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Why Do Guys…?

Do Men Like To Know You Miss Them?

Showing Him She Misses Him

A man always wants to be reminded that he's missed physically, mentally, and emotionally from a woman he loves.

He wants to know that the special woman in his life is thinking about him.

He also wants know you're a part of his life and by telling him you miss him - you're giving him a certain proof or a guarantee that how you feel about him is real.

This of course applies to when you're in a relationship but also when you're casually dating him too. (Except in dating - the "I miss you" thing must be done in a slightly different way especially if you want something more with a guy.)

So why DOES a guy like to know he's missed?

It's a CLEAR sign of affection.

A direct acknowledgement that there has been an intimate bond formed between you and him.

A strong indication of your unwavering love.

It's EVIDENCE or PROOF that no matter how far apart you find yourselves - you're right there with him in your heart AND your mind too.

When you connect with a man emotionally, telling him you miss him brings him closer because you're reminding him how you feel in a way he can understand because he's feeling it too.


Men are generally known for being a little too protective of the woman they love the most. They're not too concerned with you as they are with other guys hitting on you or trying to steal you from them when they're not around.

When he knows without a doubt that you miss him through your words and actions (both are equally important) he feels safe and more confident you're not going to meet another man and leave him.

You're sending him a clear reminder that no matter what happens, no matter who TRIES to come between you and him - HE is always on your mind.

It's reassurance of faith and trust in the connection you have with each other.

Now what about your ex-boyfriend or  ex-husband - does HE want to know or hear that you miss him?

Yes - they actually do.

Remember that you both invested lots of time, emotions and hopefully effort into your relationship and just because it failed or didn't work doesn't mean the connection is lost or the feelings are wiped out.

The feelings he had for you will stick around for a while.

This is NOT advice to tell your ex you miss him unless you plan on getting back together and you're not seeing other people... BUT...

When your ex knows that he's missed - just like you - it has a way of confirming that the time you spent together (the good and the bad moments) was not just a waste of his or your time.

EVERYONE wants a REAL confirmation they haven't just thrown away months or years of their life with someone who didn't feel the same way or who didn't feel the same in the failed relationship.

It doesn't always mean there's a chance of rekindling and starting over again - more needs to be in place and must happen first so keep that in mind.

(Many of you have asked me bout getting an ex back and since it doesn't necessarily fit or belong on this page AND I'm not an expert on that subject, I've linked up some articles and help at the bottom of post in the credit/footnotes section. There's certainly no shortage of information in the "getting your ex back" niche.)


A few more questions always arise when it comes to the whole missing you thing and I'd like to cover as much as possible.

How DO you tell a guy you miss him.

Men do listen (mostly) but actions speak louder than words to a guy if you're to get your point across to him clearly.

You'll want to communicate your feelings to him in a way he can understand...  an ACTION must be related to it.

Here's an example from my personal experience:

I was dating a woman who wasn't very good at telling me how she felt which turned out to be great thing because she learned a technique which worked much better at communicating with men.

Rather than tell me she missed me while we were apart she grabbed a stuffed animal we found together and had me spray a ton of my unique cologne all over it. The smell lasted for months.

It was an ACTION men get because she was not just telling me but SHOWING me that she needed a way to feel like I was always around.

I got it instantly.

Here's this woman that missed me so much when we were apart that she needed a way to feel close. Something tangible as a reminder of our relationship and the connection we made together.

She never had to tell me she missed me because I knew it.

Sure it's a little cheesy but it worked.

You want to let a guy know how much you miss him - think ACTION, something he can relate it, PROVE it rather than just saying it all the time.

Sure you can send the occasional "Thinking of you..." or "Missing you..." text message, he'll get it but it's just not as powerful and it can easily lose its effect if you do it too much. It's not really solidifying the connection you have with an action or experience he won't ever forget.

(I'd LOVE to hear some of your ideas below if and when you come up with them so make sure you comment a few of them.)

To help you out more - take the list above about why guys like to know they're missed and build some action from it:

  • He wants to know he's missed physically, mentally, and emotionally - that gives you three areas to work from.
  • Let him know you're thinking about him in a way which reminds him of a past experience you shared when a connection was made.
  • SHOW him how you're a part of his life no matter how much distance is between you and him.
  • Don't just say "I miss you" - SHOW him some random affection in a message and he'll get it instantly that you DO miss him.

The difference between dating and relationships and how the missing  stuff should be handled.

You might think you can tell a guy whenever you want that you miss him while you're in a relationship because how it's perceived will be generally a good thing.

This will also lead you to believe that if you're just dating a guy you must be careful about how it's said and how often it's said because it could lead to the opposite result. It could make you look desperate or discovering that you miss him more than he misses you - awkward situation to say the least.

Both are somewhat right but do it too much or too little in either situation could easily just lead to the same problem.

It really comes down to BALANCE - TIMING - EFFORT and the ACTION or WORDS you choose to take.

There is unfortunately no hard rules to follow here. Each situation must be addressed separately and handled case by case.

However HOW it's said or done can be calculated for better effect and to have it mean more.

This means any action or words you choose to take should (generally more for dating than in a relationship) leave a challenge too.

It should encourage or challenge him to miss you equally back because that WILL bring you closer together PLUS it sets up a situation where he feels more free to share his feelings on missing you too.

This should be used if you're casually dating a guy, in a close or long-distant relationship, up to flirting with a guy you haven't gone out with yet.

The effect is the same - a CHALLENGE along with a thought of sentiment or an open honest sharing of feelings.

Yes, I know - easier said than done.

What I'm saying is to make it easier on yourself. Don't get caught up in trying to figure out the difference if it's a dating thing or a relationship thing. You'll drive yourself crazy trying to always do and say the right thing which normally comes out in all the wrong ways anyways.

TRUST your intuition will guide you in the best direction and focus more on that WHAT and not the WHAT IF.

This will also take care of the important HOW to make a man miss you just as much or more than you miss him.


The topic of a man missing you or you missing him leads to several areas of discussion such as:

Smiling Woman at Man

If a guy doesn't miss you when you're apart does that mean he doesn't have feelings for you?

That answer sometimes depends on the time and distance between you. You might be miss him in a week whereas he might not feel it for a couple or vice-versa.

BUT to be as forward and honest as I can - taken the time, distance, and the nature of the relationship into account - a man will only miss a woman which is equal to how strong his feelings are for her.

If he doesn't ever tell you that he misses you does that also mean he doesn't have feelings for you?

Absolutely not.

Men are not generally good vocal communicators so relying on this won't give you the real picture of how he feels about you.

However his ACTIONS will as long as you know how to read them and interpret them.

For example: Take two different men you're seeing closely but due to circumstances you can not be with each other for a month or so. This means no physical touch at all, just talking or messaging.

When you finally are able to get together one man squeezes you tight, kisses you and starts to immediately make plans to spend as much time together BUT he never says he misses you.

Another guy acts aloof. Gives you a lame hug and acts like he didn't miss you at all but showed up and is sort of into finally getting to see you again.

You might believe the second guy didn't miss you as much therefore doesn't have the same deep feelings as the first guy but that's not necessarily true.

He could be worried that you didn't miss him as much and is holding back.

He could be afraid that by admitting his deeper feelings to you and to himself that he'll miss you even more the next time you're apart. He doesn't feel ready for that to happen and is more concerned with being in a relationship where you don't see each other as much as he'd like to.

So you can see it's not all black and white. Whether a man admits or acts like he misses you is or not is not a guarantee one way or another of his feelings.

The problem gets more complicated when you go deeper.

Imagine two men who see the distance or time apart differently.

One man might miss you less because you can message each other everyday. He's not relying so much on real physical interactions to secure a relationship or a dating phase. He feels as long as you're in touch with each other you shouldn't miss each other at all or just a little.

Another guy might miss you despite lots of messages everyday because he relies more on the physical part to secure the connection. You'll hear him say often how much he misses you and will assume you feel the same way.

The point is: If he says it or not doesn't guarantee he misses you or not. There's not definitive all true answer.

A man can feel it for you yet never show or tell you that he's missing you.

BUT - as above in the opening sentence...

A man ALWAYS wants to know he's missed mentally, physically, and emotionally from a women he loves or has deep feelings and has made a real connection.

Making all this a very confusing subject.

Making it also a bigger problem when it comes to guys wanting to know but incapable or not willing to tell you the same.

AND now for the really big one...

Can you bring him closer by making him miss you just enough and can that be done without playing the hard-to-get game?

Yes, yes, and definitely YES!

Sure, absence can tear a relationship apart BUT it can also bring a man closer to wanting a relationship.

Strange analogy but since I love pizza so much I'll use it.

Give me pizza everyday and I'll enjoy it but I won't find the time or feelings to miss it. In fact I might take it for granted if I have it too much. I won't fully realize how much I love it until it's well outside of my reach.

Take it away and suddenly I WANT it even more. It becomes more special, rare, appreciated and makes me realize how much I actually DO love pizza.

The same things happen between a man and a woman.

We become complacent or accustomed to something and it tends to lose is specialty.

Take it away and the same thing happen: We appreciate the other more. We find ourselves taking full advantage of the precious few moments together AND it can make us realize just how much we are in love and therefore how much we miss having our partner around.

Here are a few articles on my "other" lesser known site which are just basics on how to get a guy to miss you the right way:

Both are great examples of amplifying his attraction towards you without having to play any mind games which in turn will have him missing you when you're not around.

I believe that about covers as much on the topic as I can get out. If there's more just let me know below and I'll update or add it when I can.

This is when if you liked what read or learned something to share it and sign up to the why do guys newsletter. I'll see you there.

(You can read my email policies here. No spam ever! Your information is always private. )
About the author: Understanding men does not have to be complicated anymore and I can show yow how… There are only two types of guys and if you don’t know which one he is, you could misinterpret everything he says or does as it relates to you. Your new guy friend, Peter White – Understanding Men Made Simple.
88 comments… add one
  • Claire

    Hey Pete,

    I hope you get to reply to this sometime.
    Where do I even begin…
    Well I’ve known this guy for awhile, we move around the same circles but actually have never physically met. We just follow eachother on all social media platforms. Anyway I study abroad but went back home during Christmas. I think he heard I was back and asked me for my number on FB and asked if we could meet up. Sadly by the time he had done that I was already back to school. We started talking alot, skyping almost every day. It was kinda hard because we knew we wouldn’t be seeing each-other in the near future but we were looking at all this from the “in the next 2 years” angle.
    He was so serious with me and he’d go into depth on the future and all that and he truly wanted marriage. (may I add that he’s from an aristocratic family and it’s the “norm” that he needs to be married soon) So when he approached me, he approached me in a very very serious manner.
    I wasn’t really into him… I hadn’t dated in 5yrs and just didn’t know how to act so I’d always shove everything off. Till I became dependent on talking to him and then I *think* I might have grown some feelings for him. Anyway the moment I told him I kinda liked him was the moment everything changed and it just seemed like the ball was now on his court.

    I’m sadly a very prideful person so I suggested we stop talking (so I could have the upper hand). He told me he couldn’t stop talking to me but that if I stop talking to him he’d have no choice than to back away.
    I just feel like I did so many things to mess this all up, all the things I said to him like how if he was in a different family I would probably give him a try. (I didn’t want to be involved in a family like his with so much power)

    Now we no longer talk, I’m not even sure what happened. But I want to tell him I miss him…. because I do so much… idk if that’s wise because I still want him to feel like the alpha male and I still want him to do the “chasing”

    It took all this falling apart for me to actually appreciate him and now I don’t know what to do. What if I tell him I miss him and the conversation doesn’t go as expected. Should I suggest we skype instead and tell him then? Or just text him?
    I want to leave all this with the upper hand rather than being one of those girls desperate to have him….

  • Roxanne

    Hei Pete
    I really need you help..I meet my true love two years ago and everything was so special and perfect between us that we decide to get married and starts our wedding plans and everything…all of this till this boy meet a bad entourage and he start to change his normal point of view and that make me doubt and wonder if he is really the one and..we start to argue a lot and so on.Now we re break up since almost two months and i miss him with all my heart.I know that he loved me a lot but i was so confused that since we break up he didn’t text me or anything.A couple of days I call him because i couldn’t resist and he answer really angry and ask me if something serious happen because he is watching a movie and don’t wanna talk.I told him that i wanna see him and he say that he is busy.That make me feel really sad and confused because i call him after all his friends tell me how much he miss me and things like this.The next day after the phone call a friend of him ask me out and i refused and that boy tell me to come because he is with my ex…and i think that my ex put him to do that..but i don’t understand why.I want him back..but I don t know what to do.Or I don’t know how to forget about him..I m really sad and I don t know what do to.If you have some advices I ll be more than greatful.

  • cathy

    I’m in this exclusive relationship with a man who is very attentive and loving yo me. However 10 months into our relationship he had some conversations with girls on tinder. And yes….I found out by looking at his phone. A fact I am not proud of . He said he needed confirmation or an ego stroke . What is he not getting from our relationship that would lead him to seek out confirmation from strangers?

  • Wallflower

    I have been dating this man for five months and a couple days ago he moved to another continent (only for the summer though) we have been texting every day even tho the time difference makes it hard. I told him that I can’t stop thinking of him and that I miss him terribly and he said I should show him. How? Like what does he mean? Words obviously aren’t enough for him. Any ideas? He’s 38 by the way and I’m 21

  • CC

    Hi Pete. I don’t know what to believe. My story:
    Collegues both single and with incredibly chemistry for 1,5 years now.
    First date 9 months ago. incredible but only after 2 months first hookup. Casual, incidental, not planned. Long story short many promises, declarations of love but never 2second date en he even disappeared on me in dec for 2 weeks after not showing up for date.
    fast forward to april. After flirting an incredible night together (not plannend). His explanation for disappearing he was scared and not ready for relationship. Started dating, he followed through and kept promises this time. But kept saying I sould me careful with him, he doesn’t trust himself etc. i am to blame now.. I still acted needy and insecure. And as in selfulfilling prophesy he disappeared, again.. After him saying i texted to often and being insecure. I told him i liked him but was scared..
    Now no contact for 2weeks.. What to do.. Will he come back? Tell him i miss him after month? Is he just not that into me. Or did he use me, again?

    • Peter White

      Let cut right to it CC…

      Guys who run because they are scared and not ready for a relationship BUT refuse to tell you why, instead just disappear without a word are NOT ready for a relationship of any kind.

      Truthfully, scared to start a new job in a new town with no one is valid. Scared to sky dive, cliff climb, or any dangerous feat is valid. Even a little scared to just get out and meet people is kind of valid when you think about the large social world we live in…

      BUT a guy who avoids the truth with you, using the “I’m scared” or “I’m going to hurt you” or “Please don’t trust me.” or “Be careful with me”. is using tactics you should stay far from. Even if they don’t realize they’re doing it.

      Very generally it means, “I’m not capable of sustaining a monogamous relationship at all.”

      Now if he suggested that honestly from the beginning or in the very least made it known he was only interested in casually and openly dating for a while, while seeing other people, I could see that. He’s being honest and upfront and you could decide one way or another if it was worth trying. (While you dated other men too.) That’s reasonable.

      I’ve just seen way too many men use the “I’m sacred” excuse to turn something into casual sex without strings attached or a friend with benefits that they can string along for as long as they want.

      Now sure, maybe you did act needy. I have no way of knowing that.

      BUT remember HE was bringing up relationships and all and of course you’re going to believe or put yourself in a relationship sort of mind with him.

      Will he come back… probably. As long you let him. As long as you actually trust what he’s saying is the truth.

      Just remember, being scared of just getting deeply involved with a woman is a sure sign he’s not ready and never will be UNTIL he takes care of that first. Typically it’s immaturity, Mommy or family problems, women issues, likes being single and wants to stay that way, and more…

      Sure some women have a way of becoming the one girl a guy changes for but I’m willing to bet that is more rare and less likely to happen.

      Chemistry is one thing. Commitment and being capable of sustaining a relationship, whether it fails or not takes a different sort of guy and if I were you, I’d keep searching for someone who is a little less scared, more aware, and capable of honesty from the very beginning.

      Hope my candidness helps you out and I’m wishing you all the best of luck,


  • Zeli

    There’s this guy from my church I met him in last June but we are got to know each other since November it was the camp time and we happen to be in same group so we that’s how we started talking to each other and during that time he told me I am beautiful like almost 3 times back to back and I do notice him looking at me and it’s kind of cute the way he acts around me but m still confused if he likes me more then a friend or just flirting around cuz he does make all the girls smile and he jokes around and compliments them but I haven’t ever seen him share the same comfort level as with me nor have I heard him tell other girls that they are beautiful or cute.. but me he calls me cute too and he acts too excited around me like we argue alott but it still brings a smile on our faces both of us argue like anything and I find him cute too but m confused -_- he hasn’t yet asked my number.. we meet only on Sundays and sometimes I do avoid him but he always approaches me even when I try to avoid him so its like yea he is trying.. but STILL I AM CONFUSED cause he is that popular guy whom all girls come to and be giving him attention but I don’t give him that much attention so he only comes to me 😛 but once our conversation starts it’s crazy we argue like no one’s around and he laughs on anything I say or the silly stuff too that day he screamed on the road when I was leaving he shouted very loudly saying I MISS YOU so I replied him by yelling back miss you too and since then I didn’t speak to him due to some busy schedule.. he is very cute but m scared I don’t wanna end up being hurt so I don’t talk to him much.. help me tell me is he even into me or no??

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