I was to have his child or be his girlfriend How would it be different from my past relationship I told him I don’t know I wouldn’t want that right now because he shows interest wants me close then back away
He told me he had to make sure i wouldn’t do what he experienced in the past with his exes
The past year he really show more signs he wants more but i don’t know
It hurts because i really grown to love and see myself with him but i don’t want to put my energy into him if he not serious
Recently he bought me gifts housewarming present electronics asking me get a tattoo im confused is he trying be serious with me is just testing me im confused please help me
Recently more and more he tells me he loves me im confused
Amanda,
You’ve known each other in some form for eight years – I’m not sure how “serious” you want him to be before you put your energy into it. Get me?
With that said, here are my quick thoughts about your situation and him too.
He was admitting that he was qualifying you as a girlfriend and more which shows lots interest, “he asked me serious questions if I was to have his child or be his girlfriend How would it be different from my past relationship… He told me he had to make sure i wouldn’t do what he experienced in the past with his exes.”
He was clearly afraid of taking the lead and was trying to hint that he was willing if you’d match up – but then you told him this, “I told him I don’t know I wouldn’t want that right now because he shows interest wants me close then back away”.
I understand you were confused because he was showing interest and pulling away – but ALL men do that – that have to – something I go in more detail in my book.
But then he didn’t back off anyways and continued to show you more signs – hoping you’d get the hint and come to him, but you didn’t and appeared to act illusive and unresponsive to what he thought was moving forward.
Then – after all this he, “bought you gifts, housewarming present, electronics, asking me get a tattoo… AND told you he loves you.”
I don’t see any testing going on – he’s beyond that at this point.
Your confusion appears to be unfounded and from my best guess is a problem you’re having to move forward based on your own insecurities and fears.
Love, life, dating, relationships – ALL come with risks.
Take them or you’ll regret it.
NOW is the time.
You’ll be fine.
Your guy friend,
Pete
Hi Pete you’re reply to Amanda is fantastic! It just explains the situation so clearly. It’s beautiful especially the part about everything coming with risks. “Now is the time, you’ll be fine.” That is lovely! Way to put a girl at ease! Ha… love it!!! So nice!