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What Does It Mean If He Asks, Do You Love Me?

in Quick Guy Question and Answers, What Does He Mean
Confused Woman Asks Guy Do You Love Me

“What does it mean if he asks, do you love me? For the past two weekends, the guy I’ve been seeing has asked me many times… do you love me? Does that mean he loves me and is seeing where I am? or what??”

Hi Michelle,

If a guy has NOT told you he loves you AND he’s asked you many times if you love HIM, assume he is making sure you’re the one who says it first AND that he may be a little insecure.

I don’t find it strange that a guy would do this but a little puzzling that you didn’t tell me what your answer was to him.

And now I get to sound like him… Do you love him Michelle?

It appears he thinks or believes he did something wrong.

That could be something common like not feeling good enough for you.

It could also mean he’s terrible at reading you. Like he’s analyzing everything you do as it pertains to him.

Men who do this all too often are constantly looking for assurance, validation, and they want to hear the words themselves before they can even begin to believe it’s true.

They are also not very trusting and needy because instead of trusting a woman likes them back, they need to constantly hear it from her mouth to be certain.

Rather than wait for it to happen – they either probe indirectly or directly ask – Do You Love Me?

As in your situation.

Honestly it sounds like a self-esteem and or confidence issue.

I would love to tell you that it definitely means he loves you (assuming he hasn’t even said it yet) BUT in my opinion, or what my gut is telling me, this guy might not know exactly what love is, what it is supposed to feel like, how he’s supposed to express it AND how long it takes to develop with someone.

Something which is all too common for guys.

Ask lots of men what they believe love is and how it feels and you will get lots of different answers based on their personal experiences or transition into maturity.

Based on what you wrote – I would see this as a warning sign especially if you haven’t known each other for that long.

Early on – it should be, “Haha! You love me. :p “ and not “Do you like me?” or “Do you love me?” or anything like that at all.

But you already knew that I bet.

You also guessed that, yes, he’s more than likely just seeing where you’re at with him.

Again mostly because he’s not reading you too well and has a lack of confidence in attracting women or and I think you’ll like this one…

He might actually believe YOU are too good for him.

Take a look at the signals you’ve been sending him or to guys in general and if you notice a pattern of confused guys, then consider changing the little hints you give.

It’s not absolutely recommended – because the better guys to tend get the hint easily or assume it anyways. They’re the ones who tease you early on about how into them YOU are.

You can also look at your attractive edge over other women.

This means extremely beautiful women tend to scare guys into believing you wouldn’t like them, or they wonder why you would be attracted to them, or they do lots of weird things to keep you interested…

They also feel pressured into moving too quickly because of the competition.

If this guy is feeling any pressure like those listed or any pressure at all he could definitely be thinking of moving too quickly.

Us guys fight off a sometimes intense urge to catch the women we feel strong towards as quickly as possible…

Especially when we believe you can have any man you want.

All in all – it doesn’t mean he loves you – the possibility is there but that’s about it.

Men who are definitely in LOVE will let you know one way or another. Their actions will prove it although their words will not always come out that way.

He could definitely be looking to see where you’re at and how you feel about him first.

Looking for some kind of reassurance is something lots of men do especially because words are not enough to believe it.

Meaning – he might feel like you’re not showing it enough which is causing him to ask hoping you’ll get the hint.

Chances are – he’s insecure. He doesn’t understand or get what’s going on.

He just doesn’t FEEL like you’re making it abundantly clear to him.

Now… a word of warning….

Guys who continually ask this question should give you lots of cause to be suspicious – not in the he’s a player or a bad guy – just that his self-esteem or confidence seems to NEED to be told – rather than just accept that a woman CAN love him.

Questions like this from any guy is NOT normally a good sign of great things to come.

Thanks for your question and I do hope you (and any woman who came here searching for an answer) have found what you were looking for to help you figure out why a guy would ask something like over and over again.

Please sign in below to the why do guys newsletter.

It will help you understand lots of things that men do. It’s quick, simple, and easy. Unlike some of the men in your past, present, or future… right?

Lastly – a friend (well okay affiliate of mine) put this up…

(Make sure you read my privacy page below to learn about the links below.)

It’s a relatively short free “video presentation”.

7 Simple Questions that Prove How He Really Feels About You… Does He LOVE You?

You’ll figure out quickly if he’s wasting your time or worth putting more effort into dating him AND if by him asking you if you love him actually means he loves you.

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About the author: Honest & upfront but that’s for you to decide. My goal is to un-complicate men and steer you away from the guys who will only hurt you. My hope is that you learn something, anything, about men and it’s easy to understand. Thank you, Peter White

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13 comments… add one
  • Renee

    Want information to help understand a mans thinking

    • Peter White

      Please join the newsletter Renee. It’s the main topic of every discussion. Join the facebook group too. The link is above. Other than that – if you have a specific question – keep it short with relevant details and I’ll try to help you out.

  • Sarah

    This happened to me too… my first boyfriend asked me if I loved him literally the day he asked me out and I had no idea what I was supposed to say. My initial reaction was almost to laugh and tell him “We just started dating, obviously I don’t love you yet!”, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings or come off condescending because he was a year younger than me and I knew he was more insecure than he let on. In the end I smiled a bit awkwardly and said something along the lines of “Uh, I think it’s a bit early to know…” and changed the subject. ^^ Most uncomfortable moment of my life.

    • Peter White

      Sounds very uncomfortable Sarah. Hahaha!!!

  • SHY

    Me and my guy friend have not yet established a title but I have told him that I love him and yesterday he asked me why do I have those feelings for him. I can tell he care but it is as if he is scared of a relatinship. He exhibits confusiongg when I ask him what are we and he asked me what did I want him to say. I have commited myslef to him and refuse to speak with other guys am I making a mistake or should I give him time

  • Dayna

    Someone I have been seeing asked me the same thing do I love him in a similar way I’m confused by that comment as well. He said he doesn’t want any commitments so I’m confused why he would ask me this I said no that I needed more time to build those feelings since we only met little over a month ago. I haven’t seen him the last two weeks sound so similar to Michelle’s storey.

    • Peter White

      This unfortunately could be his little way of relieving him from any responsibility to you. A guy will ask you this, then tell you he’s not looking for anything serious. This will either help him to know how far to go with you, so you don’t get too attached OR in the worse case scenario – be his way of getting you to sleep with him earlier.

      Strange as it sounds – a guy is more likely to sleep with a woman who is not in love with him because he feels they’ll be less drama and it frees him up to do whatever he wants after.

  • Patricia

    Gud morning Peter, l have be talking with a guy on phone like two months we have not see each other and him like everything about me we exchange picture and the family have see me and say ok but my fear is l haven’t see him and he ask me do l love him but l told he that we need to see face to face before l will answer his quetions peter what l did is right

    • Peter White

      You’re exactly right Patricia. Plan a meet up as quickly (and safely) as possible and don’t waste anymore time “waiting” for him.

  • Jessica

    I ran into my first love about a year ago(it had been 16 years). We had many conversations at first about how we both always had a special place for the other but we were both married so we have tried to keep it on the up and up and have a polite friendship. Despite that effort, we slipped up a couple of times(I know it was wrong). Since then I got a divorce for unrelated issues. About 2 weeks after my divorce he called me and we spent most of a night talking on the phone. He asked me to come see him and I refused because he is married and plans to stay that way as far I know. But the weirdest thing happened. At one point he said “well it is getting late. Tell me you love me and I’ll get off of here.” I told him “no! I am not saying that.” (He has never told me that he loves me directly and he is still married). He responded with “good!” And changed the subject and continued to talk for several hours. Please also know he had been drinking. The think that I can’t figure out is if he loves me and can’t say so or is he just trying to get some? I have cut off contact since and will not ack on the situation either way but I hate it when I can’t figure things out.

    • Peter White

      Good for you on cutting of the contact. What he is doing with you IS actually cheating. Whether he loves you or not is not important as you’ve probably already figured out.

      AND… it leaves a bigger question… can a guy “love” two women and actually know what love is?

      Highly doubt it.

      He was looking for some from you and was hoping you’d relieve him of his guilt.

  • Coltz

    I’ve been seeing a guy for about 2 months, he decided to stop dating and then we start dating again but he’s always been hot and cold and based on that I don’t really think he takes the relationship so seriously (he respects me and everything but I mean I don’t think he is really involved or loves me back) or think that it can be long term so it confuses me that he asks these questions if I’m in love with him or If I love him and he often asks me this and act serious, I actually think I do (the only thing that makes me think otherwise is the time we’ve been dating but I feel really attached to him), but I don’t know if he wants a real answer or he’s just joking

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