Hi Peter I believe you could lend me some advice. I am seeing a guy 5 years younger than me. I was not much interested in him at first coz of the age difference And he knows that. We have been texting for almost two months now and acted like he is really into me. We have met like 4 times now and we kissed and make out on the fourth time. I am really starting to like him after that. He acts all jealous when he knows i am out with guy friends. Now he is a bit confident that i like him too. He doesn’t send me kisses or text me often like before or reply to my text like twice. Its just been a couple of days that he has been behaving this way. That was just after the day i pretend somewhat jealous. Well, i wasn’t really jealous at all but i pretended just to make him happy. He seemed less caring and distant. Do you think he still likes me?
The strange thing I’ve noticed about men is that they’re more likely to get a little jealous ( early on ) the longer they have to wait for that first kiss/make-out session.
For some men – until that first kiss happens they might convince their friends how much you’re “into them” but I believe, deep inside, they’re scared shitless of becoming just another friend.
And guys who are falling into the friends zone are probably some of the most secretly jealous guys in the world.
The not-so-stranger part of this jealousy thing with guys is what it might tell a man about you and where the relationship is or worse yet, where it “could” be going.
Showing jealousy too early ( planned or not ) signals “relationship” to a guy.
If I’ve known you for only a few weeks and we’ve barely touched each other AND you appear to suddenly act like I have the potential to cheat on you, leave you, to give my attention to another potential woman we might assume YOU already believe we’re in a committed relationship.
You unknowingly strip away his freedom and independence.
Simply put – tug on his jealousy trigger too early on and the “better” man’s likely going to pull back a little.
You can read a little more about this “jealousy trigger in an old newsletter I posted up here: Attraction Trigger – Jealousy, The Good, Bad, And Its Long Term Effect.
I don’t care whether or not the guy appears to like it.
If he likes it too much there’s a problem with his security…
If he makes you believe it’s the only way to prove to him you like him, he has an underlying problem – he might not understand women AND he might not believe in himself much at all. Again there may be an underlying security issue.
By the way this works both ways – if HE’S s getting jealous early on he’s signalling to you “relationship” and everything above also applies.
Now let’s discuss the age difference.
Generally speaking and depending on the how big the separation is, and the maturity of both people involved of course…
Younger guys who tend to feel more attracted to older women do so for lots of reasons BUT some of the biggest are:
She typically has little drama in her life.
Her life might not be boring and totally predictable but if she knows where she is or where’s she’s going her lifestyle tends to be more stable.
She doesn’t play as many games to figure a guy out and relies more on her experience in this area.
Based on those two items – if her knew you played a game, as innocent as it seemed – he could pull back thinking you’re closer to acting like the women his age or slightly younger than him.
Hey – I didn’t say his assumptions are valid – I’m not claiming either party is right or wrong – just how some guys “interpret” your actions and how they can affect men.
With that said – throw away the word “like” when it comes to men – ATTRACTION is more important because it’s a highly effective chemical which can not be shaken off.
We can’t talk ourselves out of feeling attracted to a woman.
If he feels attracted to you, it’s not going to change just because he’s thinking too much.
This is a good thing because if in fact he’s dating an older woman ( which by the way you’re not THAT much older than him ) for the reasons I listed above, he might pull back once in a while to think, but once he realizes you only did it because you thought that’s what HE wanted AND you’re the stable, mature woman he knows he wants AND is feeling attracted to…
The little “jealousy” act won’t mean much at all BUT can actually become a fun little “game” you both play to tease each other over.
To answer your question – Do I believe he’s still ATTRACTED to you?
Just please refrain from doing things for him – just because you think that’s what he wants. Focus on keeping the attraction or chemistry present just like you’ve already done.
If he has a serious problem about it and he can’t get past it… or disqualifies you quickly because of it – Well then he might be doing you a favor.
Hope that clears it all up for you Christie and hope it works out for both of you… Pete