Journey time. The title says so much and so little at the same time that we have to go there; for emotions like this left unexplored can be so sadly misunderstood, misused, and forgotten.
Truthfully speaking (unconditional love) is not often on the mind of men. It's not a term most would ponder in their daily lives but it does come up occasionally. It does affect them in lots of ways and definitely gives them structure and direction in their lives.
We want YOU to love US... no matter what.
No matter how many mistakes we make or are definitely going to make in our future.
No matter how dumb we might act once in a while.
No matter how much we claim to "just not understand you" when in reality we're just not really well trained to listen... but hey...
Some of us are working on that, some of us, not so much.
Some of us have made it there, some of us are probably just too far out of touch.
There once was a woman in my life long before I married my amazing and incredible wife and exploring that journey can shed some light on the unconditional love men seek, believe it's there when it's not, and yet find it for real in the end.
I often asked myself after we had broken apart,
"Why didn't I just forget about her?" - "What made that one so tough?"
The answer was simple:
I thought I could handle it like the Superman I built myself up into those days.
The man who finally made it in the world of women could or should so easily brush off some young "chic" who claimed, as I was told, to be her first "real" love. (Yeah I took that Ego boost all as far as it would go!)
It came on slowly but I sensed her hesitance. She was drifting away slowly but steadily and one night I casually mentioned to her,
"If this is the case, then walk away. It's cool."
And not to my surprise, she was gone.
Just like that.
The beginning (after the end) was easy but it crept up on me as I suddenly found myself retreating to some heavy drinking and back-whining bitch fests I had let myself in my past.
Back when I forced myself to feel worse as an excuse and severe self-punishment I felt was deserved and reserved for people like me...
A non-breeder whose genetic line was destined to end at my death.
Ahhh... Yes... Us men.
We can be a peculiar bunch when our masculinity is not felt inside. It wreaks havoc on our souls and rots our thoughts in terribly ways. I was no exception.
My conclusions felt logical and justified too as you'll find with many men who attempt to rationalize their emotions and give meaning to their never-ending pain.
Back to the breakup.
When we were together...
She didn't hurt me.
She didn't treat me like shit.
She didn't play games with my head or sleep with other guys.
It's just was not working the way I wanted it too. Things were not going according to MY plan.
Like I said, I sensed she was leaving already and since the path she was taking was different from mine, I felt perfectly okay with it all and we parted our ways.
The "breakup" was less dramatic than a c-span session on the detailed flow of toothpaste.
Why didn't I just forget about her so quickly? What made it so tough?
Why did it cause me to revert to some lass-ass former version of myself for a few tough weeks?
To have it all out on the basement floor of some dirty rotten bar as I texted and temporarily threw my masculinity away as if it meant nothing to me anymore...
IF I could get back things to the way they were before.
What did she do to me that made her so freaking special?
Well... it's all in the title.
She appeared (or pretended with an award winning Oscar's performance) or actually DID love me unconditionally, but it wasn't her words which proved it or made me feel as if it was real.
In fact, she's was not awfully good at explaining those things anyways. She was just as bad as a communicator as I was in those days.
We spoke in riddles and old comedies.
It was a feeling I got.
No matter who I was. What I had. Where I was going. Who I've been with. Who I'm was with. What I've done...
It was a feeling that I could make her feel something no other guy could even come close to doing when we were together.
She always made me feel like I was the only one for her and what she was willing to risk to get there with me, although not as far as I'd like, seemed to seal the deal enough.
Despite all my bad points...
She loved me unconditionally.
I was FREE to BE... ME!
Apparently, losing that reassurance on most days proved to be unbearably difficult and something I was not prepared for in my heart.
So I freaked out as reality set in.
She didn't do it (make me feel that way) with her words. I know some of you want to know exactly what to say to make that happen, but it's not going to work that way.
It won't ever be enough.
It's also not done by letting a guy get away with doing or saying anything he wants.
It's not put across by pretending things don't get to you as you let all the bad stuff slide until you find one day he's been treating you like shit and walking all over you.
It's WHO you are, what you DO, and HOW you communicate a CONNECTION that makes a man feel that special way.
I'm telling you because I see too many women ruin it through their words and broken conversations.
Thinking or believing if they can just say a few carefully chosen sentences to reassure a guy of something that he'll get it, but he rarely does and most likely never will because for one:
That's not how men communicate and two, it backfires and actually makes him feel unwanted and more distant from you.
Your well-intended words most carefully chosen words can make him feel that you're being more selfish and concerned about the "relationship" than you are of him.
And in those cases, he'll NEVER believe or feel you can even love anything unconditionally except for maybe you're own reputation or social status among other women.
He will forever fight you and push you away.
Relationships don't work that way and men know it.
They should never be made out to be more important than the individuals involved or growing within them.
So when that guy sitting across from you gets the feeling you're more concerned with the relationship than the two of you, separately, individually, or together ... it's over.
Herein today lies some secrets to unconditional love and how it makes a guy feel so much for one woman, and so little for so many others.
Unconditional love, from a guys point of view, might simply be a feeling we get from a woman who loves, values, and respects herself just as EQUALLY as she does with him and definitely MORE than the relationship itself.
That breakup long ago that hit me hard, whether the unconditional part from her was real or not doesn't matter because it FELT like it was and having to let it go turned out to be a temporary surge of suffering I had not planned on going through.
What I've learned since then is something different and it's all coming together.
This NEW unconditional love I am most fortunate to have found goes much deeper and IS the REAL thing.
This I know for many reasons and one being because we're being tested, IT is being tested, and we're surviving day to day.
These new feelings I've been getting over these new years don't make me want to crawl back into my past as I once had, they make me want to dive happily into the PRESENT and fix for the future.
I'm not questioning her resolve or dedication or wondering when it's all going to go away one day.
I'm not worried about losing the reassurance which happened before, it's just always there.
It's not that I'm allowed to get away with doing whatever I want or acting however I see fit, the feelings inside me don't allow it to go there, as best as I can on a daily basis.
I don't want to get away with being bad or feel I need to be punished when I do act like the ass I can be.
As OUR journey continues...
There's no "conditionality" going on.
Yes, it IS a feeling I still.
It IS backed through actions and not just words.
It IS similar to a past relationship but only on the surface if even that.
It goes much deeper as the connection made reinforces and builds on the "unconditional love" without so much as a feeling of effort.
Meaning, it does NOT feel like work. A HUGE difference from the past as I worked hard to be or do the right thing all the time.
Now we grow... without trying. Without the work.
It just HAPPENS...
Does all this make sense?
Maybe, maybe not.
Let me know below and when I get the chance we'll talk it out.
A few related articles:
- Don’t Tell Him You Like Him, Show Him Instead & This is How To Do It!
- Does He Like You? Does He Love You? What Did He Really Mean To Say?
- What Love Is Not! The Best News You Will Read Today Means Everything!
- What He Must Feel To Never Want To Let You Go & How To Connect With Him
- How A Man Falls In Love - Learn The Secrets To His Addiction To You
Image of couple laying down in love by Ron Lach