Hi, I wanted to ask for another advice, bc I’d love to stay calm, but his behavior angers me sometimes a lot. Bc as I told you once he acts nicely and once ignoring, like he texted me ( i had to get up early and go to work and he slept at our place) saying ” it’s a shame you had to go to work, bc otherwise you’d still be lying here in bed”<—- acting all friendly? , and after that he slowly begins to ignore me, and it really gets on my nerves! I wish I could ignore it, I tried, but when I do ignore him, he will do a lot just to make contact. so it is a vicious circle. And it all is messing up my mind.
Hello again “Sister” Jo,
I’m not sure if I mentioned it before AND I’m not a “mind” doctor but I do see things for what they are, usually. 🙂
When we become close in relationships from family members to marriage we learn how to piss someone off passively. Often this “passive aggressive” behavior is not done with intent. Meaning the person doing it may not be aware it’s happening.
Also, the purpose in the end is usually a long-term goal typically beyond the conscious scope of the person doing it. Which can usually explain the “vicious like” circles because we are usually leaving the goal in someone else’s hand or responses rather than taking the lead.
I know. All this technical talk is making me thirsty. Haha! But I have a reason, so I can figure it out 🙂 and you can learn to do it yourself too.
Work backwards and super impose his actions on to what I said.
We’ve assumed he either wants you or has a crush on you BUT perhaps because of your situation or relationship to him or “his fear of letting the truth out,” what better way to have YOU bring it all out in the open for him.
How would he do that?
Easy by pissing you off so much there becomes an emotional strain which eventually might include his brother. Especially if you start bitching about his actions to his brother.
Either way… If you say something to him about it, YOUR the problem. If you tell your boyfriend HE becomes the problem.
So rather than just confront the issue, be real about it, work through it all, or take responsibility for it – He can just “aggravate” the situation until someone else is forced to put it all out in the open.
If you combine the attraction technique such as the “bratty little sister routine” with the passive aggressive acts to aggravate you even further you’re almost guaranteeing some kind of friction is there which (for good or bad) is an ingredient of attraction.
In a weird strange twist he may now have the means to start a fight which may bring it all out in the open without taking too much responsibility AND by stirring any form of attraction he can (whether it’s there or not) increases the opportunity to get or have you in the end.
Based on what I assume about people, since I tend see mostly the good, I must say I’m not convinced all of this is a conscious plan. Sure at some point he may have put it all together but soon pushed it back and tried to forget it. When you think about it, I suppose passive aggressive people are very good at not taking responsibility and that too can include their own thoughts or why they are doing things.
Aside from all that I’m making a judgement based solely on what I see.
- Texting or talking shallow or using sometimes hidden innuendos: Passive aggressive –> “If I bring up the topic secretly maybe she’ll reveal or flirt back so I know she thinks about me that way.”
- Bratty Little Sister Routine: “She’s fun to tease. It’s fun to make her a little angry. Of course I wouldn’t be attracted to my little sister… but am I? She’ll never figure it out.”
- When you ignore him: Passive Aggressive people use that technique to gain attention: –> “She’s not paying attention to me anymore. Maybe she has figured out that I like her and she isn’t feeling it. Maybe this is it. She’s finally going to say something to him and not me. This could be bad. I better get her attention again so I can hopefully read what’s she’s thinking. Maybe I went too far and she hates me now. Either way I’ll get her attention again so in the very least I get to spend some time with her…”
I understand how frustrating it can be for you Jo.
Obviously it’s easy for me to just put down some words but I do hope you have a better idea of what’s going on and he’s less capable of getting under your skin and testing your nerves. Hope this helps you stay calm.
Best to you Jo.