"So I met this guy online a couple of months ago. Everything was going great. We would have endless conversations about random things. He told me he was beginning to crush on me and that he couldn’t wait to meet me.
He mentioned to me that he was afraid he would scare me away.
I told him not to worry. After talking for over a month we decided to finally meet. I thought everything went well, it seemed he was into me as much as I was into him.
After our date ended he said next time he would drive up to see me.
He still checks my social media but won’t talk to me.
My friends said he ghosted me and to move on.
This all just threw me off because he always mentioned how loyalty and honesty were important.
If he wasn’t into me why didn’t he just say so?"
When a guy says or even hints that, "He's afraid he'll scare you away." it's often a sign of low self-esteem and little confidence in himself which means you're going to get MORE of those actions from him:
He'll be too scared to make a move.
He'll be afraid to tell you the truth.
He's not going to honest with you IF he's not interested. He'll just disappear one day barely ever to be seen again.
As what has happened in your case.
I have no idea of the actual details of your date. You say "everything went great" but that's YOUR view and from his perspective.
He could've been intimidated by you.
He could've felt uneasy and unsure causing him to NOT want to re-live those feelings again.
He could be hiding things from you which could explain why he said he's afraid he'll scare you away - because you never know - the skeletons he has in his closet are quite unknown and can be anything from trivial to many failed marriages.
AND here's something to consider...
You said he always mentioned how loyalty and honesty were important to him. Which is probably why he said he's like to come see you next time AND why he mentioned he had a crush on you.
That's HIS form of honesty.
It's also the "easy" read.
But think about it - WHO mentions it as a prerequisite for dating or for something more long-term?
WHAT guy doesn't want loyalty and honesty from a potential partner?
No one (man or woman) ever ASKS, "Please lie to me and cheat on me."
Therefore this simple request or qualification he's attempting is most likely rooted in his past.
Men (especially type two guys) who request certain items either never got in the past, say it because they think that's what you want to hear proving them to be honest and loyal when they don't have to be - they just want to believe they are because it's what ANYONE is looking for, feel most people are not trustworthy, OR was cheating on in the past and are looking to avoid it from happening again.
Whatever the actual reason is:
WHAT he's communicating as far as I'm concerned is:
- A non-trusting view of people.
- A very real look at himself as NOT being honest and loyal.
- A man who would rather hide than to face confrontation.
- Someone who worries a little too much and often lives in the future "what if" land.
And ALL those are clear traits of someone with low self-esteem.
It's quite obvious, and I hate this word that you were "GHOSTED"...
BUT that in no way can help you or I determine WHAT went wrong or why he did it OR even his real interest in you.
Guys like this often take rejection VERY seriously. Which also generally means they don't like to do it and will just disappear or hope you'll get the picture one day.
However based on your words (with having little to go on with how you act or communicate to men or how the date went) -
He didn't TELL you he wasn't interested...
He didn't reject you...
He WAS being honest (loyalty not fitting) for THOSE reasons.
He IS interested but he REJECTED HIMSELF and therefore by letting you know he wasn't into you, would have clearly been a blatant lie. Something he's obviously against.
ALL signs above point to a man who is scared and more than likely doesn't believe in himself AND he doesn't feel confident around women.
What does this mean for ANY woman reading this today?
Whereas being "ghosted" can mean you're being rejected by a guy who doesn't have the balls to tell you, or is fearful of confrontation, or simply believes that most women can't "handle" HIM not being interested...
AND it can mean (if it's a consistent pattern in your dating life) that you're pushing men away and are playing a role in it...
It's NOT always the case and going there without real evidence or proof (beyond the consistency or type of men you're dating) is not healthy for you, your Ego, your self-esteem, and for your future interactions with men.
HE is rejecting HIMSELF before you get the chance to do it to him thus sparing his certain agony and self-realization that he just doesn't FEEL good enough or worth of anything up to including love.
As stated in my book: Why Men Go Silent in the "Could You Be Causing His Silence? How and Why It’s You & Not Him" section:
"You can NOT and must NOT always blame yourself... period!
Be honest, open, and assume SOMETIMES it is right, good, and healthy to a take some blame and learn to accept your responsibility in it all and sometimes it is not and becomes a very unhealthy thing to do to yourself.
I can tell you from years of experience IF you're always blaming yourself, you're wrong.
My point today is hopefully a little revealing about men so you can (obviously) understand them all - simply and to make it clear it's not all this or that when it comes to the often overly complex relationships between men and women.
It's NOT always an easy read into it - you just have to let your mind wander a bit because it's often OFF the beaten path where the real answers are AND...
By going there you're not only understanding men and yourself better BUT you also become better equipped to make wonderful connections because you must admit - when you're always on the same path...
Discovering new things is nearly impossible and when you find yourself discovering and developing a new mindset - you will be in fact OPENING up new and exciting ways to connect with everyone including men.