"Do guys ever want to just be friends? What are some signs that they don’t?"
Hahaha! I've never met a Hannah that likes to ask me the easy questions. :p
It's a tough question to answer because signs can be misleading AND we have to know what kind or type of man we're dealing with to see the truth.
Yes. Some guys will forever only want to be "just friends" with a woman based on who he is, the circumstance, his maturity, and definitely on how the woman interacts with him.
If you go down the road of looking for them you're going to find a very long winding one where on certain days it feels one way, the next day or even minute it feels like something else. You'll find it exhausting and it never really comes to a hard conclusion.
You rarely ever get closure when you start looking for signals of any kind when it comes to the interactions of people.
"You’re better off NOT looking for hints or clues. Women are extremely good at sensing what is going on with men..." - A Few Clues That Your Guy Friend Wants To Be More Than Friends
The real problem is (aside from a man's ability to actually decide his love life) that no matter how a man is feeling about you, it makes no difference on whether he will act or not act towards something more. THAT part is primarily about the man and there's nothing you can do about it.
Some men will absolutely refuse to be "just friends" with women. You might not be able to see that because they keep the women in their lives (aside from family or friends of friends) who they want to sleep with just in case.
Their signals are easy because with them, it's always sexual. They tend to move in that direction no matter what is going on.
Some men have no problem having women as friends even if there's sexual tension because they tend to get women more than other guys AND they have an abundance of other women that they're either dating casually.
Their signals are tough to read because you're not a sexual priority to them.
Some guys hold a secret or not secret crush on one of their friends and will keep them close "just in case". They will often be nice guys who are always there for her. They don't normally have other women to choose from or are not happy with the women in their life.
This guy's signals will confuse you because they do anything and everything to hide their attraction for you.
Can you see how confusing it can be and how it's based on who the guy is and how he relates to women and not always on the signals he's give you?
My advice to you is to STOP looking for signs.
Your focus should be elsewhere.
Your best bet with ALL men is to focus on what attracts them to you and the right guy at the right time (who is capable and aware enough of himself) WILL move forward with you. Which yes, CAN include this guy.
"The biggest reason I do or have done it, is because I felt absolutely no physical attraction from the moment I met her." - Why Guys Put Women In The Friends Zone
The secret of the friends zone (avoiding it, staying out of it, or not allowing it to confuse you and delay your quest in life) is to take that person out of the picture.
Trust me, I was a friends zone junkie and have tons of pages and many broken hearts along the way to prove it.
When I learned to focus on myself and attraction and communicating in a special way with the women I wanted more with, EVERYTHING changed and the friends zone became a distant past.
Remember, just because someone is attracted to you or wants more does not ever guarantee that person will act accordingly. Again it depends on who he is, the circumstance and situation, his maturity, where he is in his life, and how the woman interacts with him.
BUT... I hear you Hannah. You WANT signs, don't you?
Fine. If you insist.
Wanting to talk to you is one thing. Wanting to hang around with you like he does with a good friend is another thing.
However, I’ve found almost every man who has wanted someone as more than a friend made her a big deal in his life and made a real effort in one way or another.
When a man does something with you he normally doesn’t do, you can consider that a REAL effort.
Here are some clear examples of a man showing REAL EFFORT:
- He wants to go with you to a concert featuring country music but it’s not what he normally listens to or even likes.
- He is willing to change his schedule around your life. He's putting the importance of your life either equal or above his own life.
- He tries new and exciting foods (or anything) when he is with you. You make him courageous in a way but in another way, he's always trying to show off in front of you. Men (people) do generally like to show off in front of their friends but if a woman is involved there's something more to it.
- He calls and tells you he just wanted to hear your voice. Male friends don't normally do that with their male friends... EVER! Well unless they're gay an are in love with their friend.
JEALOUSY and ANGER.
If you never hear the words, “Where have you been?” or something like it in a slightly angry tone mixed with jealousy then he only sees you as a friend. He talks to you as if you’re a child being patronized, “Awwwwwhere have you been?” which is more of a friendly gesture.
He'll avoid talking to you about other men in your life or will get sightly angry when you bring up men who might be courting you.
He may be okay with it making it seem like he's not jealous but that is usually the overly nice guy type.
Men just don't like "other" men messing around with women they're attracted to and based on the guy - will act accordingly.
Remember - people who get overly angry about what someone else is doing (or not doing means) they have feelings for them which typically extends beyond just being friendly.
Sex is a major topic between men and women. When I was secretly in love with certain women, sex was always off the table for discussion.
If he can talk openly about sex with you, you might think that's a clear signal he doesn't want you but that's not the truth.
Again, depending on the guy, if he's getting it or not concerned with it, he'll talk openly. If he's not getting it, needs it, wants it, specifically from you, he's less likely to bring it up or to talk openly about it with you.
If he's only interested ( at that time) in having it with you - then he'll happily listen to you talk about screwing or wanting other guys.
If he sees you or wants you as more than a friend - but is not clearly showing it - SEX will not normally come up in any discussion at any time. Especially if he believes you find the subject taboo.
If he's always bringing it up with you - maybe prodding for your secret life with the guys - well then you wouldn't be wondering if he's in to you or not, would you?
The secret to great sex starts in our imagination. 😉
Ooops - I mean the secret to sex and this whole "friends zone sign"s thing is:
Whether it's happening in our lives or not - No matter what we choose to do with regards to it - No matter how much we might distance ourselves from it - it's ALWAYS a part of us and what we desire as humans to feel happy, healthy, and balanced.
It's safe to assume that IF and WHEN a guy wants you as more than just a friend, sex, or what we do together which is sexually based, tends to be a signal most men will give away at some point or another.
All you have to do is bring it up and pay close attention.
Sometimes you might have to get real close to him and see how he reacts.
- Does he make a REAL EFFORT is his life to be with you, do things with you, talk to you above and beyond what a guy will do with "other" guys?
- How much REAL attention does he pay to you and your life outside of him?
- Does he show signs of jealousy, anger, or complete avoidance when either one of you are talking about other potential dates or lovers in your life?
- How often is the topic of sex brought up and how deep is the conversations about it? Is it open for discussion, taboo, or avoided entirely based on lifestyle yet you get a feeling of sexual tension when you are close to each other?
- What type of guy is he? Good with women? Experienced? Overly nice guy? Not good with women generally?
- Where is he is in life? Ready for a commitment? Starting a new life? Anxious to explore his options? Just become sexually aware?
- How mature is he? Friends who want more from each other often leads straight to a relationship and maturity will play a role in his decision.
- How do YOU interact with him? Are you giving out signals yourself? Do you make it too obvious? Do YOU give the signs already listed above?
Thanks for your wonderful question Hannah.
As you can see, I'm no "hero". 🙂
Just a guy who thinks way too much and is determined to confuse women. Hahahaha!!!