When Is It Cheating? Is Online Dating As Defined As The Physical Act?

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Written by James Bauer, creator of What Men Secretly Want, His Secret Obsession, and the Relationship Rewrite Method.

Online dating is still going strong. The stigma is gone and lots of men and women will attempt to find a mate online at least once in (what we would assume to be) in their single life.

Every day, hundreds of thousands log on to one or more of the sites available; some looking for serious relationships, others for friendship and companions, and still others for casual flings and that extra ‘bit on the side’.

Some sites claim to be purely for genuine singles seeking committed, long term relationships, others turn a blind eye to, or even actively encourage, married or cohabiting members who may or may not use the sites with the blessing of their spouse or partner.

Of course many people who use online dating sites do so purely for chatting and exchanging messages and never meet face to face; with the steady growth of the Internet as a communication tool since it’s inception,
it has become increasingly possible for netizens to conduct deeply involved, real time relationships with people they have never actually met.

So what does this change with regard to the old ways of doing things?

When does an online relationship become ‘intimate’?

Can you fall in love with an avatar, and can you cheat on someone, or with someone, who is in a different time zone?

A recent study by Dr Martin Graff of the University of Glamorgan showed that our perceptions of what does and does not constitute ‘cheating’ online are affected by a variety of factors – most prominently, and perhaps unsurprisingly, by the level of information dating site users are prepared to disclose about themselves; Dr Graff explains

“From this study, it seems that the greater the level of typed disclosure, then the stronger the perception of infidelity.”

Seemingly, in the absence of the 'nonverbal cues' on which face to face interaction relies so strongly, how much we are prepared to give away about ourselves is the primary indicator of how intimate our online relationships are and by extension, the degree of unfaithfulness inherent in the actions of non single site users.

Perhaps more surprisingly, the study also showed that the time of day at which online encounters took place was also a key factor in establishing infidelity, concluding that:

“Exchanges later in the evening were perceived to be more infidelitous, than those which might take place in the day or early evening.”

Dr Graff's study is ongoing and subsequent phases will look at the issues of jealousy and trust in the context of online relationships.

Ultimately the jury is still out on exactly what constitutes online infidelity and indeed relationships over the net as a whole.

It is doubtful that a firm conclusion will ever be reached as the world of online dating and relationships, as in 'real life', will always be immensely subjective due to the differing moral standards and emotional responses of the individuals involved.

Studies like Dr Graff's can however provide a fascinating insight into the human causes and effects of the modern world, and how these are shaped by the direction of our rapidly developing and changing communications technology.

How To Instantly Capture His Interest!

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If you're like most women, you're frustrated with men, dating, and relationships... and for good reason.

You might be thinking things like this:

What do men want in a woman?

Why is he so hard to talk to?

What is he thinking about? (Does he really love me?)

Why did he just leave, and suddenly lose interest?

Why can't he just love me and be faithful?

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If you’ve ever experienced the pain of an emotionally dead relationship or if you’ve ever had a man suddenly pull away and shut you out...

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Don’t Do This Unless You Want To Push Him Further Away!

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When you’ve shared a special connection with someone, it’s hard to let it go.

Especially when you know there’s so much potential if he would just open up his heart to you again.

You could build a beautiful life together.

If that’s something you want, it makes sense to try to convince him to give the relationship another shot, right?

Why wouldn’t you try reasoning with him?

Why wouldn’t you try to show him he’s making a mistake by pulling away?

Yet this is where our instincts get it all wrong.

And it’s because trying to convince your ex simply doesn’t work.

In fact, it’s almost guaranteed to push him away.

Fortunately, there’s a simple way to powerfully open his heart up to you again...

The secret is to learn how to trigger his feelings.

You see... feelings will always trump logic. Every time.


Because emotions run the show for us.

We humans are not as rational as we’d like to believe.

That’s true of all forms of decision-making, but especially when it comes to matters of the heart.

I’ll show you what I mean. Let’s try something.

Take a quick look at this list of don’ts:

Don’t Do This:

  • Don’t argue that he owes you an explanation since you know he still has feelings for you.
  • Don’t tell him the relationship was going just fine and then try to get him to own his share of the blame for why things began to fall apart.
  • Don’t imply he owes you something after all you’ve been through together.
  • Don’t tell him real relationships take work and he needs to grow up.
  • Don’t try to prove you shared something special by forcing him to acknowledge specific examples from your past.

Notice how you felt as you read that.

It’s probably clear that all that telling, convincing, and arguing will get you nowhere.

In fact, it will simply reinforce the painful emotions that are driving him away from you in the first place.


Because his brain will automatically come up with counter-arguments.

For example, if you tell him things were great in the past, he will immediately test if that’s truth by scanning his memories for contradictory evidence.

He’ll start thinking of all the fights, the frustrations, and other low points.

He’ll mention those problems. And this will reinforce your efforts to convince.

You’ll end up showing him your worst side.



And if that goes on too long, you’ll become bitter, resentful, and maybe even sarcastic.

It’s a death spiral any relationship.

You know it’s true.

This is how we all react when something matters to us deeply but the other person refuses to be convinced.

This is not what I want for you to show him.

Don’t try to convince.

Instead, let HIS emotions do the work for you.

When you trigger certain powerful emotions within him, you will draw him irresistibly back into your arms.

The kind of emotions I’m talking about will make him dream of a future together and dread the thought of losing you.

These are the kind of deep emotions that lifelong partnerships are built upon.

There are many ways to trigger these kinds of emotions in your man, and it’s not always easy to know exactly what to do.

If you’d like laser targeted advice about getting your ex, or distant man back into your life for good, then my friend and relationship expert James Bauer has an eye-opening presentation for you.

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James Bauer is a dating and relationship expert who has coached couples to help them achieve a happier more productive marriage. He also helps women attract men with the respect principle and the hero concept.

You can browse all his articles at why do guys by clicking the link below:

James Bauer - Review All Dating Relationship Get Ex Back Articles

Photo of man searching late night online by Kulik Stepan.

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