Why Guys Stare, Say Hello, Get Your Number, But Not Make The Next Move

Man Talking Woman Will He Call Make Next Step

The process of going from eye contact (or the stare) to saying "Hello" to a woman and starting a conversation all the way to making a move is certainly tough for a lot of guys.

You're about to find out why guys will go through the first few steps but FAIL to make that move - whatever it may be ranging from not getting your number to not calling you after all the way to not going for the first kiss.

The most obvious reason women might believe is that he's not interested or his interest went down in the first few minutes of contact and I'm here to tell you - that Is RARELY the case.

If a guy goes through all the trouble, faces the risk of approach, and doesn't take the next step it's usually him and not you with a few rare exceptions.

That rare exception will not be covered today and the only thing I will tell you is that IF he's a type one guy - then yes, he probably lost the interest or decided at that quickly that you're not the one for him OR he met someone else soon after meeting you.

On to the more probable...

He's never actually made a move on a woman.

He relies on luck and unless it's never worked out for him at all - the women in his life has always been the one taking that next hard step.

This is actually more common than you might believe. I did it myself for many years and although it didn't work out the way I wanted to or as often - sooner or later I'd meet a woman who would take care of it all for me.

It's a VERY typical type two guy thing to do.

So if a guy you know has gone through all the trouble to talk to you and get your number BUT failed to either call or called you and you went out but made you feel like he wasn't into you because he never went for that first kiss...

There's a very real and high probability he's never done it before and men like that are not always defined by their age group.

Old or young - makes a slight difference but not as much as you might believe.

Next one...

He has a very real fear of success with women.

Men can be quite messed up and the fear of success is all too consistent thing among lots of men.

They feel like once they get there:

  • They won't know what to do or when to d it.
  • They're unsure about how to handle what comes next.
  • They're afraid they'll go to far with someone, lose interest, and then have to figure off how to reject her.
  • They don't know HOW to deal with the consequences of their actions.
  • They're afraid you'll let them kiss you and you won't like it and reject them because of it.

And those a just a few of the fears.

Some men think so far ahead in circumstances like this - when the time comes - they think themselves out of doing anything with you which will make you feel like they're blowing you off or rejecting you but they're actually doing it to themselves - you just happen to be Miss Unlucky number whatever in their constant battles over their fears around women.

Next reason...

He can not live up to the man he made himself out to be to you.

When you met - he was on his game but he went a little too far - he built himself up so much to you, later he realized that's not who he actually is in real life.

I'm not saying he lied to you - some do - but typically it's because he wanted you to like him so much he embellished his life or standard of living or his so-called talent with the ladies and went a little too far.

Once that bar was set - after further consideration - he felt or believed it was ALL going to be a let down for you when it came time to back up all his bullshit or his overly confident routine.

This happens a lot if you've only met online - more than in face to face meeting but either way - it's something to look out for when his next step didn't come and you felt rejected.


He has a crippling fear of FAILURE.

Whereas the fear of success stops a man from moving forward - it becomes quite obvious these fears are also tied to him avoiding yet another failure.

He understands and believes that rejection can come at any time. He might also believe it's going to happen - he's just not sure WHEN.

The choice he makes about when he wants it to come will ultimately determine when you'll last hear from him.

Sometimes it's just before the first phone call or message - other times it could be after the first or second date...

When the fear become too great for him - he becomes crippled to act - doesn't know what to do about it - and instead of letting things take its most natural course, he retreats and rejects himself preemptively to spare the eventual pain and hurt of hearing it from you.

In conclusion...

The meeting process or steps a man takes is not always easy for a guy and a lot of HOW it happens can be quite accidental.

These accidents could come from meeting you at a party or bumping into while out doing things or being introduced to you through a mutual friend.

This is how most type twos meet women and because of that - the reasons listed above can in one way or another determine if he's going to take the next with you or not.

In the rare circumstances he risk the approach and started a conversation with you doesn't always guarantee he knows what comes next or has the confidence and lack of fears to proceed forward and DO something about it.

Sometimes you're not being rejected at all.

They're not losing their interest that quickly.

They're not blowing you off because they "decided" they don't like you.

A guy might...

  • Be waiting for you to take the next step because he's never done it before or doesn't actually know how.
  • He's worried that he will succeed and will let you down by not being competent in that next stage.
  • He felt like he made himself out to be this amazing and great guy but doesn't believe in himself enough to live up to those sometimes unspoken promises.
  • He's determined to reject himself to you at a time he thinks it's easier to handle rather than going to deep and being rejected by you - accepting one pain over another on his terms.

Here's MY story I recently shared in my private newsletter.

What about the women I passed by because to them – they were into me and either I wasn’t interested or attracted to them and I’m positive the signals I gave them were very confusing.

I’m almost certain I drove them CRAZY.

(Probably leading them to the inevitable conclusion that ALL men are… just messed up!)

AND what about the ones I WAS interested in?

Take Christine (last name deleted after further examination) for example. Yes that’s her real name. Oh was she soooo into me. I was the “cool” new kid visiting her town.

I was showing off my skills (please laugh or forever be labeled with no sense of humor) as I was literally carrying around a flattened cardboard box, a what was called a “boombox”, and break-dancing for everyone in the spread out large lower-class (government subsidized) apartment complex.

And sure I was good, but not THAT good.

I was the cousin of her brother’s good friend which made me the outsider and she hooked on to me quickly. Why? Who knows – back then I assumed it wasn’t my looks that’s for sure. It wasn’t my shy personality. Maybe there was something “special” in the water they drank because (since I never equated to showing off my dance skills to attracting women) I certainly was not confident in my woman skills.

Hence making me the type two – a man who doesn’t understand women. You can read all about both types in my book below.

So Christine was into me.

I remember her but the events that transpired are a little fuzzy, not that they matter anyways.

The end result however… I DO remember.


Here’s this cute girl. I was so desperate to find a girlfriend. I was extremely attracted to her. She was everything I ever imagined in a girl AND yet – I still probably broke her heart. (I actually don’t know if it broke her heart but it certainly broke mine.)

Why?   ....Right?

Why does a guy act this way?

What does a young man have anything to do with an older guy?

You know, the kind you’re into and not some young break dancing punk with long hair and a cardboard box to show off to the ladies.

Like most type twos – I was scared, inexperienced, and so deathly afraid of kissing her the WRONG way that I chickened out.

Put my tail between my legs and avoided her at all costs until she “got” the picture and went away all too quietly as I’m now thinking about it.

You’ll find boys like I was (take note how I still remember her specifically among what I can guess is about over a hundred of failures and possibly more) …

Well we grow up into the men YOU have to deal with everyday.

They send you mixed signals.

They act all into you but fail to DO anything.

They pretend to be all cool when inside they're a little boy scared who just doesn’t know WHAT comes next or how it’s supposed to happen…

So they blow you off.

And it has NOTHING to do with you. (Well actually it has everything to do with you but not in the way you might think.)

These are things that guys rarely if ever grow out of UNLESS they figure something out like I did, OR they just get lucky, OR they find a woman who pushes it all, takes on the masculine role despite his inability to lead confidently, and some of them suffer the consequences years later as they’re now stuck with a man-boy who treats his wife like his “mommy”.

Powerful eye-opening stuff, isn’t it?

I’m not saying or advising you to stay away from a type two. In fact you won’t be attracted to many of them anyways.

Just trying to keep it simple for you.

Men who are into you and don’t act like it or DO anything about it are as simple as it gets in understanding men.

They don’t GET YOU!

They don’t know what to do or what comes next.

They’re scared they’re going to screw it all up and from those fears, screw it all up anyways, some before they even open their mouth.

That’s the type two and since they comprise the majority of men out there – they’re the most common type you will come in contact with everyday.

Please - keep this all in mind the next time a guy goes through all the trouble of meeting you BUT fails to act or take the next step because it's not always your fault - you're not always being rejected by these guys - they're not doing it on purpose - they're not out to make you feel awful - they don't intend to confuse you.

Some are just inexperienced, confused themselves, lack the confidence and skills, and let their fears decide for them about what to do

Thank You For Sharing

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This article was posted in Why Do Guys – Understanding Men and The Things They Do To Confuse You, Why Men Disappear, Go Silent or Pull Away In Dating & Relationships

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33 comments… add one
  • Joanna

    Very interesting. Growing up I assumed all guys were type 1 because that’s what I saw on TV and saw around in my family and their friends. Some weren’t but they were teased for not being type 1 and eventually learned how to change or at least act like it.

    For years romantically speaking I only met men via them cold approaching me in public. They were all the type 1 as far as I could tell. I always found it odd that men in my social circle never showed romantic interest in me. All my friends would meet their boyfriends via their social circle but with me cold approaches were my only chance. I even tried cold approaching a few times and I was either ignored or only had conversations. They didn’t ask for my number so I figured they weren’t interested.

    Very rarely did I try showing direct interest in my social circle by giving them my number without asking. The ones that contacted me turned out to have a girlfriend or suddenly started showing romantic interest. The former wanted to be friends but I lost interest. The latter I was iffy about from the start since I couldn’t tell if he was going with the flow or took the green light. I don’t want to deal with a go with the flow type since I hate second guessing their true interest in me.

    When I got older things changed and men in my social circle started showing interest but they still never asked me out early on like a cold approach type would. I had to drop obvious hints that I’d be willing to go on a date.

    I know men in my social circle usually cared more about my feelings than the random men who cold approach. I just couldn’t get why they would act into me then when I reciprocate they completely ignore me. I even asked a few what’s wrong and they all said nothing but then proceeded to send mixed signals. When I ignore them back they act all interested again and ask me why we don’t talk anymore. I thought they lost interest for whatever reason but didn’t have the heart to tell me straight up so I took the hint. OR that they were just using me for an ego boost. I didn’t tell them these conclusions of mine and just proceeded to ignore them to the point of never speaking. I’d been confused, frustrated and hurt so I’d move on to someone else hoping for a new outcome. I try to be okay with nothing more than flirting but I want more. That never happened so I decided to give up on trying to date.

    I was taking it all too personal. I know that I have to work on my communication skills too so I’ll try again and see what happens. Thank you for some clarity. GOD BLESS YOU!

  • Nathalie

    So confusing you Guys!
    Men don’t like women who chase, but don’t make the moves cause they’re “scared”… how do we get into dating then?
    Well with thinking so we all stay single!

    I used persuing Guys, probably out of scarcity and fear of loosing them…
    Not chasing anymore, even if that means I will not date with a guy I like.

    You want me in your life? Show it! Cause I am worth it 😉

    So man up Guys and persue the ladie you like, sure 9 out of 10 you will succeed

    • Thanks for sharing Nathalie.

      Men are no more scared than women when it comes to all this dating and relationship stuff.

      Understand that chasing a guy is not starting a conversation, saying hello, or making it easy and less-fearful for them to open up to you.

      AND unfortunately the attitude of, “You want me in your life? Show it! Cause I am worth it!” only pushes men away. Men see it as arrogance and when you think about it – it’s not a matter of someone wanting to BE in someone else’s life because that life becomes SHARED. So it’s not meant to be bartered as to whose life is more important to BE in.

      All that aside – I hear you – you want to tell guys to man up which is great and all and you want to let it out and scream it at the world BUT this is a site primarily visited by women… So, the only guys who will hear you are either gay OR (based on most of the man comments I get and have to delete) are generally pricks with nothing real to offer but to bad-mouth women. Which is why you never see their comments.

      IF you want to tell guys something that is on your mind AND if you want it to be heard, send them to my man site or the Facebook page I’ve created for them.

      It’s right here: Attraction For Men Who Want To Learn How To Attract Their Ideal Woman… Naturally.

      I appreciate your contribution and thanks again for sharing.

  • Peter Nord

    Sometimes, married men at the gym stare at ladies. Obviously, since they are in a marriage, they may not ever say hello because of societal conventions.

  • K-J

    Bro, I think you got it wrong.

    See, I did things like show interest, strike up a conversation etc. and not “follow through” with lots of women when I was single, but it had nothing to do with fear of rejection or messing up.

    It’s just that, if I throw the ball, I expect it to be thrown back in case she’s got an actual interest in me, an active response. You throw one ball, maybe two but if none is thrown back to you and instead there’s just passive acceptance with plausible deniability, forget it.
    Then you move on until you meet a woman who actually provide some push back, who like you feel she can afford the risk of making an ass of herself.

    It’s just not worth it to follow any “steps of seduction”, being the only active party while she’s being cryptic.
    Not to mention, the worst sex you can have is with a passive woman who can’t even verbalise her own desire. THEN you are scared to do something wrong, holy shit.

    I don’t know, maybe that’s a complimentary explanation to you.


    • Allison

      Ok, explain what you did to express your interest. Or as you put it threw a ball or two. Also a good explanation of what sort of situation you are in as well. It kind of helps figuring out what kind of girls you are dealing with here. I’ve had guys that I thought were throwing me a couple of balls but when I turned things back around and put the ball back in their court they walk away. I’ve also had a guy I put the ball in his court and all he did was stand there being passive so I moved on. Then he tries acting as if I’m someone who doesn’t even exist after we had been flirting a few times.

    • Peter White

      Very nice K-J and you made some great points that are definitely right… and is why I tend to use or overuse the term “some” guys in much of my ramblings. You see you’re not scared of moving forward but I’d say lots of other guys are scared for many reasons including the one you’re given – because she’s not offering anything back. Like you mentioned, they are afraid of doing something wrong and other things too.

      I highly agree with you though. Men who are not afraid and DO take the risks must be met with the same or we’re sort of forced to move on.

      Thanks K-J,


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