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A Man’s Needs Are Built Differently – Why Men Hold Back Their Love or Appear Silent

in Meeting His Needs, What Guys Want
Man Holding Back Love Going Silent Back Turned

It’s a shame to think a man might barter or hold back his affection for someone until such time they give him what he wants.

It’s extortion, isn’t it? Well maybe it isn’t really that by the truest definition of the word, but perhaps there’s more to this story.

He might exclaim,

“I want this from you and if you can not give back the same or more – I’m going to hold back my true emotions.”

There are several ways to consider this problem.

Stay with me all the way to the end as I do my best to explain it all from a guys point of view and then give you a little hint on how to use all this knowledge to better understand guys, and what it takes to gain his complete devotion.

It can be a fear issue.

Men have five main fears in dating and relationships. All of them are listed in my newsletter archive: How Knowing His Fears Helps You Connect With Him.

Some guys don’t want to get hurt again.

They close themselves off to certain experiences which may leave them desperately open to rejection or non-physical harm.

Such as being cheated on or left because he might have “accidentally” shared too much with you.

In a very child-like manner they may even pout or exert rage in an attempt to get their fair share.

Truthfully, this hold-back in most cases is mainly passive.

Most men are non-confrontational with women and will subsequently choose the passive-aggressive stance.

Men go silent for more reasons than having nothing to say.

They also do it to avoid making a situation worse.

It’s a helpless stage.

Like how if he believes everything he does is wrong, why bother doing anything at all.

We’ve been taught relationships are give and take. How you have to compromise the smaller things to look for those big ticket items.

Something this little known relationship girl Rori Raye (her newsletter sign up page) has so eloquently spoken about; you’ll find the link below to her eye-opening article below.

What happens when his larger items or needs are left unmet?

Yet what happens when the little things pile up and appear to match in strength the bigger ones?

How many smaller items actually make up one huge thing?

You know the one(s) which you or him might refuse to compromise over.


He texts back quicker. She likes that. He sacrifices a meal or two. He cuts his showers short. He keeps the seat down. He helps with the dishes…

Don’t all those things makes him feel he should at least get something bigger like more time with his loved one or sexual fun or an involvement which makes a difference in both of their lives.

Commitment requires time to be set aside.

When the time is not fought for, it makes guys feel like we’re not worth fighting for. They can take it personal.

(As I’m sure you would or do too.)

Consider when a man gives you the smaller things, he’s looking to gain something bigger.

Not because he’s an ass or he’s extorting your love, but because of his refusal to sacrifice being loved and adored happen to be a big part of who he is.

He’s giving you something small because he just might believe that’s what you really want – in order for you to return some love and affection.

But it rarely works, does it?

If you’re WITH him you shouldn’t have to beg or ask for anything.

He SHOULD just know or do it because he loves you.

If you’re NOT with him it’s almost as if he’s trying to buy you with favors, little trinkets, or bartering, hoping you’ll feel something for him.

How about when a guy won’t give you the smaller stuff and all he cares about is getting something bigger.

Perhaps he’s a pain in the ass because he forgets sometimes.

Maybe he doesn’t call as often as you’d like.

Maybe his texts take forever to reach you.

Maybe he doesn’t help around the house like you wished he would.

If you feel your man, or just some guy you know is “holding back” and it feels like no matter how many little things you give or get, it seems like you’re just beating down a door to an empty room, I’m wiling to bet he’s holding out on those larger ones for one seemingly odd hidden reason…

Whereas (cool word huh?) love, affection, and all those bigger ones are kind of clear to us, the little ones vary from man to woman.

From man to man. From woman to woman. Fish to fish. Dog to Dog. You’re getting the picture.

Those differences may seem trivial but in comparison and adding it all up – actually contain important building blocks.

They form the foundation of relations and connections and they determine whether or not a guy will hold back from giving, or beg more for taking, or develop secrets in his mind, or is willing to share his heart…

It’s not easy to communicate unwavering love or devotion when he feels one way or another he’s not getting his very personally specific needs met.

And within each he believes his items are different than some other guys.

He must feel especially different in your eyes and no matter how common those smaller things are, you MUST notice them.

Sometimes acknowledge them.

Appeal to the clever way he looks you right in the eyes and smiles.

Why does it feel some guys hold back – refuse to budge – are hard to open up – seemingly extort for your love – or are never willing to go that extra mile for that special girl?

Simply put, as if I could actually write something just… simply. 😉

Those smaller things YOU feel are being met are not actually the ones HE wants you to embrace.

Now I understand that sounds awful. How I might be saying you’re only seeing what you think he really needs.

But that’s just not true.

Here are those big ticket items from the article mentioned above:

  • Affection.
  • Great sex.
  • Harmony.
  • Being able to negotiate.
  • Fun.
  • Peace.
  • Trust.
  • Emotional safety.

Stop Overfunctioning and Get The Love and Relationship You Do Deserve

And yes.

I agree with her.

Probably not entirely but she does have more than a point.

She IS the real deal.

However, from a male’s point of view, the little items which make up each one of those are a little different.

Taking a step back and looking at the big picture, you may not describe “affection” the same way a guy does.

Being able to negotiate to you may be as simple and profound as being heard or listened to more often.

Which is a good thing.

But to him, it could be being able to make a decision without regret or criticism.

Not because a blame of badgering but because it makes him feel more free to make a good or bad choice on his own.

It’s my thought today – to truly understand men, and then perhaps have his complete and utter devotion, first of course is to understand those big ticket items but you must also consider how you came to understand your own needs is inherently different than how he comes to his own.

I’m just saying.

If you do “that” better than his 1,2,4,8,16 past experiences you’ll understand guys like unfortunately not many women have.

And I do suggest you use that bit of REAL ADVICE to YOUR advantage as often as you can. 😉

Understand his needs – HIS big ticket items AND understand how he sees them differently than you – how you comes to understand what those are to him and what they mean…

AND you’ll understand MEN and be that much closer to truly connecting with him.

In conclusion… just maybe we can make sense of all this holding back stuff…

Men go silent or hold back their love for many reasons:

A fear of being hurt.

A fear of being cheated on.

They generally have five main fears which are listed here: How Knowing His Fears Helps You Connect With Him.

To  avoid making the problem worse.

Sometimes it comes from a feeling of being helpless.

He might not feel they know how to meet your needs.

Thinking everything he does is wrong – so why bother doing anything at all.

He could appear to go silent as he’s “exchanging” the small things for the bigger ones…. OR

Holding back the smaller items because he’s more concerned with the bigger stuff.

He’s either doing or one thing or the other – holding off or appearing silent (or unresponsive) to the smaller stuff and purely focused on giving the bigger stuff.

Maybe he feels HIS specific needs are not being met.

Those smaller things YOU feel are being met for him are not actually the ones HE wants you to embrace.

How you describe your needs might be different than how he sees it.

How you come to understand your needs are different than how comes to see it.

Sure – you might ask WHY doesn’t he just tell you what he needs but unfortunately – since men and women communicate differently – he might feel he shouldn’t have to tell you or any woman who is looking to date or open him up.

(And that’s an entirely different discussion.)

Today’s article may open up more questions than you were prepared. It’s okay if you it enlightened you a little or got you thinking about some things which may have never crossed your mind when it comes to understanding men.

The whole truth about his silence and ALL the reasons why it happens is listed in my free online book you can read whenever you like.

It starts here: Silent Guys – Why Men Go Quiet, Won’t Share Feelings, or Ignore Women

For a truly deep INSIDE look at men – start watching this today: Inside The Mind Of A Man and learn what a man needs to feel desperately in love and convinced that you’re the only woman for him.

That’s one of my top suggestions for getting inside the mind of a guy and it is an affiliated link so read my privacy page to know what that means.

Thanks for stopping by today and I do hope you found what you were searching for and that you now have a better understanding of why men can “appear” silent and the beginning of all the reasons why they will withhold their love AND how a man’s needs are built differently than yours.

Make sure you do sign up to the why do guys newsletter below for more insights into men. You’ll get lots of secrets about men you’ve never heard before and how it CAN help you connect with any man.

About the author: Peter White… Showing men and women ways to attract each other naturally by helping you to understand each other. Over ten years experience which has shown me how to see things clearly and get to the root cause of most dating and relationships problems. Hope you learn and enjoy your why do guys experience.

Sign up for your free copy of my 80 page book.

“The Silent Man – Why men go silent, ignore you, or fail to share their feelings.”

  • The 6 main reasons men will go silent and ignore you. Once you know these you’ll never have to ask why is he not talking to you ever again.
  • 49 personal situations that reveal a guy’s point of view about why he has stopped contacting you.
  • You’ll found out if it’s HIM or YOU so you’ll know exactly what to do next to open him up.
  • Change how you see men, how they see you, & how your communication differences might be stopping you from connecting to men.

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21 comments… add one
  • Lopamudra Mukherjee

    He is giving me a silent treatment after a tiff.Its been nearly 2 months.In our 5 yrs affair this is 3rd time he is doing this…giving silent treatment more than a month.He is 45 & I am 39.He is a very busy man & highly successful too.He is a man who never shows emotions but I know he has a special soft corner for me.Thats why inspite of all odds ,differences & fights we resolve it.He also makes amends when I am pissed but never says sorry.But when he gets extremely annoyed with something silly or irritating I do,he shuts me off from every angle.He has blocked me in all social networking site & so did I in return.But now its been 2 months…Kindly tell me how to go about it further.

    • cmor

      Move on. Too much game playing at your ages! Geez, sounds like high school.

  • Penny

    We are 10 months in and when he’s giving me the silent treatment, its because he’s upset about something and it doesn’t last long. He is a straight shooter, so he won’t respond and I know he’s upset. Its usually because of work situations, stress, or rarely myself. He’ll update me later, so I wait.
    He tells me why he didn’t respond or call and I let him be. I won’t call him and I let him cool off. He always comes back to me and there are no criticisms. Why criticize or argue? I know well ahead of time if I’m wrong and if its work related, well everyone needs time to cool off.
    I absolutely let him be the man, express himself in his manly ways (with respect towards me) and I’m the oh so charming woman that doesn’t challenge him. You see ladies, you can be ahead of the game all the time. Our femininity can rule the rooster and you can set the bar from the get go.
    As for the previous comments on Mr. Successful, he can be successful on his own and by himself. He doesn’t qualify for your company because of that prolonged silent treatment. He’s got you on a string and he pulls it and you come along. tsk tsk…You need to set that standard of respect (if you in fact want respect)and boundaries of how you will be treated. Believe me, it took me a lot of weeding to find my guy. He’s absolutely the dominant man, but I am a dominant woman in my “round about” ways. I love his manliness and he treats me like a (well respected) woman. I rejected so many and I continue to uphold my reasonable standards. Its not that hard, find one that qualifies on how he treats you and build a foundation from there.

    • Well put Penny, thanks for sharing,


    • Sam

      How much respect do you really have for him if you have to manipulate him do much?

  • Shasta

    OK, I have a question, I’ve run into this a number of times. One very recently so I’ll use him as my example. I met a great guy, we get along well, tons in common, conversation is amazing, we seem to think alike on a lot of things. He was inviting me to spend time with him…..we would listen to music or just talk, enjoying each other’s company. I had him over two weeks ago, same thing but add some snuggling and just a wonderful evening. No disagreements, no conflicting opinions on anything, very relaxed, everything was positive, relaxing, fun. And not a peep from him since. Nothing. If I didn’t know any better I’d say his phone vanished or he died. Why do men do this when, for all intents and purposes, everything is going well, you’re getting to know each other, and he is the one suggesting future dates and saying that he’s looking forward to next time soon? I know that only he can answer that but if anyone has any ideas or speculations on the matter, please enlighten me because I’m seriously stumped. I’ve had this happen in the past, and other friends have too. Meet a guy, they seem into you, the friendship really “clicks”, he’s expressing enthusiasm for future dates, you’re agreeing and equally as interested and then he’s gone. And I want to state that these men are single, I have no reason to believe they’re players or have other relationships they are currently involved in. My guess is emotional fear. Or maybe they are all getting hit by lightning or a speeding bus? **sigh**

    • Peter White

      Hello Shasta,

      Since lightning is very rare, I’d say it WAS the speeding bus theory OR since it’s now been proven that more people die from Selfie accidents than shark attacks, maybe he was taking a selfie for you and oops… the bus smacked him out cold and is in a coma. Sad story but maybe someday he’ll wake up and remember to let you in on his strange disappearance.

      Okay, seriously… I doubt it’s emotional fear because that usually comes later.

      Chances are a few things happened. He met someone else who does it more for him or, you said, “No disagreements, no conflicting opinions on anything, very relaxed, everything was positive, relaxing, fun.” Which seems great on the surface but with no tension or real challenge, some guys just lose interest or put their efforts into someone who makes them work harder for all that stuff.

      It’s been made clear to me that having tons in common, even great conversations and thinking alike are just not enough to engage a gut-level attraction. There needs to be friction. No necessarily bad friction, just something which changes the dynamics from friendship to romance and sexual chemistry.

      Some have even suggested that men NEED drama to be pushed into actually following through with their words. Rather than sell you on that idea even though it actually makes sense, you can watch their video here The Drama Method and/or I posted two of their articles at The Approach you can read: The Most Twisted Secret About The Male Reptilian Brain AND… Men Agree – This Technique Makes Them Fall In Love Hard & Fast

      I will warn you though, the drama method is mainly about words and saying and hypnotic affects and I have not seriously considered or researched the “technique” myself. Use at your own discretion please.


      He probably found you were more of a friend than a sexual partner. That’s my guess especially if it happens a lot.

      Another thing to note is “enthusiasm” is not enough. For a man to act he needs more than just telling you he’s excited. He needs a real reason to court, woo, or even chase you.

      Men often find themselves chasing their greatest challenge for many reasons and just connecting is normally not enough. Think alike is not enough either.

      Again, without a real challenge, a little friction or even a difference of opinion on certain things, some guy just don’t find the energy or need to chase.

      Don’t get me wrong. There ARE lots of guys who look for exactly what you’re describing and if you feel you’re doing enough, then keep going until you meet that type of guy. I doubt he will disappear but you might not be all that interested in him. Attraction is a very strange “game” sometimes. 🙂

      Thanks for writing. I enjoyed answering your question and I do hope I’ve cleared it up for you at least a little,


      p.s. Be wary of guys who take too many selfies. It’s a dangerous thing these days.

      • Shasta Michaels

        Yeah, I can see what you mean about the friction with some men, and I totally agree, some people just need that little bit of “drama” for lack of better term. But since he’s such a mellow peace lover and hates drama, I dunno. Nothing makes sense with this. The only thing I can figure out is that he started feeling emotions, got scared, and ran, I have had that happen in the past. Guess only he can really answer the reason for his silence, which either will happen or it won’t. All I know is that this has saddened me beyond words.

        And I do agree with the type who take too may selfies…..I steer clear of those guys.

        • Shasta Michaels

          Hi Again,
          I just wanted to leave a follow up comment on this question. I heard from Mr.Man after three weeks of silence. He’s the type to go off the radar if he has some overwhelming problems. He and I are totally cool, he’s into me. But since we aren’t in a relationship and this is all still kind of new, he just doesn’t want me (or anyone) to see him at a low point. He did this one other time very early on in the friendship and I have no reason to believe he’s lying. His face tells everything, he’s quite transparent that way, and it’s one of the things I love most about him. He’s an honest man. We talked quite a bit, he really opened up, and then spent some time together just watching really dumb stuff on YouTube and laughing until our sides hurt! Anyway, I understand how his head works a bit better and he said that next time he knows he’s going to shut down, he will communicate that to me so I won’t worry, he’s not used to having friends worry about him! So sometimes typical behaviors/reasons don’t apply. Anyway, thanks for the input on the question!

  • Dani

    Hi Pete:

    Here are the facts… and please I apologize in advance for my future grammar errors… I am not an English native speaker.

    1) We met thanks to Tinder (the second time I have done this)
    2) He first started the conversation and I followed him back the next days. The second day he texted me on wassap very early in the morning, before going to work… I was sleeping, bit late to work and then luckily I got day off and he was very happy about it… He told me he was at work so I told him he can do his business (in a very nice way)… he asked me tot to do it, saying he was his own boss so he could be with me all day chatting…. we chatted a lot and I loved it. Every thing of me he seemed to like it, Same from my side. Even I deleted my Tinder account and stop texting back other guys, I told him and he was very happy about it. He told me he was in the same situation.
    3) sometimes he didn’t reply in the whole day, I know he is a busy guy, but I also saw him playing online on facebook, or online on wasap…. so I got pissed…. next morning didn’t talk to him, didn’t reply… just applying the same treatment…. And he started to text that he sorry, he was worried, please don’t leave me because I haven’t been available… etc. One day we agreed to meet (even when I gave him the idea) but he didn’t show up, didn’t text to say he was not going to…. but again he was there online on wasap not replying to me…. but reading….. next day I texted him that At least a bit of respect was needed, that he didn’t even care about… a nd that was it. He apologized and said his problem it was he was very afraid of rejection, that he was been hurt before and he knew he screwed up with me…. but he was very sorry. He confessed me he has a small penis…. we talked about it during the day, What ever I said, it seemed that made him feel better…. we agreed to meet again, this time I said I am going to you…. and I did…. we met, we talked for hours, we laughed…. we cuddled…. he drove me home…. next day he was a sweet boy again. So do I.
    4) One day at my place we tried to have sex, everything was going well, but then when the condom was on, his friend didn’t want to cooperate, and Understood, I knew it might happen (is not that small, is just about he perceive himself)… so we did other sexual stuffs…. next day he said he felt very embarrassed, but that I actually helped him a lot. all we needed -he said- it was feeling more comfortable.
    5) we kept texting, talking about future…. after my trip for holidays which was already booked….. we kept talking about next time we’ll see, how much he missed me, how much he liked me…. me too….. but he was every day more and more busy to me…. but was always a very cheese texting relationship…. a lot of beautiful words, nice promises, kisses, misses and everything a girl want to hear or read. One night we played a lot on bed…. but I didn’t want to press him… it was a very good night, he dropped me at the station next morning and kept texting cheesy messages each other, sending selfies, hearts and kisses.
    6) I told him next week was going to be my bday and even when I was going to work all day till night I was hoping he could make some time for me next day of my bday… he said “I will try my sweetie”
    then I sent him a picture of a little white board I bought where I wrote the day we met with a heart…. after that text… he didnt reply again….. of course I didn’t even receive a Happy birthday…..

    7) before this happened… I asked him if I was doing something wrong, and what i was doing well…. I wanted to know maybe I am going too fast, maybe I am going too slow…. we seemed to be going at the same speed. But his behavior of been more busy didn’t tell me the same.

    after 4 days of silence i saw my self walking to his place (we live very close) and waited for him before leaving to work… when he saw me, he seemed upset but he was very gentle, he offered to drive me home (his father was with us on the car), he left me on my door. he said he will text me soon and that he will go to see me within the next 2 days… … he said he will explain to me why he was been so quiet…. but it was not a Girlfriend or anything I was thinking….. after that car-conversation… he never came, he never text…..

    From all the things he told me during a month of pseudo-relationship…. he said he wanted a relationship, he was not playing with me, he was not going to hurt me, he missed me everyday, he wanted to text me every minute but was busy, he was happy he met me…. that after our first night together it was more easy to him to be with me…. he also said he still embarrassed for some facts and it was difficult to him to look at my eyes. he said I was too cute, too good to him, he said many things… so I don’t understand what ever happened. why put me on hold if he told me I was doing anything wrong.


    • Sarah Lund

      Some man who is just a friend, treat me exactly the same. I’m not so sure we need friends like that. What sort of person treats ANY friend like this? I think he must have thought that just because I’m younger than him, he could get away with it. I don’t think he wants me in his life for the rest of his life, because of things he’s said to me, and the way he’s treat me. Sometimes he was nice to me, but not always. That has really given me food for thought. I keep trying to understand why he would say such intimate things and sentimental things to me. The kind of things any man would say to a woman when left alone in a room together. I can’t help but feel robbed of hope by his empty promises. Mind you, as precaution, there are slightly mirroring actions of the beginning of emotional abuse. If you’ve been through that sort of abuse once, then you can easily spot it, if another man does it to you. Sad to say. I shouldn’t have to pick up the pieces of how his ex wife treat him. That was HER doing. And quite frankly, I’m actually sick of hearing about her. Lol.

  • Nadine

    How refreshing! I was seeing a guy regularly. Admittedly it was a bit physical based. But I had some deep messages such as: I will try my best to make you happy. Then I got a bit scared as I started having feelings and called it off a few drunken times! I think deep down I was testing as I am separated but living with an ex. Not a great start! However he went quiet initially when he found out I had children. Then he text but now he’s not texting at all. I just think it’s rude and its a bit mind bending to be left wondering. So today I text to conclude, saying I wasn’t good with open endings as he had decided not to talk to me anymore. I said I had enjoyed our time together.
    I guess I took the drama/friction thing too far. Guys please just say you’re not interested as it puts us on hold and racks our minds! Any advice would be appreciated.

  • Sarah Lund

    I’d rather a man told me that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore, than give me silent treatment. I actually find silent treatment very rude and off-putting. Don’t make someone wait. Eventually, the lover recieving the silent treatment, might just decide to look for a different lover who will communicate more openly. Some women don’t have good experience around shy men. No disrespect but it’s true. How are we meant to know why they’re being so quiet with us? I actually thought I’d done something terrible to the man I was with, when he did this. I could only stand it for so long, then I told him that I must be wasting my time, if he won’t tell me why he isn’t talking. Enough is enough. It can really hurt our feelings. I don’t do hot and cold types.

  • cmor

    I tried reading this, but it rambled on and I just couldn’t get the jest of it. Too much rambling, not enough to the point.

    • Peter White

      Oh well, I can’t reach everyone. I’m sure I’ll get over it. 🙂 Thanks for stopping by though,


    • Ann

      Yeah, gobbledygook

  • Deb

    Well here goes, short and tall of it .. I’m 49, boyfriend 47, I was upset with him and sent him several drunken text. Made a comment about our ‘love making’ ouch!!! Which I had actually told him whilst sober, about changing things up a bit. Anyhow, I apologized, more than once. Sent him a rose etc … we text, we call, a few words have been exchanged actually discussing what I text.

    Now he’s holding back on total affection … no kisses, no hand holding, no arm across the small of my back… you get it. NADA!! It’s been two weeks now and it feels as awkward as heck. We went from ‘I love you’ and complete full on affection to .. NADA!!!

    Part of me wishes he’d just end it … or I’m questioning if I should take the initiative to do that … I’ve NEVER dealt with this kind of situation before. HELP!!! 🙂

  • Britney

    My ex and I were getting along great. We were friends for about a month but spoke on the phone every day for that month from 3-6 hours at a time. We were separated by a few sates (about 4hours away) so we could not see each other often. He was also finishing his PhD and didn’t have a lot of time. But, he would call me a few times a week and tell me how he couldn’t stop thinking about me and how no other girl compared. He started talking about our future whether I would want to stay in the country (I am currently teaching abroad) or go home. 4 months in he calls me and says he is concerned that our relationship isn’t progressing as fast as he likes and that there is a girl where he is that is constantly pestering him and telling him the long distance relationship isn’t real and he should date her. I am hot headed in the situation and can’t really comprehend the rest, but he told me that he wanted to live with me. He also mentions that his parents want him to do a sort of arranged marriage meeting, but I don’t focus on that part. I just say we aren’t ready to live together, but I feel strongly about him too. The next month he is MIA because of his thesis and misses Christmas and my birthday. I understood he wasn’t handling the stress well and I start to feel like a burden and just leave him alone. Finally we speak in January and he asks about being friends and I said we could be civil, but I couldn’t be his friend because of the intensity of our relationship (I already loved him). Anyways, he didn’t want to be friends and it was some sort of test and he asks to see me in February. He puts in some more effort into contact and he visits me in February. Everything went well – he drops hints about babies and marriage, but I think he is joking. He makes plans to see me again. 1.5 weeks later I get a call where he tells me how serious his parents are about the arranged marriage meeting and they want him to marry a girl from his culture and that he thinks his parents can’t accept me because I am foreign and black. He tells me I can leave him and says it’s something that’s bothering him for a while (since November – 2 months after we started dating). I can’t answer and when he says he has dinner with a friend I just tell him to go – I’ve resolved to not push the issue and let him go. 15min later, he calls me back and tells me he wants me to wait until he can save money, so he can run away with me. I don’t know how to answer I told him I love him, but this is a huge blow to my pride – why doesn’t he first tell his parents about me and try it before trying to run. I say I will stick with him and see where it goes. The week after that, he is back to teasing me relentlessly and saying I am a stalker for wanting to move to the same town as him. This hurts me and I want to address it so I text him. He doesn’t respond for days and I say let’s just breakup and days later he finally responds and says “sorry for the late reply. let’s break up.” I ask why he was ignoring me and he says he was busy moving and stuff for his new job but 5days straight is too much. Now he won’t respond to any of my messages and has completely disappeared on me. I want closure and to be on good terms with him. It’s what I asked him for – I didn’t even beg for him back – but he doesn’t seem to be reading any of my texts. I am planning not to text him, but I really want that closure. What should I do?

    • Sam

      I’m going to be harsh for your own sake, but seriously you are acting desperate and need to move on. He isn’t going to go against his family and upbringing for someobe he’s barely even had a fling with. He’s been stringing you along for potential sex, as his dick is telling him to wait it out ‘as a back up’. But unless you are willing to be the secret, occasional mistress while he is married to someone else (not fun), then you need to drop it and focus your attention on someone who is available.

  • Antoinette

    I met my boyfriend on eharmony. We spoke over the phone for 4months everyday until we finally met each other. We both were instantly attracted to each other and have so much in common. He lives 2hours away and expressed that he is tired of driving long distances for girls… no problem, I don’t mind doing the driving since I feel he is the one. 4 months later and I’m still doing the driving, he never gives me gas money nor any kinds of gifts, nothing! He takes me out to eat and always pay for my food, but that’s it. He told me he loved me first and I thought it would get better, but he’s still the same. He told me when we first started talking that he was with a girl for 4yrs and he was engaged to her… housed her and her kids. let her be a house wife and gave her an allowance every week that she always blowed on her personal care. He even bought her a car that she ended up taking when she left him. AND she bought her a $7.5k engagement ring that he still has. But here I am, miss independent, no kids, a great paying job, no baggage, doing everything for HIM because I love him…. and I have to beg for a damn gift!!?? Help me! I’m going crazy. He claims he loves me and is over his ex (broken up for almost 3yrs)….. he’s not “lovey-dovey” with me at all, but I know he cares. He calls me everyday, I trust him, I know he won’t leave me. But I also know he’s holding back and I don’t know how to deal with this. I’m a mess and I don’t know what to do or say. He doesn’t do anything for me at all, just takes me to eat. Should I just be happy with the fact that he is honest and loyal…. o and btw, he makes twice what I make!! He’s in the 6 digits. Ugh!

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