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Why Do Guys…?

Why Do Some Guys Stare, Say Hello, But Never Make A Move

Why Do Some Guys Stare, Say Hello, But Never Make A Move post image

Getting a glimpse of a woman a guy finds attractive is just the beginning.

Why he’ll stare, maybe say hello or start a conversation, but never follow through with what appears to be his intentions, is where it all can get kind of confusing.

Follow along and you’ll find out why…

First of all: Fear. They’re scared. They don’t know what to do and when to do it. They have never done it before or lack the experience. But there’s more.

It may seem far-fetched but I can tell you from personal experience there are tons of guys out there who never once “made a move” on a woman.  They get lucky once in a while, maybe do something right, and suddenly she’s all over him. 😀 In a manner of speaking of course.

Men are not often taught the steps of seduction and rarely do they look for “real” advice on how to do it. When they do seek advice or counseling on the subject find it difficult an area to practice. ( Plus imagine how much bad advice is out there on this subject. )

When you are learning something like an instrument or a new job skill the practice part is handed to you because it’s an essential part of the learning process.

But as far as making a move on a woman or the act of seduction the practice part is extremely difficult.

What if he meets a woman who is not understanding of his lack of experience and rejects him?

What if he meets an incredible woman and screws it up so badly he feels useless or not capable of turning a woman on? That could scar him for life. 🙂

Seriously, just imagine this is NOT an area where practice is a granted right and the woman’s response is not always beneficial or accepting. This alone can cause lots of guys to hope and poke never learning the valuable lesson they need on when or how to make the right move.

Being told how to do it is one thing – but actually doing is an entirely different experience.

Consider the entire “meeting process:

  1. Eye contact.
  2. The approach, meeting, being introduced, and starting a conversation.
  3. Getting a number or another way to contact each other later.
  4. Meeting up. Experiencing chemistry, attraction, or just making a real connection.
  5. Becoming closer or getting close enough to make actual physical contact from holding hands, hugging, to kissing.

Admit each one of those requires timing – ability – confidence – a relatively fearless attitude – and it’s obvious the guys who learn how to do all that successfully as early in life as possible with real results are probably going to go far with women.

But what if you stumble. Each one can easily lead to public rejection. A doubt of a man’s ability to, “be a man.” They can even lead to a woman lying to a guy about how bad of a kisser he is.

Of course all of that seems just like social competence and all of that may come to us naturally BUT based on your own experience you can also see how easy it is to block our natural ability to step through the entire process.

Some guys just stare or make eye contact but find it impossible to approach. They just don’t know what to say or how to do it.

Some get the approach thing handled a little by when it comes to walking away with a number and having you answer it too always stop him right in his tracks.

A few guys can walk away with your contact information but have no idea what to do with it. When they should call. Should they ask you out. Should they text you a lot first. So many of them don’t even bother hoping you’ll contact him. (That is if he remembered to exchange the info.)

The first date is nerve wracking even to the most hardy of people let alone guys who merely managed to get through steps 1 through 3. Now the pressure is on! How to keep it real and easy and free flowing without destroying the connection or chemistry which may or not be there.

Where steps 1 through 4 may be accomplished a new series of questions arises. When to make the first move. When to go in for the first kiss. Should he hold your hand? Give you as hug. Play it safe. Be daring.  Go with the moment or fight his urges the entire way.

From the first second of eye contact all the way to some form of touching, to an enjoyable sexual “event” it’s almost like nature doesn’t want some guys to get with a girl. With so many roadblocks and so many chances to screw it all up – you can see how hard it can be for some guys to manage it all.

You’ll find it’s not only the less experienced guys with women but even the most accomplished ones just sometimes, if not more often than not, find it just plain easier to stare. Catch a glimpse. Make a little eye contact and hope something happens accidentally.

He might motion to you with some form of greeting but he might need the situation to be more perfect before he’s willing to bother with the next step at all. Considering how so much may be involved.

Maybe we’re a little lazy. Sure.

We’re obviously a little worried or scared from time to time about what could happen. Our skills in this area can and will become a big part of what being a guy is all about.

We know what needs to happen and we certainly want it to happen more without having to do so much work. 🙂

I won’t defend us “common men” for wanting to settle with less work. I won’t say they or we should learn it all so it does happen more naturally and effortlessly.

But I will tell you the truth about why guys will stare, what their motive might be, why we ‘ll say “Hello” and never make a move to either get your number, continue the meeting, reach for your hand, kiss you on the lips, or even take your clothes off when it feels so right…

You know once in a while we don’t want YOU to become just practice when we fail. And that should mean a lot to you.

We can be lazy at times and just wish you would meet us more than half way.

For some that DOES happen. For others it never happens.

For some we’ll stare at the ones we really want but unfortunately settle for what we can get because it just easier that way.

We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be your ultimate guy and if we can’t see ourselves in that role – well then of course we’re not against just checking you out from time to time, possibly even get to know you a little better – but never make that next defining move which will in no doubt prove our real intentions.

(You can read my email policies here. No spam ever! Your information is always private. )
About the author: Understanding men does not have to be complicated anymore and I can show yow how… There are only two types of guys and if you don’t know which one he is, you could misinterpret everything he says or does as it relates to you. Your new guy friend, Peter White – Understanding Men Made Simple.
30 comments… add one
  • jen

    Hey Pete,

    I must say really great site. Love the articles and have been trying to use your advice to figure out whether a man at work is interested in me.

    So here it is:
    Every time he sees me, he always gives me a really big smile, this has happened for months now. It stands out to me only because we actually don’t personally know each other, we work in the hospital together, however not even in the same department. Our only meetings are in the carpark or by chance in passing in the corridor. We have spoken twice on a professional basis. That’s it.

    In the last few weeks I feel he has taken more notice of me. Once I passed him in the corridor while he was talking to a colleague and I slightly turned my head as I walked past, to which he responded by looking me straight in the eyes and saying “hello” to me while in mid conversation. The very next day he saw me driving in as he was getting out of his car, he turned and looked right at me and gave me a head nod. On both occasions I smiled back. The following day my Dad had an appointment with his colleague who had to cancel our appoint last minute, he personally came out instead of his colleague or the secretary, he sat down next me, very close and apologised and re-organised the appt for later that day. This is generally the job for a secretary, not the head of the department.

    Just yesterday morning, he completely avoided me in the carpark in the morning, then at lunch time I happened to be going for lunch as he was returning, again he was in a conversation with a colleague and stopped mid conversation to say hello to me, he also looked me straight in the eyes and turned to face me as he did this.

    This morning, we both happened to park opposite each other and when he got out of his car, he looked straight at me, and gave me a smile and nod…which I of course returned. He then completely avoided walking behind me as he normally does, overtook me and walked in front of me and headed into work at a rapid pace.
    As I was leaving work today though, I happened to notice a small teddy bear sitting at the back of his car….. which was never there before…girlfriend??? So now I feel really confused…

    So, I really am unsure of what the deal is, is he interested? At one point I was going to pop a little note on his windshield that said “coffee?” and pop my name and number, which leaves it open for him to choose what to do with it, however since seeing the teddy bear I am not quite sure it’s such a good move. I really do like this man, and would like to get to know him more than the smiling and hello’s. Any advice/insight and would be great!!

    • Peter White

      Could be a girlfriend, could be from a child, perhaps he has a family, maybe he’s divorced, maybe he’s happily married and doesn’t wear his ring to work (although that would be odd)…

      Maybe he refuses to get involved or approach a woman at work to talk discuss non-work related things, or to flirt with, or to open up his information to dating…

      Maybe, just maybe…

      Can you see where I’m going with this? With so many questions all you’re doing is making it tougher on you to DO something.

      I see work places as a little different than the outside world. “Maybe” I’m crazy? 🙂 But I feel the woman MUST let the man know it’s okay to approach or start something different because us guys can get in a lot of trouble where our career and livelihood is put at risk. Something we tend to avoid doing. You can do that by opening up to him casually. Take advantage of the next moment you have with him by NOT thinking about all the “maybes”. You can compliment him. Flirt with him. You can even lead the conversation to where you skillfully find out if he has a girlfriend or wife.

      BUT please do NOT leave your name and number on his car. It sounds romantic but I feel it’s a little too masculine.

      Everyday, use these opportunities to discuss something and leave it open. That way you can pick it up right where you left off the next time. This will show him you remember him. This will show him you’re open to more because you are taking the time to get to know him beyond the workplace. It will also show him you just might be thinking about him.

      Sure it will take some time but it’s worth it and sooner or later, you’ll have all those maybes taken care of one way or another.

      Don’t let these opportunities pass you by. Take advantage of them of change the dynamics of your interactions with him which create fun, chemistry, and a real connection.

      If he’s real, open, single, attracted, most likely he will take it from there.

      Sound like something you can do? Hope so. 🙂

      All the best,

      Pete

      • Jen

        Thanks Pete.

        You are right, assumptions and maybe’s are a sure fire way to kill something before it’s even had the potential to begin. I will find out eventually if he is real, open, single and attracted to me. I do believe he will be worth the wait, so advice taken.
        I’ll keep you posted!

        Cheers!

  • Jessica

    Hi Peter,

    There’s a guy in my class who always turns around to look at me. He usually checks me out when he thinks i’m not seeing and i caught him looking at me but then he quickly looks away. He has been doing that for sooo long but he has never made any move. Maybe he just thinks i’m pretty and just wants to look? The thing is that i’m really shy and i think he’s also shy to approach, so nothing ever happens. Should i say something to him? But that’s another problem because i don’t know what to tell him and it’d get really awkward because we’ve never talked to each other before.
    What should I do?
    I graduate this year and then i won’t see him again 🙁

    Thanks 🙂

  • Sarah

    I have been friends with the guy for about 4 years and over these years he will stare at me quite seriously and when I turn to catch him he nods and looks away. As soon as I look away again he is back to staring at me

  • Leeanne

    Hi Pete,

    I have been in a daze of confusion with one of my best male friends. We used to be in love with each other but a year ago he fell out of love with me, recently I have caught him multiple time staring at me. Occasionally he will look away quite quickly, other times he will hold a serious look with me for a few seconds before turning away. Has he fallen again? Thank you.

  • K-J

    Bro, I think you got it wrong.

    See, I did things like show interest, strike up a conversation etc. and not “follow through” with lots of women when I was single, but it had nothing to do with fear of rejection or messing up.

    It’s just that, if I throw the ball, I expect it to be thrown back in case she’s got an actual interest in me, an active response. You throw one ball, maybe two but if none is thrown back to you and instead there’s just passive acceptance with plausible deniability, forget it.
    Then you move on until you meet a woman who actually provide some push back, who like you feel she can afford the risk of making an ass of herself.

    It’s just not worth it to follow any “steps of seduction”, being the only active party while she’s being cryptic.
    Not to mention, the worst sex you can have is with a passive woman who can’t even verbalise her own desire. THEN you are scared to do something wrong, holy shit.

    I don’t know, maybe that’s a complimentary explanation to you.

    Peace!

    • Allison

      Ok, explain what you did to express your interest. Or as you put it threw a ball or two. Also a good explanation of what sort of situation you are in as well. It kind of helps figuring out what kind of girls you are dealing with here. I’ve had guys that I thought were throwing me a couple of balls but when I turned things back around and put the ball back in their court they walk away. I’ve also had a guy I put the ball in his court and all he did was stand there being passive so I moved on. Then he tries acting as if I’m someone who doesn’t even exist after we had been flirting a few times.

    • Peter White

      Very nice K-J and you made some great points that are definitely right… and is why I tend to use or overuse the term “some” guys in much of my ramblings. You see you’re not scared of moving forward but I’d say lots of other guys are scared for many reasons including the one you’re given – because she’s not offering anything back. Like you mentioned, they are afraid of doing something wrong and other things too.

      I highly agree with you though. Men who are not afraid and DO take the risks must be met with the same or we’re sort of forced to move on.

      Thanks K-J,

      Pete

  • Peter Nord

    Sometimes, married men at the gym stare at ladies. Obviously, since they are in a marriage, they may not ever say hello because of societal conventions.

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