"I been chatting to this guy everyday and he responds immediately. I sent a video to a guy I liked and he responded affectionately, so then I confessed to him I wish he was next to me and I want to kiss you etc.
Did I do something wrong?"
A curious reader left that comment a while ago... and it rang something terrible in my head about dating in today's world.
I'm not against phones entirely. They do serve a purpose.
When I grew up and you wanted to meet someone, you'd get their phone number, call them later, talk a little, and then agree on a date or not.
That was it.
They either showed up or they didn't. You either got "stood up" or not.
End of story.
Not many people I knew of would waste a dime, soon to be quarter, (in America) calling their date up to ask what happened. They sucked it up and got on with their lives with a sad story to tell.
Of course that happens these days too - somewhere at sometime, someone is most likely being stood up this minute. Depending on the person, since they have their quick easy phone in their hands, they'll probably text, "Where are you?"
They may or may not get an answer.
They'll also follow through with the worst invention the phone has to offer - to check to see IF their message was read!!!
A function which must be banned, made illegal, immoral, whatever it takes to release us from knowing if our message got through or was seen.
Yes, it has changed dating. Maybe for the better in some aspects but certainly the worst in a way you're about to read.
A need to know.
The texting and calling pattern of dating has created a digital gridlock for way too many single people who are using their phones to avoid DOING something else besides questioning the texting habits of their "future" partner or love of their life.
The comment above is just a mere small example of what it's now evolved into after all these years.
Do relationships and dating now hinder on texting habits?
If he texts back quickly - does it mean he doesn't have a life?
If he takes too long - does he still like or even love you?
What did his text mean today?
What did it mean yesterday?
Why did his texting habits change after we had sex?
(An answer I profoundly solved in a recent newsletter with the appropriate.... SO WHAT?!!! You can read about it here: Should You Text Him Again Just to Make Sure?)
Dating and finding the partner of your dreams was tough enough for some before phones added a confusing often pointless layer of absurdity to it.
Okay - so the phones didn't really create the problem - but it certainly has ENHANCED the problem to a point where all the wondering, questioning, worrying, doubting, and more has blown up to a size much greater than it ever has before and it's only getting worse.
Smart phones are ruining the dating process.
The human mating ritual may have become a little too dependent on texting and social media habits.
The thing is...
We've hooked up long before they were invented.
We even hooked up before we could speak to one another in coherent sentences.
Sad as it is...
Long gone are the days of hooking up in Caveman days which was so humorously done in quotes like this and words like alounda and Zug Zug
"Atouk : [draws in the dirt a stick figure with huge breasts, representing Lana] Hmmmmm, Lana! Atouk alounda Lana.
Lar : Nya! Lana alounda Tonda. Tonda alounda Lana.
[He draws in the dirt a stick figure with an enormous nose, representing Atouk, and points to it]
Lar : Atouk.
[He makes a fist and shows it to Atouk]
Lar : Tonda.
[Blowing a raspberry, he smears the Atouk figure into oblivion, then holds up his hand and lets some dirt trickle from it]
Lar : Atouk."
Watch it - you might like it - if you don't text your friends your friends about it or send me a Tweet about it. Hashtag it however you like. 🙂
Ahhh yes, those were the days but since we're still (although argued) "surviving" as a species, phones were not needed for procreation of any sort.
I HAVE a solution.
Well maybe not exactly, but certainly a way to help alleviate any phone suffering you might be having because of it.
Send a message.
Forget about it.
Get on with your life regardless.
STOP trying to figure out what it all means.
Enjoy your life until you send or get another one.
Don't look to see if your message was read.
When it gets there, it gets there - why should you concern yourself over it until one is sent back - if even then.
A man's or person's interest has very little to do with their texting habits.
You could just as very well guess that yourself anyways.
Is he interested because he didn't text you back after reading your message?
Who knows... maybe he was driving.
Maybe he was watching the movie quoted above.
Maybe he was on another date.
Maybe his list is longer than this: 13 Real Reasons Why A Guy Will Not, Can Not, or Does Not Text You Back or the 49 reasons I give in my book: "The Silent Man".
If he's interested and doesn't know how to show it, then that is certainly a problem THAT person needs to work on if he's to find someone.
Why should you make it YOUR problem too?
If he's not interested anymore and decides to read your text or not, what's the real difference?
Not showing any real interest should be the only clue needed to walk away and continue to search for someone else.
For the women who wrote the comment above,
"I sent a video to a guy I liked and he responded affectionately, so then I confessed to him I wish he was next to me and I want to kiss you etc.
Then he read my message and ignored it, has he lost interest in me?
Did I do something wrong?"
If ANY guy doesn't respond kindly to you saying, I'm sorry, to your texting, if he reads your message and chooses to ignore it - it's time to start ignoring HIM immediately and set your eyes on someone else who WILL GLADLY return your kindness.
The only thing I can see that you did wrong was relying on texting to send your love or like or affection - and that's not the end of the world; worst yet is using it as an example to decide if he's into you or not is still not the end.
Honestly - you could have done a million plus things wrong which are far worse than that - so it's all good.
Back to worst thing that has happened to dating in our (can you call it "post modern"?) world and how it's ruining your love life too.
Your love life is waiting for you to DO, to BE, for ACTION, for proof of "concept, and not for the tiny letters passed on with your fingers.
Your love life is NOT waiting for a response.
It's not watching to see if you "get" the message or read it.
It's not on social media.
It's not in a Facebook post.
It's out THERE waiting for YOU.
Use your phone to communicate a little. Have a little fun with it. Maybe to help you google your position so you don't get lost.
USE it to find and explore new places...
Because that's where your love life is...
Out there, not IN there.
The more time you spend with your head tilted downward trying to "read" between the lines - the less time you have to enjoy what's all around you - and what's around you is real, it has funny smells, weird odors, vibrant colors, it's living and breathing - it's FILLED WITH LIFE just waiting for you to grab it and never let it go.
I'm guilty too of using it too much.
Three rooms, my wife in her office, me in mine, my step-daughter in her room - all wrapped up in a digital world sucked into whatever we're doing at that moment.
Meeting my beautiful amazing wife meant getting off my ass and finding her.
Which I did.
Found her in a place I never dreamed I'd be... out there in a place I've never been.
My story is neither here nor there - it's my own to enjoy. To live. To make. To punctuate. To fill in the words and to "mind the gap" ...
Yours is too.
Don't EVER let your smart phone convince you that it's smarter than you. Left alone, it's a hunk of nothing.
Without YOU your phone is useless.
Without you, your phone will run it's battery down to never be seen again.
DON'T let that happen to you!
Use your battery.
Your life - to live.
STOP relying on it to tell you what you need to go see for yourself.
If he is not answering - what does it mean? Really? What does it mean?
The answer is simple:
It means his fingers didn't tap on the buttons or his eyes didn't see it, or he chose not to answer...
OR he was busy not paying attention to the ONE thing no one ever needed to get together and form an amazing love life... the smart phone.
Again - I'm not against the phone. It has its uses and a lot of them at that... I just think it's getting in the way of seeing things AND it's being used as a determination of something which is not needed.
I'll gladly and happily sell you all sorts of ways to use it to BETTER your love life IF you promise to not let it get in the way of living AND to never use it to determine anything beyond its best uses. (In other words the next three links are my personal affiliated links.)
Use it to send a love note to your husband or boyfriend or to "heat up the romance in your life":
Use it to get a guy addicted to you:
Use it to get your ex back:
Use it to tell people you're somewhere so you can be found when you're in trouble.
Use it to read this post.
Just DO NOT let it stop, hinder, delay, destroy, or make the dating process more complicated and confusing than it needs to be.
Don't let your phone get in the way of your love life.