A man's self-confidence is obviously tied to his inner self, hence the word self. However, just like most people (man or woman), it also can be tied to how others see him.
And when it comes to his ability to get or please a woman, they are inherently and forever unconnected.
Understanding men made simple.
A man's confidence will often be connected to how a woman sees him, and/or how the majority of women RESPOND to him and his actions towards her.
For these types of men (typically type twos) - this ultimately means YOU have extreme power to make or break a man in many ways. This also means you have the power to make him feel emotionally attached and attracted to you, by HOW you interact with him.
In my free book below, I cover a few ways to show you how this can be achieved and some very important warnings to heed. There are many wrong ways to do it and by doing so you'll eventually push him away or destroy the relationship.
I'd like to cover how you can boost a man's confidence in a way he'll get and accept which will bring him closer to you.
You must first accept the fact that while type twos typically have lower confidence with women and type ones are already there - they BOTH will still tie their inner self to women - it's part of being a man that is unavoidable.
You must also adhere to a certain rule for yourself and that is to accept nothing less than strong self-confidence from a man you intend to date.
Except his confidence doesn't have to be with women, it can be in anything reasonable or helpful to others. Which is great news because it's a transferable trait and any man who has it, can learn to apply it in many areas of his life.
Here's a great question.
How and when is it okay (or even good) to boost his confidence while connecting those good feelings to you?
Well... Not everyday is the same or like the other.
A man's confidence tends to shrink and grow similar to yours. Some days you feel powerful enough to take on the world, and some days you don't or won't feel good enough to much of anything.
Guys go through the same thing too.
If you SHOW a man it's something you can do for him during his down times, just like you would want him to do the same for you, you're engaging a part of him which actually increases his desire for you and he'll feel more connected to you.
"The hero instinct is a subconscious drive to gravitate toward people who make him feel like a hero.
It’s amplified in his romantic relationships."
The great news is that you can use everyday minor situations as an opportunity to show off this communication skill and in turn, it will bring him closer.
Here are some quick easy examples:
1. Ask him for help.
2. Take pleasure in his male company.
3. Let him earn your respect.
Forming a deeper connection with him.
If and when a guy feels a connection with you that's above and beyond anything he's felt before, he's less likely to want to give that up for anything.
We (us real men) put a high priority on connecting with a woman in this way.
It helps men see, feel, and believe that you DO GET HIM which in turn, boosts his confidence.
Boost his confidence, have him connect these good feelings to being with you, trigger his hero instinct, etc...
Watch and enjoy how a much DEEPER CONNECTION is made and there's not much he can do about it.
A woman asked me to help her increase a man's confidence about his looks. He believed he was ugly and wished to change his mind.
I told her that men respond best to ACTION or something tangible they can feel, touch, sense, and of course... understand.
This means you don’t tell a guy he isn’t ugly, he'll never believe it, you SHOW him in whatever way that is appropriate in the context of the relationship.
I grew up with an older brother who got ALL the girls he ever wanted.
Others around me insisted on telling me how handsome my brother was because he was always getting some hot girlfriend.
My mind made the connection because I could see (being shown) and hear (being told) how it all went down.
I wasn't successful in the woman area (at least to my likings or high standards of beauty) so they made me believe I must be ugly, or in the very least, inferior and far less attractive than "him".
Women must not like ugly guys!
Yet somehow, despite how I felt about my looks, years later, I managed to get a girlfriend.
Suddenly I felt attractive for the first time in my life.
She "showed" me by chasing me and being with me, and reassured it through her words.
And the PROOF of it all, after we broke up, I actually felt UGLY again! Yes, I really did.
Sure I was more confident I could land another girl but that didn't last long as the ugliness I felt inside took over because it was a much more powerful feeling.
As my failures stacked up, my confidence dropped along with them and all I was left with was that sick old feelings of "ugly dudes don't get to be with pretty girls" and I was one of them.
The ACTIONS related to my failures is the SHOWN part and despite the lack of words, I felt and believed it because I was shown.
So... here's the thing.
How I saw myself was unfortunately directly tied to how I "believed" women saw me based on their actions and how they showed it to me. What they said, their words, ONLY made a difference when it was backed by their actions and came along with them.
Those girls could've told me until they were blue in the face I was attractive but until I saw action or "got some kind of action from it" - I just didn't get it and would never really believe it.
You'll find lots of men who go through the same thing and unless they have serious issues and are playing what I call the “poor poor me who could love me” game, it's not a big deal because there are many things you can do to make a guy feel attractive beyond just words.
AND it is definitely something you'll want to do IF you want to increase his desire for you and connect with him on a deeper level too.
Here are a few more effective ways to boost his confidence and make him feel more attractive.
Men love attention from a woman they’re attracted to and they can not get enough of it WHEN you together.
In other words don't go all clingy on him and start messaging or calling or begging to see him a hundred times a day.
However, when you're together - show him lots of real attention by noticing and remembering the little things.
Pretend is hair looks especially good today and run your hands through it while telling him that and note the last time it looked this good when you were doing something fun.
The key to making it work as you'll soon see and was brought up earlier, show then tell.
Action then the words. Never just the words.
Unabashed physical advancements with words of desire at the same time.
Don’t just grab his ass, back it up with encouragement,
“Your ass really turns me on!!!”
This works on any part of him.
Just remember after the action TELL him what it does to you.
Grab his biceps, squeeze, and let him know what they do to you. Try to keep it real because it's more effective that way.
ANY body works but I'd stick to something a guy would like to hear about.
Once again, don't forget - ACTION, touch, grab, grope, then the WORDS so he can get the whole picture.
Check him out (or staring at one or more of his body parts) until you get caught.
When a guy feels checked out by a woman he automatically will assume she’s liking what she see because that’s how it works for him.
So, check your man out and giggle it off like you didn't "mean" to get caught.
If he asks, “What are you looking at?” then let him know.
But always stare first, then back it up with words.
Next good one...
Bust his ass when another woman looks at him, or pretend another woman did when it's obvious she didn't or wouldn't like an extremely older woman or even another guy.
The point is to embarrass him a little but also to make him feel good-looking in other's eyes.
Trust it doesn't have to be real for him to feel the effects of him and to boost his confidence. He'll get it especially if it's coming from you.
There are an unlimited circumstances where you can use anything covered today to boost his Ego a little, increase his confidence, make him feel attractive, AND you'll find yourself connecting with him on a level most women miss because they fail to do these small things which are obviously easy and FUN too.
They key again is to make sure it’s tangible, real, something beyond just words.
Action is what us guys respond the best to and remember much longer.
Words are great, they really are, but what must come first is some kind of ACTION for a man to get it and take it to heart.
When you want a guy to feel something, DO something to bring it out - then back it up with words.
Show don't tell.
Be clever about it.
There are lots of action-orientated things you can do which will make a man feel amazing, handsome, happy, or whatever you want him to feel when he's around you.
Thanks for everything and let me know how it goes for you.
James Bauer is a dating and relationship expert who has coached couples to help them achieve a happier more productive marriage. He also helps women attract men with the respect principle and the hero concept. His newest project is bringing couples back together with his now famous Relationship Rewrite Method.
You can browse all his articles at why do guys by clicking the link below:
It doesn’t matter how in love or infatuated a man is if the woman he’s with doesn’t bring out his Hero Instinct he'll always feel like something important is missing and eventually seek out a woman who knows this secret.
On the other hand, when you know how to trigger a man’s Hero Instinct his heart will be yours, and yours alone, and he'll go to the ends of the Earth to make you happy.
It’s because the Hero Instinct is a BIOLOGICAL DRIVE... just like hunger, thirst, and sex.
The best way for you to understand how you can use the Hero Instinct, is to see how it worked for a real woman.
But I'm here to tell you about one incredible, universal method you can use to grab his attention by triggering his hero instinct.
Help him finally see you as the one.
Extra related reading just for you:
- Don’t Tell Him You Like Him, Show Him Instead & This is How To Do It!
- Why So Many Men Are Starting To Feel More Ugly Today – Inside & Out!
- How To Make Him Feel Safe By Overcoming Your Fears & Being Secure
- Three Ways To Create Instant Intimacy With A Man While You're On A Date
- The Attraction Trigger That Awakens a Man’s Deepest Longing for Love
- The Secret to Understanding Male Attraction Triggers & How It's Done
Image of supposed ugly man with hand in face by Andrew Neel.