Thank you…
You’ll be receiving my personal letters on understanding men very shortly.
I will also do my best to send you links to new posts, some comment answers so you can follow them better, and any new things which will help you learn why us guys do what we do. 😀
You can read any of the the past broadcasts here –> Why Do Guys – Broadcast Archives
You can also find my “older” newsletter stuff here –> Newsletter Archives – Questions – Answers – Theories – The Truth About Men
Please keep in mind I can NOT answer everyone and honestly I do not have all the answers BUT I will always try to give it the best I can based on the one clear “thing” which separates us indefinitely… and that is…
I’m a guy. You’re a WOMAN. 😉
BUT – I feel it’s best for both of us to contribute no matter what the results are so please do so the best you can.
Your voice, opinions, and ideas are always appreciated.
Below you’ll find a special letter given to me, to allow you to read.
It’s from my mentor, a helpful associate, and from a guy who kind of started out just like I did. I may not agree with everything he has said since I’m pretty stubborn over here – but I do value his remarks entirely.
This one was chosen specifically to help you understand men better and below it you’ll find his idea on how to create the perfect date for guys like us. 
Whereas he’s been “afraid of commitment” I’ve avoided it for my own reasons ( well mostly Haha! ) and I feel with the two of us combined and all the special letters and people I have lined up for you in the upcoming letters – you’ll begin to understand ALL men better and what makes us tick.
Thanks again and as always… the best to you,
Pete
A friend of mine sent over a link to an article someone had written recently. It wasn’t really meant to be offensive, but the title just made me cringe:
“Bitch, Are You Crazy?”
It was all about how women are creating situations that don’t exist in their heads, based on clues they are over-interpreting. The signals he is giving off.
Well, I think we can all agree that most women do this at least once in a while.
(Though, I don’t think women are crazy, nor do I really like the use of the “B” word when referring to them. I know it’s become popular in slang, but it doesn’t feel very respectful. Just my 2 cents.)
So when it comes to this over-interpretation, here’s the part that makes most women scratch their head: Most guys are NOT sending off signals the way you might think.
Before you think I’m off my rocker here and send me some nasty email, please allow me to explain.
Inexpensive video tutorial on reading a guys signals. Optional Insiders Club Membership is offered so make sure you read the print and click the right boxes on your “secure order” screen. You can pick it up here – How To Read His Signals.
Women are very used to communicating with other women.
Women experience the wondrous and subtle parts of friendship and love through conversation and communication.
Women have a very particular communication style, and it’s much more sophisticated and elegant than how men typically communicate.
You see, from early in their lives, girls grow up learning how to talk to other girls with a very specific goal: Stay Connected.
In fact, that could be the chant you would hear if you could tune into that vibration in the back of your mind.
“Stay connected… Stay connected…”
There’s also a more subtle chant going on in there, too. It’s saying:
“Don’t confront… Don’t confront…”
Because that might break the connection with your friend. Or your lover… or whoever.
I don’t want to dive into all the scientific reasons for this, but it has to do with women being the primary bonding force in groups.
Women understand the value of love as connection in our lives.
The connections and loving relationships you have also give you a feeling of grounding and security.
As a result, women communicate more indirectly to avoid threatening the connection. They will “feel out” a situation to avoid any kind of misunderstandings that could threaten that connection.
Men, however, are brought up in a completely different way.
We’re brought up to be competitive. Independent. Loners.
It’s a frustrating and isolating part of being a guy, but it’s part of our development that prepares us to give women that shell of loving protection and security she desires from us.
We guys don’t get the same ‘communication and connection’ training that women do.
In fact, relatively speaking, we’re kind of stunted in that area compared to women.
So we’re pretty blunt and plain-spoken when it comes to communications with women.
In other words, when a guy says something, there’s very rarely any hidden meaning in it. He typically says what he means.
Oh, sure, we don’t want to hurt your feelings just the same. But we rely much less on the non-verbal signals and implications that women often use in their communication.
What does this mean to you?
Well, very simply, it’s just that there’s not as much interpretation needed to figure out what a man is thinking or feeling.
I’ve had many girlfriends in the past who found it simply shocking that there wasn’t more going on behind what men are saying.
Once, when my friend said he wasn’t sure if he could make it to an event, his girlfriend kept him on the phone an additional 15 minutes, convinced that he was being ‘reluctant to commit’ – to the date, mind you – because there was “something else” going on.
He eventually did convince her that it wasn’t related to his feelings for HER – it was because of a simple scheduling conflict.
Hey, it seemed simple to him, but he didn’t realize to her that this could be seen as a signal of distance between them.
There is another side to this that I want to validate for you – and that is that if your gut is telling you something is up, you can generally trust that feeling.
Very often, the feminine subconscious will pick up on the parts where his words don’t match his body language, and spot troubles in advance.
The trick is in knowing when you’re over-interpreting because you need there to be something more, or because you sense there is something more to be uncovered.
You simply need a healthy balance of attention on the relationship.
Balance out your time in your relationship with time outside it so that you don’t fall into the trap of letting your connection with your man preoccupy your thinking.
As Pete noted above, I WAS a commitment-phobe and I put my confessions and wrote down what would be the prefect date just about any guy would enjoy.
Confessions of a Former Commitment-Phobe – Create the Perfect Date He Will NEVER forget.
Please… if you found your way here by accident and want to receive the Why Do Guys newsletter, go here and sign up today. Thank you.
62 comments… add one
Thanks for your helpful sharing, and for being honest about guys, why do guy….
You’re welcome Evelyn. Thank you too and I do hope your subscription lives up to your expectations and helps you understand men and your relationships with them too,
Pete
Pete,
I have noticed that in one of your posts you talked about “When a guy tells a girl he’s been thinking about her”. It’s a good thing of course.
How about this; I texted this guy (we are not dating) and I asked him if he was thinking about me? I have never received a quick response from him, ever. He asked me if I had planted a microphone at his place. Every so often I’ll text him to keep on thinking about me. He does not reply. Why does he do that?
Manon,
It’s not highly effective (with regard to attraction ) to ask a guy if he’s thinking about you . It can come across as needy and can pressure the guy into saying something he doesn’t want just to appease you.
If a guy voluntarily tells you he’s thinking about you… now that’s a good thing and a real sign.
It would depend on what you’re texting him and why you’re doing it as to why he’s not responding.
If you are continually asking the same thing I doubt you’ve given him a good reason to reply.
If you’re merely telling him to keep on thinking about you that too, might sound strange to a guy and he’s least likely to reply because he may feel you’re getting too needy.
If you’re, in one way or another, constantly asking a guy how he feels about you ( and in this case it could appear that way to a guy ) then you’ll probably only push him away because it’s kind of smothering.
His reply would then open up further discussion of his feelings which should come about naturally.
Hope that helps you out a little Manon,
Pete
Hi I’m Danielle and I need relationship advice or to see if I should give this guy another chance. Well I met him on pof and we been chatting off and on for 3 days also texting , well i invite him to go to the roundup with me , and he said he didn’t like country clubs so i was fine with that, but he asked me if I wanted to meet him at this McDonald’s like 25 mins away he said he was close by my area . First let me tell u he lives 45 mins away and was over there already giving something to a friend. I told him I would but that is far come closer to me and he said I don’t want to drive out to far , note it was also 10 30 at night. So anyways I didn’t wine up seeing him because it was too late anyway and I live with my parents. The next day we texted eachother I asked if he wanted to meet up and go to mixers. He said that he working tomorrow and does not want to drink. Well long story short we meet up at a bowling alley him saying first meet me at McDonald’s . What’s with the McDonald’s I even told him when I met him lol well everything was nice good convo him saying I’m beautiful , likes me a lot , payed for me , he also kissed me the first 20 mins we started talking … I shyed away and said it was too soon. Well it’s 2 30 am and we’re making out in the back of my car . He starts lifting my shirt up , and I tell him .im not ready for that and he stops. Well we go back kissing and all a sudden my phone rings , I look and it’s my ex .. I told my date i I got out of a rel before and I’m not looking for anything serious but then when we had that great connection me and him I said but we will see . So my phone rings wile we are touching and all . Then I tell him I want to keep my guard up cuz I don’t know you and I don’t want to be use and I really like you . Ok back to my phone ringing and my ex calling he see his name and he like oh that’s why I understand now .. He tells me he’s not into games , I said I’m not to I can’t control my ex calling me . He like u still have a connection with that guy . I said no I dont he like u hurt me im leaving. I literally follow him to his car he wouldn’t even let me in his car to talk. He said That why u won’t have sex with me I like u but your oviously into your ex still. I said I’m not I wouldn’t be here . I said can u just please talk to me well he like I’ll drive by your car. He wouldn’t even let me in the car it was like 2 mins away what a jerk . But he drove over and he went in my car and I explain , my ex is crazy obsessed with me I care about you I’m sorry . He wined up kissing me then he like you need to prove it your over him. So having sex proves it ? Well I did and now he had to work I texted him like 4 messages and then he responded sorry I’m super busy at work I’m going to stay in tonight I get off at 9 pm plus I had no sleep. Ok that is understandable because we stayed up till 3 30 and he drove 45 mins later. Well I told him I feel ignore and used , he says I’m not using u and he was just mentioning how r sex was amazing .. He likes me a lot … Ok my question to u all is , was he wrong saying I’m playing gamed with him because my ex wined up calling then he figure that was a reason which it wasn’t . Then sex would prove to him im over my ex ?????? Also if I pursue a relationship with this guy will it be a lot about sex he also told me he did things with me he never did without a girl . Like dancing in a parking lot lol.. Idk I’m just scared he going to hurt me which he said he not, but I really didn’t want to have sex with him cuz I didn’t want to loose him. Then my ex called and it seemed I had to have sex with him to not loose him :(((( well thanks for reading my long story any advice helps !!!!!
Hello Danielle,
Yes. I believe he was absolutely wrong. He coerced you into doing something you didn’t want to do. Whereas sex can strengthen a relationship because it’s a shared moment, it does nothing but hurt you and help him in this situation.
I’m not sure what kind of game you could’ve possibly been playing with him when your phone rang. He used it to his advantage to talk you into sleeping with him. He was the one playing a game.
No. As far as I’m concerned sex doesn’t prove you’re over the ex and honestly, that’s none of his business anyways. You’re not committed.
He was just acting like a whiny baby and it saddens me to see he get what he wanted out of you. He’s setting a pattern of trouble which I would keep your eyes out for. I feel it will only get worse because he’s shown you who he really.
NEVER listen to a guy when they tell you that you won’t get hurt. NO MAN can ever guarantee that. Relationships are risky and people do get hurt. Especially if he’s into playing games like this so early on.
Personally, I wouldn’t give him a second chance. Lose his number and get out before you invest too much in it.
REMEMBER: He will use every emotionally charged advantage to keep you around, if sex wasn’t all he wanted AND he will definitely bring up your ex when you tell him you don’t things are going to work out. That’s a warning you should be prepared for.
You don’t have to explain anything. He lost that privilege.
That’s just my personally heated opinion and I do hope it has helped you out.
I apologize for the late reply but I miss things and can’t get to everyone all the time.
All the best to you Danielle, Hope you move on quickly.
Pete
Hello Pete…I’m Ali.. I have been married for 6 years & separated from him for almost 2 years ( living separately) .. We share a 4 year old daughter.. Reason for our problems in the past is him not having feelings for me suddenly .. Since we have been separated he has returned twice to me & I have given him a chance .. The first time we got separated was because he didn’t know what’s wrong with him.. And that came with him acting like not a married guy in front of our family friends & of course he’s always in denial .. The second time we only dated & it was really great and when I
Ask him why I should move in with him his answer is ” I think you are a really good girl & you are the mother of my daughter & I don’t think I will find another girl like you.. But it’s never that he loves me .. He has a very very difficult time expressing himself…. Now that we have been separated for a while & I have forgotten him & filled for divorce he’s back again.. He’s been great .. Taking us out on the weekends with his friends and respects that I need time to really trust him & that he’s willing to show me that he truly knows what he wants now & that is his family…I got confused when there was a birthday party at our family friends house .. He was drinking all day & acting completely different from the guy he has been showing me he is.. He was telling everyone he’s taking me out that he has been out ..acting flirty with other girls & won’t stop laughing all day at that party .. All my friends were calling me & some of them did not know me & him were trying to work on things even.. I felt so ashamed …why would someone who’s trying to get his wife back take the first chance there’s a party & free alcohol & go & act this way .. I don’t know what to Believe.. I don’t want the past repeat & once again I’m the fool..
Sorry for my confusing story Pete…any advice helps
Hello Ali,
Just a guess here but he’s self-sabotaging for reasons I’m not privy too. Could be an esteem issue. Like he doesn’t feel good enough about himself. Almost like he doesn’t deserve a family.
He probably does NOT love himself at all and is feeling guilty over something which again, I’m not privy to knowing what that could be.
Alcohol can bring out the worst in all of us and it would explain his actions at the party BUT they always seem to have some reason as to why someone acting out when they’re half drunk.
He feels humiliated and tries to make himself look better in front of others. It’s like he believes everyone is judging him and he possibly feels like a failure for not making the marriage work.
He tries to do the “right” thing but as soon as one thing goes wrong – he takes it as personal judgement against himself and either blames other or himself for not being good enough to succeed.
That’s all just what my gut is telling me and I would definitely suggest some sort or marriage counseling to see if getting back together is reasonable and possible before you do anything permanent.
Something went wrong before. THAT relationship is gone and it won’t come back. This means both of you need to start something new and different that works better.
Hope that helps you out a little Ali. Wishing you the best,
Pete
So I have this boy in my class and he always looks at me then when I smile he looks away but he’ll keep looking at me until I smile and if I don’t smile he will keep on staring at me what does this mean? Does he like me? He knows I have a boyfriend. Please help
I would say this is his “young” way of flirting with you so yes he probably does like you. He’s trying to get a response out of you which is pleasurable WITHOUT having to deal with real public rejection or the wrath of your boyfriend.
Thank you for responding my sis also wanted me to add that he is popular and she’s not so she didn’t know if that would change anything or not
Well it would explain why he’s popular. Making other people smile tends to make you more popular.
I would say, when it comes to most decent guys – attraction trumps popularity. So whether or not she is or not probably doesn’t matter at all.
…Unless he’s so concerned with his reputation he believes it could affect his status. In that case, why bother with him at all.
I have a habit of calling people “love” or “sweetie”. Well, typically I only do it with women or guys I am attracted to. It’s an unconscious flirting behavior which just comes out when it happens with guys. I take a bus home from work daily and the male driver I do find to be cute so I found myself saying “goodnight, love” to him as I’d get off the bus. The other day, he surprised me back by saying, “have a good one, Sunshine”. Now he calls me sunshine everyday or “sweetie”. It made me warm and fuzzy inside. I’ve observed him and he’s friendly and personable with everyone. I want to start to open the door, maybe by officially introducing myself, but I don’t want to take it that far if he’s just a friendly guy. Do some men use pet names as a way of being friendly even if they otherwise have no interest or does his reciprocating my calling him “love/sweetie” mean there could be some interest? We make small talk every now and again but as he’s driving and it’s always a bus full of people, it’s hard to do more than that. Slipping him my number…well…we’re not there yet. Are pet names a good sign or just another way us women read more into things?
Hello Winnie,
Men use “pet names” all the time and giving a woman a nickname is often a clear sign of interest.
What makes your situation tough is that you’re the one who opened the door for it to happen by saying this, “Goodnight, Love.” Which makes my job more difficult.
Okay from a guy’s point of view – just like women – we do everything we can to NOT lead a woman on we’re not attracted to.
Let’s say it slips out and I call a girl “babe” or “darling” and I’m NOT attracted to her… well you’ll notice the next few interactions will probably be very bland. I won’t reciprocate another flirt IF at least I’m paying attention.
You’ve observed him and he’s friendly… right? But is he calling every other woman sweetie or Sunshine? Has he given nicknames to all of his riders?
And if he’s continuing to converse with you in a way he wouldn’t with a guy… that’s a clear sign.
Personally I WOULD take it that far. Introduce yourself but not officially. Be coy about it and use the fact that he’s given you a sweet nickname because he probably forgot your name. “Hahah! How dare you love? 😉 ”
Or something like that..
And just so you know… we do teach guys to give clever little nicknames to actually create a little attraction. The best way is to have it conjure up something privately memorable and. Sort of like a “secret” we share and no one else knows what it means.
Open the door Winnie… the worst that could happen is you make a casual friend who could possibly give you a free ride once in a while. There are worse things right… 😀
Thanks for writing and let me know how it goes over there,
Pete
thanks for this info, but if i want ask any private question , how to contact u personal?
Hello Angie and you’re welcome. My private email is located on the bottom of the newsletters I send out. It should be to the left of my picture. I’ll make sure my next broadcast makes note of it and a little more.
Feel free to also send me a private message on my “Why Do Guys…?” Facebook Page.
https://www.facebook.com/WhyDoGuys
hi peter, here i have a question about someone stare at me. the guy in the office. i notice that everytime i saw him, he always stare at me . i just feel like ” either he likes you or he thinks you are freak” =D
Hi Angie,
Well he could think you’re a freak AND still like you.
I have a question i had a guy flirt with me hard for a while when i was going thru a breakup he gave me confidence and made me feel good a lot of the time and now he just ignores me
Is the break up over? Do you think he expected to be a rebound? Do you think he expected something would happen between the two of you?
The relationship is over. But he doesnt wanna let go. But the new guy is more like i friend even tho something did happen between us nothing else has changed (except the flirting ) we still joke and nothing is akward like it would usually be after people cross those lines but i do think him not really approaching me has a lot to do with my ex im just so confused my ex is a piece of
Ok Pete. I like reading alot of this. It makes alot of sense (well some ofit anyways lol) my own personal question I have is How do u express to a man that you’d like more attention without freaking him out & scaring him away? Even if its not for a legitimate relationship.
Yes Danielle, it’s finally here:
http://www.whydoguys.com/how-get-his-attention-without-looking-desperate-scaring-away/
Enjoy,
Pete
I have been dating this guy for 3 months and sadly he will be moving next week. He received a job offer plus he will be attending college. I am so happy for him. I told him to be patient, when he was previously looking and looked what has happened. I hate to see him leave but I have to let him go. I haven’t told him the way that I felt about him. I did tell him at the beginning of our relationship and he told me that he was feeling the same way. I really like him a lot hes 54 and I’m 43. He has told me about certain people that he haas slept with. He has even commented on this coworker that he would like to basically screw her. I asked him, you would have sex with her he said yes. He said he is a pig! I greed with him. But what I don’t understand is all these things that he tells me, he still wants to be with me physically and sexually. He talks a lot to me, I’ve tried to let him go and for some reason I cant. These other women that he’s been with or would like to have sex with doesn’t mean anything he said. He calls them names ( not to there face ) but when he talks to me. It’s like after we make love we lay there and just talk. He reads articles to me. We laugh…but yet I don’t know what he wants from me. He wants to have a 3some, this is his fantasy. I’m not down with it but I want him to be happy, I told him that I don’t think I could partake, but he saids he wants me there, he wants me in with him. But like I said…he will be leaving this week and maybe it’s a good thing for me, maybe he wasent the one…but I really did like him!! So, with this I just couldn’t understand the meaning behind this….one. He’s always running up to me at work and giving me compliments and sexual advances… and he looks so good and hot! Just hom standing by my side at work I feel like throwing myself into him…and I’ve told him this. Let me tell you one last thing before I submit this….
when I tried to break up with him the first time I told him about himself and sleeping or wanting to sleep with these women, I told him that I’m looking for someone that is serious and a one women man. He said he thought he was a one woman, man. He also said that he feels that he hadn’t found the right woman, he said that a women has to let him know how she feels about him that he can’t make decision whether or not if she likes him or wants to be with him, it’s up to the woman. I told him no, that he has a choice to, that he needs to let the woman know how he feels about her…am I right or wrong?
I think you’re right Annie BUT I also believe he’s partly right – the right woman CAN make all the other women disappear if it’s truly who he is AND honestly he has no real say in the matter whether a woman wants to be with him or not.
His wording is misleading and I don’t think he communicated what he really meant to say. Who knows maybe he’s confused himself.
He’s honest and upfront I’ll give him that.
Yet, I would never turn away from what YOU want from a guy before you commit to a man. You want something serious and he’s using his “maybe commitment” as a tool and that’s not settling right for you.
In a way you have told him how you feel and still he’s resisted it which tells me he’s not really ready for something serious.
However YOU are ready, you want something serious, you want a commitment, you know exactly what you’re looking for and I believe you deserve it.
I do hope you find exactly what you’re looking for Annie,
Pete
I was seeing this guy for few weeks he adored me as i did him i felt off one day and text him i dont know if its gona work out im scared of get hurt he was so upset by my text he replied that il break his heart i asked him give me another chance he said yes lets talk sort it out. Then i did contact him and hes ignoring me completly
I have been talking to this Guy for about a month now we haven’t met yet and will on Christmas Eve at first he was calling everyday great conversation now not so much talking is happening at all he called me his girl friend and could wait to have our first kiss… could he just be busy or is he playing my emotions.. thanks
Hey Pete, just wanna say, like your page and stuff, how do I ask you for advises other than posting a comment?
Thanks Layla,
You could either write me on my Why Do Guys Facebook or subscribe to my newsletter which contains my personal email address.
okay whoa long story. so i met this guy last year and i really like him and he’s not like a stranger his brother is bestfriends with my sister so we know each other. anyway last year we met at this christian concert we were all with our friends and thats when we started talking. i asked him for his snapchat name. Then he snaped me and asked me what my number was.. so we texted the whole time the next day. Any way that was last April so we have been talking ever since. and we only seen each other twice in person but we dont live in the same state so yeah. (im shorting up the story for ya.) anyway like a couple weeks ago i texted him that i like him ! and he likes me too! but he said” i like you too and its not against you or anything i just think right now isnt the right time because you are just a sophmore in highschool and im a freshmen in college so maybe when you get to college we can be something but i say for now we just stay friends.” and he agreed with me that we can hang out and he like kept on saying sorry. but we havent texted since then but we have been snapchatting. but on snapchat i havent got a snap from him in 3 days! but he has been likeing my pics on instagram so idk whats going on but my mind is gonna explode im thinking so much about this. and yeah i get it the grade differnce but he is only 2 years apart. and i think if he really really likes me then ask me out! im 16 and i have never had a bf. but i am really shy. really shy! so idk. tell me tell me what do you think??? does he really like me or is he just playing me?! or is he pulling away cause he doesent like me:( what is it??
I know Grace, it’s a terrible time for a girl… if you were 25 and he was 27 it wouldn’t mean a thing BUT between the ages of 16 and 17 two years mean everything.
He does like you and he was honest with you as to why it can not happen. I know it hurts. I know it sucks. But neither of us can change the reality of the situation.
However patience is not taught. It’s learned through trial and error and it’s not the easiest thing to accomplish. So don’t get down on yourself for not getting it right so easily or quickly.
BUT it must exist here and I think you know that.
There’s no secret meaning to why he’s acting this way or why it feels like he’s pulling away AND trust me, if age is his only concern you have no reason to take it personally. It’s not because you’re shy. It’s not because he isn’t feeling something for you.
It’s because you are in two different time places right now.
Just understand and never forget, as time passes, as each day goes by, ( keeping in mind you must continue to live or develop your happiness outside him ) the time difference between you two become less important. So it’s something to look forward to, just not something to focus on because it’s going to happen no matter what you do.
You will get older and so will he.
Hope that helps you a little Grace and I’m wishing you all the patience in the world,
Pete
thank you so much this was really sweet of you to write back. im just going to live my life and trust in God’s plan. thanks again
so are you telling me to move on? or are you saying be patient because we will be a thing.. which one?. and why havent i heard from him again ?
Grace, You don’t have to move on and I’m definitely not saying you two will be a thing one day.
I’m merely saying to stay patient. Stay in the present. Enjoy your life each and every day. Time will pass and opportunities will come and go. Don’t miss what’s happening in your life getting caught up in something that can not happen in either one of your “presents.”
He’s in a place where he wants nothing to happen and will avoid putting himself in a position which will make that tougher on both of you.
That’s not a reason to sit around waiting for time to pass.
It’s a clear sign to focus on your life without him in it so when or if an opportunity comes again AND the timing is right, something can happen.
Hi Peter, just wanted to ask you a question about when you said If a guy says he ls thinking about you it’s a good thing. I received a facebook message from a friend of of this guy I was dating over 20 years now, and left me his number. I texted him and he was texting me for 4 days or so and then he stopped after his last message he sent to me which was, Goodmoening and he was just thinking about me… I will admit I was thinking about him too, but when I responded I didn’t say it back go him. Then he never texted back. Do you have any idea why?
Hi Mary. That’s a little vague… how long has it been since his last text?
Also consider the type of guy you’re dealing with. If he might be a little needy then he probably expected something more back from you and if he didn’t get it, decided to cower away or avoid you until he can pick himself back up.
I’d also take a look at what you wrote back to him, did it illicit a response or was it just a quick thank you?
Keep in mind we’re dealing with texting here and NOT a real conversation. They’re meant to be short reminders and rarely will a guy follow through quickly with a full blown text conversation. They tend to say something or answer and then not text back for a while.
Hope that gets you started in the right direction,
Pete
Hello..Sry for my english cause I’m french))
So.I’m in a new since 5 months..In my class is a boy he’s from India.The first time he was really nice.He always asked me question,showed me his favorite music,played with me in sports etc..But after a girl of my class asked him why he’s always staring at me and he was very nervous..After this he didn’t speak with me..Just sometimes and just a little bit..He always stares at me..Once after sport we had to return to school and he was going in front of me with his friend.His friend suddenly turned to me and asked me if I would like to go out with my crush.And another friend of him gave me a ring and said that it’s from my crush.My crush is always staring at me..What does this mean??
Hello Diana,
It simply means he is attracted to you BUT because of the immature actions of the people around you, has caused him to cower away.
Now normally I’d like to say he could have handled it all differently and actually used it to his advantage to further things with you, but who am I to judge a man who is put on the spot like that under circumstances I haven’t experienced in years myself.
Meaning in school, I would’ve crumbled just like he did. Nowadays, when other poke like this, I find it highly amusing and often use it positively.
Hopefully he’ll get past it all sooner than later,
Pete
Hi, so there’s is guy that works with me, he told my sister that he likes me and he even acts like he’s interested in me, but when he works with other girls he acts the same way he acts with me, does that mean that he doesn’t like me. oh and all the girls at work are interested in him is that a bad thing?
Hi Sally. Interest and attraction are two different things.
I’m sure one of the many reasons other girls are interested in him is because 1. He doesn’t treat everybody differently making him a genuine person, 2. He’s “genuinely” interested in people and so people are interested in him, and 3. He most likely flirts with everyone.
He told someone he likes you which is most likely a sign he’s attracted to you but try not to read into “third party” stuff and find out for yourself if it’s attraction and not just an general interest.
Nope. Having lots of girls at work who are into him is not a bad thing, just means he has options. Have fun with it and don’t be too concerned with “other” women.
Best to you,
Pete
Omg that helped alot thank u so much peter 😀
Great to hear.
Hi there, long story, but will try & keep it simple.
I’m married with kids. He is in a relationship.
I have known him longer than my husband. We had a sexual relationship some 15 years ago. There was a strong chemistry from the beginning. I would have liked a commitment from him at the time, but he’d just come out of a relationship. Anyhow, I just rolled on with my life, ended up moving away, met my husband etc. Since I moved away he has messaged me every year on my birthday, I’ve always messaged back saying thank you. Hope you’re well, & that was it.
In more recent times, we have been in contact more regularly. I have since learned from him that I was the best sex he’s ever had; that he admires my forthright approach in life; that I’m a good mum; thinks I’m intelligent, wants to know my sexual desires.
He’s always remained in my thoughts, perhaps we have unfinished business, I don’t know. I am very attracted to him, he knows that. I’m just puzzled as to what he actually wants from me?
I did ask him this exact question awhile ago & he seemed to get upset with me…
I have a gut feeling, but not sure if it’s a case of wishful thinking…
Any thoughts?
Thank you
Hello Sarrah,
I have a few thoughts.
It sounds like he’s measured other women in his life to you. You’ve become the mark of what he wants and he most likely is always trying to find a woman who will live up to those expectations. Not your expectations, but his.
As he’s going through life and exploring I’m sure you’re not 100% always on his mind but tend to keep popping up. Especially during the times where he might be having relationship problems or just doesn’t feel satisfied or perhaps believe he’s made some wrong decisions.
He might even feel a little unlucky. A man stuck on bad timing trying to get back on track.
So, that “perhaps unfinished business” you’re feeling, I’m sure he’s feeling it too.
I don’t spend much of MY time thinking about my past but if any woman could stick in my head for over 15 years, I’d definitely be thinking what I shared with you. Remember men hold on for a very long time emotionally. We have a little trouble letting go.
Thanks for writing in Sarah, it was a great question.
Your “gut feeling” is smart and if you’re wondering why he gets upset when you question all this, it’s just pent up frustration and probably deflection. ( Or another way to steer you from the truth considering you’re married and all. )
All the best to you,
Pete
Thanks Pete for your reply.
Since messaging you, something has happened in his relationship & he is ‘stone-walling’ me. The issue I have, this directly follows a discussion we had where he said he felt crap because I was making assumptions & judgements about his relationship, for which I apologised. I have been attending marriage counselling & suggested that ‘we stop communicating for now to give us both the space to focus on our relationships’ – Because I do genuinly care about him, I want him to find the happiness that I think he deserves & did say to him that he ‘probably owed it to himself to try & embrace his current relationship.’
(His relationship does seem difficult, he’s told me he loves her, but there’s no passion, she suffers severe depression, he feels somewhat trapped, he’s not interested in marriage, but doesn’t want to be alone & really wants kids… From my perspective, it sounds like it’s doomed from the outset, but of course I can’t say that to him)
I’m not really sure what I’m asking you, except to say that I feel terribly hurt by his latest words… Particularly his comment that ‘I’m making it all about me’. He also said because ‘he’s doing things wrong in my eyes, he doesn’t need the added pressure of trying not to upset me when he’s already got other problems he’s trying to sort out’… Double ouch?!
I have been very transparent, but he seems to struggle to give me the same in return, yes I know, my expectation.
Anyway, space between us is exactly what is needed. I just feel sad & regretful that we’ve got to this point via angry & hurtful words to each other.
Thanks again Pete
So I like this guy, not sure if he likes me back. We have a lot of mutual friends in common and I know he knows of me, we never met personally or had a chance to connect one on one. But he has seen me out at public events and in passing. I recently visited his church and he acted as though he didn’t see me even though i know he did. However there does seem to be some unknown tension. I feel like he only does this with me. I don’t really know him for him not to like me and vice versa. Even if he doesn’t like me the avoidance and reservation from him concerns me. I mean there is nothing wrong with being cordial or just acknowledging my presence. I would like to get to know him but there is some resistance there. What does this mean for me?
Lynn, there are lots of men who avoid meeting their attraction because of shyness, social restrictions, or just plain old fears.
BUT as odd as this sounds, there’s another group…
The: “I don’t want to meet you yet because every other guy wants you and I don’t want to be seen as one of them. If it doesn’t happen accidentally or naturally, then it won’t because I refuse to show you I’m attracted to you because I’m sure that will only ruin my future chance. ”
The resistance you’re feeling could very well be just that. Tough to tell exactly from my end but I will say that personally, I’ve done it myself.
What all the means for you is, if you want to get to know him, have someone else introduce you to him or better yet, introduce yourself. Otherwise you might get this attitude for a very long time.
I can help guys overcome all this shit and get past acting this way, or the concept that if they’re “trying” to be unlike every other guy usually it means they’re actually acting like every other guy BUT I can NOT help guys who don’t come to me.
Thanks for writing and signing up. All the best to you,
Pete
Hi peter, its me again so i was at work calling out the number of the customer to come and get the food, so i said 169 and then my crush was walking past me and he said ur 69 what does it mean??
is bad??? even thou he’s religious??
Hi Sally,
Chances are he reacted to the number “69” because of its sexually connection. He was trying to flirt with you even though it wasn’t very good attempt. Especially leading in with something which can be very sexually graphic.
It’s not bad. Hey at least he tried.
Religious or not, in my eyes, does not mean much when it comes to attraction and the things some guys will do or think about it. Sure for some guys it has them avoiding a conversation or talking like this but for him, it’s doesn’t seem to be a big deal.
Hope that helps you out,
Pete
thank you peter 😀
Hello my name is Deserie Creightney.there is this guy at my chruch.i like him a lot he is nice to my son.alot of times when he sees me he comes up to me and give me a kiss on the cheek and says how are you.i will say fine and that would be it. He would give other people a side kiss but kiss me directly on the cheek.but he never has a real conversation.he would just kiss me say hi and leave.now i noticed some times when he sees me he turns his head.the other way and pretend not to see me but then the following week he says hi again.i also notice there is a particular girl he is starting to hug every time he sees me. What is going on pete i like him but he gives me mixed singals.sometimes i catch him looking at me and when i look back he looks at the ground.what should i do
Hello.
So the thing is I cant figure out what’s happening with him.
This guy and I started liking each other about two months ago but we didn’t start dating as we wanted to get to know each other better. It started off really great but we had a few problems. It wasn’t smooth sailing because things took time to settle down. The real problem was we barely got time to spend with one another one on one as college life was pretty hectic plus exams were coming up and the year was ending.
This may have started causing a rift between us as he started to get distant and he barely spoke me for the past month. At first i kept asking him what happened and if everything was okay between us,to which he’d reply saying it’s fine and that i shouldn’t over think and that something was going on with him and that his mum wanted him to get a grip on his life(I tend to over think a lot).He did mention that he wasn’t happy that nothing was going on between us and that we barely spent time with one another but we agreed we’d work on it.
The thing is suddenly during the past one week I don’t know what happened but when I asked him what was going on between us and what we were,he replied that nothing was going on at the moment and that we were just friends right now as we stopped talking,we weren’t dating and we barely met one another. This really upset me and I asked him what he meant by that,to which he said it meant nothing and that I should start studying for my exams.He said we’d talk about it after the exams.I didn’t know what to say and I just told him that he should have mentioned something while he was withdrawing to which he told me there was no withdrawal and that i shouldn’t assume unnecessary things.
I don’t know what to do and I can’t seem to understand the situation.He used to call me “baby” and would wink at me whenever we met even when things were shaky but after this recent conversation,things have gotten awkward and weird between us I don’t know what to do? I want to save it but I don’t want to seem like I’m needy or desperate.
Please help me out,I can’t seem to think of anything but this. I really like this guy . And am I coming off as someone who’s expecting too much out of this?
Thank you in advance.
Hi Peter,
I don’t know where to begin with this, it starts with me being lead on and how I got depressed and all that, you know the player guys. So years pass and I’m not that better but somewhat, I met this guy, he’s really sweet and I like him a lot, here’s the thing, I’m 17, he’s 18. I know I’m way to young and can easily get attached to someone, well here is the thing. The first three days we talked we talked nonstop, from day to midnight we spoke, and after those three days we started to talk about personal stuff, and this personal stuff has to do with his family, and my personal stuff has to do with me, I told him how I used to be, and who exactly I used to be. I wasn’t a positive person, my attitude was bad, and it was just a bad thing to be around me, after I told him the truth that I used to be suicidal he started to tell me he was there for me, after time passed we had started to send kissy faces and hearts, but he claimed that he didn’t like me in that way, and I lied to him that me either, it was just to have a laugh, and he agreed, from there he started to say he cared about me, and I asked him what happened if something tragic about me happened like death happened, what would he do and he always replies with stop saying that, stfu, don’t say that, promise me you’ll stop talking about that, I care about you. And when I asked him why does he care he always says he cares about me that’s all, that he doesn’t know he just cares. Well I leave at that, he got to know two of my friends, and they got along just fine, but I have these moments when I get in and out of my depression, and I started to ignore everyone, and when my friends tried to talk to him, he would ignore them. During the days I was ignoring him, I felt empty in my chest, some of those reasons why I was ignoring him was because of my self-esteem, the other is because I’ve had problems in the past that still haunt me, and I would say he just doesn’t like me because I come with a lot of baggage, before I ignored him I had told him he was going to leave, and he said he wasn’t, that he feared that I was going to leave, and a day passed and that’s when I started to ignore him. Later on, I started to talk to him again because I felt so sad, and empty without him, I wanted to talk to him, I even cried myself to sleep because I was so angry that my own hurt was doing this to me, so I messaged him, he was confused at first, until I proved to him that he had told me about his deepest darkest secret and he recognized me, from there we started to talk again, and my heart was beating so fast, and well we have a thing where we call eachother baby, and he brought up that it sounded like I was his girlfriend, and I told him oh true! later on, we were talking about how being in the rain was my favourite thing, I told him about how I purpose forgot an umbrella and got soaked completely, and he said girls look hot when they’re soaked by the rain, and then he said I said hot, you’re not hot, but I ignored that, and later on I said I wanted to get stranded on an island alone and he said he wanted to get stranded on an island with a hot girl, so I purposely started to tell him about my crush on this guy I know, and how he was taken, and his reply was oh well, igtg. He always tells me where he’s gonna go, but this time he shut me out. My friends say he likes me but I don’t know, I feel like I’m being lead on, they say that he was telling me indirectly hot during the story I was telling him but I also opposed to that. He confuses me because he always says ‘love you bye’ but says he only sees me as a friend, is it even normal for a friend to ask a friend to take a picture of their hip bones and stomach? Please Peter, can you clear this up? Am I being lead on, or am I thinking too much or should I just give up on this crush I have on him? Thank you for your time.
Hi Pete,
Though I’m guilty of overthinking, I’m not sure what to do anymore with this guy. We’ve known about each other for 4 years but only have a chance to see each other for a week in the entire year. So my story… Me and this guy have never talked but maybe have shared some glances at one another. That makes me think he is interested but who knows, maybe he is too shy or unsure of how I feel to even consider talking to me. I often think I’m just not physically attractive to him. But the last time I saw him was august, and in that time frame I’ve felt like I’ve needed to talk to him but didn’t then. I kicked myself about it, but thought maybe this is just a crush and I’ll get over it. So from august until now, the feeling of needing to talk hasn’t quit. In January I said no more wondering and let’s see what happens, I sent a friend request on Facebook, he accepted. Then about 2 weeks later I sent a “hi, how’ve you been?” Message, no response. It was his birthday a few weeks later so I posted happy birthday, and he liked the comment, but since then no contact. Does it seem like I’m wasting my time and reading into things and should quit before I even try to do something else? Or is there a potential future conversation waiting?
Hi Larissa,
Your answer was sent to you in my newsletter so make sure you open it up. Thanks for asking.
Pete
Hi Peter:
This past year while at work, I noticed a man was flirting with me. As time went on, he continued to follow me and hover over me at times. He began to stare at me up and down. In May, I found out that he had a gf there. I slowly backed off and began to ignore him. At one point, as I was walking down the hall, he was literally walking on the heels of my feet. I was ignoring him when he did that as well. I am sure other people noticed his behavior. There is another situation where my door was locked and another person went to get one of the bosses to open my door. Guess who came down the hallway with the boss to open my door. Right, he did. It was then that the gf was watching his every move. He then said to the other man who was with him who also had a key to unlock the door. ” I have this one” As I am facing him, he leans over my left shoulder to open the door. I just said thanks. I felt as if he was using me to get her jealous. The gf has glared at me and has frowned at me since then. If he continues to do this, do I tell him to go back to his gf or continue to ignore his behavior?
Hi Missy,
I would first ignore him. If that doesn’t work (because sometimes guys feel like it’s a challenge) I wouldn’t tell him to go back to his girlfriend, just tell him exactly what you think, I’m sorry what I think Haha!… “It’s pretty sad that you don’t feel good enough for your girlfriend that you need to use me to get her jealous.”
Unfortunately I believe no matter what you say he won’t admit that this was his plan so just speak your mind and avoid the shit out of him. Maybe, just maybe he’ll get the hint. I feel like you’re in for a lot of denial so be prepared for it.
Obviously NOT getting involved in their relationship is always the first thing you want to do.
Hope that helps you out and worse comes to worse, go to your boss and let HIM deal with it. That will definitely get your point across. Sometimes, in the workplace, it’s the Bosses responsibility to deal with it respective and immediately.
Thanks Missy and the best of luck to you,
Pete
Thank you Peter. I will keep you updated.
I would appreciate that and you’re welcome.
Hi Peter:
Wanted to also share with you that some of his colleagues will be getting some sports apparel from me. I will not get him anything because I don’t want to rub salt on a wound with the gf.
Haha! Nice. Just send me his share.
Hey Peter:
I am sure he will then know what he did.
Let me get back to work. Then, I’ll send you a few t shirts.