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Do Men Like To Know You Miss Them?

Showing Him She Misses Him

A man always wants to be reminded that he's missed physically, mentally, and emotionally from a woman he loves.

He wants to know that the special woman in his life is thinking about him.

He also wants know you're a part of his life and by telling him you miss him - you're giving him a certain proof or a guarantee that how you feel about him is real.

This of course applies to when you're in a relationship but also when you're casually dating him too. (Except in dating - the "I miss you" thing must be done in a slightly different way especially if you want something more with a guy.)

So why DOES a guy like to know he's missed?

It's a CLEAR sign of affection.

A direct acknowledgement that there has been an intimate bond formed between you and him.

A strong indication of your unwavering love.

It's EVIDENCE or PROOF that no matter how far apart you find yourselves - you're right there with him in your heart AND your mind too.

When you connect with a man emotionally, telling him you miss him brings him closer because you're reminding him how you feel in a way he can understand because he's feeling it too.


Men are generally known for being a little too protective of the woman they love the most. They're not too concerned with you as they are with other guys hitting on you or trying to steal you from them when they're not around.

When he knows without a doubt that you miss him through your words and actions (both are equally important) he feels safe and more confident you're not going to meet another man and leave him.

You're sending him a clear reminder that no matter what happens, no matter who TRIES to come between you and him - HE is always on your mind.

It's reassurance of faith and trust in the connection you have with each other.

Now what about your ex-boyfriend or  ex-husband - does HE want to know or hear that you miss him?

Yes - they actually do.

Remember that you both invested lots of time, emotions and hopefully effort into your relationship and just because it failed or didn't work doesn't mean the connection is lost or the feelings are wiped out.

The feelings he had for you will stick around for a while.

This is NOT advice to tell your ex you miss him unless you plan on getting back together and you're not seeing other people... BUT...

When your ex knows that he's missed - just like you - it has a way of confirming that the time you spent together (the good and the bad moments) was not just a waste of his or your time.

EVERYONE wants a REAL confirmation they haven't just thrown away months or years of their life with someone who didn't feel the same way or who didn't feel the same in the failed relationship.

It doesn't always mean there's a chance of rekindling and starting over again - more needs to be in place and must happen first so keep that in mind.

(Many of you have asked me bout getting an ex back and since it doesn't necessarily fit or belong on this page AND I'm not an expert on that subject, I've linked up some articles and help at the bottom of post in the credit/footnotes section. There's certainly no shortage of information in the "getting your ex back" niche.)


A few more questions always arise when it comes to the whole missing you thing and I'd like to cover as much as possible.

How DO you tell a guy you miss him.

Men do listen (mostly) but actions speak louder than words to a guy if you're to get your point across to him clearly.

You'll want to communicate your feelings to him in a way he can understand...  an ACTION must be related to it.

Here's an example from my personal experience:

I was dating a woman who wasn't very good at telling me how she felt which turned out to be great thing because she learned a technique which worked much better at communicating with men.

Rather than tell me she missed me while we were apart she grabbed a stuffed animal we found together and had me spray a ton of my unique cologne all over it. The smell lasted for months.

It was an ACTION men get because she was not just telling me but SHOWING me that she needed a way to feel like I was always around.

I got it instantly.

Here's this woman that missed me so much when we were apart that she needed a way to feel close. Something tangible as a reminder of our relationship and the connection we made together.

She never had to tell me she missed me because I knew it.

Sure it's a little cheesy but it worked.

You want to let a guy know how much you miss him - think ACTION, something he can relate it, PROVE it rather than just saying it all the time.

Sure you can send the occasional "Thinking of you..." or "Missing you..." text message, he'll get it but it's just not as powerful and it can easily lose its effect if you do it too much. It's not really solidifying the connection you have with an action or experience he won't ever forget.

(I'd LOVE to hear some of your ideas below if and when you come up with them so make sure you comment a few of them.)

To help you out more - take the list above about why guys like to know they're missed and build some action from it:

  • He wants to know he's missed physically, mentally, and emotionally - that gives you three areas to work from.
  • Let him know you're thinking about him in a way which reminds him of a past experience you shared when a connection was made.
  • SHOW him how you're a part of his life no matter how much distance is between you and him.
  • Don't just say "I miss you" - SHOW him some random affection in a message and he'll get it instantly that you DO miss him.

The difference between dating and relationships and how the missing  stuff should be handled.

You might think you can tell a guy whenever you want that you miss him while you're in a relationship because how it's perceived will be generally a good thing.

This will also lead you to believe that if you're just dating a guy you must be careful about how it's said and how often it's said because it could lead to the opposite result. It could make you look desperate or discovering that you miss him more than he misses you - awkward situation to say the least.

Both are somewhat right but do it too much or too little in either situation could easily just lead to the same problem.

It really comes down to BALANCE - TIMING - EFFORT and the ACTION or WORDS you choose to take.

There is unfortunately no hard rules to follow here. Each situation must be addressed separately and handled case by case.

However HOW it's said or done can be calculated for better effect and to have it mean more.

This means any action or words you choose to take should (generally more for dating than in a relationship) leave a challenge too.

It should encourage or challenge him to miss you equally back because that WILL bring you closer together PLUS it sets up a situation where he feels more free to share his feelings on missing you too.

This should be used if you're casually dating a guy, in a close or long-distant relationship, up to flirting with a guy you haven't gone out with yet.

The effect is the same - a CHALLENGE along with a thought of sentiment or an open honest sharing of feelings.

Yes, I know - easier said than done.

What I'm saying is to make it easier on yourself. Don't get caught up in trying to figure out the difference if it's a dating thing or a relationship thing. You'll drive yourself crazy trying to always do and say the right thing which normally comes out in all the wrong ways anyways.

TRUST your intuition will guide you in the best direction and focus more on that WHAT and not the WHAT IF.

This will also take care of the important HOW to make a man miss you just as much or more than you miss him.


The topic of a man missing you or you missing him leads to several areas of discussion such as:

Smiling Woman at Man

If a guy doesn't miss you when you're apart does that mean he doesn't have feelings for you?

That answer sometimes depends on the time and distance between you. You might be miss him in a week whereas he might not feel it for a couple or vice-versa.

BUT to be as forward and honest as I can - taken the time, distance, and the nature of the relationship into account - a man will only miss a woman which is equal to how strong his feelings are for her.

If he doesn't ever tell you that he misses you does that also mean he doesn't have feelings for you?

Absolutely not.

Men are not generally good vocal communicators so relying on this won't give you the real picture of how he feels about you.

However his ACTIONS will as long as you know how to read them and interpret them.

For example: Take two different men you're seeing closely but due to circumstances you can not be with each other for a month or so. This means no physical touch at all, just talking or messaging.

When you finally are able to get together one man squeezes you tight, kisses you and starts to immediately make plans to spend as much time together BUT he never says he misses you.

Another guy acts aloof. Gives you a lame hug and acts like he didn't miss you at all but showed up and is sort of into finally getting to see you again.

You might believe the second guy didn't miss you as much therefore doesn't have the same deep feelings as the first guy but that's not necessarily true.

He could be worried that you didn't miss him as much and is holding back.

He could be afraid that by admitting his deeper feelings to you and to himself that he'll miss you even more the next time you're apart. He doesn't feel ready for that to happen and is more concerned with being in a relationship where you don't see each other as much as he'd like to.

So you can see it's not all black and white. Whether a man admits or acts like he misses you is or not is not a guarantee one way or another of his feelings.

The problem gets more complicated when you go deeper.

Imagine two men who see the distance or time apart differently.

One man might miss you less because you can message each other everyday. He's not relying so much on real physical interactions to secure a relationship or a dating phase. He feels as long as you're in touch with each other you shouldn't miss each other at all or just a little.

Another guy might miss you despite lots of messages everyday because he relies more on the physical part to secure the connection. You'll hear him say often how much he misses you and will assume you feel the same way.

The point is: If he says it or not doesn't guarantee he misses you or not. There's not definitive all true answer.

A man can feel it for you yet never show or tell you that he's missing you.

BUT - as above in the opening sentence...

A man ALWAYS wants to know he's missed mentally, physically, and emotionally from a women he loves or has deep feelings and has made a real connection.

Making all this a very confusing subject.

Making it also a bigger problem when it comes to guys wanting to know but incapable or not willing to tell you the same.

AND now for the really big one...

Can you bring him closer by making him miss you just enough and can that be done without playing the hard-to-get game?

Yes, yes, and definitely YES!

Sure, absence can tear a relationship apart BUT it can also bring a man closer to wanting a relationship.

Strange analogy but since I love pizza so much I'll use it.

Give me pizza everyday and I'll enjoy it but I won't find the time or feelings to miss it. In fact I might take it for granted if I have it too much. I won't fully realize how much I love it until it's well outside of my reach.

Take it away and suddenly I WANT it even more. It becomes more special, rare, appreciated and makes me realize how much I actually DO love pizza.

The same things happen between a man and a woman.

We become complacent or accustomed to something and it tends to lose is specialty.

Take it away and the same thing happen: We appreciate the other more. We find ourselves taking full advantage of the precious few moments together AND it can make us realize just how much we are in love and therefore how much we miss having our partner around.

Here are a few articles on my "other" lesser known site which are just basics on how to get a guy to miss you the right way:

Both are great examples of amplifying his attraction towards you without having to play any mind games which in turn will have him missing you when you're not around.

I believe that about covers as much on the topic as I can get out. If there's more just let me know below and I'll update or add it when I can.

This is when if you liked what read or learned something to share it and sign up to the why do guys newsletter. I'll see you there.

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About the author: Understanding men does not have to be complicated anymore and I can show yow how… There are only two types of guys and if you don’t know which one he is, you could misinterpret everything he says or does as it relates to you. Your new guy friend, Peter White – Understanding Men Made Simple.

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This article was posted in What Guys Want From Women – Their Likes & What They Look For In You, Your Relationship With Him – Communication, Understanding, & Connection

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91 comments… add one
  • Ann

    You are right..
    I feel that too… Its been a while i never said miss him even thought we are seeing each other everyday, someday i tell him that i miss him.. He just froze and smile.. I dont know what thats mean… Is it good or he just dont trust me thar ido really miss him..

    I miss him not because miss mean i never seen him for while.. I miss him because i miss how we used to do… Everything.. Idont know how to put in words but when i told him “i miss you” just my body and soul go with it fullest and i cry at night that im afraid he wont feel the same…

    I knew he make time to me… But im quite worry he doin it because he pitied me, or just feel takong responsible tome after he said he love me…. But actions tells everything… I feel he not attracted to me anymore… And im theone who missed him maybe…

  • fhel

    nice one peter thanks!
    May i ask you.
    this guy keep on asking me if i miss him.
    So i told him i dont miss him,then i said i will tell him next time if i miss him. hahahahaha
    and then one night he said to me, “dont fall inlove with me” and then he laughed.
    What does he mean. So i said “who told you i will fall for you” and then he said “Okay then not!”
    we just laughed. but deep inside i felt something like duh! I think im starting to like him! So starting from now on i’m not going to continue what i feel. We’re friends by the way.
    What can you say about this Peter? Thanks!

    • Peter White

      You’re welcome!

      He was flirting with you (sort of way).

      He was trying to gauge a reaction from you to see if you actually are feeling something for him.

      This depends on the guy. If he’s normally good or confident with women he’ll use it to flirt with you. To misdirect you. To get you thinking about him and/or prove to you how confident he really is around women.

      Other guys who (may not be good with women) tend to use it to as I stated above, to notice your reaction or get you to admit you have feelings for them. Since you’re already friends I’m assuming it’s most likely this one. He wants to know how you “really” feel about him.

      That’s what I have to say about it.


  • May

    Okay, so I met this guy on a dating site and we connected and we met for coffee, connected in person and went out again the next day. I jokingly told him the first time we met that if he didn’t leave then he wouldn’t miss me (we had already made plans to meet again). Now he won’t stop asking me if I miss him and I don’t know what to do, we have known each other barely a week. I don’t know if he is continuing the joke or actually asking and I don’t know how to approach it to ask and I may have accidently led him on by going along with it the firsy time he asked me. Any ideas?

    • Peter White

      Hey May,

      Chances are that yes, he’s continuing the joke. I wouldn’t worry too much about it. After all you started it. 🙂

      If it continues then it might become apparent that just doesn’t “get it”. You could just laugh it off until he gets the picture. Eventually the “joke” should run its course unless he’s really off his rocker.

      When a guy takes flirting too seriously it’s not usually a good sign but can be dealt with by simply not responding to it. Again, laugh it off a little but don’t go into the subject any further.

      My guess is, since you agreed to date him, and agreed to a second one, that you are interested in him. The “leading him on” thing is already past. Right?

      Hope he quickly gets the points and moves on to more advanced flirting on his own and spares you the predictable thing. :0

      All the best,

    • Peter White

      I’d say he’s doing both May. He’s continuing the joke AND he’s trying to see if you like him enough to miss him. Chances are he’s not good at coming up with this stuff on his own so he followed your lead.

      I wouldn’t say you led him on, that was his thing and not yours. It’s obvious to me what you were doing but lots of guys just don’t get it.


  • Casey

    My ex and I have been on and off with communication for many years. We’re both in relationships but I miss him so much it hurts. So my question: do men like hearing from an ex that she misses him, even if he is in a fulfilling relationship?

    • Yes, and no Casey – I’m sure he’d like to hear it but since he’s in a fulfilling relationship, he probably doesn’t want to hear it.


  • J

    I met this man at a conference in ethiopia and we just bonded. We had one night together. Back home, we kept texting, calling and skyping each other for months. We laughed and worked together remotely for a while. He lives in nigeria and i in south Africa. Not exactly easy to fly every weekend! One day i told him i wanted more. He said he was soul searching, couldnt commit because of the distance … we still talk over the phone like if nothing happened. Not as often. I miss him so much. I want to tell him. Should i?

    • You can and probably should BUT…

      And this is very important.

      Get it out. Let it out…

      IF it’s going to help you move on because unless you’re both working on a plan to be together, you shouldn’t let your present like pass you by over something you don’t think is going to happen. This experience shouldn’t take away from what’s around you or stop you from exploring the opportunities which could be waiting for you close to your area.

      Explore your feelings – say what you have to say – but please use it to better help you get on with your life.

      Again – unless you both can make a definite plan to be together AND it’s something you both want.

      Sorry to hear about your troubles and wishing you all the best,

  • Tracy

    I met this guy at a wedding friends of the Bride and groom like my self. He persued me mainly for sex i stayed with him ya mda yada for after he gave me a tshirt to wear made me take it home so He had and excuse to see me again and wouldnt let me get away with not giving up my phone number. I was flattered. He just got out of a 6 year rela and I a year engagement. So neither one of us was looking for a relationship. A month or so goes by we have talked everyday had a couple misunderstandings and got through fin, i began to feel lead on, leading me on was his attempt to simply respect me. I walked away as I was no longer comfortable with him sleeping with others tho he said he wasnt but still would like to reserve the right to. He claimed we werent dating which I found confusing. And when i clarified he said he wasn’t ready for comittment. And i understand. And its fine np but why give me a tooth brush at your house and introduce me to your dad and all your friends who he clearly bragged about me too. Fassforward another month we talk every few days maybe max 4 days and therefore kept in touch. He has recently shown a greater interest in me and I think its due to building trust. He is well aware I am not interested in sharing anyone and I don’t sleep around. Despite our fling. Recently I told him I missed him and hoped he was having a great day. Which is the most I have shared with him emotionally since walking away before. He responded with a kiss emoji and that i am welcome at his place anytime when i have free time. He also wrote on my fb for the first time saying he would join me for a new show I was watching that he has seen but would watch again if i ever wanted company. He has never really done that publically before. He knows where I stand. So could he be coming around or is he going to try and just see if I have changed my mind about sleeping together… what is something kind I can say if he tried to make a move if I do cgeck out his new place. Also he made comments about where I found my new appartment in regards to it being a bit far away…like far away from what? Eveyone i live and my work are close by. So he means him…? My two cents is…i think he thiught he found someine special in me but his friends I feel wanted him to remain single thwy seemed to block him a bit…he has a tendency to listen blindly to them it seems and they him. In regards to women. Since he moved he hasnt been as close to his best friend due to distance…i have been wrong before so what do you think?? Lol

    • Kay

      Hello Peter
      So my question isn’t only about missing.
      This guy i have been seeing for 7 months, casually, but very intimate, keeps saying “i don’t want a relationship” and if i say i miss you he is quick to say “don’t say that, that’ll make me feel bad”. he says he doesn’t want a social contract. but he is not seeing anyone else and allows me to go to his house whenever i want even without letting him know in advance. he doesn’t have clothes belonging to any woman in his house, except mine. we go out a lot, do a lot of things people dating do, but he still insists we don’t call it a relationship because he has a lot of baggage with his ex wife and kids. he has also said, a few times, “i think you should start going on dates, but when you do, we’ll need to stop what we’re doing. he said he doesn’t want like to think of me with another man or to lose me, but he doesn’t me to put my life on hold for him. he also sleeps over at my place 2 or 3 nights in a week.
      When he goes away on business trips, he always comes to sleep over at my place on his first night back. he has introduced me to all his friends and colleagues (by name and not be designation). he has met my cousins as well.
      i have told him that i am not sleeping with anyone else and i am not interested in sleeping with anyone else or going on dates. i feel like he wants to be with me but genuinely feels like there is just too much baggage with his ex and it’ll burden me (because he says). he told me once, after we had been together for 3 months, that he loves me. i didn’t say it back because then i was not in love with him. now i am completely in love with him but i’m afraid if i tell him he will bolt or say ” don’t tell me that, i don’t want a social contract”. Is he just trying keeping me for sex and not interested in anything further? is there even a chance this will ever become serious? Am i being naive in believing what he says and taking everything he says at face value?

      • Kay – thanks for asking…

        Let me just put this out there:

        You ARE in a relationship with him. You’re in a relationship with what I generally call a guy who uses the “poor poor me” excuse, just in a slightly different way.

        He’ll say things like, “I’ve been hurt in the past.” – “I don’t deserve you.” – “You should move on.” – “This is not a relationship.” – “I think you should leave me and get on with your life.”

        The problem is he’s miserable. He’s stuck in the past. He hasn’t moved on from his last relationship for many reasons – children being only one of them.

        Let’s be real here: You’re both committed to each other. It’s just not spoken. Giving him every reason to believe he can leave whenever he wants without an argument from you to prove he’s wrong to do so.

        It makes him think he’s free because he’s too scared to make the plunge once more because the last one didn’t work out and in his mind, this one probably won’t either and he’ll just get hurt again. Hence the, “Poor poor me” role he’s playing.

        I’m not privy to where it all started or if he was like this all along (causing his marriage to break up or whatever) BUT I have a sneaky suspicion it all came to the front when he told you he loved you and you didn’t say it back.

        AND now he’ll never believe you’ll love him the way he loves you AND he’ll never get over that fact unless something drastic happens OR you two work on communicating to each other in a slightly different way.

        I didn’t intend to link this video to your answer but after comparing the two I felt it needed to be added:

        “Men Feel Like Their Very Identity Crumbles If Their Relationship Fails…

        And men go far deeper into depression — and for a longer time. Most men don’t want to reach out for help and appear weak to others. Men also have very limited support circles and few close friends — unlike most women…

        So when it comes to relationships, a man is VERY cautious about the woman he opens his heart to.

        On many levels — especially instinct — men know just how vulnerable their hearts are. And they understand on a subconscious level how the wrong decision in a partner is actually life threatening to him!

        Heartbreak is agony for both sides, but if he chooses poorly, it could be deadly for his health and happiness.”

        You can watch it here if you like but I will say up front it IS a promotional video from a fellow who does what I do. These is also a link to click if you to prefer to the transcript instead.

        Now that you know the backstory… here your quick answers:

        Is he just trying keeping you around for sex and not interested in anything further?

        Not from my view. As I stated above – this IS a relationship, just one that is unspoken and in limbo because he hasn’t found a way to move past the last one yet. His identity is tied to it and it’s making him feel weak, unimportant, probably a little useless, AND he’s been much more cautious this time around.

        Is there a chance this will ever become serious?

        I’m an optimist so I don’t like to use the would never.

        BUT until you two find a more effective and productive way to communicate with each other and then connect on that level – it will stay this way until one or both of you decide to put it to rest and separate yourself from each other.

        Am i being naive in believing what he says and taking everything he says at face value?

        Men OFTEN do say things at face value. He’s telling you exactly how he feels: Unworthy, unloved, incapable, and he’s doing everything he can to push you away (probably) to consistently validate your feelings towards him AND he’s giving you every opportunity to walk away.

        Unfortunate fact is: He’s what they call broken. His last relationship won’t go away and until he takes ACTION to change that and move on – he’ll remain stuck there.

        However you have many choices:

        Leave him and move on the best you can.

        Stick around hoping he’ll eventually come around and continue on this path you’re on with him.

        Find a BETTER way to communicate to each other that doesn’t push him away further.

        THIS will cost you money so make sure you’re positive it’s something you’re willing to go through before you invest in it. It was created by a woman who specializes in fixing situations just like yours:

        Toxic Man – How To Transform Him Into The Loving And Caring Partner You Deserve.

        She’ll show you how to change the nature of your relationship with him rather than have you waste your time trying to change him.

        IF you truly love him, it’s worth it and if it doesn’t work out I feel you’ll be better more equipped with the next guy.


        Believe it or not: Yes – he has some issues and yes, you feel in love with a man who has them BUT I see the deeper problem isn’t all that (everyone has some issues), it seems to me that you two talk, and have talked a lot about this stuff but NOT in a way that was effective and productive.

        I imagine he just says things for lots of the reasons about and you’re scared to really lay into his problems because you know you’ll only get anger and the same responses he’s given already – so you don’t go there.

        Which has inevitably caused a major breakdown of communication.

        The good news is: It’s likely with the right skills you can FIX the communication.

        The bad news: It’s not always the easiest thing to do and takes time, patience, learning new skills, and strength to get through the tougher parts.

        Wishing you all the best – please understand the links above do contain my affiliate links. You can read my privacy/disclaimer here.

        Also this is the free advice try to give to everyone but I can not answer everyone. When you sign up to the silent man paid membership – I can and will go deeper and do whatever I can to help you out in a few comments, not just one.

        Thanks again for sharing.

        Your guy friend,


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