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Why Do Guys…?

Welcome To Why Do Guys…

Understanding Men at Why Do Guys…? Confirmed Message

Yep. It’s quite obvious what those two guys above are doing but guys are NOT always so obvious when it comes to communicating “other” things, are they?

Well.. Welcome to Why Do Guys.

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I promise to never sell, rent, share, or act unethically with your email address and I ask you to respect my privacy too. It’s only fair now. πŸ˜€

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You can also find my “older” newsletter stuff here –> Newsletter Archives – Questions – Answers – Theories – The Truth About Men

Please keep in mind I can NOT answer everyone and honestly I do not have all the answers BUT I will always try to give it the best I can based on the one clear “thing” which separates us indefinitely… and that is…

I’m a guy. You’re a WOMAN. πŸ˜‰

BUT – I feel it’s best for both of us to contribute no matter what the results are so please do so the best you can.

Your voice, opinions, and ideas are always appreciated.

Thanks again and as always… all the best to you from your new guy friend,

Pete

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140 comments… add one
  • tracy knight

    hi,just wanted to know about a guy who ive never spoke to,met him twice,and he just stares at me?

  • Smiles

    Hi Pete! I just discovered your site today and you have another new fan! I’ll be brief. Dated a guy 4 years ago and we hit it off great. We became close as friends and lovers. He broke up with me because he said the passion wasn’t there (he said he wanted a best friend and lover. He always said I was his best friend so, I thought I was both) but he wanted to remain friends. I’m still friends with him (he’s had girlfriends and i’ve had boyfriends during the last 4 years). I have 2 questions, do you have any articles about ex boyfriends and do you think his interest is still there with me or do you think he’s just passing the time until someone else comes along? A little background: He ALWAYS takes me to lunch or dinner, he’s ALWAYS available if I need anything, he opens up to me emotionally about his feelings, his family, friends and about life in general, we do fun activities together (workout, eat, art shows etc..), and he’s always complimenting and flirting with me like a boyfriend would. I love him still but know that a friendship is all he wants so I never react to his flirtation but I do share myself emotionally with him as equally as he does with me. I live my life fully and I know he has a lot of respect for me. What’s your take on what I should do? I know him better than I did 4 years ago and I want to be back with him but I’m scared I’ll push him away.

    thanks for reading.

    your new fan,

    smiles

  • Michelle Melton

    I’ve reconnected to a man I dated 15 years ago. I really like him. I would like a chance to see if we could have a good relationship again, BUT I haven’t had sex, a boyfriend or really a date in 3 YEARS!!! He is aware of a hurtful past with my last few boyfriends. I want to hold off on sex if I can. Lol, if we mess around and starts going too far should I divulge that it’s been A LONG time for me. Or should I keep that info secret. How is the best way to explain or get the message that your not ready for sex yet in a good way to him without leaving him feeling like he’s failed.πŸ˜’Loving your info and in site!!

    • Peter White

      Hello Michelle,

      Congratulations on your recent rekindling. Hope it all works out for you.

      Let’s talk about what guys think when a woman with whom their very close to having sex with decides to tell him, “It’s been so long.”

      Well, some, very few but they’re there – don’t really believe it. Others, they get a little discouraged because once it is revealed, they instantly believe any sex will mean an instant relationship because it’s been a while for her. Others actually get excited by it. They find it pure and it boosts their Ego a little. Almost like, “She’s been saving herself for me. ;)” And these are just a few I can come up with off the top of my head. I’m sure there’s more but…

      You can see how revealing this to him might not be a good idea. On our way to “making love” the last thing we want to talk about is our prior experiences. That’s something you should remember. Maybe after, probably after, but not before. He doesn’t “need” to know and you shouldn’t have to reveal it.

      Now…

      I’m all for holding off on the sex until you’ve established something more. That is if that’s what you want more out of it. As much as it pains me to say because giving that advice to women is not in my best favor, is it? πŸ™‚

      You have to decide what you’ve “established” at this point. How deep the connection is. It’s always easier to go from dating to long-term than it is to go from lots of sex to something more long-term. Since you two have a history, I’m assuming you know him and what he’s like, AND that you’ve already established something deeper.

      Next, you have to look at how good you two communicate with each other. If that’s not there or has always been in question, certainly work on that BEFORE you have sex with him.

      If you two communicate on a decent productive level, my best advice would be just to tell him. He’ll understand. He won’t feel like a failure if you’re honest about it and why you’re holding back. Not because it’s been a while, just because you’re looking for something more and if he can’t wait, than so be it. Don’t just say, “It’s been a while”. Tell the truth! Whatever your truth is.

      My other advice would be to avoid getting yourself in positions where it can go too far. That’s your best option for a while. The easiest way to avoid having sex with someone is to rarely if ever be in a position to have it, right?

      Sure, you’ll want intimate times together. Alone, hugging, kissing, etc… I can’t help you with that. Just like you would expect a guy to show restraint, so you should expect as much from yourself.

      Lastly, avoid the excuses with him. If you don’t have to get up early, don’t say that. If the answer to “why not?” is anything less than the truth, he WILL become discouraged and feel worse because he’ll start to feel like you’re not into him or that he’s not good enough for you OR worse yet, that you’re sleeping with someone else.

      Remember, if you have a real connection, a somewhat strong vision of what you both want from this new thing, AND you can communicate effectively and positively with each other… Honesty is always your best option. Again, avoid the “it’s been a while” if that’s the only reason you’re opting out of sex with him.

      AND avoid talking with a guy you’re just about to have sex with, prior experiences. Hahaha!!!!

      All the best Michelle.

      Keep loving the site.

      Your guy friend,

      Pete

  • Katie

    Hi Pete, my name is Katie and as I’m sure the rest of the people here, I need help understanding a guy in my life. I have known this guy for about nine or ten years to date. Back when we first met I think we instantly had a connection and we have, in that past, expressed such feelings. However, nothing ever “came to be” so-to-speak and obviously we aren’t together. Seven or eight years into our friendship he kind of just vanishes from my life and I don’t see him for about two years. Just last year (late July) he contacts me and wants to apologize for his behavior and explains what the past two years have been like for him. Turns out he was in a relationship with another woman and they had a baby but are no longer together. Now he, I suppose, is back in my life and we are reconnecting and it feels like old times apart from the things we both went through for the past two years. We have spent time together only a hand full of times and he is suddenly expressing so much towards me and I don’t know how to feel. He has always been very distant with me and he seems to be only available when he wants to be and I know he wants more with me but he wont give me the time of day to speak my peace because every time we hang out he is always talking about other things. It’s like he wants to say something to me and speak his peace but he keeps rattling on about utter nonsense and I can’t get a word in edgewise. Next thing I know he has to go or it gets late and the time is wrong. Also, he only wants to talk at night. He’ll call me around 6:00pm and asks if I want to meet him that night then when I ask a time or place he conveniently ignores me for two or three hours and then we don’t end up seeing each other until around 9:00pm. I just don’t understand. Then he completely ignores my calls or texts and it makes me feel crappy because he only wants to see or talk to me when it’s convenient for him but when I try to do the same he ignores me or tells me that he’s “going through some things.” Every person I’ve asked about this to have told me that he isn’t worth my time and I shouldn’t be spending my time with someone who can’t give me his. I want things to work out between us and I feel like if I tell him what I think he’ll either get mad or make some changes. I last saw him on January 18th and he has called me once and texted me once. I left both unanswered because I feel like he would understand a little about how I feel when he does the same and also I felt like in the past I made myself a little too available. Let me know what you think, what you think he thinks or feels, and what I should do. Thank you for your time and I hope to hear from you soon.

  • ankita rai

    Hi Pete,
    first of all wow u r doing awsm work love ur effort bcz der are lots of stuff which is diffeent from a girl n a guy perspective but thanks for clearing dat.

    coming to my story, i started a casual relation with a guy we were more like frnzs we use to share secrets stuff n all. I told him once i had a huge crush on a guy before i met him and i felt d way he reacted he dont want me to have any connection wid him. We are neighbours so we use to party together one of his roomie who shifted recently he likes me. He was drunk last weekend and he told him that we are together and if i want i m free to be with him he also said he feel jealous when they say that m beautiful but we spent a very romantic time dancing with each other. Then next day one of mah frnd join us he dance with her to make me feel jealous cz when he came to dance with me dat was d first thing he ask that am i feeling jealous i said no but there cms point er i really got irritated and then he confess to me that he has a soft corner for me he feel for me but he is afraid of heartbreak.
    but next day he started ignoring my text and even ask me to give him space…i dnt knw what to do cause somewhere i like him a lot but never express that but he knows it .!!

    • Peter White

      Thanks Ankita.

      My simple answer – give him the space he asks for. Men who act out of fear of heartbreak are rarely (if ever) ready or capable of a real relationship. That’s his deal. Not yours.

      Pete

  • Hannah

    Hi Peter,
    My older sister asks your advice and loves it. So when I kind of got into a relation ship crisis I decided to turn to her hero πŸ˜‰
    I am eighteen years old and have never really been in a super committed relationship, so all of this is really hard for me. I just graduated last year with a guy that I thought was just a best friend and confidante. I guess I was wrong. When he went off to college I like totally freaked out and realized maybe I felt stronger feelings for him than I originally thought. So we started texting as ‘friends’. It was great at first, but then my parents thought I was getting too committed and made me break off all connection. I decided to risk it and start texting him again anyways, but now he is acting really strange. He texts me back, but it just like it used to be. There are times when he will even ignore me for like weeks. I don’t want to freak him out by acting too possessive or annoying… what do I do?

    seriously in need of your help
    Your friend

    • Peter White

      Hi Hannah,

      Sure, sure, put all this pressure on me to live up to the hero role your sister has enjoyed. Hahaha!!!

      What I see is that he’s living a completely new life now and is probably exploring it as best as he can handle.

      Chances are he was not looking for a relationship of any kind. If you brought up your feelings about him, or in the very least, acted like what you wrote, he sensed it and was waiting for the right time to pull away. This is the time of most guys life where “freedom” is something they do not want to give up. He could be making new friends, meeting new people, socializing, and while trying to keep up with his studies, is finding out that balancing it all, is tougher that it looks.

      You could be adding to that stress.

      The only thing I can say is that, in your case, in your situation, this is not the time to move forward with him. You must accept his new life might mean distancing himself from you. You might find him come back to you from time to time. You might find him, as time passes, long for something more stable and reassuring and randomly come back to you for it. BUT as far as relationships go – this was NOT the time to begin one with him.

      I understand you realized the feelings but I also understand it had something to do with him leaving.

      All you can really do is keep the connection alive, keep the attraction alive (if it’s there for him) and do your OWN thing. Again, despite how you feel, this was not the right time to enter a relationship.

      Yeah, it’s tough. Yeah, it’s your responsibility, not mine. BUT from this hero’s mind – it’s how I see it.

      Give him space. Give him freedom. Let him think about you. Let him come back to you if it’s in his heart. Keep the connection alive and fun. Make it fun to want to talk to you so he’ll feel like you’re a relief. Whether he eventually turns your way is up to him, his life, and where it’s taking him. Something you have no control over.

      Wishing you all the best my new friend,

      Pete

  • Corrina Burris

    Hi Pete,

    I have been dating a guy 15 years my younger. He tracked me down on Facebook and was a friend of my sister who is 5 years my younger. I’ve been divorced for over a year and a half. This guy befriended me through my sister. At the time, I was not aware they had been intimate. He said no she said yes. I chose to date him anyway. She tried to warn me of his infidelities and said he was still married which was true but they were separated and had actually married less than a year total. From the beginning he referred to us as “in a relationship ” while I maintained that we were only friends and I had not yet made a commitment. Within two months we were and have been a couple. Within three months he pretty much lived with me. Every ten days to two weeks he would just disappear and not answer my calls or texts. Then he returned and was apologetic sayang it it because of his Sagittarius sign that he loves me but sometimes just needs to get away and run the streets. He admitted he hates that side of him but he just has to do it then he comes back and wants to be in a relationship again. I had to move three days ago and we have been separated since. The day before I moved I received a random call from a girl stating she has been with him for nine months and how did I know him? We talked briefly, she said she was done with the relationship. I asked him about it and he passed it off as a jealous ex. Since we have been separated the last few days he is barely responding to my texts or calls again. I don’t know if I should consider these red flags and move on, do me for now and see what happens or what? It’s very difficult for me to deal with emotionally as it seems so obvious. Oh and he’s muslim so he says he wants to have four wives. Any advice or insights into this are GREATLY appreciated. Ms C

    • Peter White

      Ms C,

      Lots of red flags.

      BUT this is up to you. He’s obviously not good at committing to just one woman and if you want a guy who can commit to just you, then that’s your answer. He’s not going to change. He’s warned you it’s who he is. He also uses a “sign” excuse to explain his actions as if he has no control over it or himself. Not a good thing from a guy you want to settle down with.

      What also gets me is that he’s move from your sister to you from other woman etc… and yet all too quickly you found him living with you.

      The real signs are all there and he’s hasn’t been that upfront with you but when you put it all together, I highly doubt this man will ever settle for just one woman.

      Again, if you want a guy who can be committed to just you, then Id do more than assume it won’t be this guy.

      Pete

  • Polly

    He plans dates far into the future.. like holidays, spontaneous outings, gifts from cheapies to expensive stuff and now we’re soulmates. Do you believe in soulmates, Peter.

  • Paytyn

    Hi my names Paytyn. I’ve known the same guy since middle school and we have been talking for a year a couple months ago I found out he had a girlfriend. But before I found out he was flirting with me and I ended up getting his number. We have been talking ever since. I ended up falling for this boy, and he is still with his girlfriend. I’ve tried just being friends I’ve also tried ignoring him. But it doesn’t work. I think he might be in love with me too. Please help me.

  • linda

    Hi my name is Linda, I met this guy on a dating site. we talked then started texting had a first date. its been a month and two weeks now. after about 3 weeks he tells me he’s been seeing this girl off and on for a while now it started for loneliness he said that he wants to end it with her but wants to let her down easy doesn’t want to hurt her . please tell me what i should do i have more respect for myself then to hang out and wait i deserve better.

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