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Why Do Guys…?

Do Men Like To Know You Miss Them?

in What Men Like To Know
How you show a guy you miss him means more than just telling him.

Oh yes they do. :)

But… there’s always one of these isn’t there? You get a quick answer that seems all good on the outside and then we lay on the cold hard facts about men missing women.

I’ll put this one right out there – If a man does NOT feel attracted to you he won’t care if you miss him.

He’ll probably shrug it off, or downplay it because one of man’s greatest fear is turning on a woman he is not into. You know those guys who won’t leave you alone? Always trying to talk to you, the ones who creep you out the most, well us men feel the same way when we’ve “accidentally led a woman on.”

And now the WARNING:

It’s need to be genuine for a man to believe you actually do miss him. (I suppose for this to work. ๐Ÿ˜‰ )

If you say it all the time it loses its impact.

If you don’t back it up by making an effort to see him, the never-ending miss cycle will push him away because he will not trust your sincerity. Men NEED to trust you more than you might have ever been led to believe before.

Probably because you’ve only heard women talk about how they don’t truth their man. Or they want a guy they can trust.

When a man opens up to you physically and even slightly emotionally they are trusting you with information and emotions which could effectively make him feel or be seen less than a man. If have you the power to immaculate him, tear down his ego, or “air out his dirty laundry” to the world his trust in you must be secure.

=>ALL men need to feel safe. Maybe not physically but definitely emotionally.

Part of the reason why I feel we like to know you miss us is because you’re assuring us that special trust.

Imagine a man saying or thinking this and you’ll see how important it is to a guy to hear how much you miss him…

“I have to let you go for a while. We’ll be apart for a time. You’re carrying my heart and soul with you. You know my secrets well. Please remind me from time to time you’re still carrying around my precious heart and no one will ever be allowed to take it from you.”

Next let’s consider the words, “Baby… I’ve missed you so much.” and what real effect it has on him.

The Mushy Stuff:

I want a woman in my life to miss me because it tells me she is thinking about me. I’m a part of her life. Not that she couldn’t function without me but the connection we’ve made enhances her happiness – and that also makes me happy.

The Sexual Piece:

Every man at some point in his life knows when a woman he is in a relationship with , (under certain circumstances) uses those words… it almost always is followed by a hug, a few kisses, maybe some more kisses, and then yes, incredible sex!

The Connection:

Men have a part inside them which needs to be fully connected to the woman he is in love with and to satisfy the sincerity of that connection, must experience an action related to it. That simply means you can tell him until you’re blue in the face how much you miss him but if you don’t back it up, he won’t “feel” the connection.

I committed to a girl once who lived several hours away. She struggled with revealing her feeling through words. But one day she had me spray a stuffed animal, I’m sorry drown that little doggy in my cologne so she could smell me anytime she wanted.

It was more than just a romantic gesture but an action which gave me no doubt she felt connected to me. And how much she missed me.

Now instead of leaving it there she took it one step further and bought a small comfy pillow which she sprayed her perfume on it. Knowing she wanted me to be able to smell her whenever I missed her increased the strength of our connection.

I could go a little deeper here, depending on your age group, the type of guy you’re dealing with, the obsessive compulsive aspects, the neediness and security issues, and so on… but let’s keep it as simple as possible.

*Men – who feel attracted to you, or have made a physical and emotional connection with you, or who are in a long-term relationship with you – like (and love) to hear how much he is missed.

It’s a sign of affection. A clear acknowledgement that there has been an intimate bond formed. An indication of your love.

A real support that no matter how far apart you find yourselves – you will always hold his secrets in with absolute trust.

And as always with men – showing him how much you miss is more effective than just saying it once in a while.

Peter White - Why Do Guy...?

Peter White. Thanks for stopping by and listening to a male’s point view. You can stay in touch by – *receiving my newsletter, *friending my Facebook page here. – Here is where a teach men about you *DiaLteG – and this where I get to talk about meeting and approaching the opposite sex – *The Approach.

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52 comments… add one

  • BONITA

    I was feeling very strong energy from my ex- boyfriend we have not seen each other at all in six months ,very hurtful break up he cheated and, I text him and said you are thinking about aren’t you? and to my surprise he said yes…said I felt you you real strong, I had asked what are you thinking about ? He said give me a few days OK ?. I text back give what a few days I do not understand, he came back to say what it is …. Ok? said yes dear……sighing smh was the text . See I am feisty,bold one , so I text- ed him and said FYI: while you are in this deep thought these few days you better not be sleeping with Nobody so you can think clearly (I am a Latina) so I said comprende’ (Understand?)
    He came back and text ed “Got it” Love You. I did not text him this but
    I am like what ??? I am confused ? can you help me translate this

    Thank you

    • Peter White

      Ahh Miss Pretty, if my Spanish wasn’t horrifically elementary I’d start this with…

      Hola,

      Sounds like he was fantasizing about sex with you. Even if you haven’t been there with him before.

      If you had responded sexually, he would have probably ran with it.

      When ex flames have a fiery break up the sexual tension is usually very high. Not always directed in the right place but it’s still there.

      When you texted him he probably believed there was a chance you’re were thinking about him that way. So he responded with a clever comeback setting the bait.

      But you never took it. You (instead) asked him to reveal his private thoughts.

      If he were to give you a direct answer that very moment it would feel to him, like he was now chasing you. And in turn giving you all the power.

      Something a past cheater will typically and generally avoid at all costs.

      I know it’s strange – but if an ex of mine were to text me accusing me of thinking about her – I would probably and naturally assume she was being sexually flirty.

      Obviously some of it depends on the situation but since your situation appears to have a built in frustration level and higher energy (from the break up and all that caused it) it’s easy to see how sexual tension might play a major role in all your future communications.

      Gracias Bonita. By all means be as bold as you want here – nothing beats an honest “feisty attitude” to get to the heart of it all,

      Comprende’ :)
      Pedro

  • kdoll

    So I’ve been dating this guy for a month and he is the perfect southern gentleman. He makes me feel like a princess and is very affectionate…which I love. I don’t like to leave questions up in the air so I asked him what we were doing… if this was fun or he wanted something more. He responded by telling me he was not really sure. That he was concerned about his job(military) and he didn’t know where he’d be sent two. Has only 2 yrs here left…I said OK. He then responds by saying not to take it as he wanted to stop seeing me. That he wasn’t seeing or saying anyone else.

    I guess I’m confused on why date if your not sure…and if we’re exclusive then why the delay on making something I guess ‘official’?

    -so confused with men

    • Peter White

      The simple answer Kdoll, at least from a male’s perspective is…

      Dating is a proven way of checking for long-term compatibility. It also gives us both chances to complete our self first.

      Yes, it does keep our options open. So in a way we might believe (while we’re dating) something better will come along.

      Now in your case, where being exclusive has been implied AND where you felt the need to have the relationship defined and he didn’t…

      Some of his needs or desires are not being met. Which may have LITTLE to do with you. Men do have needs which must be filled internally before they’re ever ready to commit.

      Some of them make sense to you. Some are inherent to men and are rarely understood by a woman. And some are about family, social values, health present and future and wealth (monetary and self esteem.)

      It’s best not to take things too personal. And I wouldn’t expect too many men to be “in-touch” with their actual needs and desires AND in a position to share them.

      Remember it’s hard for a guy to share something he doesn’t understand himself. He fears being misunderstood or worse yet, having a love of his life think he’s anything less than capable.

      This just means – like you want the chance to make your own mistakes and learn “life” for yourself – so do men.

      If you pry, try to define it with him or for him, you’ll only get ambiguous answers from a guy who may feel like he’s losing you. Or feels pressured into making a decision or lose you entirely over something which he is struggling with internally. Sometimes making matters much worse.

      Hope that helps a little Kdoll,

      Pete

  • Kalola

    So, I was engaged to this dream of a man… He and I broke things off due to excessive fighting and just loosing our flame with each other. I mean we loved each other but, it wasn’t working. He got with someone else shortly after the break up as did I. My relationship wasn’t serious , his was. Now we both are done with them and are spending a lot of time together. Things have been done, and said already. But we are telling each other that we need be careful with what we’re doing. I get it, but at the same time I let him know how much I miss him and I’m not sure if I should be saying this.. I don’t know if he wants to hear it from me or not. It’s just very confusing. I already want him back and I feel like he does too but, I’m sure he wants time to be single and mingle too. Is missing him bad? I feel like I should tell him it’s not safe to see each other but, I’m also afraid to loose him again. Missing this man is difficult.

    • Peter White

      Hello Kalola,

      I must say this first – have you both ever considered or explored (separately) what caused the anger? I don’t mean what the other person was doing to cause you to “excessively fight” but happened along the way which made you (and or him) lose their cool.

      I know when I get overly angry about someone or something I often step back and consider why I’m getting so angry.

      Okay so – Yes, I firmly believe all men who have feelings for a woman wants to know and hear how much you miss them. Of course they may not include one sided break-ups or overly needy women or in the rare situation where she won’t stop saying it rendering it almost meaningless… but I’m sure in your case, that’s not true.

      As for you missing him – why you believe that would be bad? Remember if you didn’t miss him, you wouldn’t care about him at all. It kind of goes along with the territory if you know what I mean.

      Now, have you been using your single time to mingle and explore too? (After your second break up_ It may help your situation and clear up some of your confusion. It just helps to put things (including people) in perspective and it can encourage the “big picture” to show its often hidden face. AS LONG as you don’t commit.

      You have me torn. You see I’m not one to advocate staying in relationships which are more work than benefits. I’m not into two people trying to force something to happen when it’s causing so much stress.

      But… I also hear you say, “We must be careful” and I think to myself (being careful) is part of the problem and was probably a big reason why the fights began in the first place.

      I see two people who in all likelihood get in relationships much too quickly and then act “carefully” in them because they mere thought of being alone for an extended period of time may be frightening or “un-safe.”

      So, the more you care about the person, the more you are weary of it screwing up, the feelings gets pushed aside continually until “BOOM!” The whole thing explodes and you have to let it out.

      I’m torn because it definitely appears you both have a little work to do on yourselves with regards to self-comfort. As if we all don’t. :) But the other side is screaming – To make it work again, being careful about the whole thing is the last thing you want to happen.

      Remember – ALL relationships struggle from time to time due to outside forces which are beyond our control and the strength of the relationship will be tested heavily during those times. That strength doesn’t always happen all too easily and so one way to fortify it, would be to face the issues head on throwing caution to the wind and fully accepting the responsibility of it all.

      By being too careful you could side step those things and when you find yourself in another relationship with him or someone else, sooner or later, it will be tested making it very difficult to overcome.

      My suggestion. Take it as you will…

      See this guy. Face the fear and confusion. Learn to live comfortably apart. Find those boundaries of caution and once in a while cross them and accept the outcome. Do NOT commit again until both of you feel more complete apart. Use the (freedom of intimacy) time to explore each others issues when there’s no pressure to lose the relationship, because there isn’t one.

      You can’t be missing the man, he’s already there. What you’re missing is the relationship and comfort you once experienced.

      What you’re fearing is not some other woman coming along and keeping him forever, but the thought of HER doing it better than you, which makes you feel like you’re not good enough to keep a man like that. (Which is not true… you already had a man like that so you must be doing something right. ๐Ÿ˜€ )

      That’s just my opinion of it all and I do hope it has steered you in the direction you want to do.

      Thank you so much for sharing and of course, best of luck to both of you…

      Pete

  • Nikki

    Hi, I met a guy through a mutual friend who gave him my number, he called me and we started talking on the phone, but we have not seen each other in person. We’ve only seen pictures and are friends on Facebook. We connected very well talking on the phone and we talk for long periods but he calls me mostly on weekdays and not so much on weekends. I know he’s very outgoing and goes out a lot on Weekends. He would text more instead and I hate that. I’m also feeling like theirs someone else in d picture. Yes, he’s told me he wants something serious with me, but I have my doubts. He’s asked for us to Skype and I just told him I have a problem logging into my Skype. He tries to get sexual with me but I usually brush him off. I don’t want him to use Skype to get sexual with me especially since we haven’t met in person. So this is a long distance relationship so to say. We live like 1500 miles apart (21 hours) in different states. He’s planning to fly over to my state so we can meet. I’m scared we’re going to have sex when we meet and I don’t want that, but since he’s so far away, I don’t know what to do since he plans on staying at my place for 4 days and I don’t know how we are going to avoid that if we are into each other. I think I like him but don’t want to be too emotionally attached to him since we haven’t met yet just in case I don’t develop any feelings for him when we do meet. He’s asked me a couple of times “Do you miss me?” once on the phone and I just laughed it off cos I don’t want him thinking I’m so into him. He sometimes plays games by not calling or texting for a few days and asks me when he does call or text if I miss him. It just pisses me off. He texted me yesterday when I sent him a text asking him if he’s free to talk on the phone and he asked if I missed him. I replied “Lol! U’re tripping!” He said “really?” I replied “4sure!” My response showed my emotions and he didn’t call. I guess the power has shifted to his end and he’s enjoying it. Do you think it might look like I don’t like him? Do you think he likes me? I’m confused! He once told me I act like I don’t care. I don’t know what he means by that. Maybe because I don’t call him when he intentionally don’t call and I just wait for him to do the calling. Not sure if I’m turning him off. Long distance hasn’t really been my thing but I think I really like him. What do I do?

    • Hi Nikki,

      Men are NOT willing to travel 1500 miles to see women they don’t like. And yes I would expect he’ll be wanting sex and that he’ll do everything he can (in the meantime) to make sure he doesn’t stop that from happening. It’s probably the least of his expectations.

      A little tip about guys – when they’re constantly asking (especially in long distance situations) if you miss them, it usually means without face to face interaction it’s hard to tell if you are in fact feeling something for them.

      When we can not physically look in your eyes for confirmation so we search for other ways to prove it. Hence the “missing” thing. It also is a way to gauge if there are other men in your life without having to ask.

      As long as we know and are reassured you miss us then there’s little chance you’re going to just disappear one day or meet someone else closer to home. Obviously it’s absurd but when it comes to long distance relationships this is a major problem. (Meeting someone closer to home which we can be or get physical with or can affirm the feelings by sight.)

      I wouldn’t worry about if it looks like you don’t like him – this will only make him want you more. Keep doing what is working. You’re doing great with it.

      To him, it seems like you’re acting like you don’t care because he doesn’t understand what you need for this relationship to go to the next level. You’re not willing to give more until you actually meet and see what happens. And I commend you for that Nikki. :)

      I’m going to completely candid with you. Long distance relationships are not for the weak, timid, and they NEVER work unless there’s considerable trust, enduring confidence, and sometimes a more open relationship than you would have face to face with a partner who lives down the street.

      I want you to consider all that first. I’m not trying to talk you out of it. Just asking to fully realize who he is, how strong he is, where this thing is going, where both of you are going to be in a few years, and what you’re willing to give and or give up for all this to happen.

      All of that requires open and honest communication above and beyond. The trick is to have that communication with destroying the chemistry which I’ve found so many people do.

      For example – he’s telling you he wants something serious with you – but you know that’s not possible and there’s no way any man can realize that until that step is offered and possible. Which only increases your doubts.

      He tries to get sexual with you but instead of being honest about it you choose to blame it on a Skype problem. Trust me, in his heart, he knows the truth. (At leas if he has half a brain. :) )

      My suggestion then is to test this situation before things get out of hand. You can do this by talking honestly about what is really going on and take notice to how candidly he responds or opens up.

      If you ask me, when both of you can do this, (not perfectly mind you) and the chemistry is still there and it only begins you closer to each other, then the next step will in all likelihood take care of itself.

      Remember this is a two way thing. It’s not just about you telling him how it is… It’s about both of you sharing what’s real, mixing in a little fun, not taking the talks so serious or demanding answers.

      Oh and one more thing when he asks, “Do you miss me?” answer with, “Almost as much as you miss me :p ” ๐Ÿ˜€

      Best of luck Nikki and remember you have every reason to be scared, hesitant, and please don’t allow him to talk you into becoming emotionally attached when you’re not feeling it.

      Hope that helps you,

      Pete

      • Nikki

        Lol, thanks so much Pete for your extensive and detailed response. You made my day and humorously too! Your response was very helpful and very much appreciated. Points taken. Thanx again….Nikki

        • Peter White

          You’re welcome Nikki. Keep smiling. :)

  • Hi Peter,
    My guy regularly told me things like “I’ve never felt this way” “I feel like I’m home with you” We had amazing sex. He also mentioned he was still “attracted sexually” to his Xwife but couldn’t stand her. Still don’t get this one – MY attraction sexually died for my X the minute we lost connection or intimacy or safety or whatever you choose to call it. He’s attractive to others _BUT NOT TO ME. – and sexโ€ฆ..cant even think about it with him again. So I suppose that ??? #1 next is this “Do you miss me?” thing. I feel like he needs to be telling me he misses me if I’m one his mind. I regularly tell him when he’s on my mind – shoot a text saying “SUP?” or even G*D forbidโ€ฆ.call! I don’t want an insecure man and this scares me. What say you????

    • Hi Ranae,

      Just a quick thought here, since it just occurred to me thanks to you.

      Men who will ACT on their sexual attraction with women they don’t like, are expressing the lack of power they feel in their lives. Men who ultimately feel more sexually attracted to women they can not stand mentally, (at a certain moment in time) are expressing a desire for more power in their lives.

      I suppose this gives us a better understanding or the difference between using sex for power, having sex to share intimacy.

      As for the whole missing thing, some guys may feel that telling a woman he misses her is considered a weakness or a lack of masculinity. So some might believe a woman will see him as being insecure if he is constantly letting her know how much he misses her.

      Just a few thoughts – feel free to get back to them Ranae,

      PeTe

  • Patti

    Hey!
    I have been seeing a guy for a short time. He and I both just got out of long term relationships. We both have very hectic lives and only get to see each other about once a week. When we talk on the phone he often asks if I miss him (like almost every time we talk). I am running out of ways to say yes without sounding like I am just waiting around all day for him to call. If I don’t say yes or if I try to change the subject he gets really irritated and will act like he doesn’t care about me. I feel like he runs hot and cold with me if I don’t tell him what he wants to hear. Some days he acts like I am the best thing that has ever happened to him and other days he tells me he doesn’t want to be in a committed relationship. I have never asked him to make our relationship exclusive. Since both of us are getting over breakups I haven’t felt like we are in any condition to commit to each other. Is his constant need to know if I miss him about me stroking his ego or something else? I really like him and would like to see where this goes, but I haven’t dated in years and feel like I am reading him all wrong. Please help :-)

    • Hey to you too Patti! :)

      I would say reading him perfectly.

      He’s obviously showing signs of “being needy” because of how he reacts when you don’t give him what he wants or expects. The real need comes out when you don’t respond the way he wants and he’s forced to “get over it” and suddenly it can be like you’re dealing with a little boy who is begging for attention and approval.

      I wouldn’t say he’s “Ego Stroking” entirely. Usually that happens in a public setting because the Ego often needs other people to validate the action. As in you making him look better in front of other people.

      ALL men who are feeling something for a woman want to know they’d be missed or are missed and some will also use it because they believe women think it’s romantic thing to say BUT that doesn’t mean you always have to say yes.

      I wouldn’t. :) I’d be tempted to play a little and tease especially if the topic was being brought up constantly. But remember that’s me.

      So I wouldn’t say you’re reading him wrong at all. He sounds confused and unfortunately not as stable as he would probably like. Which is one reason you’ll find him acting unpredictable from day to day.

      Hope that helps you out Patti and best of luck to you too,

      Pete

  • Nisha

    Why do guys play mind games I have talking to this guy since February 2008 we was just friends at first then we start sleeping together and that continue up until I got pregnant in May 2008 then we lost contact with each other for like almost a year then we started talking and everything in 2009 and it was like we never stop talking and all of a sudden he started disappearing for months and months at a time then when he finally come in the picture in 2012 we got real close so I thought we was in a relationship but once I move out of my place and back home with my mom I stop hearing from him, he stop answering my text and this all happen in February 2013 and boom by March 2013 he has a girlfriend just to remind you I was still sleeping with this guy in February the same year now the girl is pregnant and he is one of my friends on my social networks and I don’t care what pictures or post I put up on there he like them and comment what do that mean?

    • Peter White

      Hello Nisha,

      From what I can tell, you’re a “sex buddy”. If you haven’t agreed to any sort of relationship or even considered commitment (vocally) then he’s assumed you’re okay with this arrangement.

      What bothers me is – you lost contact when you got pregnant –> he bailed during an important “relationship” test.

      When the so-to-speak dust settled he came back became a part of your world again… for intimacy and some sort of connection.

      But now he’s committed to another girl and still wants to keep his sex buddy around.

      That tells me he is capable of a committed relationship but he doesn’t see one with you… unless something changes. Leaving you as a “special” connection or the go-to-girl.

      To him, it’s not a game since you never mentioned to him a relationship. (As far as I know.) This means he assumes you’re cool with it all and you see the connection the same way.

      I’m guessing by the way he still leaves comments he believes nothing is wrong with how you two are AND since you’ve known each other for a while, it’s just the way things are.

      Honestly you both need to find a way to discuss the difference in what you’re getting from this affair. Both of you must hear the definition of your relationship truthfully from each other. Since you’ve known each other for some time, I do hope that’s possible. If not, nothing might change and you might be left guessing for way too long causing YOU to miss out on someone who DOES want a committed relationship with you.

      Not every assumes a relationship just because you’re close. Sometimes there needs to be a vocal outpouring and a definite agreement. Otherwise leaving it to a guessing only causes confusion.

      It’s been a while but I do hope this has helped you better see, what I believe is going on,

      Pete

  • Jade

    Hello, Pete!
    I met this guy through my friend and we started our friendship through facebook and later we start texting each other. Soon after, he moved 6 hours away from me for his new job. We have never meet other and continue texting for 2 months. Two months later, we met and had dinner together when he came back to the city I’m currently living. We had a great time and after he left, we text everyday and occasional calls. 2 months later, he came to my city to visit me. We went on dates but he never say anything about our relationship. We just spend time together, that’s it. I confront him about it and he told me that he needs more time. He said he wants to take it slow because we are far away from each other and he wants to know me more before starting a relationship. I was okay with it and decided to take things slowly as well.

    I took the next step and visited him on the following month. We hung out and went on dates (I only went there for two days only). However, we had no progress on our ‘relationship’ during my stay there.

    I don’t understand… He said he needs time.. but how long is that? It’s almost been half a year since we know each other. We held hands and some forehead kisses…nothing sexual and we have yet to confess to each other. I have never dated anyone before and this is driving me crazy! I always have this question in my mind: What am I to him?
    I am impatient at times but I don’t wanna seem pushy and pressure him into it.. I need some advice, please!
    Thank you!

  • zeba

    Hi pete :-) !!!
    I met a guy some one and a half year back. We were strangers. We belong to different religions. I needed a help, he had showed. Usually i choose only those guys who do not flirt, to be friends or connected with. He was good n i contacted him. Within a few days i desired to be his friend out of his nature. Eventually,became. It was the most b.ful time one can hv. We both exchanged lots of feelings. At sm point i cud feel that he likes me but i kept quiet n was nt sure. Once we were chatting he asked me if i know how to kiss, i reacted n broke the frndshp. Bt i missed him. I made every endeavor to bring him back. He had been hating n ignoring me. Bt my continuous attempts brought hm bck, he himself msged me aftr a week i left trying. We again became frnds. Meanwhile i got a proposal fr marriage, i started missing him n in those moments i realised tht i hv feelings fr him. Initially i waited, bt he didnt propose. I cud nt bear the griefs, i expressed my feelings. He got happy bt didnt say yes to me. I thought of making him miss me n accordingly didnt talk to him fr a week. He said he missed me. But i am not still sure he loves me or nt. My parents want me to settle in my life n marry bt he is only 22 n is busy in career-building. I terribbblyyy loveee him n madddly miss him every moment. Pete what do i need to do?
    Thanks.. :-) hv a lovely day..

  • annir

    totally a roamnce of 1980’s where we both hvent seen eachother except on social netwrking site n talked on phone. Its been more than a month we r in relation. Imma girl with attitude n i dont really open up my little feelings like..i miss u or was thinking about u… i dont really say those words to him until he asks me if i had missed him. well i do miss him but im kinda binded up my attitude if he feels that im a needy girl which i aint? do i need to open up to him?

    • Peter White

      Well Annir – my romance of the 80’s was mainly in my head and lived out on bad movie flicks finding myself addicted to women I could never meet or have… but I’m much better now ๐Ÿ˜€

      Seriously though – guys will not consider you needy if you tell them how much you miss them once in a while. True neediness comes from having little self-reliance – having very little trust in yourself – not seeing yourself as capable of keeping someone close – if that’s not you, a little opening up is a good thing and creates healthy relationship.

      If you don’t open up a little, the relationship will have very little well needed communication.

      And remember, if a guy’s feeling it for you, and you open up a little, he’s only going to see as a good thing because you’re showing him you trust him.

      Don’t act from low self-esteem or as a game to keep someone around and you won’t be seen as needy.

      If you’re truly NOT needy, don’t worry about. If you’re casual about it all, and realistically have needed space to enjoy each others lives separately – if any guys says you’re needy it’s HIS problem and not you.

      Open ip Annir,

      Pete

  • naomi

    I been talking to this guy for about one year now. We have been physically/sexually Together a few times now. And he tells me he’s scared of getting hurt once again and that he needs to protect himself from getting hurt. I honestly don’t know how he feels about me he gives me so many mixed signals. All I know is that I’m crazy about him. he makes feel Like no other guy has ever made me feel. Just thinking about him gives me butterflies. But I honestly don’t know what to do.

    • Peter White

      Hello Naomi,

      Guys that are scared of getting hurt and make it a point to tell you about it AND say they need to protect themselves go a few different ways.

      One type is a self-esteem mess. They take things too personal. They have trust issues with themselves and the women they’re involved with. They don’t feel “worthy” and normally they’re still in love with the woman or women who hurt them.

      Another type are the ones who, for a lack of what to say, are not convinced you’re the one for them and they use that as an excuse to keep their distance from you.

      It doesn’t mean they’re not feeling it for you – they’re just not sure you’re the one the want to spend the rest of their lives together AND they assume when you “commit” you’re kind of saying it’s forever. Otherwise they believe, the women believes, “what’s the point?”

      Commitment is a strange thing when you consider that point – marriage is forever but if you commit without a certain future – what exactly is going on? Normally it is the time to explore if its going to work. A trial period so to speak. A chance to see
      if everything clicks.

      At least that is how some guys see it but guys might think you ( women ) see it differently. And then you have a communication issues on a very important part of a relationship or a future relationship.

      Try to get on the same page as him – discuss ( properly, don’t probe, accuse, or demand and make sure you point out his side too and find out how he defines it.) what a relationship means to him honestly and of course you might want to discuss or further venture into his trust issues because if he doesn’t have any real one and it’s clear he’s being evasive about them and the past – chances are he’s type two and using it as an excuse to feel things out with you but is probably not ever determined to have a future with you.

      Hope that clears it up for now, I understand you’re feeling it for him but sometimes just chemistry or feeling it heavily is not a reason to believe a relationship will work.

      All the best to you,

      Pete

      This might not completely solve your problem but it’s a great article and should help you out a little.

      http://www.whydoguys.com/newsletter-questions-answers-truth-about-men/keeping-man-interested-you-what-to-do-right/

  • Rose

    I’m in a “relationship” with this guy on and off for 5 yrs we usually see each other on and off months will go by or a year but this time around we have been spending more time together. I don’t know if its because we are getting older Im 30 hes 31 hes been saying he misses me he wants to stay over he calls me continuously if I don’t pick up. We fit together perfectly every kiss is mind blowing every time we have sex its fantastic every time we hug or touch its like electric surging through my body. I notice he tells me more personal things about himself he tells me he feels very comfortable around me. One of my favorite parts about him is beautiful hazel eyes when he looks at me during sex I have to look away sometimes when he looks at me just to look at me it kills me because he looks me straight in the eyes. He is the sexiest man ever to me hes is perfect in every way. I don’t know if im being silly about him like am I reading too much into all this ?

    • Peter White

      Hello Rose,

      Us guys are not always that difficult to read :) so I’m guessing you’re right – you’re NOT reading too much into him:

      He’s getting older and is probably looking to settle down formally. Possibly by moving in together or even bum-bum-ta-dahhhh – “marriage.”

      All the signs are there: Constant communication. A need to be around you more often than before. Telling you things “in confidence” or sharing more than before. AND a definite attraction beyond just friends.

      I would expect more is about to come for you.

      If not then he might be getting over or experienced some life problems which has been solved. Or maybe he’s getting cold feet. Or doesn’t know how to ask. There are a number of reasons why a guy would just suddenly start acting “differently” after something like this.

      For now. Enjoy it and see where it takes you,

      Pete

      • Rose

        Thanks for the input Pete I really appreciate your advice. I really care about him and I tell him this letting him know I’m here for him whenever. Even when I was mad at him I called him to make sure he was ok because I kept getting a feeling he wasn’t and I was right. He told me he really appreciated me looking out for him.

        • Peter White

          You’re welcome Rose and coming from a guy – you don’t even have to tell him how you’ll be there for him ( mostly because some guys do need to hear it more than other guys ) – just BE there. That works just as good.

  • reine

    hello. im really confused and i really love and miss my boyfriend, we broke up on the same day he was traveling, and i packed all his stuff, and he kept telling me how much he loves me and how much he’s gonna miss me, and then when he got there he didnt show me anything we talk as if we are friends, i want him back, we both love and care about each other so much, and i dont know, he doesnt express his feelings which is making it hard, i asked him couple of days ago if he missed me he said “i do, a lot, but what;s the use” and im confused some tells me stop talking to him for a while and others tells me to move on but i cant move on
    p.s: he traveled on the 30th of july and coming back September 22… please help me

    • Peter White

      Hello Reine,

      Men aren’t typically ( generally ) not good at expressing their feelings so you just have to understand his actions are based on he feels.

      Besides that, guys don’t miss women they don’t have feelings for.

      When he said, “what’s the use?” it probably meant he doesn’t feel a long distant relationship was going to work which could’ve caused the breakup in the first place.

      If he “disappeared” for a while after it was because he’s trying to get over you the best he can and staying away from contacting you would be his first step in getting over you. That would also explain the “stop talking to me” and then “talk to him” mixed messages. He’s fighting it.

      Now there’s always the alternative answer – but you’d know that better than me and it’s rare. That’s when a guy breaks up with a girl just before he “goes away” giving him the freedom to date and possibly start up after he gets back. Saving himself from the opportunity to cheat.

      That does happen but based on what you’ve told me, it’s hard for me to guess that. I’m just giving you an option.

      You know the man better than me and you know him better than you think.

      If he’s coming back soon just try not to go off the deep end – sep. 22 might prove to be a wonderful reunion.

      Hope it works out for you Reine,

      Pete

  • victoria

    Hi, I’ve been friends with this guy for 7 years. He tells me everything, we even use to text really sexual stuff to each other. … However I got married, we are still friends but he keeps saying stuff like we could have been married right now, or he can’t have feelings for me because I’m married. I was always in love with him but he never made a move. Now I’m confused, we both still spend time together, but why if he knows I’m married, does he miss me?

  • Shevta

    Hey..
    I met this guy named rahul through facebook and even though we are from the same city, we never met before. Now after speaking for month on FB we finally decided to meet up in our home town ( We both are working at different places). We went on dates and w connected really well. He told me that he really liked me and even I like him a lot but he is in Navy and I am working as engineer myself in a firm. He said that he really wants a relationship and will do whatever it takes to make this “Long Distance Relationship” work. Also he told me that he never felt this way before for any girl (He has been with lots of them in the past and he told me about each and every one of them). I am really confused. Even though I like him but still have doubts about such a long distance thing.. What should I do?

    • Peter White

      Hey…

      Doubts are never a good thing but I’ve found they seem to be there in the beginning.

      I have several things here I can pass your way BUT I’m never ever going to tell someone what to do unless it’s the moment to do so. ๐Ÿ˜‰

      Consider how YOU feel about him and making this work. I’ve found when you’re with a Navy guy it’s most likely going to be a long distance relationship, on and off, for quite a while. So keep that in mind. Long distance relationships seem to rely on trust, a lot of strength, and can feel lonely at times even when you’re with someone. Things most couples don’t have to endure entirely.

      Also consider how long you’ve actually known each other. Just over a month or a few months is not really a good amount of time to jump into a relationship especially one of this nature. Keep in mind when guys head off overseas they tend to become relationship ready too early for very good reasons.

      I’m not saying he’s not feeling it for you like he says – it’s just something else is driving his feelings too and that is his departure.

      I know – I’m probably not making it easier on you. I just wanted to point out some facts you might not consider or think are important or not.

      And as always – consider where YOU’RE at and how you feel, how long he’ll be away ( because if it’s not that long that could make a difference ) , and especially how you feel about this kind of commitment.

      All the best to you and hope your decision works out for both of you Shevta,

      Pete

  • keyla

    I been seeing this guy since April 2103, we started off doing things together alot in the summer & off & on, well he started college & is doing great full time student & lots of homework. On the weekends he gets his kids has homework so he is very busy, not to mention he stays with his girlfriend they don’t get along he told me he sleeps on the couch there don’t talk to each other & he is just there because of his son he been there since day one & if he left it would hurt his son which I understand, but now he goes to school & work so we don’t get to see each other that much, we do text each other everything or other day but I text him first like I miss you & he does text me right back. We see each other now once maybe every 2 months because of his school work & he gets his kids on the weekend…..I really like him I fell in love with him & I do know he likes me I don’t know if he is scared or what? When we are together we don’t want to leave each other, we did see each other last Saturday for sweetest day & as soon as we left each other he sent me a text saying I miss you already. Im just confused & want to know what you think is going on? The girl he lives with they have a son together she sent me a friend request on Ingram but I didn’t expect it I showed him & he just laughed it off so I don’t know if she knows or not. He did tell me when he graduated this spring we could spend more time with me. Please write back & let me know what you think…I just started telling him I loved him, & he had my heart he did tell my way because he was a piece of shit. Well I don’t think so he perfect to me….I really like him.

  • alex

    I need help!
    So I met this guy in the summer of 2013 on line. And I would of have never thought how I would end up with feels for him. We would talk/text everyday and we would skype. Send photos to eachother. shared things no one else knows. But I live in one state and he lives in another. He went to college and I was in hs. one day i went on his pg and i saw that a girl posted a comment something like i love you i cant believe your mine. I screenshot them and told him shit about it. And he said that he doesnt know why the girl did that. I didnt know what to believe…and then he deletes his account.He would tell me “te quiero or I’m seeing the girl I want to be with” he would send me texts in the middle of nowhere. And then we stoped talking. And 5 months later on the day of my 18thbirthday he texts me saying “sorry” I never understood that. And we did a lil bit of talking again. But not that long ago i asked him if he kept any photo of mine and he has one. I have no makeup and i look like shit. And he told me that “thats all you natural. i see it every once in while” what does that mean? Then another night I wrote to him “te quiero” and he replyed with “me too”. And two days ago I told him Goodnight handsome and he told me goodnight with a kissy face emoji. I need help I don’t know what to do. I have mixed feelings a part of me what’s to keep trying and then another what’s to give up and move on. Please reply!

    • Peter White

      Hey Alex,

      Sounds a little “fishy” to me being an only online thing and the fact that you were under 18 when you met AND he came back after you turned 18.

      Lots of people can say anything but actions are typically proof.

      This online thing doesn’t feel real to me and if you are questioning it all, then I would definitely move on… in fact I would look close by to where you live and start dating guys who you can see face to face.

      What you’re experiencing are feelings and not a real commitment AND you have no idea what’s going on in his world so I wouldn’t see it as giving up or even moving on. You’re just being realistic based on the current situation.

      Hope that helps you a little,

      Pete

  • Dakota

    Hello, I am in a relationship for 1 year with a great guy. He has gone through a lot with addictions. He is doing great now. As a girlfriend I have been supportive as a friend and a lover. We care, love for each other. But now I feel like he has pushed me a side. I asked him what was going on. He said that he is confuse. Not ready to sign that final line with me. I said why would you be ready to do that with me. We are getting to know each other and I do not see you as my future husband at this time. What can you offer me at this time. He said that he thought that i wanted that and he was feeling pressured. We talked about it more and continue our relationship. For some reason at this point I feel like I need to save my relationship. I sense a little separation between us. A week later he tells me that he is going away to spend time with his friends (1 wk). He did not invite me. It hurts me… We have been talking about going away together. I did not say anything negative towards his trip. I get it. He needs time. He is a guy… On his trip. I did not call/text him. He called me late at night and left me a message. “Just calling to say hi”. Next day, on my way to work. I sent him a text and told him that i was asleep. It sounds like he is having a good time. Again, I am not calling/texting him… Next day/same day he text me a photo of a painting that i love. Again, my responds are short. I said that”s beautiful thank you for sharing kisses. We always finish our text with kisses. I want to make that clear. Anyhow, 2 days later no contact. I called him and left him a message. The next day. I had a job interview and i was so nervous. I needed him. I needed to hear from him. I text him, and replied right away. He calmed and gave me courage. I told him “I miss you”… Do you miss me? He said “Why text a question like that”? Omg!!! I am so confuse! There was never a problem by him saying i miss you back. I do not know what to do or think… My heart is crushing.

    • Peter White

      Hello Dakota,

      You felt like he was pulling away so you asked him to explain.

      To most men that signals you want more because you’re questioning his actions with regards to you AND increases the pressure too because you’re kind of saying, “Why do you want to spend more time with me?” or “Don’t you like me anymore?”

      And now you’re feeling like the relationship needs saving which is having you question his every move as being related to pulling away from you.

      Which unfortunately might cause him to pull back even more because now he’s beginning to feel like what he’s doing is not good enough for you anymore.

      I believe, to keep this short, that is what is happening.

      He’s beginning to feel like what he’s doing is not good enough anymore based on the talk you had when you first felt like he was pulling away.

      If a guy begins to feel like what he’s doing is NOT working anymore AND you question him about it, ( whether it was really happening or not,) he’ll begin to feel like you want more.

      Hope that helps you understand your situation a little better,

      Pete

  • dee

    hi I met this guy at work and we started dating after eight months I have to leave coz i got another job at another place. he became cold and shuts off and have not spoken to me since the time he knew I am leaving so soon he did not even say goodbye and meet me before I left. Though he kept on telling me whenever I texted him to keep in touch with him of which I did. I kept in touch with him as I am away and took him three weeks to reply back. till now we are having communication and we are miles apart. don’t really know what’s going on between the two of us and I don’t want to ask. he calls straight in a week and after that have not heard from him in two weeks. like the communication comes and goes. he is sweet when he calls and sometimes he’s nowhere to be found. am not really sure what I have to do. I am still hoping that we will see each other that he will come and visit. one time we speak I told him I missed him did you miss me he just kept quiet… what’s that supposed to mean? he keeps in touch with me from time to time for what then? I told him once that xmas is great if your here.. still silence… I am so confused and dizzy with the merry go round game..

    • Peter White

      Hi Dee,

      He sounds upset and probably feels helpless.

      From his point of view…

      “Here I meet this great girl and things are going great and now she’s leaving me!!!”

      In his frustration he’s putting you out of his mind because he might be feeling abandoned and helpless to do anything about it. Like he has no say in the matter and this point in his life.

      He’s attempting to steer away from the apparent source of his despair… your relationship with him.

      Men do it all the time. We’ll attempt to avoid being hurt more, or won’t allow ourselves to be put in a vulnerable situation and will distant ourselves from what appears to be the root of the problem.

      Of course some misunderstand the actual cause of the problem because their emotions seem to hide the facts from us when it typically is caused by our self-esteem and ability to feel cope with our feelings.

      Hope that stops the merry-go-round a little for you Dee,

      Pete

  • Jenny

    Hi, so I’m in a pretty complicated situation. Me and my first real true love have been broken up for two months now. We dated for almost a year. The break up was mainly his decision, so you could only imagine how hard I had it. Stupidly we couldn’t follow a no contact rule because we both caved within the first two weeks after the break up. We’ve been keeping in contact as friends. Not even a month after we broke up and he is talking to another girl… I was pretty hurt by this. Weeks later they he asked her out. This made me ferrous because I knew he deserve better then that! Just recently I found to have lost my in-love feelings for my ex, but I continued to feel an emptiness. He was still on my mind little things reminded me of him. I’ve done everything to try and better myself and get my mind off him. He is one of my friends he knows so much and I’ve never been so open with someone like I’ve been with him… In the end what I’m saying is I miss him. A few weeks ago (while him and his girlfriend were taking a break) we kissed (and a bit more…) & I felt nothing. In fact it felt wrong… I want my friend back but his girlfriend doesn’t like me. I barely see or talk to him now and I’m sure she is the reason for it. How can I tell him I miss him without it seeming like I’m in love or trying to interfere with his current relationship. Please help!

    • Peter White

      Hi Jenny,

      I’m not sure there is a way to tell him without his girlfriend having a problem with it. From her perspective you’re the “ex” and as long as you’re in his life, she might take everything you say as a means to get him back.

      When you add the fact that you two kissed while he was on a break with girlfriend makes matters much worse. First she’ll never trust the two of you, and second, he’l never trust your intentions and will probably only ever assume you’re just looking for another way to get back together with him.

      Honestly I think it would be best for you to NOT tell him.

      Listen Jenny, I’m a guy… right? I can assure you he knows you miss him. Trust me it’s not something which needs to be actually said. We’re not amazingly intuitive about what women are feeling but I feel in this case, he knows it.

      And it would be in your best interest to continue to try to move forward like you’ve been doing. Trying to figure this all out might not help you do that.

      I understand you want your friend back but getting stuck like this won’t help the situation. Trust he knows because he knows you.

      Keep moving on the best you can and as long you maintain your distance, if his current relationship fails, which I’m apt to say, will, you’ll have a better chance of becoming closer friends once again. If you push it, or continue to try to figure it out, will probably only hurt your chances of ever being real close friends again.

      Wishing you a happier road in the future so stay strong Jenny,

      Pete

  • Ven

    Ive been exclusively dating this guy for one month now and we lived an hr away . when i went back home spending weekend with him before i go back to my country for a vacation he drove me home i told him i will miss him then he said me too, after two days i said to him that im already missing him and asked him why cant he say he misses me too then he said that he does think of me throughout the day but he doesnt have to say when its not really true. After two weeks while im in vacation ive told him i m missing him he ignored me again and change the topic and it really makes me feel he doesnt care for me at all. And makes me feel vulnerable. Do u think its too clingy?

    • Peter White

      Yes Ven, it is clingy. A guy needs to express his emotions naturally.

      You can’t force or prod it out of him or you’ll push him further away.

      Time AND distance can be a good thing for an early relationship. It’s a good test. But if you don’t allow that to happen, men become frustrated and tired of trying to prove their feelings.

      They become numb and distant and less empathetic to you.

      Perhaps you’re equating all this to losing him which tells me ( and him ) that you have trust issues or don’t feel confident enough to keep a guy from a distance. Which is good and bad. Bad because it causing you to feel vulnerable and acting out of “neediness” and GOOD because this problem can be solved internally.

      YOU have the power to build your confidence and esteem regardless of him and by working on those things can help this early relationship develop a stronger base.

      Hope that answered your answered and gets you heading in the right direction,

      Pete

  • Peter White

    Hello Kim,

    I won’t give out my email publicly BUT I do approve and moderate every comment. You could try sending it to my Why Do Guys Facebook account or leave it on a comment and clearly point out what you don’t want to be shared publicly and I will edit it and only show what you want to be shown.

    Just please keep in mind that you might not get an answer immediately.

    Pete

  • Ria

    Hey Pete,
    So I met this guy thru an online dating site.. We hit it off instantly.. And after a few days n him asking me persistently I gave him my number.. That was almost a month ago.. Initially we used to text almost on a daily basis for a week or so.. Now it’s like he texts me once every 3 4 days n his question wil always be if I missed him.. Wen I asked him y does he always wanna know that he said coz it makes him smile.. He says he does miss me and d conversations we have and he misses my smart answers and catching up wid me.. Initially he even planned to come n meet me since we stay in 2 different cities but he hasn’t mentioned that in a while now.. We have spoken over d fone too n we do have meaningful conversations that go on for hours.. He usually msgs me at night after midnight n we speak then too.. I feel like he always wants to Knw wat I feel for him ( maybe to boost his ego.. I’m not sure) but isn’t very forthcoming Abt his feelings and I don’t ask directly either.. I’m not sure if he’s really interested or just stringing me along.. We both are 30 so looking for a long term relationship.. But I don’t wanna b one of his options.. Iv been hurt in d past too so not wanting any heartbreak again.. Wat do u think?? is he interested or not?? N If he is how do I take this to d next level like talkin everyday n stuff without Lookin desperate?? Thank u :)

  • Lorna

    Hi Pete,

    Please help!
    I has was seeing a guy, a few months ago we went on 4 dates. 1st was to a coffee shop, we had coffee, got to know each other a bit, nice chat. He then invited me over to his place, we had dinner, watched a movie and tried to kiss me but I backed off. The following date was the same at his place but this time I gave in to the kiss, everything seemed fine, we texted often, although I must say I am not very good at expressing my feelings, it takes a while for me to open up, so he was more vocal about how he felt etc. The last date was when things went sour, again over at his place, we watched a movie but the conversation wasn’t as great, he seemed a bit distant, I didn’t read too much into it but then when I texted him to say I got home safely as I usually did he didn’t reply. I then initiated contact the following day and he simply stopped responding..this got me thinking what have I done wrong?! Has he lost interest? Was it because we didn’t have sex?! Few days later he sent me a “marry christmas” text but I ignored, I was hurt. It has now been over 3 months since we were last together and I miss him deeply, I want to tell him that I miss him but I am scared, its been 3 months he has probably moved on. What should I do? Thanks Lo xx

  • Claire

    Hey Pete,

    I hope you get to reply to this sometime.
    Where do I even begin…
    Well I’ve known this guy for awhile, we move around the same circles but actually have never physically met. We just follow eachother on all social media platforms. Anyway I study abroad but went back home during Christmas. I think he heard I was back and asked me for my number on FB and asked if we could meet up. Sadly by the time he had done that I was already back to school. We started talking alot, skyping almost every day. It was kinda hard because we knew we wouldn’t be seeing each-other in the near future but we were looking at all this from the “in the next 2 years” angle.
    He was so serious with me and he’d go into depth on the future and all that and he truly wanted marriage. (may I add that he’s from an aristocratic family and it’s the “norm” that he needs to be married soon) So when he approached me, he approached me in a very very serious manner.
    I wasn’t really into him… I hadn’t dated in 5yrs and just didn’t know how to act so I’d always shove everything off. Till I became dependent on talking to him and then I *think* I might have grown some feelings for him. Anyway the moment I told him I kinda liked him was the moment everything changed and it just seemed like the ball was now on his court.

    I’m sadly a very prideful person so I suggested we stop talking (so I could have the upper hand). He told me he couldn’t stop talking to me but that if I stop talking to him he’d have no choice than to back away.
    I just feel like I did so many things to mess this all up, all the things I said to him like how if he was in a different family I would probably give him a try. (I didn’t want to be involved in a family like his with so much power)

    Now we no longer talk, I’m not even sure what happened. But I want to tell him I miss him…. because I do so much… idk if that’s wise because I still want him to feel like the alpha male and I still want him to do the “chasing”

    It took all this falling apart for me to actually appreciate him and now I don’t know what to do. What if I tell him I miss him and the conversation doesn’t go as expected. Should I suggest we skype instead and tell him then? Or just text him?
    I want to leave all this with the upper hand rather than being one of those girls desperate to have him….

  • Roxanne

    Hei Pete
    I really need you help..I meet my true love two years ago and everything was so special and perfect between us that we decide to get married and starts our wedding plans and everything…all of this till this boy meet a bad entourage and he start to change his normal point of view and that make me doubt and wonder if he is really the one and..we start to argue a lot and so on.Now we re break up since almost two months and i miss him with all my heart.I know that he loved me a lot but i was so confused that since we break up he didn’t text me or anything.A couple of days I call him because i couldn’t resist and he answer really angry and ask me if something serious happen because he is watching a movie and don’t wanna talk.I told him that i wanna see him and he say that he is busy.That make me feel really sad and confused because i call him after all his friends tell me how much he miss me and things like this.The next day after the phone call a friend of him ask me out and i refused and that boy tell me to come because he is with my ex…and i think that my ex put him to do that..but i don’t understand why.I want him back..but I don t know what to do.Or I don’t know how to forget about him..I m really sad and I don t know what do to.If you have some advices I ll be more than greatful.

  • cathy

    I’m in this exclusive relationship with a man who is very attentive and loving yo me. However 10 months into our relationship he had some conversations with girls on tinder. And yes….I found out by looking at his phone. A fact I am not proud of . He said he needed confirmation or an ego stroke . What is he not getting from our relationship that would lead him to seek out confirmation from strangers?
    Thanks

  • Wallflower

    I have been dating this man for five months and a couple days ago he moved to another continent (only for the summer though) we have been texting every day even tho the time difference makes it hard. I told him that I can’t stop thinking of him and that I miss him terribly and he said I should show him. How? Like what does he mean? Words obviously aren’t enough for him. Any ideas? He’s 38 by the way and I’m 21

  • CC

    Hi Pete. I don’t know what to believe. My story:
    Collegues both single and with incredibly chemistry for 1,5 years now.
    First date 9 months ago. incredible but only after 2 months first hookup. Casual, incidental, not planned. Long story short many promises, declarations of love but never 2second date en he even disappeared on me in dec for 2 weeks after not showing up for date.
    fast forward to april. After flirting an incredible night together (not plannend). His explanation for disappearing he was scared and not ready for relationship. Started dating, he followed through and kept promises this time. But kept saying I sould me careful with him, he doesn’t trust himself etc. i am to blame now.. I still acted needy and insecure. And as in selfulfilling prophesy he disappeared, again.. After him saying i texted to often and being insecure. I told him i liked him but was scared..
    Now no contact for 2weeks.. What to do.. Will he come back? Tell him i miss him after month? Is he just not that into me. Or did he use me, again?

    • Let cut right to it CC…

      Guys who run because they are scared and not ready for a relationship BUT refuse to tell you why, instead just disappear without a word are NOT ready for a relationship of any kind.

      Truthfully, scared to start a new job in a new town with no one is valid. Scared to sky dive, cliff climb, or any dangerous feat is valid. Even a little scared to just get out and meet people is kind of valid when you think about the large social world we live in…

      BUT a guy who avoids the truth with you, using the “I’m scared” or “I’m going to hurt you” or “Please don’t trust me.” or “Be careful with me”. is using tactics you should stay far from. Even if they don’t realize they’re doing it.

      Very generally it means, “I’m not capable of sustaining a monogamous relationship at all.”

      Now if he suggested that honestly from the beginning or in the very least made it known he was only interested in casually and openly dating for a while, while seeing other people, I could see that. He’s being honest and upfront and you could decide one way or another if it was worth trying. (While you dated other men too.) That’s reasonable.

      I’ve just seen way too many men use the “I’m sacred” excuse to turn something into casual sex without strings attached or a friend with benefits that they can string along for as long as they want.

      Now sure, maybe you did act needy. I have no way of knowing that.

      BUT remember HE was bringing up relationships and all and of course you’re going to believe or put yourself in a relationship sort of mind with him.

      Will he come back… probably. As long you let him. As long as you actually trust what he’s saying is the truth.

      Just remember, being scared of just getting deeply involved with a woman is a sure sign he’s not ready and never will be UNTIL he takes care of that first. Typically it’s immaturity, Mommy or family problems, women issues, likes being single and wants to stay that way, and more…

      Sure some women have a way of becoming the one girl a guy changes for but I’m willing to bet that is more rare and less likely to happen.

      Chemistry is one thing. Commitment and being capable of sustaining a relationship, whether it fails or not takes a different sort of guy and if I were you, I’d keep searching for someone who is a little less scared, more aware, and capable of honesty from the very beginning.

      Hope my candidness helps you out and I’m wishing you all the best of luck,

      Pete

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