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Why Guys Stare, Say Hello, Get Your Number, But Not Make The Next Move

Man Talking Woman Will He Call Make Next Step

The process of going from eye contact (or the stare) to saying "Hello" to a woman and starting a conversation all the way to making a move is certainly tough for a lot of guys.

You're about to find out why guys will go through the first few steps but FAIL to make that move - whatever it may be ranging from not getting your number to not calling you after all the way to not going for the first kiss.

The most obvious reason women might believe is that he's not interested or his interest went down in the first few minutes of contact and I'm here to tell you - that Is RARELY the case.

If a guy goes through all the trouble, faces the risk of approach, and doesn't take the next step it's usually him and not you with a few rare exceptions.

That rare exception will not be covered today and the only thing I will tell you is that IF he's a type one guy - then yes, he probably lost the interest or decided at that quickly that you're not the one for him OR he met someone else soon after meeting you.

On to the more probable...

He's never actually made a move on a woman.

He relies on luck and unless it's never worked out for him at all - the women in his life has always been the one taking that next hard step.

This is actually more common than you might believe. I did it myself for many years and although it didn't work out the way I wanted to or as often - sooner or later I'd meet a woman who would take care of it all for me.

It's a VERY typical type two guy thing to do.

So if a guy you know has gone through all the trouble to talk to you and get your number BUT failed to either call or called you and you went out but made you feel like he wasn't into you because he never went for that first kiss...

There's a very real and high probability he's never done it before and men like that are not always defined by their age group.

Old or young - makes a slight difference but not as much as you might believe.

Next one...

He has a very real fear of success with women.

Men can be quite messed up and the fear of success is all too consistent thing among lots of men.

They feel like once they get there:

  • They won't know what to do or when to d it.
  • They're unsure about how to handle what comes next.
  • They're afraid they'll go to far with someone, lose interest, and then have to figure off how to reject her.
  • They don't know HOW to deal with the consequences of their actions.
  • They're afraid you'll let them kiss you and you won't like it and reject them because of it.

And those a just a few of the fears.

Some men think so far ahead in circumstances like this - when the time comes - they think themselves out of doing anything with you which will make you feel like they're blowing you off or rejecting you but they're actually doing it to themselves - you just happen to be Miss Unlucky number whatever in their constant battles over their fears around women.

Next reason...

He can not live up to the man he made himself out to be to you.

When you met - he was on his game but he went a little too far - he built himself up so much to you, later he realized that's not who he actually is in real life.

I'm not saying he lied to you - some do - but typically it's because he wanted you to like him so much he embellished his life or standard of living or his so-called talent with the ladies and went a little too far.

Once that bar was set - after further consideration - he felt or believed it was ALL going to be a let down for you when it came time to back up all his bullshit or his overly confident routine.

This happens a lot if you've only met online - more than in face to face meeting but either way - it's something to look out for when his next step didn't come and you felt rejected.

Next...

He has a crippling fear of FAILURE.

Whereas the fear of success stops a man from moving forward - it becomes quite obvious these fears are also tied to him avoiding yet another failure.

He understands and believes that rejection can come at any time. He might also believe it's going to happen - he's just not sure WHEN.

The choice he makes about when he wants it to come will ultimately determine when you'll last hear from him.

Sometimes it's just before the first phone call or message - other times it could be after the first or second date...

When the fear become too great for him - he becomes crippled to act - doesn't know what to do about it - and instead of letting things take its most natural course, he retreats and rejects himself preemptively to spare the eventual pain and hurt of hearing it from you.

In conclusion...

The meeting process or steps a man takes is not always easy for a guy and a lot of HOW it happens can be quite accidental.

These accidents could come from meeting you at a party or bumping into while out doing things or being introduced to you through a mutual friend.

This is how most type twos meet women and because of that - the reasons listed above can in one way or another determine if he's going to take the next with you or not.

In the rare circumstances he risk the approach and started a conversation with you doesn't always guarantee he knows what comes next or has the confidence and lack of fears to proceed forward and DO something about it.

Sometimes you're not being rejected at all.

They're not losing their interest that quickly.

They're not blowing you off because they "decided" they don't like you.

A guy might...

  • Be waiting for you to take the next step because he's never done it before or doesn't actually know how.
  • He's worried that he will succeed and will let you down by not being competent in that next stage.
  • He felt like he made himself out to be this amazing and great guy but doesn't believe in himself enough to live up to those sometimes unspoken promises.
  • He's determined to reject himself to you at a time he thinks it's easier to handle rather than going to deep and being rejected by you - accepting one pain over another on his terms.

Here's MY story I recently shared in my private newsletter.

What about the women I passed by because to them – they were into me and either I wasn’t interested or attracted to them and I’m positive the signals I gave them were very confusing.

I’m almost certain I drove them CRAZY.

(Probably leading them to the inevitable conclusion that ALL men are… just messed up!)

AND what about the ones I WAS interested in?

Take Christine (last name deleted after further examination) for example. Yes that’s her real name. Oh was she soooo into me. I was the “cool” new kid visiting her town.

I was showing off my skills (please laugh or forever be labeled with no sense of humor) as I was literally carrying around a flattened cardboard box, a what was called a “boombox”, and break-dancing for everyone in the spread out large lower-class (government subsidized) apartment complex.

And sure I was good, but not THAT good.

I was the cousin of her brother’s good friend which made me the outsider and she hooked on to me quickly. Why? Who knows – back then I assumed it wasn’t my looks that’s for sure. It wasn’t my shy personality. Maybe there was something “special” in the water they drank because (since I never equated to showing off my dance skills to attracting women) I certainly was not confident in my woman skills.

Hence making me the type two – a man who doesn’t understand women. You can read all about both types in my book below.

So Christine was into me.

I remember her but the events that transpired are a little fuzzy, not that they matter anyways.

The end result however… I DO remember.

I BLEW HER OFF ENTIRELY!

Here’s this cute girl. I was so desperate to find a girlfriend. I was extremely attracted to her. She was everything I ever imagined in a girl AND yet – I still probably broke her heart. (I actually don’t know if it broke her heart but it certainly broke mine.)

Why?   ....Right?

Why does a guy act this way?

What does a young man have anything to do with an older guy?

You know, the kind you’re into and not some young break dancing punk with long hair and a cardboard box to show off to the ladies.

Like most type twos – I was scared, inexperienced, and so deathly afraid of kissing her the WRONG way that I chickened out.

Put my tail between my legs and avoided her at all costs until she “got” the picture and went away all too quietly as I’m now thinking about it.

You’ll find boys like I was (take note how I still remember her specifically among what I can guess is about over a hundred of failures and possibly more) …

Well we grow up into the men YOU have to deal with everyday.

They send you mixed signals.

They act all into you but fail to DO anything.

They pretend to be all cool when inside they're a little boy scared who just doesn’t know WHAT comes next or how it’s supposed to happen…

So they blow you off.

And it has NOTHING to do with you. (Well actually it has everything to do with you but not in the way you might think.)

These are things that guys rarely if ever grow out of UNLESS they figure something out like I did, OR they just get lucky, OR they find a woman who pushes it all, takes on the masculine role despite his inability to lead confidently, and some of them suffer the consequences years later as they’re now stuck with a man-boy who treats his wife like his “mommy”.

Powerful eye-opening stuff, isn’t it?

I’m not saying or advising you to stay away from a type two. In fact you won’t be attracted to many of them anyways.

Just trying to keep it simple for you.

Men who are into you and don’t act like it or DO anything about it are as simple as it gets in understanding men.

They don’t GET YOU!

They don’t know what to do or what comes next.

They’re scared they’re going to screw it all up and from those fears, screw it all up anyways, some before they even open their mouth.

That’s the type two and since they comprise the majority of men out there – they’re the most common type you will come in contact with everyday.

Please - keep this all in mind the next time a guy goes through all the trouble of meeting you BUT fails to act or take the next step because it's not always your fault - you're not always being rejected by these guys - they're not doing it on purpose - they're not out to make you feel awful - they don't intend to confuse you.

Some are just inexperienced, confused themselves, lack the confidence and skills, and let their fears decide for them about what to do

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About the author: Understanding men does not have to be complicated anymore and I can show yow how… There are only two types of guys and if you don’t know which one he is, you could misinterpret everything he says or does as it relates to you. Your new guy friend, Peter White – Understanding Men Made Simple.

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This article was posted in Why Do Guys – Understanding Men and The Things They Do To Confuse You, Why Men Disappear, Go Silent or Pull Away In Dating & Relationships

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30 comments… add one
  • jen

    Hey Pete,

    I must say really great site. Love the articles and have been trying to use your advice to figure out whether a man at work is interested in me.

    So here it is:
    Every time he sees me, he always gives me a really big smile, this has happened for months now. It stands out to me only because we actually don’t personally know each other, we work in the hospital together, however not even in the same department. Our only meetings are in the carpark or by chance in passing in the corridor. We have spoken twice on a professional basis. That’s it.

    In the last few weeks I feel he has taken more notice of me. Once I passed him in the corridor while he was talking to a colleague and I slightly turned my head as I walked past, to which he responded by looking me straight in the eyes and saying “hello” to me while in mid conversation. The very next day he saw me driving in as he was getting out of his car, he turned and looked right at me and gave me a head nod. On both occasions I smiled back. The following day my Dad had an appointment with his colleague who had to cancel our appoint last minute, he personally came out instead of his colleague or the secretary, he sat down next me, very close and apologised and re-organised the appt for later that day. This is generally the job for a secretary, not the head of the department.

    Just yesterday morning, he completely avoided me in the carpark in the morning, then at lunch time I happened to be going for lunch as he was returning, again he was in a conversation with a colleague and stopped mid conversation to say hello to me, he also looked me straight in the eyes and turned to face me as he did this.

    This morning, we both happened to park opposite each other and when he got out of his car, he looked straight at me, and gave me a smile and nod…which I of course returned. He then completely avoided walking behind me as he normally does, overtook me and walked in front of me and headed into work at a rapid pace.
    As I was leaving work today though, I happened to notice a small teddy bear sitting at the back of his car….. which was never there before…girlfriend??? So now I feel really confused…

    So, I really am unsure of what the deal is, is he interested? At one point I was going to pop a little note on his windshield that said “coffee?” and pop my name and number, which leaves it open for him to choose what to do with it, however since seeing the teddy bear I am not quite sure it’s such a good move. I really do like this man, and would like to get to know him more than the smiling and hello’s. Any advice/insight and would be great!!

    • Peter White

      Could be a girlfriend, could be from a child, perhaps he has a family, maybe he’s divorced, maybe he’s happily married and doesn’t wear his ring to work (although that would be odd)…

      Maybe he refuses to get involved or approach a woman at work to talk discuss non-work related things, or to flirt with, or to open up his information to dating…

      Maybe, just maybe…

      Can you see where I’m going with this? With so many questions all you’re doing is making it tougher on you to DO something.

      I see work places as a little different than the outside world. “Maybe” I’m crazy? 🙂 But I feel the woman MUST let the man know it’s okay to approach or start something different because us guys can get in a lot of trouble where our career and livelihood is put at risk. Something we tend to avoid doing. You can do that by opening up to him casually. Take advantage of the next moment you have with him by NOT thinking about all the “maybes”. You can compliment him. Flirt with him. You can even lead the conversation to where you skillfully find out if he has a girlfriend or wife.

      BUT please do NOT leave your name and number on his car. It sounds romantic but I feel it’s a little too masculine.

      Everyday, use these opportunities to discuss something and leave it open. That way you can pick it up right where you left off the next time. This will show him you remember him. This will show him you’re open to more because you are taking the time to get to know him beyond the workplace. It will also show him you just might be thinking about him.

      Sure it will take some time but it’s worth it and sooner or later, you’ll have all those maybes taken care of one way or another.

      Don’t let these opportunities pass you by. Take advantage of them of change the dynamics of your interactions with him which create fun, chemistry, and a real connection.

      If he’s real, open, single, attracted, most likely he will take it from there.

      Sound like something you can do? Hope so. 🙂

      All the best,

      Pete

      • Jen

        Thanks Pete.

        You are right, assumptions and maybe’s are a sure fire way to kill something before it’s even had the potential to begin. I will find out eventually if he is real, open, single and attracted to me. I do believe he will be worth the wait, so advice taken.
        I’ll keep you posted!

        Cheers!

  • Jessica

    Hi Peter,

    There’s a guy in my class who always turns around to look at me. He usually checks me out when he thinks i’m not seeing and i caught him looking at me but then he quickly looks away. He has been doing that for sooo long but he has never made any move. Maybe he just thinks i’m pretty and just wants to look? The thing is that i’m really shy and i think he’s also shy to approach, so nothing ever happens. Should i say something to him? But that’s another problem because i don’t know what to tell him and it’d get really awkward because we’ve never talked to each other before.
    What should I do?
    I graduate this year and then i won’t see him again 🙁

    Thanks 🙂

    • Peter White

      Hi Jessica,

      All you really have to do is say “hello”. If he’s that intent on staring at you then it’s his responsibility after that to actually being to have a conversation with you. Don’t dismiss the power of “hello” when it comes to guys. It releases a lot of tension they’re feeling about the approach.

      Granted the conversation might not develop to quickly. He could stumble or even tremble but don’t let that make you believe it’s anything more than nervousness. In other words I’d expect the first talk to be tough for both of you.

      I wrote this and it may help you out a little:

      http://www.whydoguys.com/how-approach-shy-guy-when-talk-to-quiet-men/

      I’m sure there’s more but that should get you started,

      Pete

  • Sarah

    I have been friends with the guy for about 4 years and over these years he will stare at me quite seriously and when I turn to catch him he nods and looks away. As soon as I look away again he is back to staring at me

  • Leeanne

    Hi Pete,

    I have been in a daze of confusion with one of my best male friends. We used to be in love with each other but a year ago he fell out of love with me, recently I have caught him multiple time staring at me. Occasionally he will look away quite quickly, other times he will hold a serious look with me for a few seconds before turning away. Has he fallen again? Thank you.

  • K-J

    Bro, I think you got it wrong.

    See, I did things like show interest, strike up a conversation etc. and not “follow through” with lots of women when I was single, but it had nothing to do with fear of rejection or messing up.

    It’s just that, if I throw the ball, I expect it to be thrown back in case she’s got an actual interest in me, an active response. You throw one ball, maybe two but if none is thrown back to you and instead there’s just passive acceptance with plausible deniability, forget it.
    Then you move on until you meet a woman who actually provide some push back, who like you feel she can afford the risk of making an ass of herself.

    It’s just not worth it to follow any “steps of seduction”, being the only active party while she’s being cryptic.
    Not to mention, the worst sex you can have is with a passive woman who can’t even verbalise her own desire. THEN you are scared to do something wrong, holy shit.

    I don’t know, maybe that’s a complimentary explanation to you.

    Peace!

    • Allison

      Ok, explain what you did to express your interest. Or as you put it threw a ball or two. Also a good explanation of what sort of situation you are in as well. It kind of helps figuring out what kind of girls you are dealing with here. I’ve had guys that I thought were throwing me a couple of balls but when I turned things back around and put the ball back in their court they walk away. I’ve also had a guy I put the ball in his court and all he did was stand there being passive so I moved on. Then he tries acting as if I’m someone who doesn’t even exist after we had been flirting a few times.

    • Peter White

      Very nice K-J and you made some great points that are definitely right… and is why I tend to use or overuse the term “some” guys in much of my ramblings. You see you’re not scared of moving forward but I’d say lots of other guys are scared for many reasons including the one you’re given – because she’s not offering anything back. Like you mentioned, they are afraid of doing something wrong and other things too.

      I highly agree with you though. Men who are not afraid and DO take the risks must be met with the same or we’re sort of forced to move on.

      Thanks K-J,

      Pete

  • Peter Nord

    Sometimes, married men at the gym stare at ladies. Obviously, since they are in a marriage, they may not ever say hello because of societal conventions.

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