Have you ever had some guy who does anything and everything to get your phone number, maybe he was all into you, maybe you went out a few times and it went great, maybe you texted back and forth a lot and then one day...
ABSOLUTE (crickets in the background) SILENCE!
Almost like no matter what happens he's always waiting for YOU to text him before he'll even pick up his phone just to say "Hey!" or "How's it going?"...
Bet it makes you mad, doesn't it?
So why DO guys do that?
What are they really waiting for?
Why do YOU always have to be the one who texts him first?
I have a not-so-sneaky suspicion you already have an answer you've come up with to fit your situation or the guy doing it...
OR worse yet...
He wasn't interested in you all that much anyways so YOU are left chasing him and texting HIM if you actually want to see where it all takes you.
AND he prefers it that way so he can sit on his ass, do nothing, and STILL "get the girl".
After all, isn't that every man's dream - to have women BEG to be with him, for the woman to do all the work, for him to enjoy his conquest and reap all the rewards of his awesome self... as if he's some god like chic magnet EVERY woman dying to get with?
Truth be told...
Yeah - some guys are like that - they act all aloof, pretend they don't care, they have other women in their life aside from you - and acting like they don't give a shit seems to fit and work for them BUT:
Chances are they're not all that into THAT woman anyways. They just take it as it comes as they wait around for the ONE woman who purposely or not makes them WORK their "cool ass" off for even just a date.
They're rare. I should know - I WAS one of those guys. If you wanted to hear from me in a text message or a call (other than my drunken ass looking for sex or something more) you probably wouldn't hear from me at all.
UNLESS - I REALLY liked you enough to work a little harder to make it happen.
MOST guys fall well below that line.
MOST "men" are the guys you see on The Big Bang Theory. They're the Leonard Hofstadter(s), the Howard Wolowitz(s), and the Raj Koothrappali(s). I'm not saying they're all smart scientists (that would be absurd) BUT when it comes to women - they're type twos and playing aloof is far from any of their real abilities to have and are capable of pulling it off.
Do you want to know why they're waiting for you to text them?
Because they can't read your signals, they have no clue if you're interested in them, they don't know what to say, they believe if they contact you first or always that you'll run away from them and in the arms of those OTHER guys I mentioned above:
The ones who act like they don't want you OR couldn't care less about you or actually don't (aside from the sex) OR have so many women chasing them you're just another "chic blip" in their life.
It's called validation or PROOF.
Men AND women do it everyday.
They look for means (other than self-belief) to have another prove to them they are in fact INTERESTED in them.
AND by waiting for you to text them first...
"She actually does like me! Why else would she have reached out to me first - and now I look all cool because I held out just long enough to make HER unsure about how I felt, when on the inside it took EVERYTHING I had (and my annoying friends stealing my phone) to NOT text her first or so often."
I've been on both sides - I WAS the pathetic guy who was clueless around women and at that time, if I didn't text or contact you first it was only for two main reasons:
- I wasn't attracted to you OR...
- I didn't know WHAT to do about feeling attracted to you.
Assuming of course we exchanged numbers in a typical way. Trust not many men will try to get a number of a woman they're not into - it just doesn't happen.
Now that I'm on the other side (a self-proclaimed and glorious type one and don't deny it because my wife probably won't like it!!) I've learned the skills to play a woman from beginning to end BUT...
I never ONCE played a woman because it's just not me.
So back then, when I was single, if I wasn't reaching out to you it was for the first reason - I wasn't attracted to you.
If you got my number, found a way to contact me, or whatever AND you always had to get in touch with me first - the albeit shitty truth was - I wasn't into you all that much... period.
Before then it was the other case - as the guys I mentioned above...
I was just some clueless dude who was just hoping "she" would like me enough to prove it to me so I wouldn't get all butt-hurt and rejected like the last ten who I contacted and befriended (before) hoping something more would accidentally happen.
Sure (rarely) some guys treat their text messaging or even calls like some kind of game but they are few and far between. I trust you're smart enough to tell when some guy is probably playing "it" because you'll sense his immaturity early on.
Mostly - the answer is as simple as it appears:
He's either not into you that much - didn't feel much attraction and/OR are moving on for his own personal reasons.
They don't know what to do about their attraction towards you...
They don't know what to say....
They're worried about screwing something up with you...
They're not convinced themselves that YOU are feeling anything for them and are waiting for you to prove some form of like towards them...
More likely and importantly:
They want validation or PROOF of YOUR attraction towards them and in ALL of those cases it means he's feeling it for you.
If you follow me and why do guys you'll notice this pattern a lot (men being type twos) - if you don't follow then either welcome to my home on the web or please keep coming back - there's always something going on around here...
My point is:
As a woman (if you have things covered competently on your end) don't assume the worst.
Don't just automatically believe it's because he's not interested or lost that along the way. Sure it does happen but the odds are he's just a guy who just doesn't get it IF there's a definite sign of attraction.
If you found yourself a guy who is constantly waiting for you to text him, you DO have a choice.
I would NEVER suggest or advise that you do all the work. Don't just throw your hands up and start texting him or calling him all the time.
It's true that men DO like to be chased by women of all sorts but they don't typically commit to those women. They take what they can get until a woman comes along who has the right stuff to make him feel challenged in the right way.
So don't go there... Please.
You'll only push him away and encourage him to use you.
IF you're in a non-committed relationship with him (which I do explain what that is in my online book - that's the advice link - you can pick just the book on Amazon right here.) and it feels like you are doing all the work - there's a good chance he's not that into you and through WHAT your texting him that needs to be addressed so you can either change your connection with him or let him go.
IF you're very casually dating and he's not the first to ever contact you - chances are that is who he is - he's either terribly undecided OR more likely to be feigning his interest to get something else from you.
You can look at his texting patterns and dating patterns to help you decide if he's just looking for sex or using you to keep him busy as he's looking for his one.
If you've just met and you're getting NOTHING from him then it's the case from above - he's doesn't know what to do, he's worried about screwing it up, AND he's looking for validation or assurance that YOU are in fact interested in him and didn't just give your number away - to GET him away.
- Image found at Pexels by Adrianna Calvo.
- Big Bang Theory - Info on IMDb.
- The Big Bang Theory - Amazon link.
Handpicked related posts to help you out:
- How To Turn A Guy On With A Text So He Will Reply – Texting Examples
- He Ignored Your Text – Should You Text Him Again?
- A Month Of Texting, Tells You He Likes You, & Then Disappears – Here’s Why
- What Does It Mean When A Guy Only Texts & Never Wants To Call You Up
Recommended to assure this NEVER happens to you:
- If you're going to text him - MAKE sure it counts: Click Here to Watch - Text Chemistry Video - "The Magical Text That Makes Almost Any Man Psychologically Addicted to You… Forever…?" - By Amy North.
- Amy North – The Devotion System – Tips, Advice, and A Review With Info - Amy North at Meet and Attract Him.
- Reveal How He Feels With Two Quick Text Messages - Article written by me.
- Love Scripts for Dating - Product Info from Rori Raye - "Word-for-word scripts to connect to his heart… Faster than you ever thought possible."
- Rori Raye - Have the Relationship You Want Free Newsletter.