Secret Dirt: Inside information normally held and passed around like gossip, mostly intended to not get back the one being talked about.
A product came my way in which over twenty thousand men, yes - that's a two followed by four zeros - were asked a few questions about women and since they didn't know women would ever read them, their answers were very revealing, brutally honest, and upfront.
(Fact check: Over 21,482 men were asked, over 600 actually replied.)
Since lots of women have benefited from their very candid answers PLUS they learned how to connect with men on a whole new (attractive) level, it was only appropriate that I would also answer the survey myself.
Below are the questions which were made public - the rest are in the secret surveys series which will cost you money to get:
(That's an affiliated link to a promotional video- I earn a percentage at no extra charge to you.)
Have I ever lied to a woman?
Does my Mom count?
Probably - but that's neither here nor there and honestly, I haven't done that since my teenage years of "trying" to hide my partying lifestyle.
The general answer is a YES to other women too. Some more than others depending on the situation and circumstance.
Although I will admit I've been more than brutally honest with MOST women in my life, which all started when I learned a little something about attraction and being a man.
You're going to find that lots of men DO lie to women constantly, but the reasons are not what you might expect - minus the players and bullshit artists looking for a quick lay of course.
As I've always maintained based on my two man theories:
Type one guys who use their skills to play and lay women, lie to get something from you and make themselves feel more powerful - they're rare but skilled in this area.
Type one guys who don't use women RARELY if ever lie, because it's unnecessary, and only adds undue drama to their dating to relationship life.
Type two guys lie for entirely different reasons. Typically it's because they have little confidence or skills with women and aim to make themselves look better and more attractive to YOU.
Since type two guys can not purposely play a woman - one things leads to another and it may seem like they lied to you - but their belief or feelings changed along the way - so it's "technically" not a lie.
Lastly for this question - an answer which is revealing and a little embarrassing:
I did lie to a woman I once slept with when she asked me how her breasts looked because she didn't like them.
I lied because I agreed with her and did not want to hurt her feelings.
Was it usually because I didn't feel like dealing with all the drama after?
As with MOST men, we don't like dealing with drama - especially when it leads to fighting and irreconcilable difference of opinions.
When the least dramatic option was to keep the mouth shut, OR tell a little lie to smooth things over, it seemed appropriate.
Just like above though - my life and relationships with women have changed.
I'm very happily married and do NOT lie to my wife - there's no need to and it tends to make any problem worse anyways.
Most men though - are just not there yet.
A simple lie here and there to them, is their way of keeping things smooth and relatively drama-free.
One major point behind the secret surveys is that men struggle with their emotions AND they are proven to dissipate or linger for much longer than a woman.
Generally speaking, you can experience many emotions in a short time and get through them - for guys, as you'll read about later in the post, it takes much longer and happens one at a time - so men tend to avoid the lingering feelings that happen along with the drama.
Point being - since men DO take longer to sort it all out in their emotional head and heart, they often find it best to just tell a lie here and there to avoid the long-lasting emotional effect.
Have I ever lied to a woman about what I want?
Directly - No!
Indirectly - yeah, guilty on all counts because the indirect method was my "go to" as you'll find it is with lots of men.
My biggest lie in this area was befriending a woman I wanted something more with, yet was too ignorant and lacked a real confidence in myself to make it happen.
You'll find groups men who behave the same way too.
Indirect and less blatant lies are used ALL the time depending on the questions you ask, and the specifics behind them.
When you ask a certain guy if he's looking for a long-term relationship, most normal guys will say, "Yes, of course" - because it's the truth.
But the truth is: He didn't lie - he's just not there with you and for whatever the reasons are on both ends, yours and his, it's not going there.
Ask a guy what he wants from a woman and he's so much more likely to lie because:
The answer he gives you is based on what he thinks you want to hear.
He feels the truth would literally scare you away.
He believes he has to build himself up.
He thinks women can not "handle the truth".
Because he's AFRAID of his own feelings of attraction when they make him look like a typical man in YOUR eyes.
Men don't like to be labeled - just like you - and they certainly will avoid telling certain secret truths in their head when it makes them look AVERAGE!
Have I ever lied to a woman when she asked what I was really thinking about?
If and this is a huge "if" - If I can figure out exactly how to say it so she'll understand what I truly mean by it, then no.
But most of the time, even when I think she'll understand and accept what I'm saying - I believed most women would just never get it.
I say "most of the time" because I have met women who did get what I was trying to say and honestly - these were the women who I gave instant respect, admiration, and have fantasized about daily.
If you can not think of any reason why you should try out Secret Surveys - Why Men Lie - what I just told you is a big one because when you learn how to make a man feel respected and admired about you, AND have him fantasizing over when you're not around...
You can EASILY become his one and only for a very long time, if not forever.
And that's NO LIE.
This question goes in many different revealing directions about men and I'm sure you're with me on that one.
Here's a couple common examples:
Ask a guy what he's thinking about half way through an incredible date and he'll probably lie because he doesn't want you to know he's imagined you naked already.
He wants to have sex that night and telling you that - would probably ruin his chances.
Ask a guy what he was thinking about when you unloaded your terrible day on him and he might point out HIS solution to your problem, which is a half lie because while you were talking, he was thinking,
"When will this end so I can get back to what I was doing?!!!"
Ask a guy what he was really thinking about when his eyes wandered onto another woman, or some famous celebrity, and the truth, as you may know - will be hidden from you.
Sure, some will play it all aloof but most will just prefer to lie to spare the after-drama AND because in all honestly, they just don't want to hurt your feelings or make you feel ugly, that's not how he feels.
So the lie fits and serves a purpose.
Maybe not a good one but remember, when a man is given the choice between two evils, he'll be more inclined to accept the lesser of the two even if it means still creating a problem.
Was I "sometimes" thinking they'd make a great girlfriend for me?
You might notice a certain pattern with me - when I was terrible with women, I'd lie to them more.
As I got better at all this attractive communication and understanding of women, the lies became practically non-existent.
So - earlier in my life, absolutely!
One look at a "girl" and ALL I could think about was her being my girlfriend. How she was so perfect for me.
AND telling her that would be absolutely insane.
That's not a guess because I DID try it a few times thinking I was being clever, smart, and different - only to lead me down a lonely road of a quick rejection.
Thus heading me back down to, avoid telling her how I felt - because she won't like me after I said it.
In other words - Best to keep my mouth shut and lie my ass off when the topic came up, OR when I felt I was losing a woman I didn't even have yet.
My relationships with women later on in life became much easier because, instead of thinking she'd make a great girlfriend, I re-framed my belief system and how I communicated to ALL women.
This was because I figured out clever, upfront, and witty ways to get HER to qualify herself to me - as I fought off any future thoughts of a relationship UNTIL proven otherwise.
You'll find lots of guys think like once did but they're not always as consistent among them.
Some go right into "relationship mode" and at first sight they're thinking you'd make a great girlfriend.
They don't think it all through, they live in the future, do little to qualify you, and once the future becomes the present - they back away because now they believe they were wrong.
Some know, like me, from experience, this is not something you tell a woman early on, because they've lived through what both men and women do and believe most others only want what they can not have - therefore being aloof and slightly distant makes them FEEL like they're doing the attractive thing.
The lies THEY tell you OR more appropriately, hold back the truth is done to protect the future from not happening.
Would I enjoy a woman more if she could read my mind?
This one is a tough one become it goes well beyond relationships and dating and enters a part of life no one truly wants...
To have our mind probed and ALL of our thoughts revealed to another.
I certainly wouldn't ENJOY a woman more if she could read my mind but there's obviously more to it than just that.
To understand this better we have to dig deeper because many normal man, just like women, want to be understood and heard.
Men want to FEEL like their woman gets them and they shouldn't have to explain themselves all the time.
AND they prefer certain things to not have to be said or spoken to reach that point.
Their thought process would be,
"If she truly gets me, I won't have to tell her - and if by not saying anything she gets me - then that's proof she understands me deeply and better than any other woman I've met or been with before."
They also want to keep some of their private thoughts for themselves. It feel more safe and secure. Opening up on some deeper thoughts makes them feel vulnerable and therefore weak.
Men do NOT ever like to feel weak especially around a woman they have feelings for, and the weaker they feel around a woman - the further they pull away to avoid exposing any more vulnerabilities.
A man does not want his mind read, he's NOT more inclined to commit to a woman who can read his min. He will NOT enjoy her more...
The woman who gets him deeply - despite having to say anything or reveal himself too much - will be the one most likely to "capture his heart".
Again - no one likes others to be able read their mind - but EVERYONE wants to be understood, heard, respected, and feel effectual in the world they live in which includes relationships.
MEN once more, are SCARED of a woman they like having the ability to read their mind because, he undoubtedly believes that in any stage of the relationship from dating and so on - IF she knows what he was really thinking - he'd lose her or any chance with her.
Consider this early dating or attraction phase I went through many years ago BEFORE I married my amazing wife - who, by the way - GETS ME!
There was this cute "fun to play with" nineteen year old girl wearing skin tight black stretchy or yoga pants.
Who could resist?
I checked her ass out and literally grunted to myself at the thought of "bending her over".
I started a conversation with her and believe it or not, based on the guy's mental capacity, it's very hard to continue to think like that and have a real conversation.
The undressing her in my mind stopped once we started talking.
Thinking about it - I HIGHLY doubt she would've been grateful reading my mind, to a certain extent of course. Meaning - yes, sometimes it feels good knowing some "hot" guy is checking you out...
Most normal men know women don't like to be objectified at all and if she were to read my mind, she might've easily felt that way which would have in turn, ruined my chances of taking things further - without some truly special conversational tactics.
The reality of it all was - I was just enjoying the sensations I believed her body could give me, in many way.
It had nothing to do with how I saw her as a REAL person.
That was the point of the conversation, to learn about WHO she was with had little to do with how her ass looked in those yoga pants.
However - guys are worried about a woman they like thinking they're a piece of shit, only concerned with objectifying women.
Meaning - reading our minds at that point is NOT in either of our best interest.
Taken one step further - IF she looked me directly in the eyes with a coy smile on her face, and asked me if I had just fantasized about having sex with her - I would have responded with a clever cocky and funny comeback, not fully revealing if it was true or not.
Whereas most guys would crumble and LIE.
Keep all that in mind because it WILL help you understand ALL men better than ever before.
Those were the main questions, obviously there's many more unreleased to the public and to get those, along with the answers men gave, you have to subscribe and pay for your personal membership.
What you've read today are CLEAR examples of why men lie which go beyond players and guys are for power of women with the added bonus of sex.
Men lie (as Michael says, the creator) because they're SCARED of women.
Really - they may put up a front to protect their Ego and Masculinity, but they are truly frightened of the drama, repercussions of their words, and an unshakable fear of screwing it up... with YOU!
Michael "borrowed" an idea from Dr. John Gottman at the University of Washington where he attempts to prove a fact about men EVERY WOMAN must know:
Dr. John believes emotions are actually harder for guys to deal with and to recover from, than it is for a woman.
(You can look up Dr. John here on his website: The Gottman Institute or pick up something he wrote on Amazon through this link.)
Something I've lived through and experienced myself, being a man.
Back in my darker and very lonely days - I would get hooked on a woman. Fall madly in love with her. Fail miserably with her.
And it took me sometimes up to a year or more to get over that rejection.
The feelings just would not go way and I'd often replace her with a new one - not just to make the pain go away - but to feel something different.
I, something my wife doesn't like but I just can not help - literally remember ALL of them.
How I was rejected.
How it all went down and crumbled around me.
AND the heartache I endured through as it all played out.
Now that's scary, isn't it?
Just imagine every guy you know or will meet has experienced these same types of emotional feelings that just won't seem to go away.
It's a point I bring up in my book. If you're interested in reading more about it, here's the links:
Or pick it up with a discount on Amazon if you use kindle:
Think about YOUR emotional states and you'll find Dr. John has something which may be undeniable, proven or not:
"We’ve all seen a woman burst into tears one moment only to be totally fine 5 minutes later.
But when it comes to emotions, guys are a lot more “fragile.”
Gottman says it’s because of evolution.
Guys were evolved to be single taskers.
To push everything out of their mind except the one thing they’re hunting.
And because of that we’re slower to get into an emotional state and MUCH slower to get back out of it once we get there.
He says it's like swimming.
Getting “emotional” for women is a lot like jumping off a dock into a lake.
You get wet, sure. But the dock is right there and just a few seconds later you’re safe and dry...
But for guys, “getting emotional” is like getting dropped in the middle of the ocean...
Bobbing in the water.
Surrounded by sharks.
With land nowhere in site.
What does this have to do with LYING?
From a very young age, guys learn that if we tell you the truth you could FREAK OUT on us...
FLOOD us with scary emotions...
And push us out in the ocean where it’ll take them hours to recover."
This concept of why men lie to women and hold back all sorts of their dirty little secrets from you, goes much deeper.
There are MANY reasons why a guy will lie and other mysteries the men in your life and or in your future, you may never know or find out.
If you feel this is something you NEED to hear - if you want some sort of a-ray vision into the male minds and all the secrets they hold...
A program that tells you...
- What he really thinks of you (and why men are so BAD at showing a woman that he loves her.)
- Why he looks at other women, what it MEANS when he looks at another woman and what really goes through his head when he sees a hot girl walking down the street...
- Why men cheat... and how to drain your man’s desire to cheat on you just by saying a few simple words.
- The dirty truth about a man’s sexual mind... why your man WANTS to be objectified and how to give him sexual thrills that will have him addicted to you.
And so many more secrets men (besides me) will EVER tell you, BUT knowing them can give you an advantage in dating and relationships and at the same time help you build a strong loving connection with any man you desire.
The reality is - yes, some men are just full of it. They will lie to get something from you, they will lie for power superiority, and for sex too.
Their reasons are quite obvious.
However - when the average nice or good guy lies, his reasons are far from devious or evil.
I'm not concluding that it's the right thing to do - merely explaining why it happens in the hopes you can understand, their actions and their words a little better when you know the truth.
Interesting side note about the main picture:
I took it in a restaurant bathroom. The images were right above the urinals which I cropped out, of course. Cracked me up!