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What Does It Mean If My Boyfriend Tells Me About Other Girls Who Want to Be With Him?

in All Kinds Of Guys, Insecurity and Jealousy, Relationship Answers, What Does He Mean
Angry Upset Boyfriend Talking About Other Girls

“Ever wonder what it means when your boyfriend is constantly mentioning other girls & how they want him too. This happens because of insecurity, validation, make you jealous, mouth vomit or he’s bad at talking to women and treats you like his guy friends. Lastly, there’s assurance & doubt. You’re about to find out What it all really means.”

Seriously, how bad does it suck when you’re hanging out with your boyfriend and he finds yet another way to bring “her” into the conversation.

Maybe it’s a girl in the movie you’re watching together that reminds him of her and he feels like he just has to tell you.

Maybe your waitress looks like a girl he knows at work – who just happens to be always trying to get him to go out with her.

Perhaps, and this one really spikes your anger so much you can feel your fists clench up as he laughs at his own story about this “girl” he knows he won’t stop calling him late at night.

No matter what your personal situation is you don’t think it’s a joke or funny no matter how “lightly” he spins it.

He’s laughing it off while you’re steaming inside, possibly getting ready for yet another pointless fight which this time – may be the LAST one.

If you’ve ever wondered what does it mean OR why would a guy feel it necessary to tell you about OTHER  girls who want to be with him…

You’re about the know the absolutely truth because at why do guys… it’s what I do.

Here are ALL the main or more common reason as to why it’s happening.

Validation & Insecurity.

A man will talk about other women wanting him in an attempt to stir jealousy. How you react can either guarantee your real devotion to him or have him believing you don’t really care.

Either way this borderline passive aggressive act is done with purpose although you will find most men don’t even realize they’re doing it.

You see there are lots of guys who may not believe they’re good enough to hold a woman close.

Their self-esteem, past relationships, childhood experiences, all can keep them in a perpetual state of “looking for real validation”.

Words are never good enough and actions can be misunderstood.

But getting a woman jealous can be a very clear emotional sign that a girl just like is dedicated to him and your relationship with him.)

I can honestly tell you from personal experience (when women alluded my understanding) it came down to power.

Before I mislead you, it’s NOT about gaining power over you.

Lots of men believe women have all the power to choose who they sleep with and they don’t. They believe YOU are the selector and they have no real say in the matter.

This could easily lead them to feel like while you’re in a commitment with him, YOU have the power to sleep with any other guy you want.

Meaning he jut might believe while you may not be cheater – YOU have more opportunity to cheat on him.

If that guy has too many insecurities and is constantly searching for validation he will (at times) feel helpless.

As always, when a man feels “helpless” you’re likely to see parts of him you may not enjoy…

Such as talking about his not-so-favorite stalker.

Now I don’t want you to believe he’s not strong enough for you or that you should dump a man who’s not secure enough for you.

Just to understand him better and acknowledge this “problem” you might be experiencing is not necessarily a conscious act to keep you around or assure him of your dedication.

The other reasons are assurance & doubt.

Some men even do it because they believe they’re reassuring their commitment to you like,

Hey this girl won’t leave me alone…”

Meaning…

“You have nothing to worry about I am not interested in cheating on you AND it’s more likely I won’t by telling you.”

In this case he’s trying (although in a very bad way) to assure you that he is in fact “into you” AND while at the same time erasing any doubt you may have about HIS commitment to you.

As odd as it sounds (and yes it’s strange how this stuff seems to come to me) BUT…

IF he’s a past cheater, feels weak, doesn’t think he’s good enough or capable of loving just one woman at a time then there’s a good chance he’s mentioning these other girls to:

One – Put it out there so he “feels” strong enough to not stray.

Two – Assure you or erase any doubt that you’re the only one for him.

Sometimes those happen separately, sometimes it’s a mix.

BUT it doesn’t unfortunately happen.

Lastly…

And this one is quite common…

It’s a conversational “foot in the mouth” kind of thing.

Meaning – just maybe he doesn’t know HOW to talk to women or WHAT to say to women and the more you’re with him – the more he’s likely to revert to talking to you like he would one of his buddies.

Yes, it’s true.

Some guys just blurt it out without “thinking” first what it’s going to do to you and how you will interpret it.

Without any real conversational skills – ANYTHING can come out of his mouth from time to time.

In this case you need to think a little – consider whether he’s that type, if you’re reading too far into it – or if it’s a common occurrence which means it’s most likely one of the reasons about and not this one.

Take a look at your situation and I’m sure you’ll understand exactly why YOUR boyfriend feels the need to tell you about other girls who want to be with him.

In conclusion…  going through the list or reasons quicker about why a guy would tell you about other girls who want him.

If he’s the jealous type – he’s probably insecure, scared, or has a history of choosing women that will cheat on him.

So he’s trying to make sure you’re dedicated to the relationship and him.

If he’s the “overly” nice guy type – he’s probably looking for validation or an emotional response from you proving your commitment to the relationship.

If he’s very secure, has lots of choices, and has only mentioned a random girl a few times – then YOU might be the one facing your own insecurity about losing him.

Yes, sometimes you have to look at YOUR response and decide how often it’s happening and the context in which he;s bringing her up.

If he’s a past cheater and seems really into you, he may be worried or feel too weak to reject her. By telling you about it, the openness may be just enough to stop him from straying.

Yeah – I know – I’ve read that last sentence too but it’s true and this is the TRUTH about guys. Nothing but!

If he’s not a great talker, has lots of guy friends, he’s probably only used to talking to his buddies and he doesn’t even realize he’s treating you like a guy friend and not a girlfriend.

If he’s generally considered not-so-nice or even a player he may be using the old “jealousy” game to keep you close.

Wherever your boyfriend falls in the loosely based categories above – rest assured communication skills, security, an emotional investment on both “sides” of the relationship will play a major role of why it is happening to you and what he really means when he’s talking about other girls.

Thanks for stopping and I do hope you found the answer you were searching for today – and you can now understand your guy or any guy a little better than you did before.

You MUST sign in to the newsletter below if you want learn more about men because that’s what it’s about… guys. 

If you’re having any relationship problems which have to deal with your husband and boyfriend being friends with other women, let alone talking about them – here’s a great article to put it all in perspective for you:

He’s Friends With Another Woman –  How To Handle It

Man With Girl Friends

“Your husband or boyfriend is friends with another women and it’s driving you crazy. You don’t want to jump to conclusions or mess up the relationship. Here’s how to handle this situation. Stop talking about her. Take focus off him and put it in yourself. To become aware of your true feelings, you have to feel them.”

If He Is Friends With Another Woman – What to Do and How To Handle It

The add-on article was written by Rori Raye. A darling woman who KNOWS RELATIONSHIPS. You can sign up for her free newsletter there.Among her many top-rated programs – with this type of problem (guys talking about other girls) you can use to help you out is:

Toxic Men – 3 Steps To Transforming Your Man From “Toxic” To “Loving”.

  • You’ll learn to spot if he is toxic or bad for you (one of the guys mentioned above) OR if he’s just making mistakes (like another type listed above).
  • How to stop treating the symptoms.
  • And of course – HOW to transform your man.

Whatever you decide, pick one up, check out her post, sign up to her newsletter, join why do guys below… Hope it all works out for the better.

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About the author: Peter White… Showing men and women ways to attract each other naturally by helping you to understand each other. Over ten years experience which has shown me how to see things clearly and get to the root cause of most dating and relationships problems. Hope you learn and enjoy your why do guys experience.

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30 comments… add one
  • Marie M Murray

    I honestly dont know what to do. Women will call him and contact him ask for money. But he says its nothing. But why wont he discontinue these inappropriate relationships with these women if it make me feel a certain way? He constantly tells me about other girls he has slept with. All the time the same stories. Brings up other women constantly. Its really pushing me away . i never bring up an ex unless he takes it there. I couldn’t see myself ssying the thinhs to him he say to me about other women. And if i did the conversation would definitely go left. What am i to do im thinking i should just leave. And let him be with these women he cant cut off.

    • Peter White

      Marie,

      Sounds like he doesn’t have many other things to talk about. You two could certainly work on that together.

      It also sounds like his esteem is built on him being a provider or some gift to women and that he might believe if a woman is not constantly jealous she’s not going to stick with him. There is also the rare case when a guy will actually push a woman away sort of hoping she’ll cheat on him. Rare but it does happen if he wants out or prove to himself he is better than all women. I’d look at the whole of his character for that answer.

      Aside from all that, since it’s been said before, I’m not a relationship “adviser” or anything like that at all.

      What you’re experiencing here is, as Rori Raye called it and I like what she said, a big ticket item which must be dealt with. To him, it feels like may no big deal, but to you, it’s considered cheating (in a way). Maybe you could discuss that with him and see where it goes. Just remember to always start positive. State what you see is a positive thing for him like, “Those other women make you feel like a great father, is that how they make you feel.” Wait for an answer and the kick back, “I understand how it’s making you feel, but I’m feeling like I’m being cheated on even though I know you’re not sleeping with them.” and “It’s getting tough to continue this way.”

      Hope all that helps you get started and best to you,

      Pete

    • Nora Leon

      My advice is that no man should disrespect a women nor should they be having females call him .if you feel you should go,you need to go. It will be hard but it’s for the best. I once heard really good wisdom from a man who was cheated on by his beloved wife he said “I still love her ,but I choose not to give my love to her no more !”because she didn’t deserve his love .

  • Eliza

    If a guy is checking out and talking about other girls. He’s not into you.

    The excuse is that he is trying to make you jealous. It’s cruel. He’s purposely being hurtful. He does not want you around.

    Move on.

  • Nikki

    My boyfriend doesn’t understand why it upsets me so much when he tells me about the girls that hit on him and he rejects. It makes me feel so uncomfortable and I have no idea how to explain it to him, yet if I get made at him for telling me that he gets angry at me but if the roles were reversed he’d be just as made. I’ve often been told I can’t go somewhere or do something because I’ve been there before and had some creep try to hit on me. Which by the way me being hit on is a very rare occasion but him it’s all the time. He constantly brings up his exes as well and how the cheated on him and how he thinks I’m going to do the same to him, I’ve done everything I can to reassure him that I’m never going to leave him but it never gets through to him. I don’t know what to do, please help.

  • Kristina Marelich

    Thank you for explaining this, it teally helped me understand why my guy brought up a conversation he had with a girl from a grocery store. I now understand it was for validation and while I felt hurt by incident, he was just trying to find out how i truly felt about him. With it being a new relationship I completely understand now. Your article has helped me so much and I normally don’t comment on anything i figured with such great advice that you deserved to know it helped me tremendously.

    • Peter White

      Thank you Kristina for the wonderful words and I’m happy it helped you out.

  • Loz

    My boyfriend does the very same thing. I rarelyget hit on. He says he gets hit on a lot but says to me he tells them Ive got a girl friend I love (me). His wife cheated on him more than once they’re divorced. I think your boyfriend sounds insecure. He needs validation. Maybe have a word about it. I think my boyfriend exagerates. He is good looking though. I think your boyfriend wants your response to be jealous so that he feels that it reinforces commitment as it says above. I’m in the same situation.

    • Mary

      By making you jealous he is destroying the trust and love between you, it will never be the same again! Im with a guy 2 years hes 51 and a golfer and hes around tons of guys and girls he has 2 barmaids who are in their 20s he hangs with with some married golf friends over 50! We were friends for 6 months and things went well but I often wondered why he never married or lived with a woman. He had arthritis since 27 so needs medication for that. I never met his family yet they all live not far a big family. The odd time I get a comment you dont speak french ( I am half french) but they all speak english.He would go on and on about how beautiful \i am, a goddess, queen of hearts , hes almost my king. We had great times together but he had a few women after him the first year and would turn cold on me date then and return. You can only do that a few times and youve ruined the chances for something amazing. His parents fought like cats and dogs and cheated and drank. He loves to socialize and go to bars til 600 am I cant do that often cause when hes not drinking hes shy. Im here with just a few friends and no family and he has no clue what that seems to mean, that Im alone alot. I am about to get an amazing job then I will move from this complex he lives down the hall. He was a gentleman for a very long time but the odd time if he meets a woman hell tell me and say I wanted to **** her right there, that is so very hurtful and nasty to say to the woman who loves you and has been devoted to you. He promised to take me for golf lessons, last fall I found out he was shy to bring me cause I was not working. Now I gained 10 lbs im trying to lose the weight, he said hell take me when I lose the weight! Hes not that healthy hes thin from injecting. Hed rather hang with golf buddies than me, if he has a choice. Im like his winter girlfriend and once summer hits I dont see him much. Hes hurt me too much by pushing me away turning cold and he wont talk about the upset that he caused.

      • Suesie

        This. Man is a narcissist google it and you will understand

  • Sabrina

    So my boyfriend and I are very open to each other and have no concerns asking each other or telling each other what is on our minds. He did and still does somewhat, have trouble telling other woman to back off or hurting their feelings. By a lot of hard work and communication with each other (and a lot of hard times) we at least listen to each other..that meaning I now generally listen to him when he tells me why it’s difficult to be stern (as I have no problem doing). It really open my eyes from feeling like he is disrespecting me to realizing he is going crazy to make sure everyone is not hurt including me. The greatest thing I heard from him and another website. Believe them when they tell you they really love you. Don’t make that a battle for them to prove.

    • Peter White

      It’s tough to balance making everyone happy. I know several guys who try all the time and it’s never a good thing.

      I think the key here is to understand it’s not YOURS or OUR responsibility to make another individual happy or in most normal circumstances… comfortable.

      Even in a marriage or partnership “trying” to keep the other always happy is often a futile and losing battle.

      Thanks for you comment. Hope it helps others who are in your same position.

      Pete

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