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Why Do Guys…?

Is He Confusing You? Leave Your Questions About Men Here And Get An Answer From A Real Guy

If a guy is confusing you and you’re looking for an answer, you can leave them here.

When he’s doing something you just don’t understand and the answers you’ve found only seemed to confuse you even more, well then men might as well have a huge question mark posted on their face. STOP over thinking and tell us what you REALLY want to know about guys.

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Is there something about a guy you wished anyone would finally give you an honest answer?

Your girlfriends are great but they might know know about the other side. They haven’t lived a man’s life.

Maybe your guy friends are not typical. They’re “nicer” than the “boys” you’ve dated. They don’t have the experience you wish they had.

Your family’s a little too close or perhaps too far. Either way they know you too well and their answers are more about you and not men in general.

You’ve tried searched out here in the great web but for some reason, you just couldn’t get a real satisfying answer. They, like I’ve been guilty of too, seem to open up more questions that satisfy just one of them.

And now you find yourself here… wondering, hoping, trudging through a few posts, reading a few comments… it’s kind of nice but YOUR problem is different. It’s just not covered somewhere.

This page comes to you as an opportunity to leave a question (anyone) can answer but also it’s a starting place to categorize everything you wanted to know about guys.

Leave your random question about men and I just might feature it as a post – or I’ll throw you a quick answer straight from the instincts of a guy who understands men and wants you to understand us all better.

Here are the basic categories I’ve found most questions fall into:

( If you feel I’ve missed one then please let me know about it below…. thanks in advance…. Peter White )

731 comments… add one

  • n/a

    I work at a coffee shop and there is a customer that I always made eye contact with even though I wasn’t directly serving him (drive-thru). He would always look back at me when he drove away and wouldn’t look away when I caught him staring. One day I wrote my number on his cup but didn’t get a call or text or anything but i did find out about a week later that he had a girlfriend. That was about 4 months ago so i dont know if he still has one. I still am rarely the one talking to him and serving him but i draw smiles on his cup sometimes. He still stares and looks back and smiles at me. One day he commented on how he didnt get a smile on his cup so i said hed get one the next day.. which he did and i wrote have a great day and he had an even bigger smile on his face when he saw that. I dont know if he actually likes me or if i should back off because he has a girlfriend. I just can’t get him off my brain ! Should I make another move? I think he might be shy because he only talks to me if im there by myself without any other employee around.. But im even more shy and barely say anything to him at all.
    Please help :)

  • Christina

    My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year and a half. We are both in our early twenties and I completely trust him. Recently, there’s been a girl (18) who has incessantly tried to get at my boyfriend: a “man-stealer,” if you will. I haven’t seen it as a huge issue because I trust that he won’t cheat on me, we have a pretty great relationship. However, my boyfriend is a nice guy and doesn’t understand that simple harmless actions (sending a snapchat, liking a picture, etc.) might make a girl think he is interested in her. This girl is throuroughly convinced that my boyfriend is into her and has started harassing me and telling me that he’s going to break up wth me for her. While I know that none of this is true and that she is simply trying to get into my head, it really bothers me that she continues to be disrespectful and that my boyfriend has no clue that he’s giving her ideas and essentially leading her on. How do I get this across to him without sounding jealous or needy? I just want this girl to back off and leave us alone.

    • Hello Christina,

      Great relationships normally have great communication. Use that to your advantage by being open and honest about it.

      If done right, he might see a little jealousy as cute or as a clear sign of how much you do love being with him AND that you’re concerned.

      You’re concerned about these items:

      She’s adding drama.

      She’s disrespecting you.

      She’s harassing you.

      If you don’t want to come across as needy or overly jealous then don’t go to him angry or overly emotional. Don’t play games in the background hoping he’ll get the hint.

      And definitely don’t go to him telling him he has no clue that he’s giving her the wrong idea. That would be disrespecting him and would be sort of calling him a “dumbass” who doesn’t get it.

      The one thing I DO know about people and communication is that there is never a guarantee the other person will get your point. Some, no matter what you do or say some will only ever see things from their perspective based on too many things to list.

      This simply means, Don’t get caught up in trying to force your point across… just be direct about how it makes you feel and how she is making you feel and NOT about what he’s doing wrong. That will only cause him to become defensive and might push him into her.

      Read this please, it’s at The Approach and was written by a relationship expert who gives great advice:


      I want you to read it because it will convince you that what you’re doing so far IS the right thing to do and how if your relationship is solid and your communication is clear and in order, bringing it up to him in the way I mentioned above won’t come across as needy.

      And how being a little jealous is NOT a bad thing or an emotion which needs to be kept behind a locked door. How sometimes jealousy is seen by a guy who is feeling attracted to you (within reason) is not always a bad thing.

      Her story won’t entirely pertain to you but it can show you what NOT to do and hopefully just by know thing, you’ll know exactly what to say AND how to say it too.

      Wishing you all the best and I do hope everything works out for both of you and of course that your man-stealer moves on to hunting someone else’s guy. :)


  • Roxanne

    Why do guys do when you STILL like a girl or you know she likes you?
    Two years ago, a really cute guy entered to my school and every single girl was like “Oh my god, he’s so perfect”, etc… He was in the school bus, just as me, and the first day no one talked to him, so I acted friendly and smiled at him. And 3 days later he asked me to be his valentine. I thought it was like a joke and he wanted to make fun of me because he knew he has handsome, so I said no, and he started laughing. I got mad, because I was like “Oh, so it was actually a joke. That’s not even funny”. At the very next day he started singing to me in the school bus and I tried just to ignore him and act like I was mad but I couldn’t help it and started laughing and he noticed. He started singing to me every day and I was literally telling him “Stop it” “Shut up” while I was laughing, but he was laughing too so he never stopped singing to me for the whole year, but he also talked to me and asked me things like “What kind of music do you like?” “What song do you want me to sing?” and said things like “You have cool eyes”. The next year, he stopped going on the school bus and I actually started missing him.
    Two months later I was sad about that, and started going crazy for him. When I saw him I was like “He’s perfect, why did I reject him?”.
    And it was awkward when we walked next to each other. We never talked. This year, it’s still awkard, but even more than last year, this is the third year and the last one for him because he will go to college and I still like him even though we haven’t talked in a very long time. Today, he entered to my classroom (he’s 3 years older) because he and some classmates of him are organizing some event in the school, but when their classmates were talking, he was staring at me and I could feel it, then I looked at him but I thought he would stop doing it but he didn’t, so I was the one who stopped and it was REALLY obvious. Then I noticed he smiled. My best friend knows all about this and she was laughing, so it was even more obvious. That boy and his classmates had to choose people for their teams for something. So he just walked to me and asked us “Do you want to be in my team?” and we said yes. I was awkwardly screaming inside “I KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN!”. My friend wrote her name first in a page of paper where they had to write their names if they were in his team, and he was staring at me. When I was writing my name I was about to start laughing, and so was my friend. Then I gave him the page but I was nervous and my hands were kind of shaking a little bit so I accidentally touched his hand and my friend made that noise people make when they’re about to start laughing, then he smiled at me and said “Thanks!”.
    When he walked out of the classroom, all of my friends started screaming “OH MY GOD! YOU’RE IN HIS TEAM, EVERYBODY MAKE FUN AT HER!” as a joke, and I was laughing too. Then my friend, who is in his team now, told me “When he walked into the classroom, I was like ‘This is going to be interesting’, and I could see you too looking at each other. When you looked somewhere else, I could see him staring at you” and she started laughing. I blushed then and now I don’t know what to think.

  • Jen

    Hi Pete,
    I’m so glad that I found this website. I would really appreciate if you can advice me on this one. I met this guy last year, he approached me and asked me to hang out several times on the next days, which I agreed to. We hanged out four times, the first three with friends, the last time we were alone, that day I realized that he was into me, he had planned a whole day of fun and I had a great time. At the end of the day, we kissed and we spent the night at my friends house (we didn’t have sex) on the next day he took me to the airport because I was leaving the country. That night he confessed that he really really liked me and that I made him feel nervous, he was kind, respectful, a gentlemen. I was far and with he distance things went from cold to hot and viceversa, we kept texting but never deep conversations, just flirting and checking out on each other, I must say that most of the flirting was done by him, I was feeling confused and I don’t like to build any kind of relationship thought texting. Last month I traveled to an event that he attended too, I could see the signs that showed that he was still interested and he even said that we wanted everything from me, he would get nervous around me, he was constantly showing off, he would tease me and joke about me in front of his friends, he would stumble with his own words while talking to me, he tried to see if I remembered what had happened between us, he would deeply look into my eyes and smile, he would give me long and repetitive hugs, he would find excuses to touch me (arm, hand, hair…) we were always sorounded by people so nothing happened and I could see some of his girl-friends checking on us. He didn’t really tried to have a time alone with me, because it told him I was moving to a place that is closer to where he lives (new job and school transfer), so maybe he thought he would have time alone with me later? I’m not sure. I finally moved and he knows, he had been texting me that he couldn’t wait to have me closer, that he couldn’t wait to hang out again with me again, and since I was moving I can’t lie and say I wasn’t excited about knowing someone in the area and he made it seem like he was anxious to see me. Well, now he knows I moved and he hasn’t said anything, I thought that since he’s a nervous person I would write to him instead but he never wrote me back, I can’t lie and say I’m not disappointed, truly, I had no intentions in telling him on the first place about me moving, because I already know that he chickened out everytime he tried to make plans with me, he tried before and he’s doing it again, I’m not asking for anything and he has being playing game that I don’t understand, where he creates expectatives with his promises and at the end he can’t make them happen for whatever reason. My friends are as confused as I am, they convinced me to persue and talk to him, but I don’t know if it’s worth it, I like him, but if he’s always going to back off, then what am I moving forward for?

  • Charlie Mcfadden

    How do you pull hard to get with a smart guy?

    • Charlie Mcfadden

      I have a guy friend that I been knowing for years. We hang out from time to time. One day, I asked him to put a few reggae songs on my Mp3 player. When I got it back There was a song on their by Bob Marley called waiting in vain. I think it was directed towards me. Should I say something to him or just let it go?

  • sandy

    Hey so i commented in the another article but saw this and thought maybe that this is where i should ask and all. Anyway, im just curious whats with the “texting” habit of guys?? Like his the one who texted me i just responded and then nothing from here and few days later he texted me again its tiring and this has been happening for quite sometime So i.decided to not text him back and end whatever this is its tiring . So moving forward what should i do?

  • Liv

    So basically I just cannot figure this one guy out. Last semester when I had a free period and he did not, I would always catch him staring at me as he walked towards his next class. Once, I even caught him looking for me when I wasn’t in my usual seat. He’d look at me when I’d see him during lunch, and in between classes. This is an everyday, 4+ times a day thing. Now this semester he has the same free period as me. He glances at me as soon as he gets in the door, before he sits down, as he leaves the cafeteria, and before he gets out the door. I’ve caught him staring at me and whipping his head away when I caught him in the act. I saw him motion to me with a grin on his face when he was with his friends (he’s popular and I’m not so I’m not sure if that was him mocking me or not). The confusing thing is, he stares at me constantly but he’s taking another girl to prom! We don’t talk at all or know each other.Please help! Thanks!

  • Lorna

    Hi Pete
    I’ve just been reading some of the advice you’ve been giving and it sounds pretty spot on so I thought I’d ask for some myself!

    I have been chatting with this guy on What’s App recently. I thought he was gorgeous, kind, funny, and we had an amazing connection. I know he felt similar with what he was saying (I think you’re perfect which makes me desire you a hell of a lot, etc.) and how he was acting. He had subtly asked me out several times but I hadn’t realised, then he eventually asked me out properly on that same day. As we don’t live in the same towns, I couldn’t make it and suggested another day but said that I couldn’t guarantee as I wasn’t sure if I was there with work on that day or not (but would find out).

    Anyway, for some stupid reason, I didn’t get back to him by the day I had suggested. Partly because I hadn’t heard from work and I guess partly because I’m a bit stupid with dating. I’ve just come out of a long-term relationship and am a bit clueless. Plus, at that point, it felt that our relationship had become more of an on-line affair and was weird to think that we would actually meet up!

    After that point things went downhill and he ended up breaking things off a few days later. He gave a different reason but it didn’t seem very plausible to me.

    We briefly got back in touch and left things on a pretty good note although I was upset and he said that he was ‘disappointed.’
    In my final message I mentioned that if I was ever in his hometown I would come by to watch his band and wished him all the best. Anyway that was it.

    A few weeks later he announced a mid-week gig on the day I had previously mentioned would be the only day I would be in London (as far as I was aware he didn’t do mid-week gigs), which made me wonder whether he had done it deliberately as a test to see whether I would go or not. I couldn’t go as I was working late and didn’t mention this to him as it seemed silly to. Then a few days afterwards, he unfriended me on Facebook.

    My question to you is ‘is there any point in pursuing this?’. I would like to contact him again but I also don’t want to make a complete idiot out of myself if he has already moved on. I feel as though I’ve let myself down and given the impression that I’m not interested, which is completely untrue and leaving me feeling extremely frustrated with myself.

    I am really grateful for your time with this as I know you are doing this for nothing and look forward to hearing what you have to say.

    Many thanks

  • Monique

    Me and my ex can’t seem to get on the same page but we keep trying. Its certain things he do that makes me mad and vise versa. We both are trying to make it work but fail every time, is it time to.just call it quits.

  • Raven

    Hi Pete, I’m having a bit of a problem with a guy. He is 30 and I am 2 years younger. We used to work together he was a vendor at my store, and we always got along great in person, tons of laughs and we always had good chemistry. He wanted to date me in the beginning but people from work started making rumors and brown nosing so we had to just remain friends. Even after that his eyes would always light up when he seen me and he was very interested in what I had to say. Our convos were funny and we had lots of fun. Even pointing out little tidbits here and there like if I styled my hair different, or bringing up little things that I have said in the past. He is a very busy guy though, because he is a boss he works 7 days a week and 13+ hour shifts. Another thing is he hates his phone, he hates talking and texting because 90% of his calls are work related. He hardly ever texts anyone, and this was not really a problem because we saw each other at least 1 day a week. Now he is gone(Due to events beyond his control) and before he left we had made plans over my holiday to hang out. I had left him a voicemail a week before my holidays asking what day we were going to hang out. He never responded to my voice mail. I found out that he went to go visit a friend for a month, he had not seen in ages. I was cool with that but recently I have been trying to text again, but with no answer. I told him before that if he doesn’t want to be friends and talk to me anymore that is fine but to please tell me. No response to the message. If I ask a question he never replies, if I call he never answers. He apparently has a bit of time now but yet all I hear is the sound of crickets. I am confused, really confused. I know he hates his phone and I get that and I certainly do not expect constant messages or calls just I worry and want to talk to him, I told him, and because of his job there is no way I could just bump into him, he is always on the go. I would always be there for him and I was always very kind to him and many times he said I was a kind, upstanding, funny lady, and that I was different from other people. (He is not a fan of people in general) and that he did want to continue talking to me after he left. A couple months have gone by and I have not seen him, nor heard from him. I’m reaching breaking point, I feel like an idiot every time I message him or call him, yet he always told me he loved when I sent him funny pics and messages. I know he rarely ever texts anyone or calls them but still, just a simple answer would be okay. Should I just give up? or should I keep being supportive and there for him, and just maybe hope he comes back. I am feeling really crappy because in person we always had amazing conversations but now as time keeps going by and my messages and calls are being ignored I am feeling discouraged and like it is time to give up, I don’t want to but this is painful. What should I do?

    Thank you

  • EJ

    Hi Pete. Where to start. I’m 45 divorced and have begun to have feelings for my salsa teacher. God that sounds so cliche!
    He is older than me, also divorced. I think we have lots in common and I’d like to get to know him better but I am getting so many mixed messages. I think there is chemistry there but I’m too shy to ask him out. He added me on Facebook but rarely talks or comments. I get left hanging. But then the other week he picked up a private conversation from days before while he was away for the weekend which made me think he might be interested.
    He is much better face to face though and there is lots of flirty banter through the lessons but when it comes to the club dancing after he never asks me to dance.
    What should I do. How do I get him to notice me? Do I wait for him, do I flirt more, do I ignore him…..I’m lost.
    I have no experience to fall back on. I married my 1st boyfriend at 18 and was married for 25 yrs.
    I think we could be pretty perfect for each other but don’t know how to progress things and I can’t get him out of my head…….but I’ve no clue if he feels the same or if he has even noticed me at all.

  • You Could Guess

    So why don’t some men follow through with what they say? One long intense conversation & then BAM its like getting a bucket of cold water thrown on you. Its hard to be around him, hard to focus when your body creates a new physical ache in that general area of just craving what you want. Its new wanting something that bad but its all you can think about. Not a relationship just that physical need that has been constant on your mind. Minimum contact only when is necessary in the situation but of course can’t help but think when that happens about that one long conversation….. Its intensifying more and more throughout the wait and goddamn FRUSTRATING!!
    Can’t wait for the response to this one Peter 😉

  • Blessed247

    Hi Pete,

    There is a guy at my church and he and I serve on the same ministry. At first, I did not notice his interest in me until he hugged me so tight one day that I realized he was flirting with me. Therefore, we started flirting a lot (for me it was just for fun, and I think it was for him as well). I sent him a request to be friends on Facebook, and he accepted and immediately started liking all my posts and pictures. This when on for a while and then he backed off a little. Back in December 2013, he kissed me on the neck in the elevator at church. It took me by total surprise, and I did not know what to do or say. He backed off for a little while again, then picked back up on flirting with me again in the Spring of 2014. In September 2014 we were flirting hard with each other just having some fun when out of nowhere he says to me “You know I Love you right” he said it to me twice and was looking me dead in the eyes when he said it and I said “I Love you to” looking directly in his eyes.

    It seemed like forever that we just stood there staring at each other. I believe you show a person how much you love them with actions and not just words. Some of my friends think that he is just very shy and I intimidate him. Other people at church started asking if something was going on between us as well. He always hugs me a lot when were at church and follows me around no matter where I am. When he sees me he smiles and blushes all the time. He’ll also come up to me and just hug me around the waist, he’s even walked up to me out of the blue several times and picked me up and spun me around. He is very protective of me and always parks next to my car at church and stands and sits next to me at our team meetings. The thing is, he never really initiates contact. I’m always the first to call or text him but when I do he responds right away.

    Recently he told me something personal about his ex. He said that the two of them were very tight and still talk from time to time. He shared with me that she is going thru a tough situation in her life right now, and how he is going to be spending a lot of time seeing her and helping her out. But the times he says he’s going to see her, I always see his car parked in the driveway (by the way I moved into a house on the same street he lives on back in 2014). All of a sudden today when I saw him at church I asked “hey you missed our team meeting yesterday, is everything ok”? He said “yes, I was working. I said you sure have been working a lot is all ok to which he replied yes?. He just wanted to make sure he had enough annual leave and comp time to be with in his words “my girl” when she goes out for a procedure coming up soon (he has been on his job in the government for over 11 years). Later in the morning at church I asked him when he was going to settle down and have some kids.

    He blushed and got all flustered and said he has a lot of prospects. I said, prospects, he said yes let’s talk about this back at his station. I said no problem. I went to talk to him and he said he had several prospects, but then showed me a picture of his ex and him and said she was his top prospect. He said they may be getting married next year. He went on about some other things that I won’t bore you with. He came up to me around 12:30 at church and said he had to leave because she texted him and said she was having a lot of pain and so he was going to go see her (she lives about 45 minutes away). Mind you, I’m no longer the team leader so he should have cleared that with the team lead (I found out he never told the team lead he had to go). So, at 1:30 me and a couple other leaders had a meeting that ended around 3:00. Around 3:15, I just so happen to check my phone and noticed a text from him at 3:00 pm where he tells me “the she is ok, her sister is with her”.

    I’m like why is he telling me this. I get home around 3:30 and notice his car down in his driveway. Wow, for someone who is possibly getting married next year to his girl who is going thru an illness and was in a lot of pain I was surprised to see that he never went to see her. And yet he sent me a text to tell me why he didn’t go see her. Very peculiar.

    My questions are below:

    Has this guy been playing/stringing me along because he is still in love with his ex and was hoping the two of them would get back together;

    Does he really like me and to show that he trusts me, he is trying to be open and let me know what his ex is going thru as a sign of support; or

    Is he trying to let me know without hurting my feelings and keeping the friendship that he and his ex are getting back together?

    Pete, if this was your girlfriend/future wife wouldn’t you go be by her side just for comfort?

    If it were me, I would want my boyfriend/finance to come be with me. It would make me feel so much better knowing that while I’m going thru this difficult situation he was there with me because I would do the same for him. It’s ok, because there are plenty of fish in the sea and I’ve already started checking out dating sites online. I’m interested in hearing what you think.

    Hopefully I’ve given you enough information to be able to give me some insight.


  • Heena

    hey peter, you see there is this guy i like and it seems like he too is attracted to me, i know it because every time he enters into the classroom his eyes looks like its searching for me you know. And once he knows i m there he looks away..he tries very hard not to look directly into my eyes…when he talks to the other girls he looks at them but never looks directly at me..at first i thought maybe he doesn’t like me or maybe i did something that made him uncomfortable…but then sometimes he smiles at me while talking to me an then again stops it….and sometimes when he thinks i am busy with my studies and not paying attention he stares at me …I know it because whenever I look up i find him staring…when I ask him any question regarding any subject he just pretends as if he did not even listen…but when some other girl asks him he replies to her…..you see this HOT AND COLD ATTITUDE is really making me angry…I don’t know what to do….i am so confused….PLEASE HELP ME

  • julie

    I am married and have feelings for someone else i am confused because i love my husband and have been trying to ignore the feelings i have for the other person. It is very difficult as the other person lives right next door to me. They are new nighbours have been here about 5 months. He flirts with me every now and then but then ignores me and then starts again so i feel i am on egg shells. The other day he knocked on my door as a parcel of mine was delivered to his house it was the first time we actually saw each other up close properly. The chemistry between us was so strong and he came alittle closer and was looking at me in such a mesmerized way looking at me up and down and then straight in to my eyes it was almost like he was going to kiss me! I then said i will take my parcel now and thanks. But he was still standing there staring and smiling at me. Since that day i cant stop thinking of him even though i am trying to ignore it.
    I have a 2 year old son and this neighbour is with a partner with a 8 week old baby so our situation is tricky.
    But it has been 3 days now he walks past my house and does not even look my way now since what has happened. I know he is attracted to me and he is a attractive man but this is getting difficult. What do i do if he does what he did the other day again? its almost like he has been waiting to be like that for a long time towards me. He seems like a hardworking man and looks like a decent honest man like my husband i dont know if its because they have the stress of the baby or he genuinely does have feelings but is trying to ignore them himself aswell! Can someone give me some advice?.

  • Becky

    Hi Pete!
    I have left a comment, but I can’t find it on here anymore and my website crashed, unsure if it posted so thought I’d write again.. Sorry
    Wondering if you could help me. Been texting a guy for a few years on and off, always making plans to meet then he would cancel last minute or just not get in touch. After 6months of this we finally met. We had an ace night and he was texting me after saying he had an ace time, and now we had finally met I wouldn’t be able to get away from him.. Jokingly flirting. We met again two days later and we kissed but nothing more. Texting me saying he couldn’t stop thinking about me and things and It was all fine. A week after that we planned to meet but he cancelled on me a couple hours before we were meant to meet. Asked my later that night to meet the next day. I had plans with my family, so I told him this. He hasn’t messaged me back since. This was two weeks ago.. It’s all a bit confusing and I don’t know what his game is. Any advice would be grateful!


  • Nicole

    Hey Peter,
    I am confused about a guy I have been seeing for just about 6 months. We have yet to have any sort of exclusive talk where we actually agree to anything. People we talk to always assume we are a couple and we kind of laugh and make light of it. Last night we were out at a bar talking to another guy sitting next to me and the guy asked if we were together. I joked that we had just met so the guy seemed surprised because we seemed to know each other so well. We laughed and said it was a joke and my guy said that we were together. Sometimes he will say so and sometimes he won’t. I assume he thought this guy would hit on me if he said we were. Sometimes he refers to himself as “My man” and sometimes he talks about how he is a young single guy. He likes to bring up past flings and relationships but claims I do to. I don’t recall it other than when he just had pointed it out. While it bothers me, I usually just ignore him until he stops. He has also mentioned how bad his last relationship ended and how it had been a rebound that lasted too long. I asked if this is what he and I were doing and he looked at me like I was crazy and said it wasn’t because that relationship had ended a few years ago.

    We are insanely comfortable around each other and people we both know have said we seem to have known each other for a long time even though we just met in January. He introduced me to his best friend and other friends who he has told me countless stories about and as part of the introduction he said I am the lady hes been seeing and said that he had told them about me. When he said this to his best friend, his friend came over and hugged me and asked where he had been hiding me. It seemed like his friends liked me. It felt like a big deal yet I still feel like I am just a friend to him. We have a lot of fun together. I just don’t want to get stuck in a FWB situation. The mutual friend that introduced us told me after he and I started seeing each other that he said he saw a future with me.

    I guess what I need help clarifying is if bringing up an exclusive talk just to put it to rest is a good idea or not. I don’t want a label or to be called his girlfriend because I don’t really enjoy labels but it would help end some confusion. At the moment I don’t consider myself single but I don’t really consider myself taken either. I guess I must give off some vibe because I have been asked out a ton more recently and it has been awkward to say no because the follow up question always leads to me having to flat out say I am in a relationship which I don’t know that I am. It gets weird. I just want to know if we are exclusively dating each other or if this is casual. We have already established that we aren’t sleeping with other people, he has gone from not showing much affection in public to holding my hand when we walk or keeping close body contact when we are out. I don’t think any of that means much more than he likes me. I am over being sucked into these casual go no where relationships with people. Is it worth bringing up the subject or should I let things run their course and look for an opening bring it up?


    • Hey again Nicole,

      Normally guys don’t need to be nudged or even have to have “the talk” to solidify a relationship.

      If they’re capable and willing, they are more than happy to make it official. Sometimes it just takes longer for that to happen. Especially if they’re on the younger side.

      If he was forty and doing this then I would definitely say to make it official and bow out gracefully if a definite commitment is what you want.

      In your case, since neither one of you are actually seeing each other AND he’s showing clear signs that he’s progressing forward, (he has gone from not showing much affection in public to holding my hand when we walk or keeping close body contact when we are out) you’re both are kind of already in a relationship.

      Give it some more time Nicole. Six months is not that long at your ages. Let him have his fun with the whole, “I’m a single guy” one minute and yours the next. Keep busting his ass back make light of it all.

      The thing to remember here is, you’re both happy. Things appear to be moving forward, and slowly is good.

      In other words…. it’s working!!!

      I realize that answering other peoples questions can be a problem. You can always say, “Sorry, it’s complicated. :)” then give a little wink after. That works for me. 😀

      At some point, I agree you’re going to have to make a decision on whether to continue or not but I don’t think now is the time.

      The great part about all this is, if I’m wrong, you can always blame me. :)

      Remember, if it’s working and progressing slowly, that usually is a good thing.

      Wishing you all the best of luck and hoping you don’t have to blame me one day, HAha!

      Thanks and nice hearing from you again Nicole,


      • Nicole

        Haha thank you Peter!
        You are probably right. I get in my head too often. It’s been easier with him to stay out of my head. I met up the other night to watch him at his gig and he best friend showed up. We talked a bit and it turns out my guy had sent his best friend photos of some of my art work. When we stepped outside for a bit his best friend asked me what my intentions were. He wouldn’t tell me anything but he wanted to know what my intentions were with his best friend. It felt like concern but it also felt like he was feeling me out a bit.
        So as far as I know it’s going well. I am happy. Thank you for your advice. I’m sure no matter what I won’t blame you for anything! 😉

  • Leslie

    I recently went on two dates with a man, and both dates were great! We didn’t kiss on the first but on the second. Now I have’t heard from him in a few days. I know he likes me, he told me he did! So what gives?

    • Hello Leslie,

      Relax :) The right guys tend to take things slowly at first so this is a good thing.

      He kissed you. Told you he liked you. Unless he was only interested in sex and only got a kiss, which trust me is more rare than the latter, give him some time.

      Relationships grow over time and do better that way. Just like when you’re driving you don’t go from 0 to 100 instantly, you slowly build the momentum up. Catch your breath. Allow the feelings to seep in.

      At first it may be a few weeks between replies. Then a week. Then a few days. Then perhaps a few daily interactions.

      Trust me the “better” guys work that way and it’s much more fun and beneficial for both of you to have it work that way.

      It will be fine,


  • Nicky

    I would appreciate a guy’s opinion so much. I am at this job for a year now and after 6 months I and a firend (co-worker) noticed a really handsome guy looking at me. I only see him at the beginning of the day and maybe at the end of our shift. At some point I stopped looking at him, because I liked him so much and I felt completely blocked. Now that I have started looking at him again, he doesn’t respond. What should I do?

  • Alexis

    I’ve been working at my job for a little over a year now and the guy I like has been o my working a little before me so we’ve known each other since we both started. When I first met him I didn’t see him as a guy I could like because 1. I wasn’t attracted to him and 2. I didn’t know him. Months pass and several guys from work had asked me out or would flirt with me all the time while he just stood there and laughed. Now being here over a year, I’ve developed feelings for him. The first time I hung out with him outside of work was on New Years at a work party where we barely talked. Some nights if we leave at the same time he will drive me home. Recently, a bunch of us friends from work will go to an amusement park because it’s the summer I was the one who invited him because I knew he liked roller coasters. I’ve only gone with him twice but the last time was about a week ago and it ended up being just him and I. We had a lot of fun though it was only the two of us. We both agreed it would be better if others were with us but we talked and laughed.

    To present, the day after that day we worked together but with different positions so we weren’t working “together”. I was working with another guy from work who is known just as long and I could catch the guy I like looking up at us from the other side of the building or coming to hand me menus or tell me thank you for things. But now like today it was just us two working together and he barely talked to me at all, he looked at me sometimes but not long. Every time I tried to make conversation he gave me one word answers or said them kind of rudely I didn’t know what to do. In the end we carried on the night not talking, we park next to each other and not even then did we talk. I was hoping he would at least make a joke when we were cleaning up a table and help me clean it but he just didn’t acknowledge me at all. He talked to my other coworkers but not me. There were times when a lot of friends from work would tell us we would be great together because we both have the same kind of attitude and would probably get along. He was always quick to say no and look completely serious, I can’t even give him a high five cause he doesn’t like to be touched, I feel he thinks I’m repulsive for some reason.

  • Samantha

    I met this guy in a class of mine and he was nice. He is shy, and gave your typical shy guy signs that he was interested. Due to the class situation we were in, it was super hard to have a conversation with him, but all in all we’ve had enough conversations to be aware of each other’s existence, so I’m talking five or six convos. Long story short, my friend let it slip that I had a crush on this guy, which I did not intend to happen. I haven’t seen him in a long one due to circumstances, but I sent him a message to clear things up and apologize. He said it’s okay and that he understands but in regards to me liking him, this was his response “I don’t want to rush into a relationship with someone I’m not already good friends with but I wouldn’t be opposed to being friends first and stuff.” So I’ve been stuck trying to figure out whether he means friends first then see what happens or if that was rejection?

    Also, I sent him a message in reply to his message, and he never replied to it, I’m not even sure he saw it.

    So what do you think is going on?

    • Hello Samantha,

      By all means tell your friend I’m upset with her and to never do that again. :)

      Please don’t apologize for her to him. He probably only saw it as you finding a reason to see if he likes you back. I realize it already happened but just felt I’d share how it could’ve backfired.

      My gut honestly tells me it was a rejection in the nicest way possible. They happen.

      Now that is not to say something won’t happen. Some guys take forever before they realize they’re attracted to someone. Friendships occasionally do turn into something more. It’s just not something to rely on unless you almost immediately change your tactics and the dynamics of the situation and work from that point. ( Probably only works because it’s better than just being friends and hoping something happening which barely ever give results.)

      Just please don’t build your life around the possibility of something happening.

      And certainly make sure you are exploring lots of other options.

      Thanks for writing and hope your friend keeps her mouth shut next time and allows you to do things your way, HAha!

      All the best to you,


  • Yvonne

    Hi Pete,

    How are you? I need your advice. So I just met this guy online like 2 days ok. Seems like a very nice person, but maybe it’s me he just seems to be moving to fast. He told me a lot about himself which is ok, but he wants to know like my entire life history. Past relationships, all about my work, family, etc. I’m not cool with telling someone zi just met online my entire life story. Even with guys I’ve dated in the past didn’t move that fast. I must admit we do share many common interest. What are your thoughts?

    I’m new to the online dating thing and would love to here your feedback.

    Thanks and have a Great Day!


    • Hi Yvonne,

      I’m doing absolutely wonderful. :)

      What about you? How’s your family? Have you ever been married? Do You want kids? What do you do for a living? 😀

      Seriously… Haha!

      Be wary of guys who move too fast or guys who ask questions like that. Not because it’s not a nice thing to do but I believe they need to learn a few communication skills to really know HOW to (and with) talk to women.

      Now I’m sure he’s probably just a nice guy who thinks this is what he’s supposed to do BUT never feel like you have to tell him everything.

      There are ways in which we, guys and gals, exchange information and learn about each other which are far more rewarding and fun and perhaps, he needs to learn this skill.

      I wouldn’t put him down for it. Just keep it all in mind and never let a guy move this fast. Back away. Change the subject. Talk about “other” things and make sure you set up a safe face to face meeting BEFORE you get too deep with him.

      And I WILL have a great night,


      • Yvonne aka Blessed247

        Hi Pete,

        Happy Wednesday!!! Thanks so much for the advice. I’ll let you know how things go.

        Have A a Great Day!

        Yvonne aka “Blessed247”

  • Greenky

    Hi Peter, thanks for your sharing these valuable pieces of information about guys and your personal experience, I’m sure a lot of confused women appreciate you for this, it really helps to gain more control over our emotions in the most intense moments with guys..
    I have a general question. After reading to articles one after another I feel completely puzzled and confused. First article is “how guys experience love – your respect and admiration is the key”, and another one – of Cristian Carter, I don’t remember the title, but the general idea is that telling a guy about your feelings is a turn off.. How this two approaches can be integrated together at the same time ? Admiration without telling about feelings? I feel really stupid.. Having actually big time troubles with men, since I’m not beatiful and the right behavior is my key to success. And what would you advice, if I appeared to loose that moment of natural spark, trying not to be so easy and supposed to make him work a little bit more, which caused him to grow cold. I did it bc the last guy dumped me when I was most vulnerable and full of admiration. Is the right strategy really that important or ” you can’t do wrong with the right person” is more likely the truth here? I’m really tired of being someone I’m not. Im direct and assertive, I like to tell guys what they should do to please me, I tried not to, just passively waiting for their moves, and it doesn’t work! They just don’t chase me..

    • Hi Greenky,

      I believe the two articles you mentioned were: How Men Feel Love, Your Admiration and Respect Is Key To His Happiness by James Bauer and Christian’s A Secret About Men Women Do Not Know – The Paradox Of Attraction. (Both are at “The Approach”)

      I can understand how this information can be confusing.

      Okay first, there’s nothing wrong with telling a guy how you feel BUT he’ll respond better when you show it. What Christian was staying was one, if you tell a guy how you feel and he’s not feeling it too, it won’t work.

      You see, men and women tend to become more insecure when they’re falling in love or attraction IF they’re not sure the other person feels the same. If THOSE feelings of insecurity cause you to let it all out hoping you won’t lose the man, THAT is (generally) when things can go terribly wrong.

      In other words do NOT act out of insecurity or believe you can change how a guy feels just because you’re letting him know how you feel. It doesn’t work that way.

      Secondly, passively waiting is not the best thing to do. You must be active, not waiting, and never sit around hoping he’ll make a move. You want to lure him in physically or sexually.

      Third there’s nothing wrong with being direct and assertive. I would actually use that to your advantage in dating.

      This means you’ll go after the dates, live fully and do things where you going to meet more men. Just be doing that shows your assertiveness and your directness comes through when a guy realizes you’re not into playing games. These are YOUR traits, use them for yourself, and allow guys to experience the real you. You just can’t take the lead in dating or the attraction part. There is where the man feels the need to lead. OR at least where he should :)

      Now I wouldn’t go telling a guy on the first few dates what he should do to please you but in bed, later, you can definitely feel good about doing that IF you think he needs the encourage or road map. 😉

      Honestly Greenky, Besides what I wrote I just think you have to find a balance which works for you. You can’t be hard to get all the time. You can’t make him work for you all the time. It’s a delicate balance but once you learn it, works amazingly well. Just play with it a little until you find one which works for YOU specifically. Trust me I had to learn the balance too and it took a little bit of work but was worth every failure along the way.

      It sounds like you’re actually trying too hard because you think you’re not beautiful. Keep in mind within every woman lives a sexual edge to her. Of course not all men will respond to every type of woman but what you might not see as sexy or beautiful, I’m positive there is many men who would argue with you. When sexiness becomes a combination of your looks and attitude you’re onto to something.

      Hope all this helps you out and sorry for the confusion. All the best to you,


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